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Thai Family Pressure
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A Thai family can place enormous pressure on their children. This is a fact of life, but it can have a serious impact on any relationship the girl has. I’m sure I am not alone in noticing this.
Most of this pressure has to do with saving “Face”, but it can lead to untold stress for the couple involved. I love my girlfriends family, but I try to discourage my her from visiting them too often. This is not because I don’t want her to see them, it is because everytime she does, she will come home in a state of severe depression.
I have the unfortunate circumstance, that I am seen as the person who is going to restore the families “Face” issues.
Let me give you a bit of the family background:
“They are a poor Isaan family who, as most Thai families, have quite a few children. Due to some past family feud, they feel they have to prove themselves to everyone. The elder sister found a Farang boyfriend, but never married him, they had a child together and this led to serious “Face” loss for the family.”
The younger sister, my girlfriend, used to live with her older sister in the sisters apartment. We weren’t going to move in together until our engagement, but due to an argument with the sisters boyfriend, she had nowhere to go and was forced to move in with me. The family is now placing enormous pressure on us to get engaged and then get married. I would love to get married, but there are complications. To save “Face”, the family have asked for an enormous dowry, or sinsod of 2 Million Baht, to be exact and I will need to give them 100,000 of it on our engagement day. This is money I can not afford at the moment. The other complication is that she cannot get married while she is still in university, we could do the traditional ceremony, but we would not be able to register our marriage until she graduates.
It’s a catch 22 situation that is causing untold stress on our relationship. Am I the only one experiencing these problems? I would love to hear from you all.
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11 responses so far
July 18th, 2007 at 8:51 am
2 million baht for a poor Isaan girl - they are taking the p1ss, is the father a Tuk Tuk driver by any chance?
July 29th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Money solves the problem. All that is needed is big dowery.
July 30th, 2007 at 12:02 am
Easier said than done. On my teaching salary, it would take about 8 years to save that up.
@ BigBicepDude: I wish he was a Tuk Tuk driver, then he would atleast be working. He is unemployed.
August 1st, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Two million? I think you should make her choose between you or the family. If she chooses to leave you, you’ll be a LOT better off in the long run.
Alternatively, make the family sell her some of their land and build you both a house to prove they’re serious about having you as part of the family. That’ll turn the tables on them.
August 12th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Holy shit. 2 million Baht is just crazy. It must be velvet lined and taste like honey for you even consider it.
August 14th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Mate,
That figure is an opener in a negotiation, counterpropose if you are serious about this lady. Also, the requests for more money after the marriage will come, think carefully, as you will be the deep pockets and lender (think “giver”)of first recouse.
August 15th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
2 million is absurd. And the fact that she has such a strained relationship with her parents is also very worrying. I hate to say this, but you may wish to reconsider this relationship. Family is the most important thing to a Thai, and so if she’s going to come home in a deep state of depression every time she spends time with them, you are going to have a lot of unhappy moments in your marriage…
August 27th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Sucker!!!
Don’t even think about paying a Sin Sod. This is just an excuse. Talk to your girlfriend. Make her understand that if she wants you she must meet YOUR criteria…not her family’s. You are a Westerner. Act like a man.
August 27th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Well said, Marc! Don’t even think about paying Sin Sod. Whilst it’s important to acknowledge Thai culture while you are a guest here, that doesn’t mean you have to fall for any unnecessary Thai nonsense that comes at your expense.
You don’t have to pay Sin Sod. Why? Because YOU ARE NOT THAI!!!!!!
June 20th, 2008 at 2:46 am
Dear friend, 2 million baht is not so bad, just add the clause that it will be the only money they will get from you!
I am married with a poor Isaan girl and I perfectly know what you mean: just after talking with the parents she is so sad because they push her to ask me money. I don’t need to ask her nothing, just after she put down the mobile I know from her face that family have some problem.
I hate her family. I don’t hate my wife. I can understand her feelings. So…this is the life I have chosen, some husbands make presents, gold and jewels, I pay sometimes for my wife’s family.
July 27th, 2008 at 12:25 am
pro activ proactiv activ active pro