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A Beautiful Toy
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For once in my life I have decided to be serious for more than five minutes, if not only in tribute to the wonderful girl that inspired me.
‘The one major difference between fiction and reality is fiction has to make sense.’ – Tom Clancy (novelist.) I have to agree with him.
The following is fact…
Her name was Lalada or beautiful woman but like most Thais she answered to a nickname, hers was Toy. It wasn’t until visiting the land of smiles on a number of occasions that I eventually had the pleasure of making her acquaintance.
Toy had just recently moved down from Isaan, from a small village in the Northeast province of Chaiyaphom. She had just travelled the six hour or so journey down to the capital to spend some time with her extended family. My wife’s parents had kindly offered her a place to stay for a short time to sample life within their family home in Bangkok. After all, along with my wife and I plus nine other family members living under one roof, what was one more?
Within seconds of being introduced to her I found myself totally infected by her charm. At first she kept pretty much to herself, I guess she had a lot on her mind. In different ways I suppose we both felt like we were outsiders and although a little shy, over time our relationship grew. As it did I had willingness at every opportunity to pursue her, stealing glimpses at her pretty brown eyes every time she raised her head. Slowly but surly I was finding it harder and harder to spend time away from her, more and more I found myself in some dream, lost in a daze at the classical symmetry of her features, her sheer beauty. Handcrafted by the master craftsman himself God in all his wisdom had truly created the most adoring, gorgeous masterpiece of all. If only this creature of great comeliness had been born under different circumstances, if only she had greater opportunities, if only she had the chance of a more affluent life-style, if only I could do something, if only…
On getting to know Toy, I had become more intrigued about her origin, her homeland and inevitably her future. One day while sitting around with the in-laws busy doing nothing other than watching the cartoon network and stuffing great lumps of the glutinous ‘sticky rice’ in our mouths I took the opportunity to ask a few things, non significant things but nevertheless things I felt compelled to know. As Toy couldn’t speak a single word of English and I had trouble comprehending much of her Thai communication was a little difficult to say the least, but like Robinson Crusoe and Man Friday with the aid of make-shift sign language and other house members chipping in with their contribution we managed to communicate quite satisfactory.
As it turns out her father had left home some time ago and her mother finding herself with no income life in Northeast Thailand was proving to become increasingly difficult for her. For many countries around the world living in the ‘sticks’ or away from the bright lights of the big cities can be a very difficult place to make ends meet, Thailand is no exception. Toy and her mother held no worldly possessions or had any meaningful inheritance to speak of. As no doubt most of you reading this will be aware ‘up-country’ the majority of Thais remain desperately poor relying on their land to grow enough rice, fruit and so on for their own needs and hopefully if they can avoid the natural elements and the pests they might just have some left over to sell.
Personally speaking I have been relatively lucky in my upbringing having been raised in a well developed major city within the United Kingdom where all amenities, equal opportunities and plenty of government funds were always readily available, therefore no matter how hard I try I will never truly understand or feel the hardship and the struggle some people have to injure just in order to survive. Sure when I was a child we suffered hardships and my parents struggled at times to make ends meet but I’m talking about here and now, the twenty-first century. For the most of us we can only relate to stories and try to learn from them, try to imagine just how difficult things were – are.
Through the aid of drawing little pictures on a pad I deduced her house stood on many supporting columns about ten feet off the ground which made an open space underneath. As well as to prevent the house from becoming flooded out during the rainy season the space underneath doubled up as a shelter for any farm animals or mangy mutts to escape from the rain or intense sunshine. The home consisted of one big room around ten feet square where most of the living was done. Climbing half a dozen rungs or so up a ladder you would find yourself in the bedroom, however going by the description it sounded more like just a raised platform area where mosquito nets draped over ancient wooden planks served as beds.
With no electricity, no water and no bathroom life sounded a little raw to say the least. A visit to the toilet wasn’t a pleasurable trip at the best of times but during the night it was most defiantly not recommended as trying to find your way round the back of the house with only a candle and the night stars to guide you would prove to be very difficult, not to mention dangerous. As a child I personally can remember having to go to the outside loo or having to use a bucket in the middle of the night but it just didn’t come close to what this girl had to endure.
Admittedly for a lot of Thais things have moved along and people have adapted and overcome, for some even they live quite comfortably. For Toy and her mother, well, they still relied heavily on the land as their only source of income and there is little left over for any home comforts. Despite her unfortunate circumstances Toy was such a kind-hearted and high spirited character. All the hardships she had endured as a child never quenched the aura, the perpetual glow that seemed to surround her, illuminating everything in her presence.
An old friend once told me something which has always stayed with me, ‘Hear one side of story, pick up stick. Hear another side, put stick down again’. In other words hear both sides of the story before jumping to conclusions. It is easy for anybody to jump to such conclusions when hearing stories regarding Thais travelling to the big cities to earn some extra cash, albeit in the ‘entertainment industry.’ What is harder to recognise is the history and hardship some Thais face when rice farming for most can be a so hard and uncertain life and thus are forced into a life where they have little choice.
It has to be said that Northern Thais are generally very beautiful, many Western women would and happily do pay hundreds of Pounds/Dollars/Euros just getting their own skin to remotely resemble it in someway. The very fact that they are generally physically attractive makes it an easy option for them to find work in the bars and clubs where they can make some ‘easy’ money from the hoards of tourists that flock to Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and so on. They most defiantly do not fall into that kind of work because they enjoy it. Any moral grounds, face-saving issues and health risks are laid aside, or forgotten simply to survive and help support the family as this is more immediately important to them.
It has to be said Toy never spoke of such things she didn’t even know about them, she didn’t know because she was only eight years old.
Toy is just one of many young Thais with very little optimism in their future. With little education, qualifications and not much in the chance of gaining any it’s sad to say but who knows what will become of her.
During the early part of 2006 I spent a great deal of time with my new found companion. We passed many hours away as we would play, walk and talk to each other in our own gibberish tongues, not understanding a great deal the other was saying but nevertheless listening all the same.
At times looking back it feels like one lazy hot summers day. Some mornings I would hear her singing to herself while hand-washing dirty clothes out in the front yard. Singing just what I don’t know, truth is it sounded so sweet I didn’t need to know. She was happy.
Before the sun got too warm we would spend time in the morning walking amid the bustling crowds at the local market place, wandering down narrow soi’s (streets) crammed with rows of tiny tightly packed stalls. She was like a kid in a candy shop prodding and poking all the various tropical fruits on display. I found it enchanting how her face shifted with the changing tones as she haggled with the vendor in search of a bargain. It was during one such occasion I remember us both trying out the pleasant taste of coconut ice cream for the very first time. Drinking coca cola was also a new experience for her. It has to be said never before has warm cola tasted so nice.
We’d go to the park at the side of Bangkok’s Chao Phraya river and throw bread to the monster Carp-like fish that patrolled the west bank. It tickled her at the way their enormous fins would thrash around, giggling each time one in a frantic attempt to gain the doughy prize would hurl its self across the glimmering waters surface, splashing water over our legs as they dangled from the dock side.
It wasn’t until the sun faded in the west and Toy had laid down to rest that my wife would crack open a bottle of Chang Beer for me and I would update her with all the day’s events, tell her about the latest adventure Toy and I had been on. Little did that eight year old know just how much she taught me in the short time we shared together.
Having had the privilege of meeting Toy she now and always will continue to play a great part in my life, if not only for the memories she left behind and all life’s true values that came with them.
On the Thirteenth of April 2006 the beginning of Songkran (Thai New Year) Toy left our family home in Bangkok to return back to her life in Chaiyaphom. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing, it was heart wrenching for me to see tears pooling in her eyes as she joined together her tiny little hands in the praying position under her delicately chiselled chin, thanked me for my kindness and pulled me her last smile.
I found it impossible to withhold my feelings and holding her in my arms I gave her the warmest of embraces. It isn’t normally the Thai way to touch or blatantly show such affection in public but nobody seemed to mind. After planting a kiss on her cheek I spoke softly in her ear, ‘Do lair ruk- sa touaw de-de na kitung mak suai Toy krab.’ I whispered, ‘Please take good care of yourself, I will miss you so much my beautiful Toy’.
Without tears I managed to wave goodbye as my father-in-law drove the truck down the soi and Toy disappeared out of sight. I knew it was unlikely I would see her again, well, at least not for many years, by which time she may well have long forgotten me. Long forgotten the farang who sat playing, laughing, drawing and chatting to her in a far off language.
I do hope not.
This story was dedicated to my dear friend Toy.
——————–
© Bill Bobby
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22 responses so far
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:39 pm
What a strange comment. You appear to have missed the point Giacomo, which I suppose just goes to show that a lack of understanding gained from reading such a story can for some reach the mind but not always get into the heart.
Yes I am talking about an eight year old girl; sorry your mind works in such ways.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Okay Gaicomo, in your book it spells pervert eh, well why doesn’t that surprise me?
Again, refer to my earlier comment, you might just learn something. Better still we’ll put it to the vote; who’s the one here with the perverted mind - the writer, who is actually condemning the way in which young Thais are driven into prostitution or the reader whose twisted mind sours the tone of the story with tawdry comments?
August 4th, 2008 at 2:21 am
I appreciate the time you’ve spent on this story but you still don’t get it do you?
Ah well, thanks for taking the time to read it anyway.
August 5th, 2008 at 12:53 am
@Giacomo: I think enough is enough here. I’ve read and re-read the story several times and I think your statements are a little over the top. I think you’ve made your point in terms of how you’ve read it and while I don’t agree I think we’re passing from disagreement into abuse.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:06 am
@Giacomo, you were warned. Sorry.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:39 am
@admin. Well, you DELETED my comments, and now only his feeble arguments are left!
I hope you’ve learned something, and that is NOT to publish stories, where a grown man like Bob Billy is allowed to tell his “love story” with an 8 year old girl!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Great read, make the effort to find and see her again, a visit is surely not out of the question.
Giacomco,strange how you can twist and misinterpret something so charming and innocent
August 5th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
A touching and well written story.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
You guys don’t see his infatuated with an 8-year-old-girl! Here’s a quote from his “love story”:
In different ways I suppose we both felt like we were outsiders and although a little shy, over time our relationship grew. As it did I had willingness at every opportunity to pursue her, stealing glimpses at her pretty brown eyes every time she raised her head. Slowly but surly I was finding it harder and harder to spend time away from her, more and more I found myself in some dream, lost in a daze at the classical symmetry of her features, her sheer beauty. Handcrafted by the master craftsman himself God in all his wisdom had truly created the most adoring, gorgeous masterpiece of all. If only this creature of great comeliness had been born under different circumstances, if only she had greater opportunities, if only she had the chance of a more affluent life-style, if only I could do something, if only…
August 5th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
@Giacomo: You do realize that one can develop a caring relationship with someone that doesn’t involve sex?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Not in the way he describes his feelings for an 8-year-old-girl!!! What do you think, he’s thinking about!
August 6th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I saw Giacomo’s comments before they were deleted and frankly I’m surprised that they were… at least the decision to delete ALL of them rather than being selective.
I get the feeling that Bill Bobby was intentionally trying, in the first part of the piece, to make it SOUND like she was an adult so he could spring the ’surprise’ of her age late in the piece.
“It has to be said Toy never spoke of such things she didn’t even know about them, she didn’t know because she was only eight years old.”
Overall, I think this effort was a mistake and that it backfired.
I think he made himself sound so infatuated with this little girl that he’s come away sounding very much like he is attracted to her sexually. I think that he purposely tried to build that exact image before the ’surprise’ of her age, and that he succeeded so well that the uncomfortable image lasts beyond our discovery that she is a child.
Honestly, if he WASN’T trying to set up the ’surprise’ then I’d say that G’s comments were probably well-founded, because I can find no other plausible explanation for this kind of language in relation to a child.
I’ve written a lot of things in my time that didn’t work the way I intended them, and I reckon BB has done the same in this instance.
Personally, if it had been MY decision to make I would have given as much consideration to editing or deleting the post as to deleting Giacomo’s comments. In the end, I probably would have EDITED both.
But that’s just me….
August 6th, 2008 at 1:04 am
A last a sensible comment!
August 6th, 2008 at 2:29 am
@WW: The decision was made once he started using the word pedophile. As I stated, he’s entitled to take aim at the author if he feels the material was questionable but once he crossed the line into possible libel/slander I issued him a warning. He ignored the warning. My decision was more about his choice to disregard the warning outright and continue with pedophile language.
He had made his view very clear by that point so there was absolutely no reason for him to keep repeating the same things over and over again with increasingly more and more inflamatory language. His intent seemed to be nothing other than attacking the author.
Like you state, everyone who’s blogged has tried a literary style and sometimes we push the envelope too far and it fails. I believe this to be the case in this post. I can see where Bill Bobby was going with this and unfortunately it missed.
This post went up before I took over the blog and I agree that I might have gone back to the author and warned him that people might mis-read the post and walk away with a nasty taste in their mouths. The previous Admin and Bill Bobby took the risk and they obviously left a sour taste in Giacomo’s mouth.
Looking back, I should have edited the comments rather than delete them. However, I was in a bit of a hurry (damn, rest of my life) and chose to delete them for the sake of speed and not having to spend time figuring out what should be edited and exactly how it should be edited. Unfortunately WP doesn’t have message board type capabilities to lock a thread or ban a user otherwise I would have put that off until a point where I had more time. I didn’t want to come back several hours later and find 50 comments from Giacomo littering the post so I decided to send a strong message.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:04 am
I never saw you warning admin. I was writing a comment, apparently, at the same time you were “warning me”.
Still, you don’t like my choice of words. Granted, BB’s post turned my blood cold!
Maybe, he did screw up big time when structuring his story. Maybe not! The guy can write, so he should be able to understand his own writing, especially, when choosing a topic about an under-age girl.
Many guys, who feels attracted to children in a criminal way, wants to tell the world that an emotional and sexual relationship between a grown man and a child is all right. And BB’s post leaves the impression that he belongs to that category!
In any circumstance, his post leaves a stench on this site. And it is no excuse that his story was posted before your time, admin. Because in one of your comments, you write, that you have: “read and re-read the post several times”.
And you decided to keep it posted! Maybe you should consider deleting it. Their may be others like me who will see it as a crime in the making!!!
August 6th, 2008 at 3:54 am
“Unfortunately WP doesn’t have message board type capabilities to lock a thread or ban a user otherwise I would have put that off until a point where I had more time. I didn’t want to come back several hours later and find 50 comments from Giacomo littering the post so I decided to send a strong message.”
Billy ~ I think it can do exactly those things. If you want I can send you some specific info via email about HOW to do both.
Giacomo ~ dude, under the circumstances I think it would be a good idea to cool your jets a little on this one. Thailand has very very difficult slander laws, and every blog administrator has to be aware of them.
My own thought is that at this point you should probably let your 5 August comment and my 6 August comment stand as sufficient comment. Your most recent comment is once again inflammatory and probably puts the Administrator in a tough position.
May I politely suggest that you move on from this at this point. I think you’ve done all you can do here… at this point it’s the Administrator’s job to make decisions about the structure of the blog. Sometimes it’s easier to make those decisions in a calmer atmosphere.
But as before, that’s just me….
Peace.
WW
August 6th, 2008 at 3:59 am
@Giacomo: As WW points out, the intent of the author seems to have been to lure you into a story and then spring a surprise on you. He set out to get you hooked into a story that the reader would assume was about a past love but then he takes the story in a different direction by revealing to you her age and discussing the platonic nature of the relationship.
For instance, someone might write a story that starts off saying that Sandy was the most special female in the author’s life. He’ll describe her silky golden hair, her faithfulness, her willingness to put up with his moods, yadda, yadda, yadda. And then he springs it on you that Sandy is his dog. When you go back and re-read it there is nothing specific he’s said that indicates Sandy was a woman and now that you know Sandy is a dog everything he’s said to describe Sandy takes on an entirely different meaning.
Your comments seem to indicate that you didn’t take that second step of re-contextualizing his descriptions once you found out her age. Your comments in on this post are akin to accusing me of bestiality in my Sandy story. Of course you can take parts of what he said out of context and place the 8 year old girl context on them and make them into something dirty but if you take in the entire story, including the literary style employed, the story is far more benign.
Yes, I said I read and re-read it . . . after I logged in and saw you had 5 or 6 comments on the same post and I wanted to see what all the comments were about. I read the story the first time through and then went back and re-read it to make sure I understood it correctly. Then I read the comments.
As WW points out, this literary style missed it’s mark. That was my opinion on the first and second read. But at no time did I think the guy was advocating pedophilia. That was why I went back and re-read it. I knew from the first read that this would be a very easy post to take out of context and I examined it in a very detailed manner to see if there was any specific point where the author crossed the line. I did not find any. He came close but in my opinion he stayed within the bounds.
August 6th, 2008 at 4:01 am
I like WW’s suggestion
August 6th, 2008 at 4:15 am
I will take WW’s advice, and let it go. His comment is balanced and it makes sense. I hope all in all that we have all learned a few lessons here.
Pax!
August 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Okay everybody,
The reason I suggested to ‘put it to the vote’ in an earlier comment was that I refused to get involved in a slanging match with Gaicomo while ever he was using derogatory language and firing wild disgusting accusations at me. I have to say Gaicomo I was deeply offended by your outrageous comments on what was meant to be a very heartfelt and fitting tribute to my wonderful niece.
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion here but if you have a grievance or something bothering you about a particular story there are ways and means of going about them. I would have been only too happy to discuss this issue with you in a calm civilised manner. However, since a few more people have added comments of their own the mood seems to have changed a little and I feel it now an appropriate time to make what will be my last comment on the subject.
Firstly, we agree on something Gaicomo - your last comment. WW has approached this sensitive subject very tactfully and for the most he raisers some good points, many of which I have taken on board, in particular when he writes about himself,
‘I’ve written a lot of things in my time that didn’t work the way I intended them, and I reckon BB has done the same in this instance.’
If I have tried to hard to get a twist into the story and ‘missed the mark’ then for that I apologise for my literary skills not being up to the mark. However, this story has been read hundreds of times, if not thousands over the years and this is the first time anyone has made such an absurd allegation, which is why I was initially shocked. I appreciate this does not necessarily make everything alright as if I have unintentionally offended just one person in any way it is one to many. And yes Gaicomo I do hope we have all learned a few lessons here.
Obviously now the story has been tarnished it cannot be read in the way it was intended. The story is meant to be read once, re-reading the story once you’ve found out her age, let alone having reading the earlier slanderous comments and having to re-contextualise my descriptions like Admin suggests, in hindsight, I agree may prove difficult. So it saddens me to say but if you intend to edit this post Admin as WW suggests I’d rather you tell me and I’ll just delete it off the site myself.
I’d just like to take this one last opportunity to express my any thanks to everybody who has supported me and read the story in the way it was intended.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’ve promised to let it go, so I’ll stick with WW’s “August 6th, 2008 at 12:49 am” comment. And say no more.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Very nice story and sentiments. Thanks for that. It did stir some feelings of my own. I have a niece that I feel the same about, my wife’s half sister’s daughter. We took care of her for years when she was young. Smart, funny, cute and personable and bubbly. Problem is we have not been able to keep in touch, she lives quite a distance away now, and she has grown away from our side of the family and is headed for trouble I think. Her mother is the problem, and it has caused problems among the rest of the family. I feel sorry for the girl. She has so much potential as a human being to have a good and decent life giving something to the world, even just one small part of it, but I doubt she will get the chance. Mostly due to the fact that many parents here feel their children owe them some sort of free ride as soon as they are old enough to earn money. I’ve tried talking to her mother many times about her future, but it has been in vain it seems. We took her in for a while with us a couple years ago, but my wife and her sister soon saw that she was beyond control and ready to get herself knocked up, and she is very resentful of any controling influence, except her mother’s of course, who lets her do anything she wants and makes excuses for her foolish behavior. It’s sad. She was like a daughter to me when she was younger.
To see one reader’s twisted take on this wonderful and moving story is sad. PC madness, where any man who loves a child not his own is suspect. The world is insane these days in this matter of overzealous constant suspicion, and it has made the world a lesser, harsher, colder place for not just the adults, but for the children.