Subscribe
Translate
Who's Online?
Bangkok Weather
Blog Post
An Opinion From A Thai Person
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
First, let me introduce myself : I am a Thai person. I have read a lot of Farangs’ stories about Thai bar girls and I am disturbed by them. Your stories are quite similar. You stated that Oh, I met this girl, that girl in a bar and I fell in love with her. I took her to my country and gave her a good new life. I gave her lots of lots of money but she ran away from me after all. I spent such money 50,000 - 300,000 dollars and look how she treated me back. Once she settled in my country she ran away with another guy blah blah blah. I feel hurt without a doubt. Why are Thai girls so… bad why do they have to be like that ? They are scam artists, they never loved me in the first place and I found out later. No, no…no… the truth of the matter is you did not find out later, you knew right from the beginning!
I know exactly what you meant, and I can understand why you are so angry and hurt. However, come on, you guys all know from the get go that they are bar girls, they are prostitutes! What makes you think that they will leave their country to go with you without anything in it for them? Come on, you are not that naive and you were not born yesterday. You knew that they are all after your money.
I think we all know that you were in love, or infatuated with them. If you choose to marry a prostitute, that is your prerogative. But, don’t come crying later that oh, Thai girls are bad, deceitful, unfaithful. As a matter of fact, you are not talking about Thai girls at all, you are talking about prostitutes that happened to be Thai. I know in your country, it is not a big deal, and I understand that. In Thailand, it is a big deal. Honourable Thai men with good status in society never marry them. In our country we have like a hierarchy which is hidden in Thai society, even though it is not obvious like in India. Well, it will probably take me forever to explain to you.
A lot of you are around 50 - 65 years of age, and you mess around with Thai bar girls who are around 20 - 30 years old. Some of you said you spent money on them, 100,000 dollars or more, and I believe you…how’s that? I am not sure whether you have a big heart, or a small brain. Let’s not dance, shall we? Everybody knows that you guys all go there for one main reason, and that is sex. You went there, you had a good time, and you left your heart over there. Then you think about taking these girls to your country. You think you can change them, you want to provide them a better life…well that is very nice of you. However, they may never change, but you just hope and one thing that I can guarantee you is that you can never buy…love.
It is inconceivable to me how someone at your age could be such a complete idiot! I am sorry to be mean, but it disturbs me badly when someone defrauds someone like that. I am sure there must be some doubt in your mind as well whether the girl is with you for money or not, right? But, you still went for it because you loved (were infatuated) with a bar girl.
Oh no, please do not get me wrong, I do not approve of my compatriot’s conduct at all. I think it is wrong and shameful to take advantage of someone who falls in love with you like that. It is bad and deplorable and I sympathise with you. However, you have to accept some responsibilities as well.
You knew exactly from the outset who they were, but you still went for them anyhow…so don’t you think you are partially responsible for the consequences as well? Maybe you are the one who deceived yourself, maybe you like to live in a fantasy world? I know sometimes it is happier to live in a fantasy world than the real world. Don’t you think this is the time to come out and face reality? Well, I know I have been very cruel to your feelings, but if I don’t make a strong comment to you, you will never understand or get my picture, my message or whatever. I am sorry if I offend anyone, o.k?
Here is my second part and here is my advice: If you really love a Thai girl and want to marry her, you should go for a real Thai girl. I mean a Thai girl with education who has a real job, not a bar girl. I know it is more difficult, but they are still out there. If you want a happy married life, then you must find a way and a will to locate her. You know,… right, easy come, easy go, difficult come, difficult go. Well some of you might say that there are some people who have a happy marriage with a former bar girl. Yes, there are about 2%, but you are not 2%…you are the other 98%.
If you live in your country, maybe you can find a Thai girl who is already there to save all kind of hassle. You can find her through a college or university. A lot of Thai people study over there (the states, England, Australia, New Zealand, Canada.) Or perhaps she works in a Thai restaurant. Well, I am sure if you can find the way to go to Thailand for those bar girls then you can find the way to figure that out too. In those countries that I mentioned above, they all have Thai communities. Maybe, you can visit their website and leave your message on their web board. Your message should be clear and truthful about what you are looking for. Who knows what might happen after that? Let’ s hope for the best. You see, you don’t even have to go to Thailand to find her, maybe she is right next door to you.
I apologize once again if I offend anyone with my strong comment. I hope you guys learn something from my point of view.
Good luck to all of you, and take care.
From a Thai person who lives abroad.
Popularity: 6% [?]
Leave a response
15 responses so far
August 29th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Excellent, informative article. The words, “easy
come, easy go, difficult come, difficult go.”
explain very much very succinctly. It also points out the difference between “difficult” and “hard”.
Teaching English to a Thai student at university in Australia, she helped me understand that while
forged steel is “hard”, calculus is not “hard”. Calculus is “difficult”. Us farang might think that learning to speak pasa Thai is “hard”, while a Thai speaker might find some of the nuances of English “difficult”. Either way is the same, although the tone marks in Thai define “dog” from “come”, while in English, the context is the key.
Thanks for the essay, Non Ja. I’d like to see that axiom written on the walls of the arrivals counters at Suvarnabhumi in English, and in pasa Thai at the departures lounge.
August 30th, 2007 at 10:03 am
I’m right with you. What do people who marry bargirls expect?
August 30th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Always good to hear things from a Thai perspective. Although your words may sound hard-hitting unfortunately I have to agree with them (well some of them). Thai women are amongst the most beautiful on the planet but make no mistake, Thai prostitutes aren’t any different from western ones. Apart from the blatantly obvious that is.
Lasting relationships between bar girls and prostitutes have little chance but can and have worked. Like any relationship it takes a massive amount of understanding, commitment, loyalty, patience, a genuine desire to compromise and of course a heap load of love for each other. Anyone thinking of undertaking such a relationship needs to be prepared for one hell of a ride (and I don’t just mean between the sheets). The western guy needs to prepare for something a little more than just being lavished with attention, care, flirting and sex in return for money and support. And the bar girl, well she needs feel the desire to be faithful and must throw away her relationship rule book. Of course each applies to both parties. One of the hardest things is no matter what you do you will always face scrutiny and stigma from people around you, even from people who don’t know you. The Thai will be looked down upon for sleeping with a westerner and the westerner will appear to be a sugar daddy or worse a sex tourist.
If you’re lucky enough to find a Thai lady who genuinely loves you and both of you are prepared to give 100% commitment to each other you will never ever want for anything else.
Bill.
PS. the missus has written a few articles on the subject, I’ll try to get her to post them up at a later time.
August 31st, 2007 at 7:38 pm
The problem is, if we have a Thai girlfriend, no matter what her background, there will be suspicious stares, comments, judgments ect. from time to time.
She could be as pure as the driven snow, yet some people will assume that you have “purchased” her because she is Thai and you are farang.
What can we do about that?
September 5th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
I like your opinion. Every country should have both good and bad ones. Most of them work as bar girls for money, only few of them work for love and to find right man for happy family. You should realize that , before makind decision to get married with her.
September 13th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Very wise insight of human nature… I think a woman who is bright, courious as well as honest and knowing her own mind would be very interesting, Thai or Farang! If I had come to Thailand as a young man, I’m sure I would have been suduced by the beauty of many willing ladies but my youth has passed and I have only a few regrets. At 60 I think one loyal woman would be plenty. I have considered moving to Asia as I have traveled in Asia and have friends I enjoy there. Thank you for you opinion concerning foolish old men with “large hearts and small brains”. Jerry USA
September 17th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Excellent article man, you’ve hit the spot with thai girl scam artists. It’s true most of them are just whores and scam artists, but just the one you’d find in bars or massage parlors, if you’d go to a regular joint i bet you can find a lot of thai decent girls. If your a 60 old dude and you’re hanging around with a nice ass 20 yr old thai girl, it’s pretty clear she’s staying for the money.
October 29th, 2007 at 2:24 am
hehehe that was great, all these guys come here for 1 reason we all know it.
and then they get angry because the callgirls left them hehe, the thai saying really could be used as a medaphore.
no money no honey!!!
well unless u find a nice thai girl(not working as bar girl)
May 26th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I would say that 95% of men come to Thailand just for sex. There are much better beaches in other parts of the world. And Thai food is not worth the trip.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
I would disagree with JonnyK in that many of us travel to Thailand for more than just sex. He’s right that there are better beaches. Some might even argue that Thai food in the US or Europe is even better than some of the Thai food in Thailand (because it’s been adapted to farang tastes). There are a lot of places better than Thailand if you want to do a spot by spot comparison.
But it’s the whole package that makes Thailand such a wonderful place. It’s the whole mai ben rai attitude. It’s the Thai smile. It’s the wai. It’s because it is a world so different from what we know and the more we get to know it the more we realize we how little we know.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Touche Billy…
June 10th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Great input. I hope you find the time, one day, to explain the hidden hierarchy in Thai society that you mention!
October 20th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
There is also the fact that in Western countries there are social programs. In the case of a “bar girl” one never knows how she got there. Also, it is the fact you knew her “when”.
One thing,how is a respectable woman treated? What are the social mores that a farang needs to know? In most western countries men are treated very rudely that sets us up for when an attractive woman treats us with consideration. Rude behavior by the wife is a common place item in art forms and stories. What is it in Thailand? What are the expectations?
October 21st, 2008 at 5:26 am
Great post! Non Ja knows and speaks the truth.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Nice article. Thanks.
Eugene