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Couldn’t get laid in a brothel, the Spice Club, or the Nana Hotel Parking lot
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I got an email from a friend this week. Here’s part of the text of that email:
I made my first visit to Spice Club last night and really enjoyed it. I wasn’t interested in getting laid and sat somewhere out of the way but I still got several offers…if you can’t get laid there, you might as well give up!
There are a lot of places in Bangkok where this is true: the Soi 7 Beergarden, Thermae and the Nana Hotel parking lot spring to mind along with Spice Club.
I’ve managed to walk in and out of all these places without getting laid. Last night I managed it twice.
My lucky leprechaun has been with me all week. Every time I’ve changed plans lately and gone out when I didn’t plan on it, I’ve ended up with a top notch sexual experience.
So when my phone rang at 10 pm last night to invite me out to the Pent Club I felt like a gambler on a hot streak. I had plans to assemble some furniture and maybe wash some clothes before going to bed early, but that could wait while I popped into the Pent for an hour.
I pulled on some jeans and a tee shirt, took a cab to my friend’s house where I spent 30 minutes putting some furniture together for her, then amazed her by telling her I wasn’t going to spend the night with her, and took off for the Pent to meet my friend Ted.
He was there waiting for me, spending his time chattitng up a hostess in the lounge. We hung out there for a while and then the three of us headed to the disco with an open bottle of Chivas and another bottle of Tequila. My favorite Pent Club dancer, Pan, was there. She hadn’t been around on my last few visits. The last time I had seen her she’d been so worried about me getting home she’d put me into a car and driven me to my apartment. I wasn’t as drunk as she seemed to think I was — I would have gotten home with no problems, but I let her take me anyway.
I hadn’t seen her in about two months.
Her hair was longer, but she was the same bundle of energy and laughter, and still one of the sexiest dancers I’ve ever seen. She introduced me to one of her friends — a small, extremely cute and extremely sexy dancer named AJ. I ended up chatting to and flirting with the two of them until the lights came up. I’ve been ‘in love’ with Pan for as long as I’ve been going to Pent, and last night I ‘fell’ for AJ too. Two uni girls who have fantastic fun personalities.
Finally, with the lights up and the bill paid it was time to go. Ted’s girl walked us out to the taxi and said goodnight. We decided to go to Spice Club.
Ted had been there a couple of weeks earlier. I had never been.
Spice Club is in the Ambassador Hotel on Soi 11. It’s an after-hours bar that opens sometime after midnight and goes all night, closing sometime around sunrise. It’s full of freelancers looking for action. As my friend said in the email quoted above, if you can’t get laid there you might as well give up.
Spice was fun. It was large and busy. They had girls in bikinis carrying trays of tequila shots around selling them for 200 baht, and plenty of servers so you never had to queue up at the bar or wait for a drink. The music was loud but not obnoxious. I liked it.
I found a comfortable spot where I could scan the crowd, and immediately I had a girl dancing and rubbing up against me. It’s that kind of place. She wasn’t to my liking, so I moved on.
I hooked up with Ted and we talked a bit, then we split up to go hunting.
I found a spot where I was surrounded by a half dozen attractive girls who were all on the prowl. The problem wasn’t going to be finding a girl, it was going to be deciding which one.
I finally figured out which one I liked the best, but there were a couple of other guys that felt the same way and started dancing with her, so I shifted my sights to her friend who was standing next to me. I bought her a glass of wine, which she shared with me by taking a sip in her mouth, then kissing me and letting it dribble into my mouth. She was tall, slender, light skinned and willowy. Very pretty actually.
By this time it was about 3:30 in the morning and she didn’t waste much time. She asked if I’d like to take her home. Yeah, that sounds good. She said it would cost 200.
200? I must not have heard her right. So I repeated it back to her as a question, “200?”
“200 dollars” she said. That’s a shade over 6,000 baht! I laughed, and told her that she was crazy. I stood up to go and she grabbed my arm, “wait, how much you give me?”
But now I wasn’t in the mood for her and I just said I didn’t want to insult her with a low offer, thanked her and headed out.
I’d just left one of the “sure thing” bars in the world. The place where, if you can’t get laid, you might as well give up.
There seemed to be only one cure for that — to go to the only place I know of where it’s even easier to get laid. I walked to the parking lot of the Nana Hotel.
By this time it was late… probably after 4 am on Sunday night/Monday morning, and things were winding down. I wanted to get a hamburger but the cart was closed and in the process of being cleaned. I managed to get a beer and sat down in my favorite spot to survey the crowd.
The choices were mostly overweight, tatooed, or ladyboys. I was beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t have counter-offered the willowy beauty in Spice Club.
Then I saw her. If it’d been a Hollywood movie the music would have started playing, soft light would have highlighted her face and the moment would have fozen in time. Into the sea of aging cynical hookers walked a young, fresh faced …. innocent looking… girl.
I turned and made very frank eye contact with her, but she just turned vaguely away. I was puzzled, but it was late and I thought she might be keen to go home. Maybe she’d just finished a session with a punter. I turned again thinking I’d go talk to her and she was gone. Just like she’d never been there.
I looked around but I couldn’t find her. I had been drinking slowly all night; I was relaxed, but not drunk. I was very clear headed. I’d lost sight of the girl for thirty seconds and she’d disappeared.
I dedided it was time to cut bait and go home. As I headed towards Sukhumvit Road I got trapped by an average looking girl who had accosted me on my way in. I had told her I might come back later, and now she was after me. I compromised by sitting down to have another beer.
This was about thirty meters away, and on the other side of soi 4 from where I’d been earlier. There was a German guy there with a girl, a few freelancers hoping for a last crumb, and the lady selling beer. Me & the German guy were chatting amiably with the beer lady. She was fun and spoke good English.
Suddenly I saw my innocent angel walking down the street. I asked the beer lady to ask her to join me, and she did. Ah, I thought, my lucky leprechaun hasn’t deserted me.
Her name was Fah, and she was shy. She didn’t speak any English at all, so I spoke to her in Thai. She seemed not to understand me, which may be an indication of how bad my Thai is… maybe only hookers who hear atrocious Thai all the time can figure out what I’m saying. The beer lady helped me out a bit, translating a couple of things for us.
Fah turned out to be pretty much what she looked like. She has a day job, and lives up in Nonthaburi (quite far away). She’d come to Nana to try her hand at making some extra cash, but she was so shy that she’d spent the evening in Nana Disco and walked out alone.
Now it was after 4 in the morning and she had to be at work by 9. She still had a thirty or 40 minute cab ride ahead of her. She was willing to go with me, but she needed to go soon, so she could make it to work.
Well I’ll be damned. I just couldn’t bring myself to drag this girl back to my apartment, fornicate with her, then pack her into a cab to go to her job at 9 am. I would have felt like every evil guy in every Charles Dickens novel I ever read.
I looked in my wallet. I had 420 baht cash left. I took out the 400 and told her to take it and go home. Ted handed her another bill to make it an even 500. She smiled, looking both relieved and grateful, said goodnight and headed for a cab.
She was a very pretty girl.
Now, here’s the part where I tell you how Thai hookers are different from hookers every where else in the world. One of the freelancers that was hanging out nearby came and sat down next to me. She was a tall girl — big boned, but not fat — with a pretty face. She smiled and asked if I wanted her to go home with me. Yeah, that’s fine, I said.
She opened her purse and offered me two hundred baht for cab fare, saying that she saw that I’d given the last of my cash to the other girl. I smiled and thanked her, and told her I didn’t need to take her money. I lived close by and could walk home.
She sat and chatted with me for about 15 minutes, and then somehow the idea of going home together seemed to fade away. She said it was getting late and she was going home. I kissed her, thanked her again for being kind and generous and said goodnight.
The beer lady asked me if I wanted another beer. I laughed and told her I only had 20 baht left, so I’d just finish the one I was drinking and head home.
She disappeared into the convenience store. When she returned she had two cold bottles of beer in her hands. She popped them open, handing me one and taking a big swallow off of the other one herself. She sat down on the step between my legs and started talking to me.
She told me that she thought I was a nice guy for giving the last of my cash to the girl and sending her home, and she invited me to come out and have a beer with her every night. She leaned back against me and relaxed. She talked quietly for a while about her family. She raises a young daughter and works selling 80 baht beers every night. She makes about 40 baht per beer, and sells them from 2 a.m. until sunrise every night.
It’s hard to explain. She wasn’t giving me a hard luck story or really propositioning me for business. She was just a tired girl at the end of her shift chatting about her night. It was like we’d become good friends in the two hours I’d been sitting and drinking her beer.
She pointed out that the sun was coming up… it was 6 a.m. She said she had to go home and get her daughter ready to go to school.
I kissed her on the cheek, promised to come drink her beer again in the future, and wandered off to Sukhumvit Road.
I’d just managed to leave the Nana Hotel parking lot without getting laid, even though I’d been trying. Unbeleivable!
I walked to my apartment, stopping at the ATM to grab some cash. I bought breakfast from the lady on the corner and tumbled into bed sometime before 7 a.m. I set my alarm for 10, because I had to work at noon.
My phone rang at 9 a.m. It was a secretary calling to ask if we could re-schedule my business appointment from today to tomorrow.
Yeah, no problem. Maybe that lucky leprechaun is around somewhere after all. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
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