Most single Isaan women want a Western husband

Interesting story in The Nation about a poll which indicates that more and more Isaan women are seeking a Western husband

Bagging a farang

More than threefifths of women in the Northeast surveyed in an Isaan poll said they wanted to marry farang husbands, mainly because of their wealth, faithfulness and respect for women.

Of 484 women living in 19 northeastern provinces surฌveyed in March and April, 61 per cent said they deemed Western men rich, 53 per cent said they thought farang men were kind and respected women more than Thai men, while 16 per cent said they wanted to marry and live abroad.

Englishmen were the favourites, gaining 32 per cent of respondents’ votes, while Americans and Germans trailed behind with 21 and eight per cent respectively.

The survey found that women who were already married to foreign husbands spent a large portion (20 per cent) of their monthly income on electricity and water bills as their homes tended to be large and full of domestic appliances – another factor that attracted single, northeastern women.

The last part about electric bills seemed a little out of place but what do you expect from The Nation? 🙂

27 thoughts on “Most single Isaan women want a Western husband

  • June 17, 2009 at 8:37 pm
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    Call me cynical if you want (I’ve been called worse) but there’s recurring theme to this article and they’re not shy about it it either are they.
    ‘mainly because of their wealth’
    ‘they deemed western men rich’
    ‘homes tended to be large and full of appliances’
    Set out your stall and see how many suckers turn up.
    Besides the large house full of appliances you can also add: a house and a small farm for the parents; A pick up truck and/or a tractor for the father; Motorbikes for the brothers and sisters; education fees for for younger brothers and sisters…..
    Come in spinner.

  • June 19, 2009 at 5:55 pm
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    I wonder when it became such a bad thing to want to “marry up.” No-one considers it such a foul thing when it’s done with someone from one’s own culture, but once it gets into the cross-border area it’s time to start clucking and tsk-tsking. Seems to me that the wives are getting what they want from the arrangement and the guys are getting what they want.

    Should we compare divorce rates between West and East and see who’s more successful at the marriage game?

    From history class I was always under the impression that this is what marriage was all about anyway: a business arrangement that — hopefully — mutually benefits both parties. Don’t even get me started on marrying for love. That’s peasant talk.

  • June 19, 2009 at 7:02 pm
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    There’s nothing wrong with marrying up. It all depends on who’s getting the up though doesn’t it? If those ladies can find someone to raise their economic status, then good luck to them. The point I’m making though is that it’s never just about the girl is it? What I’m talking about, and the point you miss, is that there’s always the extras that are concealed. It’s only when the farang has already made too much of a commitment that all the add on costs (that I’ve previously mentioned) come to light. And there’s rarely any real advantage to the farang anyway. How can there be when you can’t own land and don’t have any real rights. And I agree with you re the love thing, entirely over rated. Respect is what matters in this world my friend.

  • June 20, 2009 at 9:01 am
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    Well this really is a two part type of answer.

    First is, I dislike that many people automatically assume that a marriage to a Thai means an Isaan woman. I’m not directing that at anyone here because that was the subject of the article but on other sites and even on other threads here there’s always this built in assumption that all girls are Isaan farmers . . . or at least the ones who would go with a farang are.

    I have Thai friends that range from doctors/lawyers to models (Thai spec models, not farang spec). I’ve dated some of the girls in our group of friends and many of my farang friends have dated some of these girls too. A few have even married.

    Sorry, I had to get that little rant out of the way as it’s one of my pet peeves. 🙂

    Second thing is that while MEGA points out that farang can’t own land he also leaves out that Thailand is not a community property state. What is yours is yours and what is hers is hers. That means come divorce time there isn’t a financially crippling payout. This is why many girls are so clever about getting you to put as much wealth into her name as possible.

    First, the current Thai marriage laws give the man a huge, huge financial advantage over the women. Knock up your wife with three kids and decide trade up to a new model and she’s royally screwed. She’s stuck. Past her prime and with kids, her chances of finding another man or slim.

    Men who immediately treat their Thai marriage like a farang marriage and give her access to half of everything are usually inviting trouble. That financial advantage the man has is meant to keep the woman in line. That’s why so many Thai men get away with mia nois and such. She simply can’t risk the financial impact of getting a divorce.

    I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s how it works in Thailand. But by the same token, all she knows is the Thai system. And when her farang husband starts buying property in her name, giving her access to his back accounts, etc. she starts to wonder why she needs him. That’s especially true is she was some poor farmer girl who only married for the money in the first place. Within a year or two she might have her hands on more wealth than she thought she could earn in her entire life.

    Remember a girl with little or no education is probably only going to pull down 10,000 baht a month. That’s less than $300. So yeah, when you buy that $25,000 house in her name that’s like 7 years worth of work. Hard work. Ten hour a day, six day a week kind of work. That alone might be enough for her to send you packing for pissing her off. And if you’re giving her an allowance or free access to your money, she’s going to be squirreling away as much money as she can for that rainy day when you walk out on her or she’s had enough of you.

    So yes, you can’t own land. You could buy land and put it in your wife’s name (though recently they’ve said this is illegal and will seize the land) but it’s not a requirement that you buy land in the first place. There are more than a handful of ways that a foreigner could structure a land deal – that are completely legal – that would leave him in ultimate control of the land in the event of a divorce.

    You can also structure your finances so she could never get a large sum of money. I mean, guys, this is what rich guys do all the time back home when they get married to someone of lessor means. Trusts, offshore banks, etc. Now that you’re in Thailand, chances are you’re considered wealthy and you should think more like a wealthy man.

    Simply because you don’t explore those opportunities doesn’t make it Thailand’s fault.

    Call me cynical but I’ve always viewed relationships of any race as an exchange of goods and services. If it was only about love there would be tons of beautiful women getting married to poor, ugly guys. But that doesn’t happen. She might marry a rich, ugly guy but never both poor and ugly.

    In the west, IMHO, this has gotten out of balance a bit. Or perhaps it’s become perfectly balanced. I don’t know.

    For the most part an average looking guy with an average income is going to get an average looking woman back home. If that seems unsatisfactory to him then he has to look at other markets. He has to find a market where there is enough of an income disparity that his average income would appear to be rich in comparison.

    That’s why guys come to Thailand or Brazil or Eastern Europe. All of a sudden that average income puts you into “rich” status and one has a much wider range of girls to choose from.

    Unfortunately, God or Buddha has a wicked sense of humor. The almost mythical Thai girl who is intelligent, has a good job, doesn’t drink, smoke, or go out much is hidden from the typical farang. She goes to work and goes home every night. When she has free time she spends it with her family. Many would absolutely love to meet a nice, caring, and worldly farang man but she would never be seen dead in the places most farangs frequent (even the discos and such).

    Instead, throngs of hillbillies from Isaan with little or no education, questionable values, and a sense of desperation come flocking to work in all of the industries that put them into close contact with farangs. Whether she be a waitress in a restaurant on lower Suk or shaking her ass up on a Soi Cowboy stage, these are the girls most farang are likely to come into contact with.

    So the guy, instead of investing his time and efforts into seeking out the traditional Thai girl, is floored the first time some Isaan honey with looks and isn’t a hooker wants to be his gf. He considers himself the luckiest man on the planet.

    It’s interesting because every so often they do a survey of people who have won the lottery and a large percentage of them are bankrupt within a few years. Because they’ve never known how to handle money they blow through it with little regard.

    That’s what your typical farang is like in Thailand. Due to the income disparities between Farangland and Thailand he’s a rock star here. They’ve never learned anything about money management or asset protection and they end up like way too many real rock stars who blow through all their money or have it stolen by greedy managers and wake up one day and the girls, booze, drugs, and good life are all gone. Then they realize that everything they had was an illusion.

    So when people tell you Thailand is somehow different, it’s just that they don’t understand who they are here. They don’t understand how the rules work. They go the quick and easy route and pick from the bottom of barrel and think they’re getting the creme of the crop. They expect that these Isaan girls are just like girls back home and want to share everything 50/50 without realizing that for a girl who was with you primarily for the money that’s just giving her an excuse to leave once she’s gotten enough of it.

    The bottom line is if you can’t thrive and prosper in Thailand you don’t understand how the game works.

  • June 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm
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    Very good post Ruai.

    Couldn’t agree with you more on the ridiculous notion of lumping all Thai women together in the same basket. Completely disrespectful to the many intelligent, educated and financially self supporting women that, you so aptly pointed out, most farang coming to this country never get to meet.

    The bases are certainly loaded against women, of poorer financial means, in a Thai on Thai situation. In that regard, I can understand the mindset that can develop when a farang starts behaving like Santa Claus and showering money and goods on them. More fool the farang for going into the situation with his eyes wide shut. Theirs is a different reality when it comes to honesty and integrity.

    As you say, to thrive in this country, one needs to understand how things really work. In other words, a man should take his time and do a bit of research before making any kind of financial or marital commitment. Not, as you say, rush headlong in to a relationship with the first girl that smiles nicely at him down at Soi cowboy.

    I’ve always said that, for any foreigner planning to live in this country, you really need to analyse the reasons for doing so in the first place. If it’s solely for the fantasy of the submissive, compliant Asian sex robot, then you’re on a hiding to nothing. Living here, successfully, takes a lot planning and smarts than you need back in farangdom.

  • June 21, 2009 at 2:07 pm
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    @MEGA: Where are those Asian sex robots? I want me one of those 🙂 hahaha

    While what I’ve said is true about Thailand and Thai women it applies universally across the world. The dating game in the west is so brutal that most men avoid it whenever they can. That includes latching onto the first thing with a vagina that says “yes” and putting up with incredible amounts of bullshit. Anything to avoid being thrown back out into the gladiator pit of the single life.

    And way too many of those guys come to Thailand with the same perspective on relationships. They’re looking for the first one who says “yes.” That makes them seem weak and needy to Thai women. Hell, it makes them seem weak and needy to western women too. Weak and needy are not attractive qualities.

  • Pingback: Proof Farang Women Are Clueless About Men

  • September 23, 2009 at 10:01 pm
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    @Ruai,

    lol…I must say I really like reading your commemts you make on Thais.

    You wrote:
    “Unfortunately, God or Buddha has a wicked sense of humor. The almost mythical Thai girl who is intelligent, has a good job, doesn’t drink, smoke, or go out much is hidden from the typical farang. She goes to work and goes home every night. When she has free time she spends it with her family. Many would absolutely love to meet a nice, caring, and worldly farang man but she would never be seen dead in the places most farangs frequent (even the discos and such).”

    I laughed while I was reading this paragraph. This is the portrait of my life right now. And the reason I only look for farang men is because most farang men, from my experience living abroad and in Thailand, treat me better than Thai men indeed.

    Tons of Thai men treat Thai women poorly. Plus people from other parts of Thailand generally look at a person poorly when they know he/she is from Isaan. If you are a girl from Isaan, not only you will be viewed poorly by other people, but also by many Thai men from the same region. This still does not include the issue of your skin color. Thais usually go gaga on girls with light skin and shun girls with brown skin. But Westerners doesn’t really care about both issues and Isaan women really appreciate that. Although I’m not a poor, low-educated, fresh-from-a-farm kind of girl (like those many of you speak of), not being looked down and criticized by where I’m from and the color of my skin is enough for me to give up on Thai men forever.

    So, I understand why many Isaan women come out and say they want farang husbands. Money may be the number reason in the survey, but I believe that deep down Isaan women are just tired of being made inferior by the Thai society nowadays.

  • September 25, 2009 at 12:26 am
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    @Dariya: I know that’s your lifestyle. It’s a lot of girl’s lifestyles. I have some Thai friends and they always drag their co-workers, relatives, etc to come hang out with our little group and they all have the same story. You meet this girl who is absolutely delightful in every way. She’s polite, well mannered, has a great job, looks attractive, dresses nice . . . and you’re sitting there asking yourself “How the hell is this girl single?”

    And then when you start talking to her you find out she still lives at home with her parents, she’s only had two boyfriends in her life, both Thais who cheated on her, and this is the first time she’s gone out on a Saturday night in a year.

    And yes, most of us who have spent any time here know about the Isaan thing. I for one find it complete bs. I think most westerners do because we don’t believe in judging people on the color of their skin or whether or not they’re poor. I can’t say everybody feels that way but most people go out of their way not to be like that.

  • September 25, 2009 at 12:29 am
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    @Dariya,

    How about I take you out to a nice dinner one night? I can prove to everyone here I’m not a horrible person. I would love to have a meal with you and get to know you.

    Ruai

  • September 25, 2009 at 10:53 am
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    Dear Dariya,

    In your interesting post, you complain about the way Thai men are. I’ve met many Thai and other SEA women who speak very poorly of their male counterparts. It’s a sad thing. So please allow me some suggestions.

    1. Try to ensure that men in your country change (though this will not be easy). Asian men will probably not change by themselves and decide alone that they should respect women more. Through your words and your actions, you must demand that men respect you. This means, for example, raising your children in a gender-equal way. When I see a Thai woman complaining that her husband does no housework, and the next minute she’s telling her daughter to clean the dishes and her son that he can play, it just doesn’t add up.
    OR
    2. Continue complaining about Thai men, avoid them at all costs, and compete with other Asian women for the few Farangs around.

    In Africa and in Latin America, women are really organized and motivated to fight machismo, and they’re changing the way men treat women. Asian women can do that, too, but somehow they’re not as mobilized as in Africa or Latin America. C’mon, girls!!! You know Thai men’s hearts are full of kindness and love, too. Let’s seek that out, instead of condemning them.

    I’ve read several posts here that show that Farang men are happy, if not proud, about the fact that they treat Thai women better than Thai men do. However you must know that Farang men were not always role models in their treatment of women. In the West, feminism has demanded that men contribute more to house chores and child-rearing, pushing men to be more aware of their role as caring partner and father. And indeed, many Western men now spend more time with their children, or cleaning the house, than their fathers did, and that’s a very attractive trait to all women, Thai or Farang.
    (At the same time, it’s ironic that some Farang men in BKK are proud to be considered as such, and at the same time condemn feminism as ‘bullshit’ , refusing to recognize the link between these 2 things. )

    Well, Dariya, Thai people have a long way to go to establish good, trusting, caring relations between men and women. That’s something your post confirms. But you seem like a smart person and I believe eventually, things will improve.

    In peace,
    S.

  • September 25, 2009 at 11:40 am
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    @Ruai,

    lol. Althought I don’t live with my parents and have actually had more than two boyfriends, I still find your description to be much fit.

    Also, thank you for your kind offer which I will gladly take it anytime. For me, it’s been entertaining and thought-provoking exchanging comments with you through many articles on this website. Therefore, I believe it wouldn’t be much different in person.

  • September 25, 2009 at 12:06 pm
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    hahaha! some girls are more interested in getting laid then “changing the way men treat women”.. that’s the attitude we love, and that’s why I’m in Thailand! yet to meet a Thai girl who has those feminist ideas.

  • September 25, 2009 at 2:15 pm
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    Dear S.,

    Thank you for your suggest. I’m aware that Western men are not always role models. I’ve dated them enough to call many of then jerks. It’s true indeed that Thai men should change. The sad thing is changing Thai men as a whole is not something I’m not willing to put up with since it requires Thai women to gather and resist. And like you said, Thai women are not so mobilized. So, yes, I would prefer to compete for farang men around which I have no problem with it. Better yet, I’m willing to be alone if I have to.

    Frankly, I have never been in a serious relationship with any Thai men in my life. They scared me away since I was a little girl by showing me how they usually treat women. They scared me even worse just in the dating state. Also, when I was old enough to learn about the world, I realized many Thai men labelled me as “undesirable” when compared to a light skin girl. I used to be told all the time that I would be much more beautiful if my skin was lighter. The only two Thai peole who always disagree and tell me how beautiful I am with brown skin are my parents! I once had a random Thai guy trying to hook up with me with a pick-up line saying “your skin isn’t so light, so you’re not that pretty, but I’ll date you if you’re interested”. I had to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

    This is just a few little samples of my experience in two decades and a half. I could keep going all week long if I must. I’m not saying Western guys beat Thai men in every way. There are good Thai men out there, I’m sure. My father is one of them (My mom is damn lucky!) Unfortunately, there seem to be so few of them that I rather find a farang guy or just be alone for the heck of it.

    I do believe that things in Thailand will change for the better somday, but I’m not optimistic enough to say that it will be anytime soon.

  • September 25, 2009 at 3:01 pm
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    Hi Dariya, I’m happy you replied to my post and thanks for that. 🙂

    Here we are launched into the Thai men vs Farang men debate!! Actually it was not really my intention because I think there are great guys in all countries, and idiots too. So it’s best to be open to finding love anywhere, with any nationality. But I guess it’s not easy if you’ve accumulated only bad experiences with Thai men.

    I think it’s too bad that you don’t wish to unite with other Thai women to obtain more respect from Thai men, but instead you prefer to compete with one another for the few Farangs. In the long-term, it means that your daughter will face the same issue of sexism and shortage of good men in Thailand. It also means that you are preparing for a tough fight with other Thai women. Because, given the statistics of this article, there are more Thai women wanting a Farang, than actual (unmarried) Farangs in Thailand.

    I don’t mean to judge you with these comments, please don’t take it that way. I have a lot of love for Thailand and think everyday that Thai women deserve better than what they generally get in life. So that’s why I ‘m always thinking of how their situation can improve and this is part of my work. But I’m glad we can exchange our (differing) views on this subject.

    I wish you the best of luck in your search. I hope you find that Farang love of your life.
    S.

  • September 25, 2009 at 5:09 pm
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    Dear S.,

    There should be more Thai women who think like you in the aspect of how to improve their situation. I have had quite several talks with my Thai friends about Thai men vs Thai women. Most of them just shrugged their shoulders and said it just how Thai men acted. You see, this is the attitude of most Thai women. If there can change the way they think, it’s great. But if they don’t want to, oh well.

    Why don’t I want to unite with Thai women to make a change? I can only think that it’s because I’m too selfish to sacrafice my enegy and my time for the greater good. I still have a lot of things to do rather than banging my head against the wall. And as for competing, I would only do it for the right price and for the right cost. If I end up getting nothing, then I’ll still survive. I mean I won’t we the only woman in the world who stays single for the rest of my life anyway.

    However, thank you for wishing me luck though. With my attitude I have on love and mariage, I’m definitely going to need it.

  • September 26, 2009 at 7:28 am
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    @S: Actually, I think you really don’t understand the situation. In Thailand 52% of the population are women in a culture where family is all important. So 2% of the women are out of luck when it comes to finding a husband. Throw in the ladyboys, gays, drunks, drug addicts, and other undesirables and the gap is probably close to 10% or more.

    I was just out with a Thai friend the other night and she told me that she works so much that she rarely has time to go out and meet guys. I asked about the Thai guys she works with and she said “They’re all gay, married, or nobody I would ever have an interest in. Why do you think girls are so desperate to meet farangs? They’re aren’t any Thai guys.”

    There’s even a commercial on Thai television for a non-fattening snack that demonstrates exactly that. A group of women is presented a group of men and one by one they eliminate the married, gay, etc. and there are several girls standing there and only 2 or 3 guys. And those guys aren’t really the creme of the crop. The commercial ends telling women they better take care of their bodies so they can get a man.

    And I really think that’s why so many Thai/farang relationships end up working out well for both people. The Thai woman finds a man who treats her far better than a Thai man might and the farang man finds a woman who will treat him far better than a farang woman might.

    That’s the reality of the culture. I’m not saying it’s fair but it is what it is.

    In terms of your backhanded defense of feminism, men aren’t necessarily opposed to female equality. The part you seem to forget is that our fathers and grandfathers were normally the primary source of income for the family (which also tends to be the case in most Thai/farang marriages). The reason they helped out less at home was the job of the wife was to be the housewife. Now that you have more two income families men help out more because women are taking on a different role. That has changed the role of the man.

    And where you get the ridiculous comment that men in the past didn’t spend much time with their children I have no idea. I can’t even believe that you wrote that. In most of Europe the number of working hours has decreased over the last several decades. So, yeah, if you were working an average 60 hour work week in 1960 and you’re working 35 hours in 2007 then men will be at home more and thus spend more time with their families. That has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. In the US and some other select counties, the exact opposite has happened. People are working harder and longer which means they’re spending less time with their children than their fathers and grandfathers did. If anything, in the dual-income world we live in today, it’s the women who are spending less time with their children.

    Listen, I can appreciate the goals of the original feminism movement but the problem with most movements is that it’s hard for them to wind down as they approach their goal. Too much political power has been gained. Too much money is involved. They start lashing out at even the appearance of injustice whether it actually exists or not.

    And pretty soon even people who supported the original cause find themselves in the cross hairs. And when things get pushed to far the targets start pushing back.

    So what we call bullshit is not the goal of feminism but militant feminism. It’s one thing to say that women should get an equitable distribution in a divorce, it’s quite another thing to push for laws which institutionalize an unfair settlement as if financially destroying a man today somehow makes up for unfair laws that existed 100 years ago.

    And I picked the divorce example for a specific reason. Most men who are violently opposed to feminism are guys who have been divorced or have grown up in a family where a divorce has occured. It’s become such a one-sided process in the western world that today in the US a man has to pay child support even if his wife cheated on him and he can provide DNA evidence proving that the child is not his.

    Even today, many women are rejecting feminism. They still believe in equal pay, reproductive rights, affordable child care, and fighting sexism but they reject what the feminist movement has become; a philosophy based on the premise of male oppression. Many of the women who are rejecting today’s feminism look at all of the male bashing and other rhetoric and find that it doesn’t represent how they feel.

    So your statements about how incongruent it seems for men to say they feel good about treating women well but being opposed to feminism is really an unfair comparison. What’s next, being opposed to today’s brand of feminism automatically means I don’t think women should have the right to vote? One does not necessarily follow the other.

    A man can treat his wife well AND still object to being called an oppressor.

  • September 26, 2009 at 10:43 pm
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    @Ruai,

    It’s true. There aren’t just any Thai men. Thank you for adding the point.

  • September 28, 2009 at 10:42 am
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    Hello Ruai,

    I wonder how do you explain that there aren’t any good Thai men? Is is ‘how society allows them to be’? Is it ‘how they were raised’ (by whom if I may ask, their mother / father?) ? I certainly hope there aren’t many Thai men reading this because these comments come off very patronizing and condescending. Actually, going over this whole Bangkokdiaries.com website, you get the feeling that many authors think that only Farang men and Thai women are worth something; all other human beings are just worthless idiots, to be immediately dismissed. It makes me laugh to see people so convinced of their own superiority and worth. But it’s really sad when you need to put whole categories of people down, like Thai men or Farang women, to justify your choices in life and feel good about yourself.

    About feminism. Feminism has many strands, from ecofeminism to Marxist feminism. It’s not about ‘militant feminism’, feminism has always been militant. That is why many women the world over now have the right to vote and divorce, thanks to a militant movement started by Western feminism, in countries where women did decide to regroup and speak up.

    The strand of feminism that sees all men as oppressors is called radical feminism. Personally, I am a liberal feminist. And any woman or man who ‘believes in equal pay, reproductive rights, affordable child care, and fighting sexism’ (as you wrote) is a liberal feminist, too, maybe without knowing it. The media images of women waiving their bras in the streets have hijacked the image of feminism, but , just so you know, the majority of feminist movements, media, speakers, articles, etc, are of the liberal strand, and not at all butch lesbians about to cut off every man’s penis.

    The point I was making is about recognizing the value and good that feminism has brought to the lives of both men and women. For example, in part due to feminism, the percentage of women in the workforce has increased. This has taken some financial burden off men’s shoulders, enabling them to work less and be at home more. About divorce, I do agree with you: often times, the man loses out and it can be a very unfair process. In Canada, there is a movement called ‘hominisme’ taking care of this. Men are thinking together to reconsider what they want their role as a man to be, and they are fighting together for equality regarding divorce and childcare. If you are francophone and interested, I can send you some links.

    Of course it’s true that a man can treat his wife well and still object to being called an oppressor. I’m glad you think so too.

  • September 28, 2009 at 12:42 pm
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    @S: I don’t think that only Thai women and Farang men are the only things worth talking about. But since most of the readers and authors are farang men our interactions with Thai men are somewhat limited. By that, I mean other than security guards, taxi drivers, and other service personnel we might speak to about 50 Thai women for every 1 Thai male. Of course, that’s a generalization. I’m sure some people here have different experiences but if you look around Bangkok you don’t see too many Thai men in any of the clubs where farang men are and you don’t see too many farang men at clubs where Thai men are. The thing you see at both clubs though is Thai women. So do the math.

    The point I was trying to make about the lack of good Thai men is that the good ones are going to get snatched up pretty quick. And when you’re already dealing with a deficit of men to women that means that the pickings are slim to begin with.

    But overall, I would say that in most Asian cultures the man is the dominant partner in the relationship. Even back in the west, where so-called Yellow Fever is supposedly rampant, many Asian women are dating white guys specifically because they feel that they are treated better by white men than by Asian men from their own culture.

    But looking specifically at Thai culture, yes, I do believe Thai culture contributes to the issue. Obviously, I am simply an observer of Thai culture. Many Thai people could comment on specifics much better than I could. Or maybe they can’t because they’ve only experienced life through a single cultural filter/reference.

    To properly cover how culture plays into it though it would take several pages. I don’t offer that as a cop-out but it is a very difficult issue that has its roots in everything from Buddhism to poverty. To cover those issues only on the surface level wouldn’t really be fair.

    In terms of your feminism comments I find it just a tad convenient that your definition of feminism includes people into your point of view whether they want the label or not. To be honest, even though I support ‘equal pay, reproductive rights, affordable child care, and fighting sexism’ it doesn’t mean that I view them the same way you do. For instance, I think the way you and I might view equal pay to be two completely different things. We might also have completely different definitions of sexism. To the vast majority of women who wear the label of feminist, even liberal feminist, I’m fairly sure my views would be seen as anything but feminist.

  • October 12, 2010 at 6:31 pm
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    I’m not rich but considered better off than the average Thai male. i got married to a lovely lady in Khon Kaen – school teacher – civil engineer at Khon Kaen Technical College. We have been married for 2 years and I am retired in Khon Kaen and neither of us would have it any other way.

  • October 14, 2010 at 3:01 am
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    Re: Khon Kaen Retirement.

    If you’ve found a genuinely decent lady then all I can is good for you.

    As I’ve mentioned before, on another thread, the reality for most older farangs, married to a younger Thai lady, is that it’s mostly about the money. People can come on here and criticise me all they want but, if a farang marries a poor village girl, what else can it really be about? Particularly when there is significant language, educational, age and cultural differences. It’s a meeting of wants and needs. Their need for a financial leg up in life and the farangs need for a bit of comfort in the later years of their lives. It’s a practical arrangement that isn’t really much to do with genuine love. Some guys are okay with that and some delude themselves into thinking that it’s something else to that which it really is.

    As soon as I hear any Thai lady mention those four cringe inducing words “someone take care me” I am out of there in a heart beat. It’s a favorite heart string tugger that bargirls tend to use. Loosely translated it actually means that because they’re lazy, and lacking any kind of real motivation to do anything to improve themselves, they’d like to get a farang to spend endless amounts of money on them, and the parasitical family back in the village, while they provide a bit of sex. “Someone take care me” uuugh!!! Absolutely cringe inducing.

  • October 14, 2010 at 5:59 am
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    i do agree with S as posted
    In Africa and in Latin America, women are really organized and motivated to fight machismo, and they’re changing the way men treat women. Asian women can do that, too, but somehow they’re not as mobilized as in Africa or Latin America. C’mon, girls!!! You know Thai men’s hearts are full of kindness and love, too. Let’s seek that out, instead of condemning them.

    and also i do understand how dariya felt about Thai man as posted replied .. as Thai woman i know how Thai society feel about Thai man behaved i think all about Thai society accepted them to acted and behaved like that and become normal. In Thai society is ok Thai man to act like that toward Thai woman..
    so we ( as woman) don’t feel like anything wrong with them for years .. until someday foreigner who move , live and work in Thailand show the difference of both culture it make us difference .. i don’t blame them ( thai man) coz we let them get away with it to treat us like that for years.. coz our culture pay a big part of it.. as you know Asian culture treat man like a king in the house . so now is time to changed ..some man will change as time pass but some who an old fashion still treat woman bad.. ( not all of them ) but again educated Thai man will see the different and change the way their view of the woman so they will get a good educated Thai woman. in other hand uneducated Thai woman will be treat as bad as got no choice and plus the culture still believed as that so foreigner will get more attention from the village girl who don’t know better . so that why in the village will love farang more than thai man ( beside the money and responsibility ) but this not including bad girl who are looking for farang to support the whole family like megalithic mention But i still agree with megalithic
    at some point ..

  • July 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm
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    i’m a thai. Since when USA could send troops to never-conquerred, uncolonized Thailand? Never. In anticommunism, under Thai-US ally contract, Thais, not US side, controlled the access to, and commanded, all the military bases, and these bases were named officially purely “Thai Force”, not USA force. and USA could just send personnels of all forms but these US staff could do nothing without permission from Thai side. But USA breaches the contract by falsely claiming later in wikepedia that USA could station its miltary bases in Thailand. Siam or the thai ethics conquerred the Northeast Part from Loas and the Southern part from Malaysia 200 years, and there are often rebellions in Siam’s conquerred lands. Thai leader suppressed, defeated rebellion separatists in the northeast and just sold to USA for dollars non-thai ethic black skinned Isaan women of suppressed rebellions defeated by thai ruler. Now thai government also sells malaysian ethic black skinned women of defeated rebellions in the South as prostitutes to the outside world too, in order to compensate the investment costs of suppressing separatist movements. All bar girs in Thailand are not thai ethics, but only from these rebellion, separatist Northeast and South conquerred by Siam or the thais 200 years ago. USA was defeated, US servicemen of up to half million were killed and wounded by Vietnamese soliders in vietnam war. Thais or Siam ruler helped carry these killed, wounded US personnels from Vietnam to pattaya, patong beach back to USA. Thai ethics once live in east asia too and have very white fair skin. The northest Isaan and the south women forced in bars are not thai ethics, and have black skin, ha ha ha..

  • July 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm
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    women from Thailand’s northeast part (former khmer empire) and southern part (Malaysia) are not Thai ethic but people out there were conquerred by Thai ethic or Siam minority (ang kor wat language or Shan) 200 years ago and have been integrated and ruled as slaves by Siam or thai minority. Women from Isaan northeast and the South have very black skin and are forced to work in bars as bar girls, and they are Thai just by nationality, never by birth or ethicity. Thai ethics are Tai shan, tai yuan and tai dam and are ruling race among 42 ethics, and they live northwest down to west central plain of Thailand, and have light fair skin as they migrated from east asia and the richest group and the fewest, and never work in bars.
    It is fun for us, the Thai ethics or Siam, to see that the world outside us namely whitemen and other richer asian men Japan, Singporean, accept non-thai ethic black skinned women from Isaan northeast and the South in bars.

  • July 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm
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    yes thai women all, but especially at Isaan, they like to marry farangs and possible leo leo (quick(, but also divorces are very very leo leo….
    love is just like burning paper for thai women, but house and car and aliments don’t burn….ane western produce always new dreamers who will later notice that was just a nightmare

  • January 11, 2016 at 9:42 pm
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    The Issan Region(larger than England) was once ruled by Khmer, then Loas and is today being ruled finally by Siam kingdom (Thailand). and US soldiers were allowed to be there. I do not understand why you are interested in issan people. They are nothing people. As because it has been integrated into Siam Kingdom (Thailand), people all over the world misunderstand that they are sth siam people (siamese in english) or thais.

    Thai people have 4 main groups of different origins, languages and cultures (Siam people in the central part of thailand (siam proper), Lanna People in the north of Thailand, Isaan People in the northeast part, Bak Dai Malay People in the south of Thailand).

    The most important origin is Siam. People born out of provinces in the central part of the country call themselves siam people (or siamese in english) culturally and tend to be the richest group. All thai kings and queens are people of siam origin. If you go to the capital city (in English Bangkok), you will see around you the word “Siam” as part of the names of big department stores or other new infrastructures, or newly established companies owned by people born out of the central part of the country. They speak the siam language of Ayudthaya, which is different from isan, lanna and southern languages. Isaan people eat sticky rice while siam people eat simply cooked rice (eg jasmine fragant rice) and cook Tom Yam Gung spicy soup. And the Muay Thai boxing is also in fact Siam people’s culture, not that of people of other origins in other parts of thailand.

    But it seems that women born of siam proper (the richest group) are not interested in foreigners or westerners.

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