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All the best.

Len.

Best wishes, Family Law Edinburgh
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Traditionally Asian societies like Thai , Indian , Chinese societies have always respected women and family. They have considered women to be the cornerstone or the pillar of strength of the family unit . So , with such great emphasis laid on the position of woman in the family system , certain responsibilies and duties are expected to be performed by women . Please don’t get me wrong , its highly appreciable that today’s modern woman has right to all the opprortunities that life provides in equal measure , their role as company’s CEOs of big companies , state heads etc. is highly appreciated but this is something that has been around for a while now ( for example our first lady prime minister was elected in years ago 1966 and was highly respected as a PM, there was some controvery but that doesn’t have anything to do with her being a woman so I am not discussing it here and then there are several such examples ) .
We need to understand that we shouldn’t mingle the concepts : being an independent , well educated , career oriented , brave woman is entire different from the concept of ” liberated ” woman (the word ‘ liberated ‘as it means today in west and also increasingly in many other cultures across Asia including Thailand ) .
An emancipated woman can also respect her family and uphold its honour and there is nothing wrong in doing so.
So , please all the feminist organisations need to understand one thing for sure : don’t try to alienate the concept of emancipation of women from the concept of performing family duties & respect for oneself & others. Both can surely go together and there is no harm in it.
The problem arises only when we think about the two concepts in isolation as majority of western women or so called ” modern ” women in other cutures have been conditioned to believe. ( I am using the term ‘modern’ in jocular sense here for modernity needn’t be defined at the expense of one’s values & ethics ) .
Western women might be even more appalled at the thought of residing in India than in Thailan as in India they might experience a different sociocultural environment.
The way we define love & family here is far removed from rapidly spreading western philosophy and the notion of it. For westerners , family is means husband , wife and their unmarried school going kids living under one roof for even the kids leave after high school. Similarly , in the western world the love of a wife for her husband can only be sustained if the all the responsibilies are shared in equal measure by both the partners ( like business partners who have have 50:50 share ) ie. both have to perform all the household chores , the husband is expected to cook and clean dishes along with his wife so the inability of the husband to make any such adjustments like the ones mentioned above are frowned upon and can at times , open up the gate to divorce ( and this is when the concept of serving and looking after the husband’s parents / grandparents & his siblings is nonexistent in western culture and the only adjustment a woman needs to make is with regard to her husband ) .
You can compare this situation to the family system of India where both kinds of families exist : nuclear & joint ( or multigenerational as westerners like to call them ) . In Indian joint family , a married woman has to share space & make adjustments not only with her husband , own children ( which I hope won’t be aproblem for any women but if it is then god help ! ) , his parents ( treat them as your own & with even greater respect ) , his grandparents , maybe great grandparent (s) too ( if alive ) , his brother(s) and their wives ( the the wife of husband’s elder brother has to be treated with more respect & dignity for she is elder ) , his nephews & nieces who could even be in their teens or older &
his unmarried sisters ( who obviously leave once they get married as daughters become a part of their husband’s family after marriage , also the husband’s sisters they have to be highly respected by all the daughters-in-law of the house , old & newly arrived alike ) .
The authority of decision making lies with the patriarchal head of the family and his wife ( usually the parents/ grandparents of the man ) . These kind of households still exist in big urban cities of India though sadly they numbers are dwindling as the selfcentred behaviour , low tolerance & adjustment levels , ingratitude towards one’s own parents are spreading rapidly under the
disguise of western values of self identity , independence , self reliance & personal/individual freedom and right to self expression . These values are not wrong but to pass off the negative human values under the garb of modernity & something positive is absolutely wrong and people are using these beautiful notions to shirk their duties & responsibilies towards their parents & other family members. To be self reliant & independent doesn’t imply abandoning one’s parents and being less concerned for them.
Alas ! Westerners won’t understand it.
In west , a boy might get paid by his dad if he washes his dad’s car for any service offered to to one’s parents or other family members is valued in terms of monetary units by the boy rather than in terms of selfless love & concern.
So , while it is absolutely fine in west to leave one’s parents as adults & there is nothing wrong in living with one’s girlfriend , this behaviour is looked down upon in India as highly disgraceful & selfish.
Sons & then their wives are supposed to respect , love , obey & serve the parents , only daughters are supposed to leave after their wedding & become a part of a different household ( ie. their husband’s family’s )
Thus , western women are used to living with their husbands/bfs that too not for longin many cases before an impending divorce/break up , in isolation from his family and will find the task of even staying with their husband’s family ( let alone serving & helping her in-laws) extremely daunting and troublesome
( in addition to an encroachment their right to privacy ) for they believe that they belong to the ‘ liberated creed ‘ of women. So , do western men ,as living with parents as adults is despised in their society.

Western women may find these cultural practices and notions of family love as shocking & suffocating but they should refrain from enforcing their ideologies as acceptable practices on the people of Thailand & many other , if not all , Asian countries because what they feel is right may not be correct.

Have a look at the divorce rate of USA (higher than 50%) as against those of some of the Asian countries including Thailand .( though most of the people marry out of love in west instead of any sort of arrangement made by their parents as in India & some other asian societies & even then the love disappears after few years of wedding while the institution of arranged marriage has stood its ground in India where love follows marriage & not vice versa) As we know , infidelity among both men & women is one of the leading causes of divorce in west .
I am from India and the divorce rate here is around 1 % while a decade ago it was less than 0.5 % in . It is not just because of the social stigma attached to divorce but also because women are taught & know that once thay get married they are supposed to love & respect their husbands ( just as Indian husbands have to love their wives ) but also their parents-in-law , brothers & sisters-in-law & have to share a lot of things with them.
Thus , we have joint families (or multigeneration families as they are called in west ) have existed in India. West & (some of the strongly influenced by west ) asian socities fancy the concept of individuality & self identity & freedom to such an extent that staying with parents once you become adults is frowned upon and thus western women are conditioned into ‘not’ sharing their husbands with rest of his family members , forget about serving ones parents-in-law.
Parents don’t have any say in the lives of their children once they leave high school , even the most important matters of life like choosing one’s own life partner is considered to be too personal to allow for any parental guidance & consent ( I mean most of the parents give their entire lives to their children atleast that what happens in India & even Thailand , I believe & after all this they can’t even guide their own children to make such an important life altering decision in west ).
The Hollywood movies like Monster-in-law ( I agree uses situations of exaggerated humour to present itself as a light hearted movies ) may go down well with western sensibilities as they have made taking that kind of audience & culture in mind but are found repulsive by people of many otehr asian societies.
It shows a so called western liberated woman played by ‘ J lopez ‘ who can’t tolerate some of the pranks faced by her mother -in-law ( I know the mum-in-law has had multiple marriages as mentioned in the movie ) who doesn’t want a dog walker to be the wife of her highly qualified son ( a surgeon in the movie ) and thus resorts to even slapping her own mum-in-law after a heated arguement ( yes , mum in lwa didn’t approve of her , did a few things like mixing something in food to cause her daughter-in-law peanut allergy before the wedding day , but even then expressing one’s anger by hitting the mom-in-law is totally out of question ) . How obnoxious ! People might argue that Monster-in-law is just a light hearted movie & is not to be taken seriously but the very concept of such shockingly rude & low class behaviour being passed of as humour for an American audience shows a very strong contrast between western and Asian sensibilies & values . In many of the Asian societies , this sort of humour might be distasteful as one’s elders , parents & parents-in-law are held in high regard and though that in no way implies dictatorial authority over the life of their adult offsprings & their life partners , but it certainly implies that parents & a woman’s in laws can sometimes make decisions which might not go well with plans with their lives of their offsprings and may be a liitle rude , but to reciprocate thair behaviour with negativity is very wrong . This is wherein the beautiful eastern values like Thai buddhist philosophies , confucian chinese values of filial piety ( please read the 24 pillars of filial piety , google it and read it , an eye opener for people of other cultures ) and Indian hindu ethics among several others guide us.

I gave significant attention to Indian cultural ethics & values too as they have deeply influenced Thailand over a span of hundreds of years ( though many people might not recognize it on surface , google it & learn for yourself )

So , while being a career oriented independent self respecting western woman is admirable but ruining family realtionships , disrespecting one’s parents & in laws, attempting to steal way your husband from his lovely parents & then whining & adressing him as a mama’a boy on being unsuccessful in your attempts , , becoming alcoholic or indulging in substance abuse ( just as a part of your campaign to build an egalitarian society , if men can do it why can’t women , agreed but if a practice like this is wrong for men then it also wrong for women, so why mindlessly ape the wrong & evil practices of a few men when you can stay away from them and show that you truly belong to the fairer sex ) picking up fights with your husband’s family just because the concept of adjustment with in-laws sounds & saving face ( a thai cultural virtue ) sounds alien to you – all in this the name of liberation is certainly questionable.

Cultivating a slightly more lady like grace & charm ( which has surely has been a part of western culture for ages but somehow is being lost in oblivion , the values of forgiveness , respecting your life partner’s family for he had a family long before you met him & his parents have done things for him that you might never be able to do for him even in lifetime ( depends ) , a little bit of more sharing & care can make world a better place to live in.

Believe me Asian women are highly self respecting but they don’t want to be too “liberated”at the expense of their own values and putting their relations at stake
because they means a world to them.
Its sad that this is fast changing in Thai society where the western values are rapidly replacing the traditional values which laid so much stress on an ever pleasing smiling countenance , saving face & avoiding confrontation
( mai ben rai attitude ), respect for one’s own family & also its ancesters and enduring a little discomfort for the larger good ( one’s own family & society ).

I don’t know if the article carried a slightly harsh overtone for I had no intention of offending the sensibilities ( for very culture has both its positives & negatives ) but my only desire was to shed light on certain beautiful values which are losing their ground in today’s ‘modern’ world .
A little eastern touch & flavour , may be , is all we need.