Part of being in a new culture is to experience everything that the place can possibly teach me. One of my curiosities was Thai Men. When in Thailand, you hear frequent comments just how bad Thai men’s behavior is. Besides seeing congregate to drink whiskey together at 3pm in the afternoon, I wondered how bad of a species could they really be? Whenever I look, they are always smiling and excessively helpful.
So the curiosity of their never experienced character and their exoticism allured me to attempt to actually date them. Here in the middle of Issan, Surin to be exact, I was surrounded by flawless dark skinned friendly Thai men with a permanent gigantic smile stuck on their face. Nowhere in sight was a white man who was single. So I couldn’t help but be attract to them. But were they attracted to me?
I didn’t remember being ugly in America, in fact I consider myself visually appealing after I shower. After a few months, I realized its not in their Thai nature to visually check me out. Never do their eyes fall below your neck. Although it leads you to feel invisible, I sometimes slightly wish this was adopted by some Western Men.
Although you can never generalize men based on one experience from other stories I hear that this is how dating is usually approached. I am not referring to the Westernized Chinese-Thai Bangkok boy but rather the rural Isaan son of a father type. The one who is the least exposed to any form of Western dating, besides a few scenes from the latest American action movie dubbed in Thai.
The Thai way is very subtle. It starts off like a small rolling ball not in a hurry to get anywhere, sort of like a Thai buffalo. They want to court. It’s what they know. That is the polite thing to do. It is polite to turn you down when you invite them back to your room after a night of drinking. It’s almost sacred and very rare form of behavior in the west, but at the same time utterly frustrating to the point of feeling rejected. Their lack of aggressiveness I mistook for being uninterested.
When I met Go, I didn’s even realize that I met him. I would often see him when I went to fill up gas on my motorbike; he worked at the same place. It started off just as casual conversation. As my Thai started to improve, so did the length of our conversations. He was the first Thai guy that showed interest in me. Eventually after about two months of me frequenting the gas station, he asked me to go eat noodles with him. I knew that maybe this could mean something. After a few dates, a double date, and a meeting at the local pub as a group date, he still did not even hold my hand. I gave up, thinking maybe he is just not interested in me. Usually I was able to detect this, but at this time in this unfamiliar place, I was not certain what this type of behavior translated to. It drove me crazy for about a month. Beyond frustrated, I phoned an American male friend back at home for some insight. He asked me if I had ever seen “Hidden Tiger Crouching Dragon.” I said “No, why ?” My friend replies, “Well Sarah, the female is supposed to be the one to show interest in the man in Asian culture. You can’t be afraid to make a move.” My pride suddenly stood up and said NO this is not how I have ever done it. I am not the hunter, I am the prey pretending to run from you.
I swallowed my pride and decided to run after him like the tiger. I called him more and I questioned him similar to the style of some of the stalkish men that I have dated. After all, he was a really shy Thai guy and I was probably somewhat alien like to him. After 5 months total and one month of the not communicating, he finally held my hand, after I grabbed his, and then he finally came to my room, after turning me down several times before that. After consulting with a Thai female, she said it is a very ancient culture and this was his way to show his politeness and that he liked me. I had to revert back to a 7th grade dating mind frame and wow there is something so innocent about that.
Overall, Thai men are more polite. They will not make you carry anything and they will act like a man, and you will act like a female. The roles are very clear. He doesn’t like you wearing clothes that are too revealing. Sometimes he may drink and gamble with his friends but he will always laugh and make you laugh, conflict scares him. Although the language barriers and cultural differences can be vast, Thai men are worth exploring ladies if you are in no rush. Sit back, enjoy and observe the ancient style of dating still alive today.
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This is a gross generalization of Thai man’s dating scene. And now she will be expert in Thai dating.
Thai men dating farang ladies is NOT the same as Thai men dating Thai women. Most likely he feels very inadequate dating a nice looking (as you describe yourself in a few words) farang lady. I have yet to see a Thai man treating a Thai girlfriend in the way you describe. I am NOT saying All Thai men are rude to their ladies, I am just saying that the “norm” is that “most” Thai men treat their Thai women totally different than they would treat a beautiful farang lady. While it is possible you may have a great guy, it is more likely that the cultural differences are what kept him from courting you.
Have you been dating him a long time? does he take care of you the way YOU like? please let us know!
Thank you Miss Anonymous, this is wonderfully unusual and insightful. You do have a sample of one. Of course, I doubt most Thai men are like that, and that they’d react the same to a Thai woman as to a Farang woman.
Thais in general are very much afraid of losing face and looking clumsy (especially in a social situation). Even just having to speak minimal English (well within their abilities) fills many Thais with dread. Farang have a reputation for being abrupt and dismissive, and quite a few Farang women can be rude even to guys they’re interested in. I assume if a Thai guy felt there was any potential for losing face he’d not be quick to approach you, especially since Thais are not desperate for sex (not to the same level as most western guys).
Dear Anonymous,
Recently I got a bit tired of reading blogs or forum post written by Farangs on Thailand. Most I read was either arrogant, smart-aleck, narrow-minded, or disrespectful. Or a combination of all of the above.
Your post is a welcome change. I love how you openly share your very personal experience without judgement. Keep that habit.
Best,
G.
After a few more months pass – and the drinking, the yaa-baa, and the accompanying beatings commence – let us know how this works out for you, m’kay?
You think, if this article is true, it will last THAT long?
I would love to see such a successful relationship happen here!
@the article writer: any updates? I truely meant it when I said that I would love to see such a relationship happen here in Thailand.
Hey girl anonymous
Interesting post – funny too, I can totally relate to your experience!
The deal with Thai men drinking is really an unfair exaggeration.
The other day I was chatting with a Thai female friend and she said to me: “Oh I’m so tired of my (Thai) husband drinking too much and coming home drunk too late”. I was like: “oh no, what time does he get back?”. Answer: “11pm”. When my guy is out “drinking late”, I’m lucky if he’s back by 3am.
Most of my ex Farang bf were worse drinkers than any Thai bf I’ve had.
Hi there,
I recently holidayed in Phuket and on one of the first days being there met a Thai male on a boat tour out to an Island. He was very sweet and gentle natured but also very charming, confident and nicely flirtatious. Due to travelling with my mum I hadn’t experienced the nightlife in Patong yet and after a while of conversing with one another he asked if I would like to go out in Patong with him. Hesitating due to being in a foriegn country and not knowing him very well my mum was the one who encouraged me to go, she had also been talking to him as well and got a nice vibe from him. (This may be due to her love of buddhists.)
To cut a long story short I ended up spending the next few weeks of my holiday with him. He was very attentative, loving and caring and very mindset in me being his girlfriend and me moving there to live with him. He captured me is a sense and I now have returned home with a Thai boyfriend…
We have been talking every day since and not only did he capture me but Thailand did as well and I am planning to move there next year to teach English as I teach children at home and would love the experience.
I am just curious to know why he was keen to form a relationship with me after a few weeks of being together and when he saw me off at the airport reassured me that I was his girlfriend and that he would not be going with other women and hoped that I would show the same respect. He seemed very insecure about this…
Since being back I have heard mixed reviews about Thai men… I have heard it almost accepted for Thai men to cheat, almost as common as going to work. I know this can’t be categorised but have read and heard from various sources. We come from such different cultures due to being Thai and Western, although Thai are becoming much more accustomed to the Western way of life. If anyone has any advice that could help me as I am very curious and would like to see our relationship progress. Thanks!
The odds of him NOT cheating on you are so slim that you need to prepare yourself for some disappointment. It IS expected and accepted for Thai men to go with women other than their wives or GF’s. This an Asian thing and as a westerner it is hard to understand. I highly recommend you really look into moving to Thailand ,as a female, if you do not come to grips with their culture over all.
thais are vary from person to person just so u know like any other cultures. finding a good guy is as hard as finding a good woman. the idea of thai men can cheat on women & wives and still be alive or get away with it is garbage. Yes, it’s true…it’s more acceptable in society everywhere in world (western included) for men to date many women & brag about it like it’s something cool (rappers been singin about how many hos & bitches they have for years).
Thanks for sharing your story. I am wondering about the culture clashes and future misunderstandings that may happen. I have not dated any Thai men because I felt I would never truly understand them.
Good luck to you.
Have to say I agree with some of the above. I met a thai man while on holiday last year and he told me tht he was going to the temple to be a monk for a while. I was impressed that he was so dedicated! i returned this year to do some voluntary work and decided to look him up…..we started seeing each other almost immediately but things did not add up. Always wanted to hold my wallet, and spend my money, always had to shower at his “cousins place”, always wanting to be alone with me, never being happy when i so much as smiled as anyone else! one day i went to a pub owned by a friend, and I met a lovely thai girl. we started talking and slowly realised that we were seeing the same guy who worked at island safari in koh samui. when i confronted him he was very argumentative, and a few days later the girlfriend called me and told me it was over. I have since realised that some thai men will have a foreign girlfriend, obtain certain possessions and money and still keep the thai girlfriend on the side! Watch out for a guy called Whay or Jom…..this is his modus operandi, and my stupidity!!!!
Wow very naive, you should look around the web ,plenty of info provided by people who have spent decades in LOS, be very wary of thai men 99% are users of prostitutes/alcohol/drugs/ or you if you let them.
Also well known for being violent and controlling.
many thai men are alcoholics and compulsive gamblers. Most thai are also liars and that goes for both the women and the men,unfortunately. One can argue that it is the culture and the fear of losing face, but liars are liars no matter cultural differences. I know thai culture very well, and would stay well clear of dating any thai.
At the start of the relationships and maybe for the first year or so, thai men will be the most affectionate, warm and sweet-talking men on Earth, but if you keep seeing them, maybe move in with them,you’ll soon discover their true nature.
hello there,
Please excuse my gramma and any miss spelling in this comment.
First I am Thai, I was born and raised in BKK until i were 15 year old. Then I moved to the Michigan usa . I lived there probably about 13 14 year, back and forward to the state. I want to say without bias any culture and I want to do the best base on what i feel so some of you can really use as a guide line in the future.
In both world, I saw good and bad. The bad will be express out along with the what good’s. Let’s talk about the good first. The key to good’s open mind is “Education”. Simple? if you can understand how differences it is between your education and Thai education then i have no further explaination, and it good because it save alot of my time. But to leave it like this many of you will probably still in doubt what are my point?
As you might has experience some thai or asian friends in class room. They all seem smart or fast learning. For thai they just a small population compare to all thai people. They just a small soceity of rich parent whom spend alot of money for his or her special class tuitor after school or 7 day a week study. They goal of life from their parents is difference than westernize. Their parents goal is being evaluate by their kids GPA. No matter if the kids is weak in phycial, selfish, or lazy . Still if his or her GPA is above 3.5 they will be consider as intelligent,smart, good person automatically. And that will gain alot of face for their parent in their social life having such a wonderful childs. Now, for those who are middle class and lower class. First things first, is their right to choose for the best school with teacher whom teach with spirit. Alot of school that they attend mostly i repeat mostly the teacher him/her self actually become a teacher for stable carrer, not from their heart of wanting to become the one who can lead the way for young minds.
So is this a bit clear ? ok…. if the education is still had a big gap for rich and poor. So is the mind of the kids will be such as … uper class mostly the man will be mamaboy and so on because they never work and have to earn their own money for any good and probaly go on to live with their parent for a long long time. (there are a poportion of upper class which teach their childs the right way ” rich people raised their child as a poor boy/girl so they learn the valueble of money- contarary to the middle and lower class income they will rasied their childs like goddes to full fill what their lack in their childhood” ) for women samething. now middle and lower class, matterrialism play important roll for them because they all want to be rich dont want anyone to look down on them. Money play alot of factor in their young minds. They will absorbt selfishness from their social life and throughtout his/her life it will be under their skin.
Thai has a reputation of the land of smile but the fact is they smile is to kill. They lack of self confident, to pick the side to be with is not from right and wrong but from the majority and minority of society.
Thai are deeppest selfish and unsincere, their language has alot of phase , such as if western say I thai will have = gu (for closed friends),chan(normal level consider polite)d-chan(very polite )phom(very polite )ka-phom(very very polite). and many more what i tried to said is they had many level of faking and being real to only a group of people they know and out from that group they just careless.
so what you see is not what you get unless you had meet the one who really can open up such as listen to you learn your culture, being himself, stop faking as you are his princes ( because they think you richer that Y ). what they do behide your back are .. first of all they will talk about sex life between you and him with his friends and earn alot of reputation of Westerner sexual pleasure. they will luagh and ask detail but suddenly if you appeal in the middle of conversation they will just stop and only little smile and act like nothing happen.
I am thai yes I am but really I am glad that I has a chance for the best education in the State. I am sure that not many will be lucky like me. but you know what , since i came lived in thailand i been teaching many people of what i know from there and it i been tried many year…. result…. nothing….. and now I am just close one of my eyes to live in thailand there a good and there a bad here, but definately there the same everywhere except Education and Family structure is weakening their youngs or well prepare to become a valueble person to the society… that what the difference
Nick
Avondale HS
Eastern Michigan University
I’m half thai, and this blog is lovely to read like a breathe of fresh air
I’ve grown up in England so I’m kind of use to the Western culture of dating and since now I’m living in Thailand I’ve started to date a couple of Thai guys.
My first experience wasn’t very good, I liked him he liked me we went out dated and he had a girlfriend of 6 Years! -____-
I was kinda devastated. I stopped seeing him after that.
My next experiences were just flings.
Now I’ve started seeing a guy.
I think I like him a lot more then he likes me. But he is from North Thailand, and I have asked him if he had a girlfriend but he said no.
I’m still going to keep one eye open with him, not that I don’t trust him.. I just don’t trust them saying they don’t have a girlfriend.
We spent the day at the temple and he brought noodles for us to eat.
He is lovely, but I did take the first steps on holding his arm when we walked down the street.
The only time he’d hold my hand is when we crossed the street and then he’d let go :/
So now I’m kinda curious. This time I don’t want to seem like a stalker, just the girl he would want.
So I’ve decided to be aloof. See him once a week. Ect.
He knows where I live, so if he did want to see me he could.
Ahh we’ll see.
RULE: Always keep one eye open with a Thai Guy. Cause you never know. Behind that sweetness..there is an onion that you have to peel back to get to the truth of them!