Customer You

Why do so many lose their heads and their wallets to prostitutes. At home they are always, always, sordid and it is quite obvious it is a business deal. Only very occasionally does a customer establish a relationship with a prostitute, and even then only over a period of time. But in Thailand there is an almost instant rapport established between two people not only wanting to do business but have fun. Again, that is missing in the punters home town. Fun is not part of the equation, only a modicum of satisfaction.

With that in mind, it needs a very detached view indeed to recognise that, despite the impression that a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship has quickly developed, it is still for one of the partners strictly business. Sure, she will offer far, far more than a prostitute back home, but that is what she is. She is a prostitute. She is there to make money, not be your girlfriend, and she will make you feel good partly because that is her nature and Thais do not have the same sexual hang-ups that often exist in the West, but largely to ensure that as a satisfied customer you will tip her handsomely. It’s not rocket science, but so many are so belittled by the rejections they receive at home from femi-nazis who have a vastly inflated impression of their value, that when they see how welcoming the girls in Thailand are they are there wagging their tails like eager dogs sniffing a bone.

But the reality is no matter how affectionate the girls are, no matter how attentive, no matter how stunning they might look, no matter how well they satisfy you back in the hotel room, you are renting them by the hour. They are not for sale. They are for rent, and when you leave you have to give them back. Trying to retain the sale by sending them money simply doesn’t work. The fact that you are unable to recognise that you cannot continue to buy their affection when you are not there merely marks you out as a rather sad and pathetic loser to them. They’ll wonder why you are so desperate to hang on to what they recognise and encourage as an illusion, and pity you.

Because there is always, always, another customer. The evening after you have flown back home there will be some other investor sitting at your spot in the bar with your girl doing her best to persuade him that she is the hottest thing he has ever experienced in his entire life. She will be near-naked on his lap, he will be fondling the breasts you were fondling the day before, because that is the way things work. That is her business, and like any business if they provide a satisfactory service they will have customers waiting in line to give them money. Customer you, customer him. Same same. Live with it.
Visitors to Thailand know there is such an easy availability of partners. Anyone, except perhaps, perhaps, the most hideous, are absolutely guaranteed a girl on their knee and sexual olympics in the bedroom. You simply cannot fail. I’ve seen an old man of at least 70, in a wheelchair, being cared for by a dozen girls in short black cocktail dresses. Where else can he achieve that. You can be sure it was beyond his wildest imagination, his most extreme fantasy, back home. And if one girl has an attitude, there is always, always, one next to her ready to please you in ways you could search for years for back home. In Thailand, it takes minutes, if not seconds. As Dana would say, sweet Jesus on a cracker. It boggles the mind.

But sober up. The girls also have the same easy availability of partners. Plane-loads of horny guys are landing all day, every day, and all are looking to invest some money in relieving their frustration of having to deal with the frozen sexual tundra they’ve left behind. A never-ending stream of men are coming through the doors of the bars, and the girls are just as spoiled for choice. If one guy is being picky, because he can, another will arrive within minutes. Go back to the bar one evening and find ‘your’ girl isn’t there, and they’ll tell you she has holiday or is sick. Translation: she’s off romping in bed with another customer. Come back later/tomorrow/next week. Wait your turn. Sit down, have a drink (and we’ll find you an alternative partner). Sit in a bar one evening and just watch one girl operate. It’s a wonder to behold. Return over a few days, and watch as one regular ‘boyfriend’ is replaced by another. See how she fondly bids one guy farewell as he leaves and greets another with seemingly genuine affection immediately he walks through the door, promising him a moment of heaven if he just buys her a glass of cola. My God! Who could refuse.

Some relationships do work long-term. The bars can act as an introduction agency in which both partners find what they are looking for. For her, financial and sometimes emotional security, and for him an affectionate and caring sexual partner. But the odds against are astronomical. Why? You would almost certainly have to lower your intellectual expectations, because no matter how beautiful, sexy and fun-loving they might be, usually the girls are really not that bright. The reason we like the girls so much is that as well as being sexy they are so cute. But listen to this. Kids are cute. Adults are not cute. Think about it. You are dealing with someone with the mind of a child.

You will never be able to discuss the nuclear issue in Iran with them, or what the Taliban are doing in Afghanistan, because they have no interest in or even knowledge of such matters. Actually, why should they if it has nothing to do with them. That is a burden the educated Westerner puts upon himself. But that is what we do, and we do like to discuss matters that have nothing to do with us and we can have no influence over. And you’d certainly miss that with your empty-headed sex-machine. If the sex is enough, then perhaps you have the same mental age as your partner and are therefore well-matched and it might work briefly on a superficial level, until one or both of you tire of the game or the looks begin to fade. Enjoy it while you can. But if you are educated, imagine what it might be like to never, ever, have an intelligent conversation with your partner. What happens when the words run out and the sex eventually isn’t what it used to be, when everything fades, everything becomes a little stale. Then what?

4 thoughts on “Customer You

  • September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm
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    I skimmed what you wrote which is the same, stale patter of so many foreign “writers” in Bangkok. I suppose it has to be written, though, so the so- called “losers” you write about don’t get taken for too much money while back home after their holiday. This is less of a diary than it is a public service announcement for holidaymakers. In that way, I suppose it serves its purpose.

    As for your final question after the sex and conversation have faded: Then what? Well, do as the Thais do, get a mia noi. Or grind it out like most couples do. I think you are somewhat arrogant to say the Thai women are like children, but that’s another discussion altogether. You write like the typical foreigner who has been in Thailand too long.

    You’re not really swimming in waters most guys who live in Thailand already know about. But you do drive the point home for the tourist…I guess.

  • September 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm
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    A very well written article; barbed but spot on. I face the issue you address in your last paragraph; the education deficit. Its had me thinking for hours about the right balance between “unconditional love” and intellect (taking the sexual part as a given). Its a lucky and rare man who ever finds it all and for now I remain uncommitted and undecided.

  • September 19, 2012 at 11:35 am
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    Jim – Thank you. That was exactly my intention. As for Thai women being like children, I’m far from alone in saying that. Many Thais seem to get to the age of about 14 and then stop maturing. Watch any drama on any tv station on any evening for proof. Such rubbish is often the stuff of pantomimes in the west, and pantomines are aimed at children.
    As for being arrogant, I’d say your suggestion that people take on a mia noi when they become bored with the sex provided by their airhead smacks of the same.
    But just to show I have a sense of humour I’ll post something else shortly.

  • December 9, 2014 at 12:52 pm
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    Your bang on the head of the nail!
    Do not get emotionally or financially involved with a Thai bar girl of any sort!
    You are their walking ATM bank machine. That’s all they care about!
    Spend your time looking for a decent Thai girl with a normal 9-5 day job & preferably a higher education than the 9th grade!
    Use bar girls for a short time & toss them to the curb after. Save yourself a lot of grief & cash!

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