Nok left in the morning after listening to me snore for 8 hours.

I decided to have a lie in and go for a late lunch. I had noticed a very attractive lady working at the tourism and excursion desk in the hotel lobby. She always smiled when I passed and as I had now learned to wei and say sawasdee khrup at every opportunity we were on speaking terms albeit rather basic speaking terms. I walked down to the lobby wearing my best cargo shorts and a silk shirt I had purchased the previous day with Nok. I spotted my prospective new friend sitting at her desk trying to convince a German couple that a trip to a temple in Bangkok was a great idea while the husband of the couple was probably thinking a trip to Soi Cowboy was infinitely more preferable. The German couple dealt with my friend looked up to see me standing in front of her in the middle of a huge wei and a sawasdee khrup. Looking slightly startled she returned my greeting as I sat down. My plan of action was to ask her to recommend a restaurant for a late lunch and then invite her to come along with me. A fairly simple exercise one could be thinking but sadly not on this occasion. She decided that an evening meal on a boat was what I needed and no amount of pleading from me would change her mind. Sensing this was a conversation that was going nowhere I decided to terminate our meeting in order to find some food. This was the last time we spoke even though we exchanged smiles each time our eyes met in the lobby.

I walked out of the hotel into the early afternoon Bangkok heat. There was a barbecue meat stall outside the hotel catering mainly for tuk tuk drivers so I decided to stop and see what was available. I opted for a piece of chicken encased in a couple of lollipop sticks which I was invited to reheat myself on the vendors portable grill. I soon got the hang of this by watching others and rapidly got into conversation with some tuk tuk drivers. The chicken was delicious and after swapping some banter about football teams I left the tuk tuk drivers to their lunch and ventured up the road. I hadn’t really been for a walk close to the hotel so I decided to head towards the main road where I had spotted what seemed like a small shopping centre the previous day. The small shopping centre turned out to be nothing more than an outdoor market with a difference. In one corner was a workshop making up suits. I guessed at the time, correctly or incorrectly, that this is where the notorious Indian tailors bring their orders to be processed. Still a little disappointed at my lack of success with the tourist desk lady I flagged a taxi down and asked to be taken to one of the big Bangkok shopping centres. This was to be my first experience of the now defunct Porntaxi. A taxi with a DVD on the front dashboard showing hardcore porn. These were all the rage some 8 to 10 years ago but thankfully seem to have died a death in recent times. The Porn King appeared to be very pleased with his dashboard toy and much as one would mimic the voice of a SatNav he was parroting the voices of the porn actors. This may have been partially amusing in the early hours of the morning after a kegful of Heineken but at 1pm on a hot and bright Bangkok day it just seemed out of place.

Leaving the Porn Palace I was on the hunt for a place to eat preferably with air conditioning. I discovered a restaurant that looked to be part of a chain. The staff all wore uniforms but more importantly all looked very very pretty. I’ve seen this chain since in MBK but cannot recall the name. The concept is you order raw meat and vegetables and a waiter or waitress brings a box containing hot coals and slots it into your table. You then cook the food yourself. This works fine in a group and I’ve been to many open air restaurants since called “mook atat” where you pay a fixed fee of 100 – 200 baht and enjoy a good feed. I can especially recommend one quite close to Phra Khanong BTS. This was eerily different as the waitress plonked herself down next to me and proceeded to cook my grub for me in the style of a geisha girl. Not quite knowing what was going on I found conversation difficult which was compounded by the fact it appeared the girl couldn’t speak a word of English. My English sense of decorum prevailed and I dutifully ate the food she kindly put in front of me silently. On reflection it would probably have been the done thing to at least buy the girl a drink, invite her to share my food or even offer to barfine her but sadly none of these ideas occurred to me at the time. The awkwardness of the situation led me to leave prematurely as I contemplated what to do with the rest of the day.

Thankfully Thailand came to the rescue with the unexpected. There was a massive traffic snarl up so I decided to just wander. I chose to explore some side soi’s and spent an hour or two watching som tam sellers pulverising the ingredients of their pots, pavement CD vendors selling their wares, massage girls attempt to seduce single men at the side of the road, stressed policemen directing traffic and motorbike taxi’s weaving their way through static cars. I eventually ended up on Sukhumvit Road where I stopped at a bar for a refreshment or two. There I met my American friend, Geoff. Geoff is a dentist from southern California. He has now sold his business and retired to Thailand. At the time he was considering making the move. We have enjoyed some riotous times since we met and meet up around twice a year in Thailand. Geoff doesn’t put any roots down in Thailand, preferring to move from place to place when he chooses. The day we met turned into an epic marathon of excess including a visit to the bar of my new friend Nok at Asoke Corner. Geoff acquired a friend on our travels and all four of us ended up in a restaurant somewhere near Sukhumvit eating enormous prawns from a grill.

After eating what looked like the entire contents of the Andaman Sea we went our separate ways, Geoff with his new friend and me with Nok. Even though I had known Nok for only a couple of days I knew she was a nice girl and I wanted to spend more time with her before my painfully short holiday finished and reality reared its ugly head.

In hindsight I can see what was happening, I was growing too fond of Nok. This was not a road I wanted to follow although I didn’t really see it clearly at the time. Fate later dealt a hand which changed things somewhat but this served as a wake up call.

The next morning Nok left early and I again had a lie-in. I was determined to lay off the booze until at least the evening so I decided to ride the Skytrain and spend time just observing people. This may seem odd to some but I enjoy people watching, always have done. I stopped outside the hotel for some chicken and a chat with the tuk tuk drivers, bought a large bottle of water and got a taxi to the nearest Skytrain. The next couple of hours were spent riding the Skytrain, getting the feel of Bangkok and exploring the Skytrain stations. My curiosity suitably satisfied I headed towards Asoke and an appointment with a Dutch beauty.

Alighting the Skytrain and climbing down the steps from the station I decided to visit the bar where Nok worked. In the cold or should it be warm light of day it seemed a rather sad place to be. It stood almost empty with a girl asleep on the counter, the chairs placed in a group by the corner of the bar and a fan making the only sound. A cat lay at the entrance from the pavement daring anyone to enter. I hurried past not wanting to look too hard as if reality would kick in and my illusions would be shattered. Nana Plaza is another place I like to stay clear of during the day. A fun and happening place at night but somehow a sad place during the day. Like an old cruise liner who has seen better days.

I walked past the Offshore Fish and Chip Bar choosing to enter Soi Cowboy from the opposite end to Asoke. First on the left was the Old Dutch restaurant where the Dutch beauty awaited me. I sat down inside cooled by the air conditioning and ordered a stampot, my Dutch beauty. Stampot a traditional Dutch dish which takes many forms but is typically mash and a big meatball with gravy. Also in the restaurant were a group of guys who appeared to be businessmen dressed in suits and ties along with one Thai girl. As I have mentioned before I am an avid people watcher and this gathering gave me the ideal opportunity for a period of observation. The businessmen were deep in conversation and even though I couldn’t hear their voices as they were hushed, I got the impression they were American. There was obviously sort of deal going down as they became quite animated at times but the nature of their dealings were out of my earshot. The most noticeable observation was the fact the Thai lady uttered not one word neither was she spoken to. The most likely scenario’s ran through my mind, was she a bargirl picked up by one of the group either during the course of the day or for a long time? Was she the partner of one of the group? Was she a company employee brought along for the negotiation but this seemed unlikely due to her silence. However, her presence looked out of place regardless of her role. If she was a bargirl, was it appropriate to bring a girl along for a business meeting? Anyway, the conclusion to my period of people watching was inconclusive with a lot of unanswered questions. This brings me to another point that fascinates me about the transient form of relationships in Thailand. I have noticed that any relationship with a bargirl, if more than just a few days, becomes very intense very quickly. As sex tourists more often than not we tend to put this intensity down to the cunning of the bargirl whose only motivation is to wheedle as much money out of us as possible but is this strictly true, are bargirls getting a bad rap? We all know the concept of a holiday romance. The intensity, the first kiss, the moonlit walks, the hurried utterances of devotion. Is this just the same as a brief dalliance with a bargirl/prostitute?

Leaving the Old Dutch I returned to my hotel for a snooze before planning to visit Clinton Plaza, a place I had read about on the internet. I woke up refreshed and ready for the night ahead. Geoff had told me a horror story about an accident he had seen involving a tuk tuk. The passenger had apparently been decapitated when the tuk tuk had veered off the road. This didn’t surprise me as if I was going to invent a road vehicle that meant certain death if anything went slightly wrong I would invent a tuk tuk. Complete with no seatbelt, a close proximity to the road surface, sharp steel edges and drivers with deep-seated racing driver fantasies they are mobile death machines. They are also great fun. I decided to give my tuk tuk driver friend a wide berth and hailed a taxi. My intention was to meet Nok in her bar, have a few drinks, take a wander down Soi Cowboy and then on to Clinton Plaza.

The taxi dropped me off at the Asoke end of Soi Cowboy and I made the short walk down to Nok’s bar. The bar was quiet but without the emptiness I had seen earlier on in the day. I looked around for Nok who I presumed must be in the ladies room or getting something to eat. I was by now well aware of her love for any form of deep-fried insect or small amphibian. Her work colleagues quickly ushered me to the table I had made my own over the past couple of days while I made my drinks order. They all seemed very happy to see me which I thought quite strange as I had hardly spoken to any of them before. Never mind though, they were all very pretty and it was no chore having a chat. I spotted the ladyboy who Nok and I had met on the river a day or two before who seemed to be shyly hanging back, I waved in acknowledgement which brought a smile. I bought a couple of the girls a drink and sat down to wait for Nok to come back. I noticed some frantic telephone activity behind the bar which I took to be some Thai business that was being sorted out. I now suspect it was frantic telephone activity due to my unexpected presence. About 15 minutes passed as I sat down, drank my beer, talked to the girls and waited for Nok to come back. I found it strange nobody had mentioned Nok or told me where she was as it was obvious I had visited the bar to see her. I eventually asked one of the girls when Nok was coming back but she just smiled and asked if I wanted to play a game of Connect 4. Knowing my knowledge of Thai customs was sketchy at best I was not concerned and agreed to play the game but at the same time was a little perplexed as to where Nok was. I dutifully lost at Connect 4 and bought my opponent the obligatory ladydrink before looking at my watch and realising I had been in the bar for over 30 minutes and still there was no sign of Nok nor had anybody as much as mentioned her name. I got up out of my seat and walked over to the cashier who was busily shuffling check bin slips and asked her if she knew where Nok was. Her expression was one of surprise as her eyes darted around the bar desperately seeking some help from another girl. Even at this point I thought the problem might be the language barrier and waited for someone to come to the assistance of the cashier. After a few seconds one of the girls came over. I had seen this girl before and I think she was a friend of Nok’s as I’d seen them talking intently one night. I noticed the ladyboy back into the corner sucking on a straw emerging from a glass of what looked like Coca Cola while watching the events unfold. Nok’s friend explained to me that Nok was ill but could be coming to work later that evening. This was when the penny dropped, Nok was with a customer, there was no doubt in my mind. I had forgotten Nok was a prostitute, a bargirl in Bangkok and had let the romance and fantasy of the past few days cloud my judgement. Nok was earning a living just like I was going to have to do when I got home back to the UK. I had forgotten that I was just a customer, a paying customer who paid money to Nok in order to have sex with her. That was the bottom line. I felt cold and hot at the same time with the realisation of what had just happened. I felt a sense of relief, surprise and a certain amount of humour at what had just been unleashed. I noticed that I was being watched by all present including the ladyboy who had now emerged from the corner still sucking on the straw and watching me intently. I wasn’t really sure what to do next so I just sat down in my best couldn’t give a f**k way and continued to drink my now flat and warm Heineken. I had Nok’s number but decided against calling her as she obviously had other things on her mind and didn’t need me calling and anyway what could I say? She wasn’t my girlfriend, I was a client of hers who paid for her time and at that present moment somebody else was paying for her time …… and her body. I finished my Heineken and walked slowly towards Soi Cowboy alone with my thoughts.

Soi Cowboy unfolded before me, the neon and confusion, girls holding cardboard signs offering “99 Pretty Girls and a Few Ugly One’s” and “Happy Hour 60 baht Singha”. This cheered me up. I was now in Soi Cowboy, single with no ties. And, as I had been told numerous times during the past couple of days, I was a handsum man.

The things regular travellers to Thailand take for granted were all new to me. One thing that struck me was the ever present “condom” provided with my Heineken. Not having encountered one before I was unsure whether to keep my bottle within the receptacle, take it out when drinking from the bottle or leave the bottle in the condom at all times. After observing fellow drinkers I followed suit and kept the bottle in the condom. I now felt a little more like a local.

The bar I sat in prior to my first sojourn into Patpong is probably well known to many readers. It is opposite the KFC or McDonalds fast food outlet outside the entrance to Patpong. It has changed hands a couple of times over the years and has now taken on a somewhat temporary feel. When visiting Patpong I always call in for old times sake. The thrill I felt on my first visit is only slightly dimmed these days. A feeling of excitement, anticipation and happiness seems to follow me around when I am in Thailand.

Steeling myself for Patpong I finished my beer and hesitantly crossed the road. Entering a place I had only ever read about but feeling I knew the place already I strolled slowly to my first Patpong bar. There I met Sai. I was wearing a Nike t-shirt with the motif, “Just Do It” emblazoned on the front. Sai greeted me by repeatedly shouting “Just Do It”, “Just Do It”. That was the start of our short friendship. Ordering a beer I sat down in the steamy sweaty thoroughfare that is Patpong. Early evening, I watched people passing by looking at the bars, the girls, the sights. Sai had now sat down next to me and I heard for the first time questions that would become so familiar to me. “How long you come Bangkok?”, “Where you go?” “How many times you come Thailand?”, “You hab lady?”. All questions delivered with the cutting skill of an FBI investigator and designed to work out my baht potential, not that I knew it at the time. I answered all as truthfully as I could while enjoying the attention of a beautiful young lady.

I met another Englishman hailing from Newcastle who told me his story which was to turn out to be so familiar. He worked offshore in Brunei on a 4/4 rotation and had a mia noi in Bangkok. His wife in the UK was under the impression he was on a 6/2 rotation. Enough said. A lovely guy, lots of fun, straightforward and he enjoyed a drink. Much like 90% of the people I have met in Thailand over the years. His girl was probably nearing the end of her bargirl days and looked upon the geordie as a nice little pension pot. Everybody happy. They were regulars at the bar and while Sai and the Geordies girlfriend clack clacked away he gave me some tips which have stood the test of time, are simple and should be remembered by all travellers to Thailand.

1. Never make plans.
2. Ladydrinks add up.
3. Thailand is a fantasy.

We all had an enjoyable hour or two and I undertook my first barfine, Sai. This is where things get a bit hazy. I am a seasoned drinker, I drink excessively and I am fully aware of the effect it has upon me. On this occasion to this day I cannot explain what happened. It had never happened to me before and has never happened to me since but for this evening I have long periods of no memory whatsoever and moments of amazing clarity. It may have been the jetlag, circumstances, drink or I could have been drugged. I simply don’t know. Anyway, I am here to tell the tale so I presume nothing disastrous happened.

After leaving the Patpong bar my next memory is of sitting in a huge Chesterfield type chair with Sai talking to a ladyboy. This is fleeting and I then have a memory of being in a rather swish hotel bar with another English guy and then another memory of being in a hotel room with a rather attractive young lady and a pile of money on the bed. I also remember watching an outdoor talent contest at some point. Everything else is a blank until I woke up in my hotel.

It must have been a good night.

So, my first day and night in Bangkok had been exciting, enjoyable, surprising and unpredictable. Much like the hundreds of other nights and days I have spent in Thailand over the past decade and I wouldn’t want it to be any different.

I spent the next morning shopping in various outdoor markets for souvenirs to take home and wondering what happened the previous night. Various taxis ferried me around as my pile of shopping grew to the size of a small planet. Eventually I could carry no more Buddha ornaments, counterfeit football shirts, fake designer jeans and various trinkets so by mid-afternoon I decided to return to the hotel for a well-earned snooze making a mental note not to order an in-house massage. After a satisfying and sometimes fitful sleep the evening festivities became my top priority. I went in search of my tuk tuk driver friend. Sure enough he was parked outside the hotel. I approached him requesting a ride to Soi Cowboy. Sadly I was made aware of tuk tuk driver etiquette when he told me his friend would have to take me as it was not his turn in the queue. I agreed a price with his friend which seemed somewhat expensive given the rate for the previous day but hey, what is a pound or two? Another hair-raising tuk tuk ride followed and I was dropped off at what I now know to be Asoke Corner. Asoke Corner today is a world away from what Asoke Corner was a decade ago. Then, it was a collection of small outdoor beer bars, now it is a huge concrete and steel office building. Thinking I was at Soi Cowboy I sat down in one of the bars and ordered the now compulsory Heineken. I was soon joined by a tall willowy lady whose name has drifted into the midsts of time but I shall call her Nok. Nok was probably early thirties with a knowing manner, good English and a killer smile all developed no doubt through mingling with farangs in bars over a number of years. She would prove to be a regular drinking companion during my short stay in Bangkok and we would spend many happy times together. She is a lady I would truly love to meet again if it were ever possible.

I had heard all manner of horror stories concerning Thai ladies’ legendary ability to fleece foreign men out of their money, belongings, houses and anything else they can lay their hands on. As time has gone on I have realised that the only men who are fleeced let themselves be fleeced. Thai women are no different from women anywhere, let them walk all over you and they will.

I was understandably wary of Nok to begin with and I think she sensed this. I now knew a large part of Thai bar culture was ladydrinks. I well remember that Nok never asked me for a ladydrink. I noted this and as a result was more than generous with her. I asked her if she would spend the next day taking me around the sights of Bangkok, the river, the Royal Palace and anywhere else she could think of. We agreed to meet up the next morning at Asoke BTS. During our conversation it became apparent I was not at Soi Cowboy at all but Asoke Corner, much to the amusement of the bar staff, a number of customers and, to the best of my recollection, anyone within earshot. Promising to meet Nok tomorrow I finished my drink and took the short walk to Soi Cowboy.

Soi Cowboy was nothing like I expected it to be. I’m not sure exactly what I expected but Soi Cowboy is one street about a hundred yards long with bars running the whole length on both sides all lit by neon. I soon discovered it is a treasure trove of beautiful ladies. I can’t remember the names of the bars I visited or how many I visited but I started at the Asoke Corner end and worked my way along. I remember getting very drunk and ending up in the Old Dutch restaurant at one point later on in the night. The Old Dutch is a Soi Cowboy institution where at one time good food at a reasonable price could be had. Sadly it seems to have gone downhill over the past 3 or 4 years and I now only pop in for a beer and a seat outside to watch the Soi Cowboy girls arriving for work in the early evening. A few minutes watching the comings and goings in the early evening on Soi Cowboy are worth a thousand words.

Soi Cowboy was to become a regular watering hole during my first trip and has become a favourite place whenever I am in Bangkok. The more visits I make, the more I become familiar with the characters that hang out in the soi. There are certainly some very interesting people there.

My second night in Bangkok ended like so many others in Thailand. Enjoying a beer and watching the world go by while being filled with excitement at what tomorrow may bring. I was not to be disappointed.

I awoke the next morning with a sore head. Understandable given the amount of beer and vodka I had consumed the night before. My room wasn’t the most luxurious but it was pleasant. I had a small balcony of which about three quarters was occupied by an air conditioning unit. My bedroom had a TV, a bed and a desk with a chair. The bathroom had a toilet and shower over the bath just like countless thousands of others dotted around the massive city of Bangkok. I have always had a strange relationship with hotel rooms, on the one hand they are my safe anonymous sanctuary in unknown places and on the other hand they are a place to be avoided when there is fun to be had. I had to leave mine as there was fun to be had.

I caught a taxi to Asoke Corner in order to meet Nok as my tuk tuk driver friend was out on a job/in bed/drunk/visiting his gik. I arrived at the allotted time to be greeted by Nok. She looked nothing like I remembered her from the night before as is so often the case with women. Luckily she looked more attractive than I remembered her as our day got off to a better than expected start. The night before we had decided to criss-cross the river on the public transport boats and visit the reclining Buddha, Royal Palace, ride on the BTS and eat at a typical Thai restaurant. We agreed on a price for the day which in the end turned out to be excellent value and I think Nok went away well pleased. The boats that criss-cross the river are a delight (or is that just me?) I love the hustle and bustle watching people go about their business, the same goes for the BTS. Watching Thai people go about their daily lives far away from the bar scene which is as much as many of us farangs see. Nok negotiated the intricacies of the public transport fare system, the Royal Palace dual pricing and all the other things that Thai people take for granted and us farangs just don’t get. She also had to hand a pocketful of change for us to drop into the contribution boxes at the reclining Buddha. A real trooper. Nok took me shopping for yet more trinkets which was fun to watch as she haggled, walked away, returned, frowned, advised me and did all she could to get me a good price. She didn’t have to do this but I think she enjoyed showing off for me.

Something I have noticed that happens in Thailand a lot happened to me for the first time during our day out in Bangkok. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been with a Thai girl shopping or on the BTS or in the back of a baht bus and a friend of hers from the bar or her room randomly appears out of the blue. It is uncanny. Out with Nok on the river boat she first bumped into a friend of hers from her bar, in fact I had been talking with her the night before and hadn’t realized she was a ladyboy, she also had a customer in tow. Later on at one of the boat stations we met up with a sister/friend, never quite sure as to the true relationship because lines are sometimes very blurred with Thai women. I’ve found random these meetings are a common theme with Thai women and sometimes lead me to think they may be arranged in a way to show the farang off although I certainly can’t imagine any self respecting Thai girl wanting to show this farang off to her friends.

After a hectic few hours we decided on something to eat. Nowadays I am happy to sit down at a street stall and tuck into noodles or khao pad kai but then I knew very little about Thai dining apart from what I’d seen in UK Thai restaurants. We stopped at what I now know to be quite a hi-so Thai restaurant. A quick look around confirmed to me there were no other farangs eating which suited me just fine. Nok ordered some delight for me with my only request being some hot chilli or, as I now know it, pig nam pla. I horsed the lot down along with the chilli not really taking much notice of my dining companion as I was ravenous but I soon became aware of her giggling to herself. I asked her why she was laughing and I could see from her expression the reason was me. I then became aware of a giggling behind me at which time the penny dropped. The Thai’s in the restaurant had obviously clocked me ordering the pig nam pla and watched me shovel it into my farang gob with gusto. Probably not used to seeing many farangs in the restaurant and certainly not many who ate vast quantities of chilli they found the spectacle amusing. I too found it amusing and stood up and made a small bow much to their further enjoyment.

It was now getting towards late afternoon and my thoughts turned to should we say more romantic endeavours. I liked Nok a lot, she was good fun, very attractive, warm-hearted and most importantly available. She was also a prostitute. Having sex with a prostitute is about a clinical act, no emotion, minimal attraction and fulfilling a need. Sex with a prostitute is most certainly not to be with someone who is attractive, good fun, kind and a friend. I thought this until I visited Thailand. Having sex with a prostitute in Thailand is different to having sex with a prostitute in the UK. I don’t know why, it is just different. There is more fun, it is more acceptable, there is no taboo and a million other reasons, it is just more natural.

Nok joining me in bed just seemed like a natural extension of the wonderful day we had spent together. We had met 24 hours before, become friends, had fun together, ate together and had now made love. Isn’t this how it should be?