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Black in Thailand by Aztec132001

By Admin

November 6, 2012

I am African American and I just want to write about my experiences here in Thailand just to vent some of my many frustrations here. I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself first I am 26 years old university graduate from the Midwest, I first came to Asia as a Teenager the first country I went to was Japan and I loved it I had a lot of fun I found the people to be very friendly and helpful it was a good cultural exchange and I have many treasured memories from my experiences in Japan. I guess what brought me to Thailand is just seeing what else is out here and I don’t regret coming but I do have daily struggles with living here.

My first big hardship I had to overcome was securing work to be completely honest Thai people will not hire blacks it does happen from time to time but you have to knock on a lot of doors and I remember some days it was so depressing cause I felt like I was knocking forever. I can remember so many times calling schools and they would be so excited to hear my interest in the position I was always very confident talking over the phone but as soon as they would see me… If you are not white and you want to work in Thailand let me give you a tip look for white employers I was lucky and found another American who was running a English school here and he hired me and that’s how I was able to secure work.

Another one of my day to day problems is just self-esteem issues, back home I was a power lifter and a fighter so I have always been into taking good care of my body I don’t think I am handsome but I try but here I feel so ugly… I know it sounds kind of gay and kind of lame for me to say that but men do care how they look and every man wants to look their best, I live in Thailand now and when in Rome do as the Romes do. Sometimes I find myself asking myself if I should be using skin whiteners maybe that would make them value me more as a human being maybe that would make them see me as man. I can remember times walking around in the mall and I can over hear the Thai people talking about me they would say “what’s wrong with his hair”, “he’s so big”, and of course my favorite “I scared”… I hear comments like these often but what makes it all kinda funny is that I’m just as “dark” as one of them for being black my skin is light because my mother is Native American.

I have had good experiences with Thai people but even the good times aren’t all that good. I don’t have many opportunities to meet people when I have its usually at the gym I like to work out and I met a close friend their so for me the gym is always a good place for positive social interactions. I remember I met a guy at the gym, Thai guy real nice he’s in good shape and I don’t know how we got to talking but one day we did I remember we talked for like a hour about bodybuilding. I bumped into him again a couple of days later and this time we got to talking about movies and entertainment and this time we talked even longer then the last time… I didn’t see him for awhile after that but the next time we started talking are conversation was a lot more personal he started talking to me about his family and education and things of that nature and as usual we talked for a long time, I had so much fun talking to him I asked him for his number I figured we could go out and grab a bear and talk more about such things and he said no… We still talk and its always a pleasure he’s a very smart and insightful man but my relationship with him and all other Thai people are departmentalized meaning he only wants to be friends with me at the gym he would never want to spend any real time with me outside of that and that’s the way things are with every Thai guy I know…

Now on to the fun stuff and I’m sure this is what most of you want to hear. How often do I get laid? How often do I go out on dates? Do I have a girlfriend? Well I haven’t had sex in over a year and that’s putting it nicely and I haven’t been out on a date in more than two years and no Thai woman wants to get close enough to me to be my girlfriend. I don’t believe in prostitution and to be honest the racism I have experienced from Thai people has also made me racist as well I’m not up to dating or sleeping with a Thai woman given what they believe in which is I am shit because I am born I won’t do it. When I did date a Thai woman I felt like I was more of a accessory then a date the woman was deeply involved in the partying and rap music and I was a perfect fit for the image she was trying to portrayed which I found offensive as I consider myself a individual and I personally don’t like to party I can count how many times I go out in a year on both my hands.

I know what your thinking with all this BS why stay? Answers simple you can live like a king here on nothing I enjoy my life style its very relaxed and as much as the Thai people dislike me and hate me to be honest the feelings mutual. I’m sad to say that cause I wasn’t raised to be racist I wasn’t raised to believe in hate but this is what the people here project on me and I have to be thick skinned to make it the hate and frustration fuels me to get through the day sometimes… All that aside I again I want to say I do like it here I don’t want to offend anyone but truth be told I like Thailand the country I don’t really like Thai people.

Customer You

By BangkokBarry

September 9, 2012

Why do so many lose their heads and their wallets to prostitutes. At home they are always, always, sordid and it is quite obvious it is a business deal. Only very occasionally does a customer establish a relationship with a prostitute, and even then only over a period of time. But in Thailand there is an almost instant rapport established between two people not only wanting to do business but have fun. Again, that is missing in the punters home town. Fun is not part of the equation, only a modicum of satisfaction.

With that in mind, it needs a very detached view indeed to recognise that, despite the impression that a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship has quickly developed, it is still for one of the partners strictly business. Sure, she will offer far, far more than a prostitute back home, but that is what she is. She is a prostitute. She is there to make money, not be your girlfriend, and she will make you feel good partly because that is her nature and Thais do not have the same sexual hang-ups that often exist in the West, but largely to ensure that as a satisfied customer you will tip her handsomely. It’s not rocket science, but so many are so belittled by the rejections they receive at home from femi-nazis who have a vastly inflated impression of their value, that when they see how welcoming the girls in Thailand are they are there wagging their tails like eager dogs sniffing a bone.

But the reality is no matter how affectionate the girls are, no matter how attentive, no matter how stunning they might look, no matter how well they satisfy you back in the hotel room, you are renting them by the hour. They are not for sale. They are for rent, and when you leave you have to give them back. Trying to retain the sale by sending them money simply doesn’t work. The fact that you are unable to recognise that you cannot continue to buy their affection when you are not there merely marks you out as a rather sad and pathetic loser to them. They’ll wonder why you are so desperate to hang on to what they recognise and encourage as an illusion, and pity you.

Because there is always, always, another customer. The evening after you have flown back home there will be some other investor sitting at your spot in the bar with your girl doing her best to persuade him that she is the hottest thing he has ever experienced in his entire life. She will be near-naked on his lap, he will be fondling the breasts you were fondling the day before, because that is the way things work. That is her business, and like any business if they provide a satisfactory service they will have customers waiting in line to give them money. Customer you, customer him. Same same. Live with it.
Visitors to Thailand know there is such an easy availability of partners. Anyone, except perhaps, perhaps, the most hideous, are absolutely guaranteed a girl on their knee and sexual olympics in the bedroom. You simply cannot fail. I’ve seen an old man of at least 70, in a wheelchair, being cared for by a dozen girls in short black cocktail dresses. Where else can he achieve that. You can be sure it was beyond his wildest imagination, his most extreme fantasy, back home. And if one girl has an attitude, there is always, always, one next to her ready to please you in ways you could search for years for back home. In Thailand, it takes minutes, if not seconds. As Dana would say, sweet Jesus on a cracker. It boggles the mind.

But sober up. The girls also have the same easy availability of partners. Plane-loads of horny guys are landing all day, every day, and all are looking to invest some money in relieving their frustration of having to deal with the frozen sexual tundra they’ve left behind. A never-ending stream of men are coming through the doors of the bars, and the girls are just as spoiled for choice. If one guy is being picky, because he can, another will arrive within minutes. Go back to the bar one evening and find ‘your’ girl isn’t there, and they’ll tell you she has holiday or is sick. Translation: she’s off romping in bed with another customer. Come back later/tomorrow/next week. Wait your turn. Sit down, have a drink (and we’ll find you an alternative partner). Sit in a bar one evening and just watch one girl operate. It’s a wonder to behold. Return over a few days, and watch as one regular ‘boyfriend’ is replaced by another. See how she fondly bids one guy farewell as he leaves and greets another with seemingly genuine affection immediately he walks through the door, promising him a moment of heaven if he just buys her a glass of cola. My God! Who could refuse.

Some relationships do work long-term. The bars can act as an introduction agency in which both partners find what they are looking for. For her, financial and sometimes emotional security, and for him an affectionate and caring sexual partner. But the odds against are astronomical. Why? You would almost certainly have to lower your intellectual expectations, because no matter how beautiful, sexy and fun-loving they might be, usually the girls are really not that bright. The reason we like the girls so much is that as well as being sexy they are so cute. But listen to this. Kids are cute. Adults are not cute. Think about it. You are dealing with someone with the mind of a child.

You will never be able to discuss the nuclear issue in Iran with them, or what the Taliban are doing in Afghanistan, because they have no interest in or even knowledge of such matters. Actually, why should they if it has nothing to do with them. That is a burden the educated Westerner puts upon himself. But that is what we do, and we do like to discuss matters that have nothing to do with us and we can have no influence over. And you’d certainly miss that with your empty-headed sex-machine. If the sex is enough, then perhaps you have the same mental age as your partner and are therefore well-matched and it might work briefly on a superficial level, until one or both of you tire of the game or the looks begin to fade. Enjoy it while you can. But if you are educated, imagine what it might be like to never, ever, have an intelligent conversation with your partner. What happens when the words run out and the sex eventually isn’t what it used to be, when everything fades, everything becomes a little stale. Then what?

Fear and Loathing in Pattaya: The Novel – Erotica and Adventure in Thailand

By Mega

August 13, 2012

Recent reports in a number of western newspapers – Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and Canada – suggest that Thailand is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, for the aforementioned countries’ nationals, to either be living in or visiting. Based on recent statistics the newspapers reported that, in terms of serious injury or death, their citizens are more at risk in Thailand than almost anywhere else in the world apart from declared war zones. To add balance to the argument the reports also clearly stated that the majority of the injuries, and fatalities were the result of misadventure or road accidents. In instances where murder or serious assault was involved the Thai authorities were praised for their professionalism in apprehending the perpetrators. All too often though, it is found that the perpetrators were either a jealous business competitor trying to eliminate the competition, or a greedy wife or girlfriend hoping to cash in on the death of her husband or boyfriend. These deeper level facts are something that is often not made clear in the report of the death or serious assault. It may be touched upon but we are often left to draw our own conclusions regarding the machinations behind the event. For many expats living in Thailand, these types of occurrences are an all too familiar theme with greed, more often than not, being the primary motivator. Sadly it is also quietly acknowledged that many of the victims – foreign husbands, boyfriends, or business competitors – put themselves in a position to be a victim in the first instance. That they weren’t street smart or savvy enough and often, through their own actions or naivety, help create the circumstances leading to their injury or demise. Even though the local English language newspapers do a reasonable job reporting the eventual apprehension of the greedy wife, girlfriend, or jealous business competitor, nothing much is ever mentioned of the behind the scenes story. The rivalries, jealousies, motivations and emotions that are the fabric of a human tragedy go unreported.This book seeks to rectify that and it also seeks to show balance; that as much as the blame can be pointed at the motivations of a jealous business competitor, greedy wife, or girlfriend, it can also be apportioned to the poor life decisions made by the victim. For many of us who continue to live in Thailand, or those who are considering moving here, there is a lesson in that. That one must take responsibility for one’s own actions at all times and never put yourself in a position to be a victim. As a foreigner in Thailand you are, in most instances, on your own. You are, whether you like it or not, very much the director of your own destiny.

Now available on-line at Bangkok Books:

http://www.bangkokbooks.com/php/product/product.php?product_id=001161

Mark Jones (aka MEGA)

You’re Such a THAI!

By virgilalligator

August 28, 2011

Yep, I said it! I am officially now Thai. Wait a minute, what the heck you ask? Allow me to explain. For starters, I am not a FARANG to the natives here, well, not so much in words anyway. And if you are wondering what that word means…well, everyone seems to have their own ideas. I mean, Lonely Planet forums I have read have said it means Honoured Guest. Yeah, right. Honoured to the ladies of the night maybe…

And then, the highly-trustworthy Bangkok Post (insert LOL here) seems to have their own take on the word. I guess we are all transplanted here to be big ol’ guava fruits. In any case, if you do read what the Bangkok Post says, you will learn that us FARANGS are actually well-respected, highly civilized human beings in the LOS (Land of Smiles).

It doesn’t matter any of this anyway because yours truly is not a FARANG. Nope, I am 100% pure Thai. Um, yeah, I am. Why? The Thais tell me so! Yes, mother and father, they sure do! I guess I am Italian, as my husband says when honeymooning in Italy I was lost in the crowds, and while I am Italian and bear a striking resemblance to my father, I am a mutt at heart. But I am also Mexican! Yep, having taught Spanish for over 10 years, I seem to blend in well, and not just on Spring Break in Mexico either. I speak the language, eat their food and then run for the border as fast as I can before they suck me in and detain me. Josh, remember Los Cabos…yeah. All righty then….

Shall we move on? I think so. So I am in a taxi cab a couple weeks ago. I don’t make eye contact with the drivers because they often have a tendency to 1-wanna practice their English the whole 30 minutes we have moved 1 Kilometer down Sukhumvit and 2-refuse me when I tell them where I wish to be driven. Picky drivers, eh? Whoops, guess I am a Canuck, too! So, this particular Thai gentleman (I have yet to have a female cab driver…) says to me when I tell him to take me to Sukhumvit soi 30, “You Thai” Um, what? “No, I am not Thai.” Dai, dai…you Thai, Madame. Guess I am French, too, then, right? Well, I just responded back, no, Sukhumvit Sahm Sip (30). And then a simple thank you. He proceeds to practice his English more and say, “You look Thai.” No, I teach Thai students, though. No, he insists I am Thai. I say thank you in Thai, pay him the fare and exit. I cannot catch a break from being a mutt!

After the school day ended on Thursday this week, I ventured out to the main corridor where the parents and the students’ nannies and their drivers fetch the kids at 3:00. I was bumping in to some familiar faces and then one I had not eyed before. He points to my hair, and then I immediately stare down his mane. Long hair on a grown Thai I have not seen before, but I do have one Thai student (bright young fella, I might add…) with a rat tail the length of my arm and a half, maybe two arms’ length. Anyway, the guy says aside to the Italian parent I was talking with, Thai. And then points at me again. Still don’t understand why he was pointing at my hair. Then I got brave and curious and just said, “What did you say?” He introduced himself, but I didn’t quite get it all. He said, “You are Thai?!” No, I am not. I am a mutt, pure-bred 100% mutt. I didn’t digress further than to say I look like everything no matter where I am in the world. He complimented me on my Thai and said with the exception of my streaky highlights I could pass for a Thai woman.

Fast forward to today. Walking out of Gourmet Market, my favorite Western grocery store (but frustrating they don’t carry Arm & Hammer to rid the stench of our fridge in the apartment) this afternoon, I nabbed a cabbie who wanted again to practice his English. I was asked where I was going, and being the native Thai I am, no FARANG here!!! I proceeded to say where I lived and that he’d need to take the first U-Turn to get back on the other direction. Stupid boulevards cramping up the traffic here, I tell ya! And so he says, “You Thai” I took a breath and thought to myself, “Here we go again.” This 1 KM ride that will take 30 minutes is gonna be one of those trips…I said no, and he proceeded to ask where I am from, how old, what I am doing here with all those groceries and why I live here.

Case in point–get a pair of headphones to wear while in the droning cabs, so I can tune it out and second, just start investing in all that whitening crap the girls here buy to make themselves look like Geisha whities. I swear, if you don’t look carefully, there is whitening agent in your milk, in your bread, in your cheap Chang beer (read Wisco=Busch Light), probably even in the street food I get on the roadside stalls. I should start up a Whitening Solution company… The girls here spend more time trying to get white and hide their skin tone than we spend basking in the sun on Spring Break. They rely on their umbrellas more as parasols than to beat the rainy season.

So, another lesson…if I am going to perfect my native Thai-ness, I better start eating up all that whitening agent in the lotions and skin care products if I wanna really fit in. And I guess I better start speaking better, as Josh has me beat on that level.

If I am Thai, why am I getting grossed out all of a sudden by the street food? I know a couple of my girlfriends at work have gotten sick so it is a fair warning, but I guess I will have to put on my brave suit and dive in, and stop being a wuss and sweating when I suck up the Tom Yum soup at school lunches…

In any case, I will need to own up and just learn to say yes, I am Thai. No, not a mutt. I did have to explain to my students that mutts are just a healthy dose of this and that, like all us Americans. But I think I lost them at the word mutt…We’ll keep working at it to the point of them just realizing I am THAI.

Go to a wat, pay your respects and take in the wafts of incense!

And since I am Thai, I have declared that Thailand is NOT the Land of Smiles. Nope, it is decided that Thailand is the LOI. Um…Yeah, it is the Land of INCENSE. Any peeps from GB know that when we were growing up and we went downtown to Port Plaza, we had to go on that Pine Street sidewalk to the groovy hippie store and buy our Grateful Dead Tie-Dyed shirts…You know what store I am referring to if you were one of us. Anyway, I am running today (and every other day, as folks, I AM running the Bangkok Marathon in November at 3 a.m.!) in Benjakitti Park and I come around the bend of the lake to the bicycle rental area. I sniff a couple times and I felt like I was at a rave or something. I get back from my run to my apartment building, say my Thai hellos to the staff opening the gates and doors for me and smell it again. I am surprised we don’t all sit around the flag pole at school when the Thai flag is being raised by the students, while we sing the joyous (beautifully sounding!) Thai national anthem and a waft of air comes by with some incense.

So there you have it folks. Kuhn Sharin has declared Thailand the Land of Incense until further notice.

A Long Return To Thailand – Part 3

By Inspector Cowboy

November 27, 2010

I awoke at nearly midnight with Jeab in my arms. I felt totally worn out which I guess was a result of the excitement of the past few days, jet-lag and making love with Jeab. I lay there for a few moments my nostrils filled with the scent of Jeab’s hair, listening to the distant sound of traffic from Second Road. I was ravenously hungry and gently let go of Jeab as I went to the shower. Jeab stirred slightly but remained asleep. The air conditioning had made the room cool and I switched on a bedside lamp. I stood under the shower trying to decide whether I would go out and take Jeab with me, go out and send Jeab home, stay in my room with Jeab or stay in my room without Jeab. Such are the decisions to be made in Thailand.

I decided to leave Jeab sleeping while I went downstairs to have a drink in the hotel bar. Half expecting to meet green stripe polo shirt I entered the lift and descended to the ground floor. I could hear the music from the bar opposite as I ordered a Heineken and sat down with my thoughts. The bar was virtually empty with only a couple of guys accompanied by Thai ladies. They spoke in hushed tones as I stood up to collect a copy of the Bangkok Post from the newspaper rack. As I did this I heard a voice behind me.

“Mind if I join you mate?”

The accent was unmistakably Australian and belonged to a guy who looked to be in his mid-thirties, about my height with a short military type haircut wearing light blue jeans, a white shirt and suede desert boots.

“Yes, no problem, sit down here, fancy a beer? I’m Gerry from England”. We shook hands.

“My name’s Jim I’m from Sydney”.

I got Jim a bottle of Singha and I got a bottle of Heineken, we sat down at a table with a view through the window of the soi. Jim was in Pattaya on holiday and this was his first night. He had arranged to meet some friends in Pattaya but their flight was delayed and they’d decided to spend the night in Bangkok.

“Great place mate” said Jim taking a hearty glug from his beer.

“My first time here Jim, got here this morning and things are going fine so far”. My mind wandering briefly to wonder what Jeab was doing upstairs. I’d locked all my valuables in the room safe and hated doing it because I wanted to trust everyone but better to be safe than sorry.

“What you got planned tonight?” said Jim as his eyes followed a couple of young ladies walking up the soi towards Second Road.

“Nothing at the moment mate, any ideas?”

Of course Jim had ideas. We discussed our plans and I quickly made the decision to relieve Jeab of her duties and hit the town with Jim. I caught the lift upstairs and knocked on the room door. Jeab opened the door almost immediately, smiling wrapped in a white towel and wearing a shower cap. I explained I was going out with my friend from the bar and would she give me her telephone number. I didn’t know exactly how to say I wanted her to go but she got the message but not before peeling off her towel and standing naked in front of me saying, “I horny tilac”. My return to the hotel bar and my new friend Jim took slightly longer than I anticipated. I introduced Jeab to Jim before she went on her merry way laden with baht.

It was getting towards one o’clock in the morning as Jim and myself jumped into a baht bus and headed towards Soi 8. Jim had been to Soi 8 earlier in the evening and recommended we revisit. We paid the baht bus driver his fare and entered Soi 8. Soi 8 runs parallel to Soi 13 between Second Road and Beach Road further north along the coast. It is lined by bars on both sides and is about 150 metres in length. As we arrived the bars were closing but it was still possible to have a drink outside the bars and the place was buzzing with people. The lights in the bars had been turned off and the volume of the music was reduced but there was still a fun atmosphere with hundreds of people still partying. Girls, and ladyboys, were in abundance all around us as we drank our beers and took in the scenery. We were soon joined by a couple of girls, Bom and Art. Bom latched onto Jim and Art seemed to take a liking to me. We bought them drinks which looked more like works of art than a beverage and settled down to talk away and watch the activities on Soi 8. Art spoke excellent English and we were soon deep in conversation about nothing in particular. I endured the now familiar interrogation – name, duration of stay, name of hotel, how old, wife? Girlfriend? Where you go? etc. The answers I gave seemed to satisfy both Art and myself as the crowds on Soi 8 thinned slightly. Bom got up to go and get some food for her and Jim so I asked Art if she wanted anything. Art smiled and said yes so she joined Bom on the food run. I was looking forward to something to eat as I hadn’t eaten since the chicken and fruit earlier in the day. I asked Jim how he was getting on and I got the response, “Bonzer” which I took to mean things were going great with him and Bom. We got another couple of beers from a very tall ladyboy who had now assumed waitress duties for us. Bom and Art returned clutching a veritable feast which included a doner kebab, a couple of burgers, some som tam, a fish with what looked like garlic, lime and chilli, a few bags of sticky rice and some noodles and we all tucked in although I noticed the girls gave the burgers and kebab a wide berth.

The food finished we ordered more beers and spectacular beverages for the girls and talked about moving on. Bom suggested we went to a disco she knew was open until the morning. Jim and myself didn’t take much persuading as we quickly finished our drinks and hopped into a passing baht bus. I sat next to Art on one side of the baht bus and opposite Bom and Jim held each other as we commenced our breakneck speed journey to the mystery destination. We turned inland away from the sea. I recognised the road we were on from my journey into Pattaya the previous morning as we passed some very large hotels. The street lights became more sparse and darkness seemed to envelope us as we travelled to our mystery destination. Suddenly the baht bus slowed and in front of us stood a huge warehouse type structure adorned with flashing neon lights. It was like an oasis in the middle of darkness with what seemed like hundreds of Thai men and women along with farangs accompanied by Thai girls. Art and Bom seemed very excited to have arrived as we alighted the baht bus and paid the driver.

Outside the queue to enter the venue snaked around the side of the building. There were dozens of food carts sprinkled around the place along with small stalls selling beer and soft drinks to those in the queue. Bom and Art disappeared for a couple of minutes and reappeared clutching bags of what I thought were chocolate chip cookies although on closer inspection they were deep fried baby frogs which both Art and Bom nibbled on voraciously. They offered Jim and myself a frog each but we both politely declined causing the girls to giggle furiously no doubt revelling in the awkwardness of the two farangs.

The girls entered the venue free of charge and both Jim and myself were charged an admission fee which included a free drink. Inside, the place was jumping. Literally hundreds of Thai’s and farangs dancing and having fun. The venue was enormous and was adorned with flashing lights, huge sheets hanging from the ceiling and a stage where I presumed a band would play at some point. Everybody seemed to be having a great time. Suddenly the music stopped and everybody started chanting something in Thai, the noise got louder as the chanting became louder and louder. Me and Jim looked at each other laughing and at the same time feeling slightly excluded. Bom and Art were jumping up and down laughing hysterically and shouting, it seemed the whole place was going to explode when the lights flashed even faster, the noise built to a crescendo and there were three enormous loud bangs. This was when I noticed what looked like foam being shot out of what seemed to be huge drainpipes at the side of the stage. The foam shot up into the air seemingly covering everything. The girls were now besides themselves jumping up and down screaming as they were progressively covered with the foam. We all became unrecognisable as the music started up again and people danced, jumped around and melted into a huge mass of foam and humanity. It was mind-blowingly hysterically funny.

Eventually the hysteria subsided and Jim and myself located Art and Bom who had by now de-foamed themselves. They were still in the vicinity but appeared to be shell-shocked after the excitement of the foam. It obviously wasn’t the first time Bom and Art had attended the foam night and judging by how much they had enjoyed it, it wouldn’t be the last.

We left at around five o’clock and wearily made our way towards a queue of baht buses parked on the road that passed the foam warehouse. Art and Bom by now had stopped talking and entered the Thai girl mode of tiredness where nothing short of a firework up the arse would rouse them. We all returned to the hotel in the baht bus tired, happy and looking forward to a good nights sleep. We caught the lift up to our respective floors, me with Art and Jim with Bom and said our goodnights.

Art and myself slept like the proverbial logs, naked and entwined.

A Long Return To Thailand – Part 2

By Inspector Cowboy

November 27, 2010

The flight from Heathrow with Qantas had been uneventful. I had sat next to an Aussie backpacker who had spent most of the 11 hour flight telling me about a pop festival he had been to regardless of the fact I was pretending to be asleep. Steve had been good to his word and I was now officially a website builder. My plan was to spend a month in various locations around Thailand interspersed with visa runs and a trip or two back to the UK during the year I intended to spend in Thailand. The locations I had chosen were Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui and Hua Hin although I was prepared for changes and to be flexible.

The trip from Don Mueang airport to Pattaya had taken just about two hours as we pulled up outside the Dynasty Inn on Soi 13 in Pattaya. I had seen the hotel on the internet, it was reasonably priced, was newly built and from the pictures I had seen it looked to be quite plush. I was paying about £20 per night but intended to stay only a few nights before I moved to somewhere a little cheaper after having a look around.

If you choose wisely in Thailand it’s possible to find a hotel that would probably cost 3 or 4 times as much in the UK. Conversely it’s also possible to find a hotel in Thailand that is priced 3 or 4 times more than you would find in the UK. It’s always a combination of good research and good luck.

I checked into my hotel and went to my room. It was now mid-morning and I was a little tired after the flight but was keen to get out and about and see what Pattaya had to offer. I was also mindful of the fact I had to discipline myself to at least 4 or 5 hours per day in order to do the work that would sustain me financially during my stay. I jumped into the shower after unpacking my bags and putting the clothes I was wearing into a plastic bag ready to take to the laundry. The warm shower was refreshing and also relaxed me after my long journey. I luxuriated as the water cascaded over me and I thought of the events leading to where I was now. I still had some doubts over whether I was doing the right thing but I had chosen to put them at the back of my mind and enjoy what I had.

After my shower I lay on the bed and before I knew it my watch was telling me it was four o’clock in the afternoon. I must have been more tired than I realised and I felt a little cheated that I had fallen asleep. This was a recurring theme during my time in Thailand where I found myself feeling out of sorts if I had missed something, as though I had to live every single moment.

I showered again, put on a t-shirt, some shorts, a pair of sandals, left my room and entered the lift on my way out. As I entered the lift I noticed another occupant, a girl wearing a pair of denim shorts, a pink t-shirt, a baseball cap and a pair of training shoes. I guessed she was about 23 years old, her hair was still slightly damp which gave the impression she had recently showered. I smiled at her as I entered the lift and she smiled back. I pressed the button marked “0” and we stood silently and slightly awkwardly as one tends to do in a lift. A few seconds later the ding of the lift bell indicated we had reached our destination as I stood back slightly inviting my lift companion to exit first. We both walked through the foyer and I dropped my room key off at reception. I noticed the girl from the lift also stopped at the reception desk in order to collect what I presumed was her ID card. As I stepped outside the hotel I made the transition from air conditioned coolness to the heat that was Pattaya. It felt like I was being stroked gently by a hairdryer such was the heat of the day.

I stood on the steps of the hotel surveying what was before me. To my right was Second Road and further down the soi to my left I could see the sea and just across the road was a bar. I was feeling a little hungry and so decided to look for something to eat. I had no real plans about what to do after eating apart from walking around and familiarising myself with my surroundings. A little further down the soi towards the sea I spotted a wheelbarrow stall being pushed by an elderly lady wearing a huge smile and a Mexican style sombrero even bigger than her smile. As I approached her I noticed she was selling different types of fruit. I looked at her fruit display as she stopped enabling me to get a closer look. Such was the heat of the day I suspect she was rather grateful she had an excuse to put her barrow down for a while. I recognised the melon, pineapple and sliced bananas but the other fruit I hadn’t seen before, some orange coloured fruit, some small red berries, some white fruit with black specks and some round white fruit. I asked the lady for some of each and she filled a couple of bags with a selection of her wares. She handed them to me still smiling and held up four fingers indicating 40 baht for the lot. I gave her a 50 baht note and told her to keep the change, her smile grew even wider as she bowed slightly and resumed pushing her wheelbarrow. A pound for two huge bags of fruit left me feeling very happy. I continued walking down the soi towards the sea and Beach Road munching on my purchase and enjoying the new flavours of fruit I had never seen before. As I approached the corner of the soi and Beach Road I spotted the same girl who had been in the hotel lift just minutes before. She was standing at a som tam stall chatting to a lady who was pounding out the som tam. As I walked past she saw me, smiled and said, “sawasdee khrup”. I smiled back and replied “sawasdee khrup”. Her hair had dried quickly in the heat and I noticed that it was slightly permed with some light brown highlights. Her eyes were bright and playful, her skin looked to be soft and smooth but most of all I noticed her perfectly rounded bottom and breasts. She sure was a very attractive young lady. I held out a bag of my fruit and asked her if she would like some, she smiled and took some, not taking her eyes off me for a moment as if assessing me. She asked,

“Where you from?”

I recognised this interrogation technique from my time in Bangkok a few months earlier, I was familiar with it and it felt somewhat reassuring.

“I’m from England, where are you from?”

“I Udon”

I knew Udon Thani was a city in a northern region of Thailand called Issan where many of the working girls came from so I replied,

“Udon Thani?”

She laughed and said something in Thai to the lady who was still pounding away at the som tam.

“What your name?” she asked me and I told her my name was Gerry from England. She said her name was Jeab. So that was it, Gerry from England and Jeab from Udon Thani. As happens thousands of times a day in Thailand, two total strangers from opposite sides of the world meeting for the first time with one inevitable outcome.

Jeab spoke reasonably good English and we chatted for a while as she waited for her som tam to be finished. The lady making the som tam finished pounding away and shovelled the contents of the pot into a polystyrene tray and handed it to Jeab who handed the lady a few coins. A thought crossed my mind as to how som tam was transported before polystyrene was invented but the thought quickly dissipated as I caught a glimpse of Jeab’s breasts under her pink t-shirt.

We walked slowly north along Beach Road towards a place to sit down as we chatted about nothing at all in particular, Jeab asking me how long I was to be in Pattaya for and me asking questions but not really listening to the answers. We found somewhere to sit and Jeab opened her polystyrene box of rich bright red and green colours which looked delicious but smelt dreadful. As I continued munching my fruit she tucked into her dinner sitting cross-legged on a wall overlooking the beach and sea. The sun was getting lower in the sky and I saw jetski’s, parachutes and speedboats weaving their way around the bay, it was a scene of great activity, of people having fun, I was living in a dream.

Jeab told me she had been working in Pattaya for three months. She had a baby in Udon Thani and sent money home to her mother who was looking after her baby. Her husband had gone off with another girl and her father had died when she was young. This had me feeling sorry for Jeab and I wanted to hug her but her smile told me she was happy with her life and I don’t think my western perception of her life would have gone down very well with her. She finished her som tam and then started on what was left of my fruit, boy could she shift some tucker. The fruit finished I suggested we go for a drink along the road. I was also craving one of the lollipop chickens I had seen so many times in Bangkok. We crossed the road from the beach side to the side where the hundreds of bars, shopping malls, restaurants and bar complexes are to find a place to have a drink. After some 20 minutes walking past what seemed like hundreds of places we came upon a bar with a lollipop chicken stall outside. The bar was playing music in the early evening and seemed quite lively. Jeab offered to barbecue my chicken outside for me while I ordered the drinks. I handed her a 100 baht note as I entered the bar. Jeab wanted a nam pau which is bottled water and I got a Heineken. As I sat down I spotted Jeab turning my chicken on the barbecue coals. She really was an attractive lady, she was not now wearing her baseball cap and her hair shone under the rapidly descending sun. She was quite tall for a Thai, maybe 5’ 6”, her legs were well-proportioned, her bottom was well rounded and her breasts were firm and medium sized. Even though she had told me she had a baby it didn’t seem to have taken a toll on her physique. I was feeling quite pleased with myself.

Jeab returned with a big handful of chicken for both me and her and handed me a few coins change which I put in my pocket. She also produced a small pot of chilli into which we dipped the chicken. As I looked out over Pattaya bay eating my chicken, sipping my beer and chatting to Jeab I was in a good place.

We left the bar and walked slowly backed towards the hotel. We hadn’t discussed what would happen next, I guessed we both just knew. Jeab was good company, she made me laugh and I loved the way she tried really hard to pronounce English words and in some cases just couldn’t quite get them right. She said “pomplim” instead of problem which I thought was really cute and when I asked her about it she tried really hard to say “problem” while furrowing her brow, slowly and deliberately trying to say it the same as me but to no avail. We both laughed as she tried. The carefree way Thai women approach life is a total contrast to the way I find western women approach life. Western women take themselves so seriously and seem to have lost the fun gene from their DNA. I hope this gene is firmly implanted in the Thai DNA for a long time to come.

We arrived back at the hotel and approached the reception desk to collect my key and Jeab produced her ID card to hand over to the receptionist. As we walked towards the lift I noticed a guy to my left who was also heading towards the lift. He was an elderly chap wearing beige shorts, a green striped polo shirt, white socks and sandals and a baseball cap indicating he was a follower of the Yankees. He was also smiling at Jeab. I looked at Jeab who had adopted a somewhat confused look as she glanced at both me and the elderly chap. She said nothing as we waited for the lift doors to open and we all entered the lift together. In the lift I could see Jeab glancing at the gentleman and then glancing at me and green striped polo shirt seemed to be smirking to himself. I glanced in the lift mirror to see if anything had inadvertently stuck to my head or if I had “Idiot” tattooed on my forehead, neither was true. As the lift neared my floor I stepped forward as did Jeab as we waited for the doors to open and as we departed the lift a voice from behind us said, “Goodnight Jeab”. I turned round to see the doors of the lift closing. I looked at Jeab who had the look of somebody who had just seen a ghost. I asked her if she was ok as the penny dropped. I smiled as it hit me. I had first met Jeab in the lift a couple of hours earlier. I had guessed she had just been with a customer as her hair was wet and she had collected her ID card from the hotel reception on her way out. My money was on green striped polo shirt being that customer and coincidentally we had met him in the lift. I didn’t relay my thoughts to Jeab but smiled to myself at the coincidences that life throws up and also at the fact Jeab was going to have a very profitable day.

A Long Return To Thailand – Part 1

By Inspector Cowboy

November 27, 2010

The time passed quickly as I sat in the taxi heading for Pattaya. This was a journey I had wanted to make for many years and now the time had come. I had a whole month to discover the delights of Pattaya and that month was starting today.

Since leaving Bangkok 3 months before I had experienced the full gamut of emotions. Leaving Bangkok had been painful. I had discovered a side of life that left me feeling exhilarated. I had enjoyed the company of and made love with some beautiful ladies, I had met some lovely people and made some good friendships. The lifestyle of balmy evenings sipping beer, eating delicious cheap food and watching the world go by agreed with me most favourably. I had discovered a heady cocktail and under no circumstances was I going to let it go. It seemed I had discovered my own private heaven.

The job interview in London just a few days after returning to England had gone well, in fact it had gone so well I had got the job, the interviewer saying I had impressed enough to be offered the job there and then on the spot. I had thanked the interviewer with the correct amount of enthusiasm and surprise as I shook his hand looking him in the eye more to convince myself that I wanted the job than to convince him he had chosen the right candidate. Inside I knew I had changed. A month before the interview I would have crawled over broken glass, hot coals, man o’ war jellyfish, hungry crocodiles and the odd stinging nettle to be offered this job but now it didn’t matter. I didn’t want the job, the job where I was going to get a generous 5 weeks paid holiday a year, a non-contributory pension plan, membership of a health club and a London Underground season ticket. These things no longer mattered to me, what mattered to me now was Thailand and that was it. The day after the interview I received a formal offer of employment through the letterbox outlining the package being offered to me. The salary was reasonable, the benefits were generous and the working conditions were excellent. The words that jumped out at me from the offer letter were those written large and black and bored into my consciousness, “Five weeks paid holiday”. As I read them I felt hopelessness, that confusion and helplessness I remembered from years before when I had lost my mother in the supermarket as a small child. How would I be able to enjoy Thailand with only five weeks paid holiday each year? I called the company and lied saying I had encountered some personal problems and would have to decline the offer. They sounded disappointed and asked me to contact them once I had sorted out whatever problem I had. I wish they had been angry with me, called me a nasty name and left it at that instead of being so bloody nice about it. So bloody nice.

I needed a job where I could work and have time off, lots of time off. Those jobs aren’t easy to come by because let’s face it, everybody wants those jobs. I racked my brains for a week thinking what I could turn my hand to. Sheep shearing in the Falklands, e-Bay trading, male escort, driving instructor, oil rig worker, freelance writer and porn star were amongst the more sane ideas I had. My ideas fountain had dried up and I needed a break. I have a friend in Bristol who had also visited Thailand some years before and was now in an unhappy marriage with a lady who had morphed into a nasty overweight overbearing copy of her mother. I had met her mother at my friends wedding a few years before and commented to him that if his new wife turned into her mother then he should either consider suicide or homosexuality. He laughed at the time but he was not laughing now.

We went for a drink near Bristol Templemeads station. Bristol Parkway and Bristol Templemeads, two railway stations for Bristol, something I’ve never understood and, I guess, neither does Bristol. It was early evening and Steve had just finished work. I had phoned him earlier in the day to tell him what time I was arriving in Bristol and he seemed to be looking forward to meeting up with me. In fact the impression I got was Steve was looking forward to anything that didn’t involve having to go home and face his duplicate mother-in-law over a plate of sausage, egg and chips. It was raining outside, the nights were drawing in and there were the beginnings of the cold that signalled yet another English winter. We sat in the corner of the bar each with a pint of Heineken which, to my mind, now seemed so out of place in an English pub without a cooling condom container and a beautiful Thai lady to talk to. We chatted small talk about his work, his day, my day, the journey to Bristol Templemeads on the train and the weather. We sat silently sipping our beer thinking of something else to say listening to the rain outside, me contemplating my future, Steve contemplating his mistake sat at home. Steve was fully aware I had been to Thailand and in fact he was a major factor in me making my decision to go. I guessed he had secretly wished it was him who was going when I was making my plans, he was a good friend. Little did he know how much it had changed my view on life and I was about to tell him.

I told Steve about Nok, Pim, Geoff, Poo, and everyone I had met in Thailand, I told him about turning the job down and my fruitless quest for a job that would enable me to visit Thailand as often as possible during the year. I told him I just didn’t know what to do. One of the reasons Steve was a good friend is he is non-judgemental, he is laid back and nothing seems to bother him, that is apart from his wife.

He sat silently for a few seconds thinking. This was usual with Steve when he was thinking about something to say. I hoped he wasn’t going to be judgemental or laugh or tell me to grow up or any number of other responses I was expecting. Instead he said,

“Mate, I wish I was in your shoes”

“How do you mean?”

“You know when I visited Thailand a few years ago I felt exactly the same as you but I had just met Jane and, you know, that just seemed more important at the time.”

I figured it wasn’t really the right time to say anything about Jane even though I wanted to tell Steve he should just up sticks and come to Thailand with me. I asked him what he would do in my shoes.

“Look, it’s not up to me but I know how hard you worked at university, how you wanted to make a new start in life and is that new start working in an office with free travel on the underground? No it isn’t, your new start is you doing what pleases you. You have found something that pleases you and now we have to find out how you achieve that aim.”

I wasn’t surprised by his response but it was the way he said it with such conviction that made an impression upon me.

We carried on drinking Heineken and said nothing more about Thailand for the rest of the evening.

The next morning after waking up I called Steve from my room in the Holiday Inn. We had both got spectacularly drunk the night before and ended up in an anonymous Indian restaurant eating chicken vindaloo, nan breads, popadums, rice and chips washed down with the best house Stella Artois. I couldn’t recall returning to the hotel but had a fleeting memory of being sick outside the kebab shop next door to the Indian restaurant.

I met Steve in the hotel bar at midday. He looked a lot happier than he had the night before in the pub near Bristol Templemeads station. In fact he had a big smile on his face which surprised me somewhat considering I guessed his hangover must be at least as painful as mine.

“Sleep well mate?” he asked as he beamed at me.

“What the fuck is up with you?”

“Fuck all, just in a good mood, that’s all”.

I asked if he wanted a beer and we went and sat down near the spiral staircase out of earshot with two pints of Heineken.

“Jane was up to her tricks again this morning when I woke up.”

I nodded in an understanding manner not wanting to make a judgement but I knew what he was going through. I asked what she had done.

“It doesn’t matter what she did but I’ve told her I’ve had enough and I’m moving into your flat.”

I know me and Steve are good mates and I’ll help him wherever I can but my flat is in London and he works in Bristol. I told him this as if he didn’t already know.

“I can work from our office in London for a few months until things are sorted out with Jane and then move back to Bristol once the divorce is finalised”, said Steve.

“Divorce?”

“Yes, I’ve been thinking about it for ages and talking to you about new beginnings last night has finally made my mind up, She can have the house, she can have the car, in fact she can have anything she wants, all I want is to get away from her. I’ve finally grown some balls”.

“Well Steve, I can’t say it’s a surprise but you certainly seem to have made up your mind, how about another beer?”

We got another beer and sat for a minute contemplating.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night and I’ve had an idea”. Steve said wiping the Heineken froth from his top lip. He seemed to have a sparkle in his eye, as though he was bursting to get something out.

“Ok mate, go ahead, I’m all ears”.

“You know at uni as part of your group project you built some business websites for small charities?”

I’d actually forgotten about building the sites. We’d built the sites as part of a group project for local charities in order to help locally and to expand our skills. I replied that I remembered.

“Well, my company are offering a free web design service for all new customers and I’m in charge of finding a small web design company in the local area. It’s all based on templates, all you need is a basic knowledge of Dreamweaver and HTML and there you go!”

I am no Bill Gates or Steve Jobs but I certainly had used Dreamweaver before and had a basic knowledge of HTML and this sounded good but what did it entail?

“Well you get paid for each site you build by us and that’s about it. We are expecting around 100 sites a month at £20 per site and you can do that from anywhere in the world. The offer is planned to last a year. How does that sound?”

That sounds good but ………………

“But what? It’s about two grand a month and I know you can easily live on two grand a month in Thailand. No ifs or buts, I’ve got you the gig so let’s drink up and go and book your ticket. Besides there’s no way I’m living in your gaff with you!” Steve said looking at me laughing, the happiest I’d seen him since I’d arrived in Bristol the night before.

We booked my flight to Bangkok at the Thomas Cook Flight Centre in Bristol. I was returning to Bangkok in two days.

The taxi raced along the tollway getting closer to Pattaya by the second as I clutched my laptop bag and suitcase. I felt alive.

Why I will never date a Thai guy ever again

By Space Monkey

September 28, 2010

Before I begin..

This is based on my experiences and those of some of my friends. This is by no means the definitive guide to Thai men and I am not so ignorant that I don’t recognise that there are good and bad men and women in all cultures. I know, as I’ve dated my fair share of the bad western ones! So I’m hoping many western women have had wonderful relationships with Thai men and have not experienced any of the issues commonly found in Western/Thai unions that I am about to discuss. I haven’t any of these women in my 2 years here, but I live in hope!

So this is why I personally wouldn’t I date a Thai man again! Take it as you will.
I’d watched so many friends get burnt before by Thai guys, I’d listened to their stories and never thought I’d leave myself open to such madness. But I did. They are very good at hiding their crazy ways.

Fake
The most fake of all fakers I have ever known was my Thai man. I’d known him for 4 years on and off as a friend and he seemed like such a sweet, kind, thoughtful man with the biggest smile I’d ever seen and a good understanding of western culture. Truth was that he knew just enough about western culture to exploit it. If you think you’ve found the rare Thai guy that seems to have a western sense about relationships and how to treat a woman, do your homework and make absolutely sure he’s for real or you may get burned. Like I did! And remember I knew the guy for 4 years previously! Goes to show you never really know people.
First off… meeting a Thai guy in a bar is a huge big no no.. This just shows that he most likely has a drinking problem (which is rather common and extremely hard to deal with) and also that he has learnt enough English to try to grab himself a trophy farang to show off to his mates. In a drunken stuper my Thai guy told me that this is exactly what it was about. Learn a bit of English and sweet talk the western girls. Kind of a sport they like to play, maybe perhaps because gambling is illegal here.
They will tell you romantic comedies are a favourite of theirs and learn how to romance you by studying the cheesy movies girls just love! How cheesy, but we fall for it, god dam Hollywood.

I was bombarded with sweet messages in broken English, fruit and flowers magically appeared on my doorstep, he’d giggle like a school girl around me and watched my every move in a group situation making me feel like the only one in the room. They sure know how to stir up some chemistry and they also know how to spot the weak girls that have their guard down. Perhaps like me their previous western relationship hadn’t worked out (I’d been cheated on) and it leaves you feeling a little insecure and venerable to attack.
Don’t be that weak girl.  You’re like a sitting duck.
Once operation romance is complete and they get into your panties, things make a dramatic change.  It took about 1 month before he was discussing the possibility of a ring!! The only ring I could think of was that of alarm bells.
Suddenly they want to OWN YOU.
Now this does not usually come to light until a bit later in your Thai relationship. It seems that at the beginning of most relationships you spend as much time as possible together.
It’s when you’ve grown tired of the language barrier and need some mother tongue chat (usually when you start speaking Tinglish and missing out words) that the true Thai nature explodes like dynamite and if you are not careful you could be battered by the blast.

Jealousy
Most Thai’s (in my opinion) suffer from extreme jealousy. Not just the men but women also. Its pretty hard to build a friendship with Thai girls with boyfriends because they are insecure and highly suspicious of you. They will send you “back off” vibes and then because you don’t want to keep trying to be friends with someone that thinks badly of you, they see your lack of friendliness as cementing their suspicion which makes them think they were right and you really were trying to steal their man. You really can’t win.

In my experience with my jealous Thai guy, if I so much as smiled near another man I would spend hours trying to explain something I didn’t even remember doing. I was given the cold shoulder for days after he would sting me with some hurtful, spiteful comment but stubbornly refuse to tell me what was wrong.  Understandably this gets frustrating. One time I was ignored because I was asked directions by a western male  backpacker. Another time I got an automated sales call in Thai and hung up just as he walked into the room. He was convinced it was my ex even after I showed him the phone and I received another cold shoulder day.
Jealous Thai men and friendly western backpacker women … DO NOT MIX
Which brings me to a previous point.

The language barrier.
Now it’s hard enough communicating with someone from your home town in a relationship, so having a boyfriend who’s English is limited creates chaos.

Oh it seems so cute at first, but then the most innocent of conversations turns into a constant battle to be understood properly.  This takes a phenomenal amount of patience, understanding and trust. 3 things in my experience many men (of all cultures) don’t have.
One very fine example is the word “funny”. Now we (native English speakers) all know that funny has more then one meaning depending on the context right. If I say “Its funny that in Thailand the Thai first name has no link at all to their nick name”.
I meant that it is strange to me being a westerner as mostly our nicknames are an abbreviation of our real name.
A Thai will hear this as “the way Thai people make up nick names is a joke!”
This happened to me and I was again brutally ignored, and received spiteful, hurtful comments. I had no idea what I had done that so deeply offended and he refused to give me any clues.
2 days of this and I finally find out what the matter was and laughing (as its so silly really) I went on to explain that I would never intentionally laugh at anyone’s name and went on to further explain that “funny” can mean strange/weird or that its something that makes you laugh. You know funny ha ha and funny strange.
4 Days later after total torture and repeating the same thing over and over, I can’t take anymore. I tell him that clearly he thinks I’m a rude nasty western b**ch and maybe it’s best we go our separate ways.  Only then, when the fear of loosing you and loosing face come into play, only then do they give in. So along with the language barrier came the stubbornness to see something for what it is and the reluctance to listen. Instead choosing the more destructive path of thinking he knew everything (he said this a lot) making things up himself and rolling with some wild story using it as an excuse to be purposefully rude, spiteful and hurtful. He could have just asked and discussed like adults. No chance. He loved the drama too much and wouldn’t back down as this means loosing face.
Common sense , stubbornness and loosing face

I forget sometimes that what westerners see as common knowledge might not have yet reached the masses.

A good example is nutrition. Kids are taught this in school back home. We know its bad but exercise free will as to whether we want to eat it or not.

I once made the mistake of exercising my free will, not to be force fed his Granma’s home made, crispy, deep fried, pig fat. He became instantly angry saying that he basically lived off them as a child and he was fine. (Never mind his weight problem) I explained that test’s have shown that deep fried anything is bad for your heart and cholesterol. He wasn’t interested in my explanation and I quickly understood the total lack of nutritional knowledge in Thailand and that I was at risk of making him feel defensive and dumb. I was right and his anger and ego made him see it as a direct attack on his ole Gran. I did try to explain that this was unknown years ago so his Gran would have had no idea. But alas, it was too late. I’d rolled on those egg shells again! Another 2 days of spiteful and rude behaviour for no real reason.

His fear of loosing face really took the fun element out of the relationship. You have to be on your best behaviour and be very careful what you say in case they misunderstand. Should you slip up in front of someone and your man looses face, you have just crushed the persona they worked so hard to create for themselves. Anyone even jokingly making fun of them is on their poo list. Loosing face is something I really struggle to understand. Why pretend to be something your not and then go nuts when someone calls you on it?

Which brings me to my next point…

Hypocrisy.

My Thai guy was such huge great big hypocrite. And he didn’t seem to understand what it means or how unfair and misleading this feels.

Thai’s like their chilli. I am western so 20 chilli’s is about 18 too many for me. But my guy refused to change his chilli addiction and then became deeply offended when I couldn’t eat the food he made. Saying that he won’t bother anymore, that I should cook my own things, how ungrateful I am and that I should just eat what I’m given. Then when I cook a roast dinner, pasta or other yummy western dish, he lets it go cold while he fries a damn egg to put on it. Then declares how horrid it is pulling a face and going off to cook his own dish.  This was highly annoying.

Hypocritically impatient

Now most men know that girls take longer to get ready then guys. Well in my case I could be ready in 5 minutes although that never seemed quick enough. (they are extremely impatient) So while I’m being impatiently rushed (even though he said we were leaving in 15 minutes) I panic, forget things and end up taking longer and feeling a little stressed out by the time we leave ready for a long silent bike ride to town.
Now I am an incredibly patient person. I wait around for as long as he needs to talk to his army of Thai friends, get himself sorted, or most annoyingly when they leave you somewhere while they “pop off for a minute” for over an hour to “sort some things out” (they will never tell you what) while you are expected to sit there smiling at their Grandfather who speaks not a word of English and can’t hear you even if you did happen to speak fluent Thai. Yes this happened to me.

But if I take 1 minute too long logging off of the internet I get the “you need to think about me and my time and what I need to do” lecture. Yeah I can think of over 1000 things I could have done rather then feel awkward around Grandpa while your off doing Buddha knows what.
But if you were to do the same, all hell breaks loose. The lack of anger control is terrifying to say the least. Clearly the meditation he was taught when he was 14 when he spent 3 compulsory months at the temple, really didn’t help him.  And this terrifying temper mixed with alcohol? Well this is something all cultures share. But my Thai man hid his true self behind his smile and religion. Just because he studied the teachings of Buddha didn’t mean he practiced it. In fact the most he would do is give an offering to Buddha and consider his sins forgiven. Much like the Catholics and confession. Like western culture he knew enough about Buddhism to exploit it.

He was very much the “do as I say, not as I do” variety.  We already mentioned the jealousy but that mixed with hypocrisy is baffling. He would accuse me of taking a shine to every man out there, while he would drive around shouting “hey sexy” to a friend of a friends girlfriend” and happily shagging half the town safe in the knowledge that they have you tucked away at home, far away from the men like them.

Cheating

Most Thai men cheat. It’s just the way things are here and you’d best be prepared for it. Ask any Thai girl. They don’t seem to be able to help it, maybe they see it as their right as a man. This is something I have seen time and time again much to the sorrow of my poor Farang friends who dish out all their backpacking money, only to end up going home with their tail between their legs wondering why he didn’t love them when they get caught out with some other unsuspecting backpacker. But you have to admire their acting and lying skills.  Most Farang never find out till it’s too late.
So, you’re at home while they are out and when you want some freedom it can turn into a battle. “Where are you going?, when will you be back?, who are you going out with?”

Controlling

Wow my guy needed to control a woman and he didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word trust.  Word of warning! It’s the ones that can’t trust and who get jealous that are like that because they can’t trust themselves. This applies to all cultures.

But you are not allowed to ask any questions at all when they go out. Women can’t control men in man world. Why they think they can control a western free spirited woman is anybodies guess. Most of the controlling mothers we are now half a world away from can vouch for that. Try to control most western women and you are left controlling your frustration when they leave you.

It can get so bad that they may even start to try to dress you and style your hair. Now I have a deep respect for other cultures and at my age I don’t prance around in mini skirts and boob tubes. So you can imagine my surprise when we go to the market and I have unintentionally employed a personal shopper who hasn’t the foggiest idea what I like.
Annoying.  I began to feel like a little dolly being dressed up and shown off to his friends.

Whenever I tried to say anything I was told I talked too much!

Thai men still to a degree view women as inferior, no matter how much they make you feel like a goddess in the early stages when they are trying to get into your panties. This is why we struggle to mix well with them. I mean there was no bra burning going on over here.  Western ideas on equality in relationships are slowly creeping in but the men appear to still fight it. We’ve come a long way in the western world but Thailand, beautiful as it may be, still has it’s darker side if you decide to sample what the men of this country have to offer.

After all, was it not Buddha himself that said that women can only hope to be reincarnated as a man because only men can be enlightened? Says a lot doesn’t it!

Final word

My experience ended with me fleeing like a fugitive amid death threats when I refused to return to such madness. I vowed never to return to a place that I loved, as I wasn’t about to find out if the death threats were empty or not. Unsurprisingly Thai guys have lost all appeal to me.

I was still being harassed and receiving threats daily by email (his only way to get in touch) months later and I was forced to change my email address and loose contact with good friends for fear that he will track me down somehow. Even though I seemed to annoy him and make him crazy jealous, he strangely thinks he loves me and we have to be together forever! Very fatal attraction and I seriously feel he would benefit from a stay in a mental hospital. Of course I understand that this should be a rare story and that maybe I was just unlucky, but when I moved into my new neighbourhood and shared my story I discovered my little hiding place had been a safe house for many other western girls fleeing their crazy Thai ex’s.

So apart from the misunderstandings, the hypocrisy, the drunkenness, the cheating, the spitefulness, the death threats and the controlling side of my Thai man. I can highly recommend them.

But this one was way too spicy for me.

On foot from Bangkok to Chiang Mai

By thaistory

July 11, 2010

In December 2010, Michael David Nepia intends to walk the 750 km from Bangkok to Chiang Mai in an attempt to raise money for charity and give hope to children who were not as fortunate as most of us.

Such a big task could never happened without Hope Worldwide Thailand, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping needy children and underprivileged girls. Hope Worldwide is coordinating with Michael in helping out to survey the local accommodation en route before his walk. Read more here.

Q&A with Bangkok-based tsunami survivor Aaron Le Boutillier

By thaistory

July 9, 2010

QUESTION: And Then One Morning is a powerful story about what you personally experienced on the Island of Phi Phi during the 2004 tsunami. You’re a veteran now in Southeast Asia, being successful in Thailand and Singapore. Do you have any ideas for a new book?

ANSWER: “Unless I am caught up in an earthquake, volcano, hurricane or typhoon I think we are safe, however, some people have enjoyed my style of writing so maybe I should seriously think about another one. If I did, would you read it?”

Read more Q & A here!