My Love Affair With Thailand – Epilogue is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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Epilogue

After leaving Nok I felt pretty bad. I quite simply did not want to leave Thailand. I buried myself in the anonymity of Don Mueang airport and had a few beers to make me feel better. Thankfully the departure time for the flight came quickly and I was soon on my way to Istanbul. A short stopover and I was greeted by a dull and rainy Heathrow. Reality.

I never went back to see Nok and soon afterwards the bars on Asoke Corner were pulled down. I wish I had kept her telephone number but sadly I didn’t. I would love to meet her again some ten years later and I hope things have turned out well for her.

I met Tuk again about a year later in a different bar on Soi Cowboy. She had lost weight but still had that effervescent sparkle about her. She told me Meow had met a farang and didn’t work in a bar anymore. I asked Tuk to send my regards to Meow and wish her well.

Poo was working in the same go-go bar up until a couple of years ago and had been promoted to cashier. She was still partial to debagging customers right up until the time she left her employment.

Sai from Patpong has never been seen again, Just Do It Sai!

Geoff is living in Thailand full time after selling his dental practice and narrowly escaped death during the tsunami. His beach hut was swept away but luckily Geoff and his companion escaped with nothing more serious than some cuts and bruises. We still meet up a couple of times a year wherever Geoff may be in Thailand. I have never asked him if he ever met up with the devil lady.

Pim – Whereabouts unknown.

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A Long Return To Thailand – Part 3 is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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I awoke at nearly midnight with Jeab in my arms. I felt totally worn out which I guess was a result of the excitement of the past few days, jet-lag and making love with Jeab. I lay there for a few moments my nostrils filled with the scent of Jeab’s hair, listening to the distant sound of traffic from Second Road. I was ravenously hungry and gently let go of Jeab as I went to the shower. Jeab stirred slightly but remained asleep. The air conditioning had made the room cool and I switched on a bedside lamp. I stood under the shower trying to decide whether I would go out and take Jeab with me, go out and send Jeab home, stay in my room with Jeab or stay in my room without Jeab. Such are the decisions to be made in Thailand.

I decided to leave Jeab sleeping while I went downstairs to have a drink in the hotel bar. Half expecting to meet green stripe polo shirt I entered the lift and descended to the ground floor. I could hear the music from the bar opposite as I ordered a Heineken and sat down with my thoughts. The bar was virtually empty with only a couple of guys accompanied by Thai ladies. They spoke in hushed tones as I stood up to collect a copy of the Bangkok Post from the newspaper rack. As I did this I heard a voice behind me.

“Mind if I join you mate?”

The accent was unmistakably Australian and belonged to a guy who looked to be in his mid-thirties, about my height with a short military type haircut wearing light blue jeans, a white shirt and suede desert boots.

“Yes, no problem, sit down here, fancy a beer? I’m Gerry from England”. We shook hands.

“My name’s Jim I’m from Sydney”.

I got Jim a bottle of Singha and I got a bottle of Heineken, we sat down at a table with a view through the window of the soi. Jim was in Pattaya on holiday and this was his first night. He had arranged to meet some friends in Pattaya but their flight was delayed and they’d decided to spend the night in Bangkok.

“Great place mate” said Jim taking a hearty glug from his beer.

“My first time here Jim, got here this morning and things are going fine so far”. My mind wandering briefly to wonder what Jeab was doing upstairs. I’d locked all my valuables in the room safe and hated doing it because I wanted to trust everyone but better to be safe than sorry.

“What you got planned tonight?” said Jim as his eyes followed a couple of young ladies walking up the soi towards Second Road.

“Nothing at the moment mate, any ideas?”

Of course Jim had ideas. We discussed our plans and I quickly made the decision to relieve Jeab of her duties and hit the town with Jim. I caught the lift upstairs and knocked on the room door. Jeab opened the door almost immediately, smiling wrapped in a white towel and wearing a shower cap. I explained I was going out with my friend from the bar and would she give me her telephone number. I didn’t know exactly how to say I wanted her to go but she got the message but not before peeling off her towel and standing naked in front of me saying, “I horny tilac”. My return to the hotel bar and my new friend Jim took slightly longer than I anticipated. I introduced Jeab to Jim before she went on her merry way laden with baht.

It was getting towards one o’clock in the morning as Jim and myself jumped into a baht bus and headed towards Soi 8. Jim had been to Soi 8 earlier in the evening and recommended we revisit. We paid the baht bus driver his fare and entered Soi 8. Soi 8 runs parallel to Soi 13 between Second Road and Beach Road further north along the coast. It is lined by bars on both sides and is about 150 metres in length. As we arrived the bars were closing but it was still possible to have a drink outside the bars and the place was buzzing with people. The lights in the bars had been turned off and the volume of the music was reduced but there was still a fun atmosphere with hundreds of people still partying. Girls, and ladyboys, were in abundance all around us as we drank our beers and took in the scenery. We were soon joined by a couple of girls, Bom and Art. Bom latched onto Jim and Art seemed to take a liking to me. We bought them drinks which looked more like works of art than a beverage and settled down to talk away and watch the activities on Soi 8. Art spoke excellent English and we were soon deep in conversation about nothing in particular. I endured the now familiar interrogation – name, duration of stay, name of hotel, how old, wife? Girlfriend? Where you go? etc. The answers I gave seemed to satisfy both Art and myself as the crowds on Soi 8 thinned slightly. Bom got up to go and get some food for her and Jim so I asked Art if she wanted anything. Art smiled and said yes so she joined Bom on the food run. I was looking forward to something to eat as I hadn’t eaten since the chicken and fruit earlier in the day. I asked Jim how he was getting on and I got the response, “Bonzer” which I took to mean things were going great with him and Bom. We got another couple of beers from a very tall ladyboy who had now assumed waitress duties for us. Bom and Art returned clutching a veritable feast which included a doner kebab, a couple of burgers, some som tam, a fish with what looked like garlic, lime and chilli, a few bags of sticky rice and some noodles and we all tucked in although I noticed the girls gave the burgers and kebab a wide berth.

The food finished we ordered more beers and spectacular beverages for the girls and talked about moving on. Bom suggested we went to a disco she knew was open until the morning. Jim and myself didn’t take much persuading as we quickly finished our drinks and hopped into a passing baht bus. I sat next to Art on one side of the baht bus and opposite Bom and Jim held each other as we commenced our breakneck speed journey to the mystery destination. We turned inland away from the sea. I recognised the road we were on from my journey into Pattaya the previous morning as we passed some very large hotels. The street lights became more sparse and darkness seemed to envelope us as we travelled to our mystery destination. Suddenly the baht bus slowed and in front of us stood a huge warehouse type structure adorned with flashing neon lights. It was like an oasis in the middle of darkness with what seemed like hundreds of Thai men and women along with farangs accompanied by Thai girls. Art and Bom seemed very excited to have arrived as we alighted the baht bus and paid the driver.

Outside the queue to enter the venue snaked around the side of the building. There were dozens of food carts sprinkled around the place along with small stalls selling beer and soft drinks to those in the queue. Bom and Art disappeared for a couple of minutes and reappeared clutching bags of what I thought were chocolate chip cookies although on closer inspection they were deep fried baby frogs which both Art and Bom nibbled on voraciously. They offered Jim and myself a frog each but we both politely declined causing the girls to giggle furiously no doubt revelling in the awkwardness of the two farangs.

The girls entered the venue free of charge and both Jim and myself were charged an admission fee which included a free drink. Inside, the place was jumping. Literally hundreds of Thai’s and farangs dancing and having fun. The venue was enormous and was adorned with flashing lights, huge sheets hanging from the ceiling and a stage where I presumed a band would play at some point. Everybody seemed to be having a great time. Suddenly the music stopped and everybody started chanting something in Thai, the noise got louder as the chanting became louder and louder. Me and Jim looked at each other laughing and at the same time feeling slightly excluded. Bom and Art were jumping up and down laughing hysterically and shouting, it seemed the whole place was going to explode when the lights flashed even faster, the noise built to a crescendo and there were three enormous loud bangs. This was when I noticed what looked like foam being shot out of what seemed to be huge drainpipes at the side of the stage. The foam shot up into the air seemingly covering everything. The girls were now besides themselves jumping up and down screaming as they were progressively covered with the foam. We all became unrecognisable as the music started up again and people danced, jumped around and melted into a huge mass of foam and humanity. It was mind-blowingly hysterically funny.

Eventually the hysteria subsided and Jim and myself located Art and Bom who had by now de-foamed themselves. They were still in the vicinity but appeared to be shell-shocked after the excitement of the foam. It obviously wasn’t the first time Bom and Art had attended the foam night and judging by how much they had enjoyed it, it wouldn’t be the last.

We left at around five o’clock and wearily made our way towards a queue of baht buses parked on the road that passed the foam warehouse. Art and Bom by now had stopped talking and entered the Thai girl mode of tiredness where nothing short of a firework up the arse would rouse them. We all returned to the hotel in the baht bus tired, happy and looking forward to a good nights sleep. We caught the lift up to our respective floors, me with Art and Jim with Bom and said our goodnights.

Art and myself slept like the proverbial logs, naked and entwined.

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A Long Return To Thailand – Part 2 is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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The flight from Heathrow with Qantas had been uneventful. I had sat next to an Aussie backpacker who had spent most of the 11 hour flight telling me about a pop festival he had been to regardless of the fact I was pretending to be asleep. Steve had been good to his word and I was now officially a website builder. My plan was to spend a month in various locations around Thailand interspersed with visa runs and a trip or two back to the UK during the year I intended to spend in Thailand. The locations I had chosen were Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui and Hua Hin although I was prepared for changes and to be flexible.

The trip from Don Mueang airport to Pattaya had taken just about two hours as we pulled up outside the Dynasty Inn on Soi 13 in Pattaya. I had seen the hotel on the internet, it was reasonably priced, was newly built and from the pictures I had seen it looked to be quite plush. I was paying about £20 per night but intended to stay only a few nights before I moved to somewhere a little cheaper after having a look around.

If you choose wisely in Thailand it’s possible to find a hotel that would probably cost 3 or 4 times as much in the UK. Conversely it’s also possible to find a hotel in Thailand that is priced 3 or 4 times more than you would find in the UK. It’s always a combination of good research and good luck.

I checked into my hotel and went to my room. It was now mid-morning and I was a little tired after the flight but was keen to get out and about and see what Pattaya had to offer. I was also mindful of the fact I had to discipline myself to at least 4 or 5 hours per day in order to do the work that would sustain me financially during my stay. I jumped into the shower after unpacking my bags and putting the clothes I was wearing into a plastic bag ready to take to the laundry. The warm shower was refreshing and also relaxed me after my long journey. I luxuriated as the water cascaded over me and I thought of the events leading to where I was now. I still had some doubts over whether I was doing the right thing but I had chosen to put them at the back of my mind and enjoy what I had.

After my shower I lay on the bed and before I knew it my watch was telling me it was four o’clock in the afternoon. I must have been more tired than I realised and I felt a little cheated that I had fallen asleep. This was a recurring theme during my time in Thailand where I found myself feeling out of sorts if I had missed something, as though I had to live every single moment.

I showered again, put on a t-shirt, some shorts, a pair of sandals, left my room and entered the lift on my way out. As I entered the lift I noticed another occupant, a girl wearing a pair of denim shorts, a pink t-shirt, a baseball cap and a pair of training shoes. I guessed she was about 23 years old, her hair was still slightly damp which gave the impression she had recently showered. I smiled at her as I entered the lift and she smiled back. I pressed the button marked “0” and we stood silently and slightly awkwardly as one tends to do in a lift. A few seconds later the ding of the lift bell indicated we had reached our destination as I stood back slightly inviting my lift companion to exit first. We both walked through the foyer and I dropped my room key off at reception. I noticed the girl from the lift also stopped at the reception desk in order to collect what I presumed was her ID card. As I stepped outside the hotel I made the transition from air conditioned coolness to the heat that was Pattaya. It felt like I was being stroked gently by a hairdryer such was the heat of the day.

I stood on the steps of the hotel surveying what was before me. To my right was Second Road and further down the soi to my left I could see the sea and just across the road was a bar. I was feeling a little hungry and so decided to look for something to eat. I had no real plans about what to do after eating apart from walking around and familiarising myself with my surroundings. A little further down the soi towards the sea I spotted a wheelbarrow stall being pushed by an elderly lady wearing a huge smile and a Mexican style sombrero even bigger than her smile. As I approached her I noticed she was selling different types of fruit. I looked at her fruit display as she stopped enabling me to get a closer look. Such was the heat of the day I suspect she was rather grateful she had an excuse to put her barrow down for a while. I recognised the melon, pineapple and sliced bananas but the other fruit I hadn’t seen before, some orange coloured fruit, some small red berries, some white fruit with black specks and some round white fruit. I asked the lady for some of each and she filled a couple of bags with a selection of her wares. She handed them to me still smiling and held up four fingers indicating 40 baht for the lot. I gave her a 50 baht note and told her to keep the change, her smile grew even wider as she bowed slightly and resumed pushing her wheelbarrow. A pound for two huge bags of fruit left me feeling very happy. I continued walking down the soi towards the sea and Beach Road munching on my purchase and enjoying the new flavours of fruit I had never seen before. As I approached the corner of the soi and Beach Road I spotted the same girl who had been in the hotel lift just minutes before. She was standing at a som tam stall chatting to a lady who was pounding out the som tam. As I walked past she saw me, smiled and said, “sawasdee khrup”. I smiled back and replied “sawasdee khrup”. Her hair had dried quickly in the heat and I noticed that it was slightly permed with some light brown highlights. Her eyes were bright and playful, her skin looked to be soft and smooth but most of all I noticed her perfectly rounded bottom and breasts. She sure was a very attractive young lady. I held out a bag of my fruit and asked her if she would like some, she smiled and took some, not taking her eyes off me for a moment as if assessing me. She asked,

“Where you from?”

I recognised this interrogation technique from my time in Bangkok a few months earlier, I was familiar with it and it felt somewhat reassuring.

“I’m from England, where are you from?”

“I Udon”

I knew Udon Thani was a city in a northern region of Thailand called Issan where many of the working girls came from so I replied,

“Udon Thani?”

She laughed and said something in Thai to the lady who was still pounding away at the som tam.

“What your name?” she asked me and I told her my name was Gerry from England. She said her name was Jeab. So that was it, Gerry from England and Jeab from Udon Thani. As happens thousands of times a day in Thailand, two total strangers from opposite sides of the world meeting for the first time with one inevitable outcome.

Jeab spoke reasonably good English and we chatted for a while as she waited for her som tam to be finished. The lady making the som tam finished pounding away and shovelled the contents of the pot into a polystyrene tray and handed it to Jeab who handed the lady a few coins. A thought crossed my mind as to how som tam was transported before polystyrene was invented but the thought quickly dissipated as I caught a glimpse of Jeab’s breasts under her pink t-shirt.

We walked slowly north along Beach Road towards a place to sit down as we chatted about nothing at all in particular, Jeab asking me how long I was to be in Pattaya for and me asking questions but not really listening to the answers. We found somewhere to sit and Jeab opened her polystyrene box of rich bright red and green colours which looked delicious but smelt dreadful. As I continued munching my fruit she tucked into her dinner sitting cross-legged on a wall overlooking the beach and sea. The sun was getting lower in the sky and I saw jetski’s, parachutes and speedboats weaving their way around the bay, it was a scene of great activity, of people having fun, I was living in a dream.

Jeab told me she had been working in Pattaya for three months. She had a baby in Udon Thani and sent money home to her mother who was looking after her baby. Her husband had gone off with another girl and her father had died when she was young. This had me feeling sorry for Jeab and I wanted to hug her but her smile told me she was happy with her life and I don’t think my western perception of her life would have gone down very well with her. She finished her som tam and then started on what was left of my fruit, boy could she shift some tucker. The fruit finished I suggested we go for a drink along the road. I was also craving one of the lollipop chickens I had seen so many times in Bangkok. We crossed the road from the beach side to the side where the hundreds of bars, shopping malls, restaurants and bar complexes are to find a place to have a drink. After some 20 minutes walking past what seemed like hundreds of places we came upon a bar with a lollipop chicken stall outside. The bar was playing music in the early evening and seemed quite lively. Jeab offered to barbecue my chicken outside for me while I ordered the drinks. I handed her a 100 baht note as I entered the bar. Jeab wanted a nam pau which is bottled water and I got a Heineken. As I sat down I spotted Jeab turning my chicken on the barbecue coals. She really was an attractive lady, she was not now wearing her baseball cap and her hair shone under the rapidly descending sun. She was quite tall for a Thai, maybe 5’ 6”, her legs were well-proportioned, her bottom was well rounded and her breasts were firm and medium sized. Even though she had told me she had a baby it didn’t seem to have taken a toll on her physique. I was feeling quite pleased with myself.

Jeab returned with a big handful of chicken for both me and her and handed me a few coins change which I put in my pocket. She also produced a small pot of chilli into which we dipped the chicken. As I looked out over Pattaya bay eating my chicken, sipping my beer and chatting to Jeab I was in a good place.

We left the bar and walked slowly backed towards the hotel. We hadn’t discussed what would happen next, I guessed we both just knew. Jeab was good company, she made me laugh and I loved the way she tried really hard to pronounce English words and in some cases just couldn’t quite get them right. She said “pomplim” instead of problem which I thought was really cute and when I asked her about it she tried really hard to say “problem” while furrowing her brow, slowly and deliberately trying to say it the same as me but to no avail. We both laughed as she tried. The carefree way Thai women approach life is a total contrast to the way I find western women approach life. Western women take themselves so seriously and seem to have lost the fun gene from their DNA. I hope this gene is firmly implanted in the Thai DNA for a long time to come.

We arrived back at the hotel and approached the reception desk to collect my key and Jeab produced her ID card to hand over to the receptionist. As we walked towards the lift I noticed a guy to my left who was also heading towards the lift. He was an elderly chap wearing beige shorts, a green striped polo shirt, white socks and sandals and a baseball cap indicating he was a follower of the Yankees. He was also smiling at Jeab. I looked at Jeab who had adopted a somewhat confused look as she glanced at both me and the elderly chap. She said nothing as we waited for the lift doors to open and we all entered the lift together. In the lift I could see Jeab glancing at the gentleman and then glancing at me and green striped polo shirt seemed to be smirking to himself. I glanced in the lift mirror to see if anything had inadvertently stuck to my head or if I had “Idiot” tattooed on my forehead, neither was true. As the lift neared my floor I stepped forward as did Jeab as we waited for the doors to open and as we departed the lift a voice from behind us said, “Goodnight Jeab”. I turned round to see the doors of the lift closing. I looked at Jeab who had the look of somebody who had just seen a ghost. I asked her if she was ok as the penny dropped. I smiled as it hit me. I had first met Jeab in the lift a couple of hours earlier. I had guessed she had just been with a customer as her hair was wet and she had collected her ID card from the hotel reception on her way out. My money was on green striped polo shirt being that customer and coincidentally we had met him in the lift. I didn’t relay my thoughts to Jeab but smiled to myself at the coincidences that life throws up and also at the fact Jeab was going to have a very profitable day.

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A Long Return To Thailand – Part 1 is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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Looking to meet someone in Thailand? ThailandFriends is the premier English-Language Social Network of Thailand. TF offers all members a unique online experience (dating or otherwise) complete with access to dating and social networking functions such as chat rooms, private messaging, forums, journals, partys & events and whole range of services to help you meet the most compatible Thai singles.

The time passed quickly as I sat in the taxi heading for Pattaya. This was a journey I had wanted to make for many years and now the time had come. I had a whole month to discover the delights of Pattaya and that month was starting today.

Since leaving Bangkok 3 months before I had experienced the full gamut of emotions. Leaving Bangkok had been painful. I had discovered a side of life that left me feeling exhilarated. I had enjoyed the company of and made love with some beautiful ladies, I had met some lovely people and made some good friendships. The lifestyle of balmy evenings sipping beer, eating delicious cheap food and watching the world go by agreed with me most favourably. I had discovered a heady cocktail and under no circumstances was I going to let it go. It seemed I had discovered my own private heaven.

The job interview in London just a few days after returning to England had gone well, in fact it had gone so well I had got the job, the interviewer saying I had impressed enough to be offered the job there and then on the spot. I had thanked the interviewer with the correct amount of enthusiasm and surprise as I shook his hand looking him in the eye more to convince myself that I wanted the job than to convince him he had chosen the right candidate. Inside I knew I had changed. A month before the interview I would have crawled over broken glass, hot coals, man o’ war jellyfish, hungry crocodiles and the odd stinging nettle to be offered this job but now it didn’t matter. I didn’t want the job, the job where I was going to get a generous 5 weeks paid holiday a year, a non-contributory pension plan, membership of a health club and a London Underground season ticket. These things no longer mattered to me, what mattered to me now was Thailand and that was it. The day after the interview I received a formal offer of employment through the letterbox outlining the package being offered to me. The salary was reasonable, the benefits were generous and the working conditions were excellent. The words that jumped out at me from the offer letter were those written large and black and bored into my consciousness, “Five weeks paid holiday”. As I read them I felt hopelessness, that confusion and helplessness I remembered from years before when I had lost my mother in the supermarket as a small child. How would I be able to enjoy Thailand with only five weeks paid holiday each year? I called the company and lied saying I had encountered some personal problems and would have to decline the offer. They sounded disappointed and asked me to contact them once I had sorted out whatever problem I had. I wish they had been angry with me, called me a nasty name and left it at that instead of being so bloody nice about it. So bloody nice.

I needed a job where I could work and have time off, lots of time off. Those jobs aren’t easy to come by because let’s face it, everybody wants those jobs. I racked my brains for a week thinking what I could turn my hand to. Sheep shearing in the Falklands, e-Bay trading, male escort, driving instructor, oil rig worker, freelance writer and porn star were amongst the more sane ideas I had. My ideas fountain had dried up and I needed a break. I have a friend in Bristol who had also visited Thailand some years before and was now in an unhappy marriage with a lady who had morphed into a nasty overweight overbearing copy of her mother. I had met her mother at my friends wedding a few years before and commented to him that if his new wife turned into her mother then he should either consider suicide or homosexuality. He laughed at the time but he was not laughing now.

We went for a drink near Bristol Templemeads station. Bristol Parkway and Bristol Templemeads, two railway stations for Bristol, something I’ve never understood and, I guess, neither does Bristol. It was early evening and Steve had just finished work. I had phoned him earlier in the day to tell him what time I was arriving in Bristol and he seemed to be looking forward to meeting up with me. In fact the impression I got was Steve was looking forward to anything that didn’t involve having to go home and face his duplicate mother-in-law over a plate of sausage, egg and chips. It was raining outside, the nights were drawing in and there were the beginnings of the cold that signalled yet another English winter. We sat in the corner of the bar each with a pint of Heineken which, to my mind, now seemed so out of place in an English pub without a cooling condom container and a beautiful Thai lady to talk to. We chatted small talk about his work, his day, my day, the journey to Bristol Templemeads on the train and the weather. We sat silently sipping our beer thinking of something else to say listening to the rain outside, me contemplating my future, Steve contemplating his mistake sat at home. Steve was fully aware I had been to Thailand and in fact he was a major factor in me making my decision to go. I guessed he had secretly wished it was him who was going when I was making my plans, he was a good friend. Little did he know how much it had changed my view on life and I was about to tell him.

I told Steve about Nok, Pim, Geoff, Poo, and everyone I had met in Thailand, I told him about turning the job down and my fruitless quest for a job that would enable me to visit Thailand as often as possible during the year. I told him I just didn’t know what to do. One of the reasons Steve was a good friend is he is non-judgemental, he is laid back and nothing seems to bother him, that is apart from his wife.

He sat silently for a few seconds thinking. This was usual with Steve when he was thinking about something to say. I hoped he wasn’t going to be judgemental or laugh or tell me to grow up or any number of other responses I was expecting. Instead he said,

“Mate, I wish I was in your shoes”

“How do you mean?”

“You know when I visited Thailand a few years ago I felt exactly the same as you but I had just met Jane and, you know, that just seemed more important at the time.”

I figured it wasn’t really the right time to say anything about Jane even though I wanted to tell Steve he should just up sticks and come to Thailand with me. I asked him what he would do in my shoes.

“Look, it’s not up to me but I know how hard you worked at university, how you wanted to make a new start in life and is that new start working in an office with free travel on the underground? No it isn’t, your new start is you doing what pleases you. You have found something that pleases you and now we have to find out how you achieve that aim.”

I wasn’t surprised by his response but it was the way he said it with such conviction that made an impression upon me.

We carried on drinking Heineken and said nothing more about Thailand for the rest of the evening.

The next morning after waking up I called Steve from my room in the Holiday Inn. We had both got spectacularly drunk the night before and ended up in an anonymous Indian restaurant eating chicken vindaloo, nan breads, popadums, rice and chips washed down with the best house Stella Artois. I couldn’t recall returning to the hotel but had a fleeting memory of being sick outside the kebab shop next door to the Indian restaurant.

I met Steve in the hotel bar at midday. He looked a lot happier than he had the night before in the pub near Bristol Templemeads station. In fact he had a big smile on his face which surprised me somewhat considering I guessed his hangover must be at least as painful as mine.

“Sleep well mate?” he asked as he beamed at me.

“What the fuck is up with you?”

“Fuck all, just in a good mood, that’s all”.

I asked if he wanted a beer and we went and sat down near the spiral staircase out of earshot with two pints of Heineken.

“Jane was up to her tricks again this morning when I woke up.”

I nodded in an understanding manner not wanting to make a judgement but I knew what he was going through. I asked what she had done.

“It doesn’t matter what she did but I’ve told her I’ve had enough and I’m moving into your flat.”

I know me and Steve are good mates and I’ll help him wherever I can but my flat is in London and he works in Bristol. I told him this as if he didn’t already know.

“I can work from our office in London for a few months until things are sorted out with Jane and then move back to Bristol once the divorce is finalised”, said Steve.

“Divorce?”

“Yes, I’ve been thinking about it for ages and talking to you about new beginnings last night has finally made my mind up, She can have the house, she can have the car, in fact she can have anything she wants, all I want is to get away from her. I’ve finally grown some balls”.

“Well Steve, I can’t say it’s a surprise but you certainly seem to have made up your mind, how about another beer?”

We got another beer and sat for a minute contemplating.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night and I’ve had an idea”. Steve said wiping the Heineken froth from his top lip. He seemed to have a sparkle in his eye, as though he was bursting to get something out.

“Ok mate, go ahead, I’m all ears”.

“You know at uni as part of your group project you built some business websites for small charities?”

I’d actually forgotten about building the sites. We’d built the sites as part of a group project for local charities in order to help locally and to expand our skills. I replied that I remembered.

“Well, my company are offering a free web design service for all new customers and I’m in charge of finding a small web design company in the local area. It’s all based on templates, all you need is a basic knowledge of Dreamweaver and HTML and there you go!”

I am no Bill Gates or Steve Jobs but I certainly had used Dreamweaver before and had a basic knowledge of HTML and this sounded good but what did it entail?

“Well you get paid for each site you build by us and that’s about it. We are expecting around 100 sites a month at £20 per site and you can do that from anywhere in the world. The offer is planned to last a year. How does that sound?”

That sounds good but ………………

“But what? It’s about two grand a month and I know you can easily live on two grand a month in Thailand. No ifs or buts, I’ve got you the gig so let’s drink up and go and book your ticket. Besides there’s no way I’m living in your gaff with you!” Steve said looking at me laughing, the happiest I’d seen him since I’d arrived in Bristol the night before.

We booked my flight to Bangkok at the Thomas Cook Flight Centre in Bristol. I was returning to Bangkok in two days.

The taxi raced along the tollway getting closer to Pattaya by the second as I clutched my laptop bag and suitcase. I felt alive.

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My Love Affair With Thailand – Part VII is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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Nok was awake before me the following morning, she was putting my things in my suitcase more neatly than I could ever manage. I lay watching her for a few minutes drinking her in knowing my time in this wonderful country was limited. She noticed me lying there watching her and leant over to kiss me. I put my arms around her and pulled her onto the bed. I wanted to stay with her, with all the ladies I had met in Bangkok.

I had to vacate the room by midday and it was getting close to the deadline. I was in two minds as to whether I should take Nok to the airport with me or go on my own. I hate railway station and airport goodbye’s but I wanted to spend every last minute I could with Nok. I said nothing to her about the airport as we continued to pack. I had taken some pictures during my stay that I wanted Nok to have so I had planned to visit a 1 hour picture processing shop a short walk from the hotel entrance. I explained this to Nok who excitedly took the film to the shop for me. I also asked her to order breakfast for us while she was in the hotel lobby. Twenty minutes later there was a knock on the room door and when I answered I was confronted by a giggling Nok accompanied by the lady who, a couple of days earlier, had delivered the breakfast for Tuk, Meow and myself. They both pushed the breakfast trolley into the room where Nok unloaded it onto the table. The lady got another tip and as I handed it to her she gave me a knowing smile. Thankfully the volume of the order was nowhere near the banquet I had enjoyed a couple of days before but nevertheless it was substantial. Nok had a big bowl of tum yum koong and some rice along with some fruit and a flower which I don’t think was for eating. I had some bacon, toast, tea and tomatoes. After breakfast we checked the room for anything I may have left behind. I noticed the Pink Panther toothbrush all alone in the bathroom and decided to leave it there.

In reception I paid my bill and arranged to stow my bag in the storage room for a couple of hours while I made some last minute errands. We collected the photographs from the photo-processing shop and I gave Nok her pictures which she was very pleased with, examining them very closely and smiling. I couldn’t see my tuk tuk friend outside the hotel but recognised a couple of the guys from our barbecue activities over the past few days. I said my goodbyes and wished them all the best with them shouting names of English football teams as I returned to the hotel with Nok. We went to the hotel bar for a drink as we killed time waiting for the inevitable parting.

Nok had undoubtedly experienced the Thailand parting many scores and possibly hundreds of times before but I was a complete novice. I didn’t want to turn into a blubbering wreck nor did I want to appear indifferent. As I drank my Heineken I asked Nok if she would come to the airport with me. She immediately said yes with just the right amount of emotion. Looking pleased I had asked but not going overboard. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I asked if there was anything she needed. She smiled and shook her head. I wanted to buy her a present as we are conditioned to do so in the west but knowing that money would be a more attractive option for her I decided to give her a bonus when I paid her at the airport.

With the time now going past too quickly for my liking I told Nok it was time to go and went to collect my bag from the storage room, I thanked the staff for their service and left a tip on the reception desk. As I passed the excursion desk I glanced across hoping to catch the eye of my nearly friend but she was busy trying to convince a young couple that a cruise down the river by moonlight was a great idea. Nok and myself emerged out into the sunshine to await the taxi I had ordered. Also outside the hotel were a South African couple in their mid-twenties who looked as though they had come straight from Khao San Road. They were concerned as their taxi had not arrived and they were late for their flight. I explained there were taxi’s passing the end of the road every second but they said they had paid at the hotel reception for a taxi and they had just a few baht left. I was a little annoyed when I realised that I may have to share my taxi with this couple when I wanted to make the journey to the airport alone with Nok. Furthermore the South African couple had a mountain of rucksacks, sleeping bags, roll-up mattress mats and gifts. In fact I could feel a rage building. I could always refuse to let them join us but that would be selfish and mean so I hoped the next taxi to arrive would be theirs. I told them to enquire at hotel reception as to the whereabouts of their taxi but as with so many of the youth today they seemed incapable of doing this. I was starting to want to punch the guy in the mouth as his whining voice droned on and his girlfriend was equally annoying due to the fact she made her hair pigtails in a particularly stupid way. A taxi approached the hotel and indicated to pull in beside where we were standing. I was praying it was for them but as God doesn’t exist my prayers weren’t answered, it was my taxi, more specifically it was the taxi I had hired to take me and Tuk alone to the airport. At no point had I ever asked anyone to share it, least of all a couple of whining South African backpackers.

We all piled into the taxi complete with dirty rucksacks on our knees and sleeping bags filling the boot. I sat in the front with a box containing a wooden Buddha on my knee. Nok was in the back clutching a rolled up sleeping bag and I didn’t really care about the backpackers. The journey to the airport was in total silence apart from the driver occasionally trying to make polite conversation. Thank goodness it wasn’t a Porntaxi, that would have been too much.

Arriving at the airport the driver asked me for a tip which I declined to give him. To be fair it wasn’t his fault but I was in no mood to converse with anyone. I deliberately dropped the wooden Buddha on the floor as I got out of the taxi and immediately regretted my immaturity. The South Africans disappeared with their belongings after thanking us both and I turned my attention to Nok. I apologised to her but I think she was blissfully unaware of the turmoil I was experiencing. She probably thought all farangs travelled like that.

I met up with Nok after I had checked in for my flight and we went upstairs to the bar with me hoping I wouldn’t see the South Africans drinking champagne and tucking into canapés and caviar. Thankfully they were nowhere to be seen. I needed a drink after the shenanigans of the previous hour or two. I had mentioned smoked salmon to Nok a few days before and she had told me she didn’t know what it was so when I saw it on the bar menu I asked her if she wanted some. She laughed and said she would “lub” to have some. I ordered some along with a beer and water for Nok. We sat in silence, me thinking of the past few days and the fantastic memories I had. I have no idea what Nok was thinking because she didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. The smoked salmon arrived on a silver plate and Nok tucked in. She seemed to enjoy it and grinned as I watched her eat. I had ordered some salami and ciabatta which Nok was also keen to try which she did and polished off most of mine aswell as her smoked salmon. When Nok excused herself to go to the toilet I left some money under her handbag.

It was now time for my flight so we stood up to go downstairs and I noticed Nok pick up the money without counting it and put it in her purse. I hope she was happy with the amount I gave her. We then went downstairs where I paid for my exit visa and Nok stood silently watching me. This was the crunch. I looked at Nok, she looked at me. We both had tears in our eyes and we held each other tightly for a few moments. I held my face close to hers and gave her a sniff kiss causing her to hold me even tighter for a brief moment. We then separated, held hands for one last moment as I turned and walked away.

Goodbye Nok and goodbye Thailand.

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My Love Affair with Thailand – Part VI is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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I prised Geoff away from his new friend by showing him the pork kebabs I had cooked and told him I had spoken with Nok while he was interviewing the devil. He seemed quite pleased but obviously had his mind on other things.

We caught a taxi through the traffic on Sukhumvit Road up to Nana Plaza. The taxi driver was keen to show us his porn DVD but we politely declined and asked him to turn it off. He mumbled something about not getting paid but it fell on deaf ears. We departed his taxi outside Big Dogs Bar and entered the wonderland that is Nana Plaza.

To the uninitiated Nana Plaza is a horseshoe shaped entertainment arena consisting of bars and go-go’s and has a ground floor and two upper floors. It is about half the size of a football pitch. It smells of urine sometimes and at other times it doesn’t. Opposite Nana Plaza is the Nana Hotel car park where, at about midnight seven days of the week, scores of girls will sell you sex without you having to pay a barfine.

I have always liked Nana Plaza, it is a love it or hate it place but I love it. I like the bars on the ground floor especially as they are all outdoor and it’s possible to watch visitors to the Plaza come and go. There are a number of ladyboy go-go bars situated on the ground floor and upper floors for those who enjoy the ladyboy scene and at the entrance to Nana Plaza there is a late night burger stand called Nanaburger which is in itself a treasure.

Geoff and I entered Big Dogs for the first time. A long bar with a rudimentary toilet at the far end. We were immediately joined by a number of ladies who were all in their own way attractive but it was too early in the evening to be making those sorts of plans. We had a couple of drinks and then strolled into the Nana Plaza amphitheatre. Immediately upon entering we went into a bar to our right and spent a happy hour or so chatting with a ladyboy who latched onto us both. Whilst extremely attractive with a chest to match the ladyboy had a voice as deep as the Marianas trench which made the whole scenario quite confusing. We then wandered around taking in the scenery before Geoff suggested we go into a go-go. We went up a level to one of the many go-go’s and entered one encouraged by the hello girls who all thought we were extremely handsum young men. The go-go was very much like the many I’ve seen over the years with half a dozen ladies dancing around poles all but one or two of them in a trance-like state. The one or two who don’t appear bored were dancing enthusiastically to Bon Jovi for the umpteenth time. We sat down and ordered some drinks with Geoff now hitting the whisky. We were joined by a couple of girls who again draped themselves all over us but mine had her hair dyed a light brown colour. This immediately sparked my interest and gave her a different look. Surely I wasn’t getting bored with the Thai look already? When I asked her what her name was she started pinching my face. Thinking this was some sort of fun game I started pinching her back which surprised her. It took a couple of minutes for it to sink in her name was Poo which means crab and she was pinching me in the style of a crab. The confusion over with I looked over to where Geoff was sitting and he appeared to have disappeared under a herd of Thai go-go dancers. I could make out his arm and the top of his head but otherwise he was totally invisible. I concentrated my efforts on Poo who was doing her best to get my shirt off while I was doing my best to drink my Heineken. The number of dancers on the stage had diminished as they now all seemed to have morphed into a big pile of Geoff. Geoff was no more.

Poo gave up on trying to disrobe me and turned her attention to prising another ladydrink out of me. I was no match for her as she went to the bar for a Heineken and her purple coloured concoction. It was as she sat down again that Geoff emerged from the pile of go-go dancers shirtless, trouserless and shoeless. He had an enormous smile on his face. I spotted one girl wearing his shirt and another couple wearing a shoe each as they charged around the joint laughing like a pack of hyena’s. Geoff was sat bolt upright like a big grinning meerkat. This was my kind of bar. Predictably we were the only customers in there and I have little doubt the reason for this was the house custom of disrobing any customers immediately they entered the place.

Normality returned quite quickly and we paid the bill. I took the telephone number of Poo and we moved onto another bar. This bar was back on the ground floor and slap bang in the middle of the plaza. A TV was showing a football match and we sat down to observe a dozen or so Brits partying with the girls. Time was now getting on and the drink was starting to take effect so we decided to take it easy for a while until we regained our strength. Sadly this was not to be. The Brits were busily lining up tequilas on the bar much to the excitement of the girls who were all squealing like demented parrots in anticipation of the fun about to start. Geoff’s interest was aroused once he saw the tequila and after a little negotiation he was invited to join the competition. I wasn’t entirely sure of the rules and neither I think was Geoff but it seemed to involve drinking a huge amount of tequila in a very short time from a number of very small glasses. There were three participants, two Brits and Geoff. The countdown started, the girls started screaming and the contest began. It was all over in a matter of seconds with Geoff coming last but acquitting himself well. There were handshakes all round and the winner received a t-shirt.

We decided to stay in the bar for a couple more as the Brits moved on. A couple of the parrot symphony joined us for a drink before we decided to make our way to Clinton Plaza for a few late ones.

By this stage I cannot remember how we got to Clinton Plaza, whether we walked or got a taxi but when we arrived it was a huge disappointment. The bars appeared to be closed with just a few punters roaming around and to the best of my recollection, no girls. As I was now well oiled and Geoff had lost the power of speech we went our separate ways.

I climbed into bed debating whether I should make that call tomorrow to Nok or call Poo my new brown-haired naturist friend.

I woke up early the next morning nursing a monstrous hangover. The events of the previous night came flooding back as I lay in bed contemplating and dreading my imminent return to the UK. I had only one more day and night in Bangkok and I was determined to enjoy it. I was up, showered and cooking chicken wrapped in lollipop sticks with my tuk tuk driver friends by 10:30. I spotted the tuk tuk driver who had escorted me on my first day as I tucked into my slightly burnt chicken. He was reclining on his tuk tuk in the early morning sun smoking a cigarette. More importantly he appeared to be at the head of the tuk tuk queue. I walked over to him pleased that I had not missed him before I left Bangkok. He seemed equally pleased to see me and we shook hands. I asked him if we could agree on a price for a couple of hours of tuk tuk fun around Bangkok. He suggested a price of around a fiver that seemed reasonable and off we went with me clutching my camera. He asked if I wanted to stop at any bars but I told him that would be a bad idea considering my exploits over the previous few days. Besides, my head was still throbbing from the night before.

Schumaker weaved through the morning Bangkok traffic in search of sights to show me. We soon found ourselves near the Royal Palace in a huge park. We stopped while I took some pictures of tourists and various monuments, statues and the like. We stocked up on bottled water and then headed towards Khao San Road, the backpackers paradise, along wide tree-lined avenues. The sun was shining and thoughts of returning home were forgotten.

Arriving at Khao San Road I was immediately struck by the number of people milling around. They were mostly young couples along with large groups of young men and girls, very few of the single men commonly seen elsewhere in the fleshpots of Bangkok. Khao San Road in the daylight reminded me a little of Soi Cowboy, it was about the same length, about the same width, was lined by bars and seemed rather sad in the sober light of day. The smell of urine was again present in certain places which certainly assisted in clearing my head, a little like a good lungful of smelling salts. Music was being played in a number of bars and restaurants along the length of the soi. The volume was restrained with the promise of bigger things to come once night fell. From what I had seen so far it was a place I would probably steer clear of during my nocturnal activities.

Feeling a little peckish I asked to be taken to a pavement café serving traditional Thai food. As there are literally thousands dotted around Bangkok our race through traffic seemed unnecessary at the time but once we sat down to eat I realised why this particular establishment was such a favourite of my driver. I ordered chicken fried rice with lots of chilli. My friend ordered tom yum koong with rice. His prawns struggled to be contained in his bowl, they were so large and my chicken fried rice was delicious with strands of basil and golden shards of garlic sprinkled on top. Suitably sated we roared off for our final stop which was a favour for my driver. He said that if I spent 10 minutes walking around a gold shop he would get a free full tank of petrol for his tuk tuk. I was a little hesitant at first but as he had never come close to trying to pull a scam on me I trusted him. We pulled up in a soi as he pointed out which shop to enter and he again reminded me, stay only 10 minutes. I entered the shop and spent a few minutes walking around, I was asked if I was looking for anything in particular but said I was just browsing. Ten minutes passed and I departed. I had done a favour for my friend and he received a tank of petrol for his tuk tuk. We returned to my hotel where I had matters of a pressing nature to attend to.

Returning to my room a note had been pushed under the door saying I had received a telephone call with a number written neatly on a piece of headed hotel notepaper. I am always impressed when I see the writing of Thai people, it is invariably very neat and exact. The number belonged to Nok. I was a little peeved she had called the hotel although admittedly I had told her the previous night I would call her in the morning and now it was early afternoon. I mulled over the situation and decided to ignore the note and give Poo a call.

Poo answered the phone with a cheerful, “Alloooooo”.

“Hi Poo, what are you doing?”

“I wait telephone you”

“Want to come to my room?”

“Where your loom?”

Poo arrived an hour later dressed in a bright pink skirt, a black t-shirt with “Naughty Girl” written on the front in gold letters and a pair of trainers carrying a small shoulder bag. She came into my room and kicked her trainers off before sitting on the corner of my bed eyeing the TV remote control. I leant over, kissed her and removed her clothes.

After making love we showered and called room service. Poo ordered tom yum koong, a huge salad and what seemed to be the entire annual production of an Issan rice paddy. I settled on a vegetable curry with French fries and the obligatory pig nam pla. Poo asked me what I was doing later and I said I didn’t know. After making love it takes me a while to gain any motivation to think about or do anything. I was also thinking that maybe I would go and see Nok but didn’t think it would be a good idea having Poo tag along. We lay on the bed eating while watching a Thai cartoon with a squeaky fat yellow bird and a brown dog with insane eyes.

We slept and early evening I escorted Poo to Nana Plaza for her nights work disrobing unsuspecting customers and I wandered along Soi 4 looking for a bar. I found one just past the Dynasty Inn next to a launderette/beauty salon/hairdresser/massage shop. This was to become one of my regular watering holes in later years, Charming Bar. I entered and ordered a drink. Remarkably I was left on my own and wasn’t bothered by any girls approaching me looking for a drink. Maybe I wasn’t such a handsum man after all? I found this refreshing just to be left alone without feeling pressured to buy any drinks apart from ones I wanted to consume. I spent a happy hour having a drink and watching MTV before I moved on to a bar across the road next to the Nana Hotel which was packed and seemed to be quite lively. It was. I got talking to a young lady called Som. She was from Buriram and had been working in Bangkok for three months. She wasn’t in possession of the effervescence I had seen in Tuk a couple of nights previously but she had a lovely smile and a laid back personality which suited me at the time as I was also feeling a little laid back. She hadn’t yet perfected the Thai girl interrogation technique but she was learning fast. I was quizzed very efficiently but not very effectively. Seemingly happy with the answers I provided I bought her a bright green drink while she struggled to climb on to a high bar stool opposite me. She leant over placing both of her hands on my thighs and said, “I tell you seeklet”. Intrigued, I told her to go ahead but instead of telling me she looked at me quizzically. I again asked her to tell me what the secret was but she just frowned at me. To this day I don’t know what she was getting at but I can only assume that like a budgerigar she had learned to say something without really knowing what it meant. Bless her.

I left Som with her secret and wandered off down the soi towards Nana Plaza. Outside Nana Plaza next to Big Dogs there seemed to be an awful lot of ladyboys. The thought crossed my mind it was a ladyboy picket line protesting the number of girls working in Nana Plaza demanding more ladyboys were given jobs there. I later found out they were just looking for guys to have sex with.

I entered Nana Plaza and went to the bar where Geoff had lost in the tequila drinking competition the night before. I was recognised by a couple of the dawn chorus who greeted me like a long lost friend. I sat down and ordered myself a drink while my friends wiped me with a cold towel. I felt a bit deflated as this was my last night in Bangkok for goodness knows how long and found it difficult to recapture the spark I had felt for the past few days. Maybe tiredness was catching up with me aswell but I wanted to make the most of my final night. I decided on a tequila to pep me up and invited my two friends to join me. They broke into a chorus of little screams again and clapped their hands excitedly as the drinks were poured into small glasses. A plate was provided with slices of lime and salt before we all threw the tequila back down our throats. The girls pulled gargoyle faces as they spluttered while sucking lemon to kill the taste of the tequila. I immediately felt re-energised and ordered another three tequila’s. We repeated the torture process another couple of times before I paid my bill and went in search of Poo.

I found Poo outside her go-go wearing a silk kimono clutching a board that offered happy hour beer at a very cheap price. She screamed when she saw me and ran unsteadily towards me tottering on her high heels. She gave me a huge hug and dragged me towards the scene of last nights disrobing activities. Not wanting the same treatment as Geoff I was reluctant to enter but I got the impression the girls were more interested in the som tam they were eating outside the go-go than they were in making me naked inside the go-go.

Once inside I sat down with Poo who had taken my right arm hostage and was refusing to release it. The sound system was pumping out some American rock but there was a noticeable absence of girls dancing on the stage. I presume they were all outside eating som tam during their break. Poo’s friend came over to take our order as the grip on my right arm was relaxed. Poo was very keen to tell me she liked my loom. In fact she had liked my loom so much she wanted me to take her there at that very moment. Maybe if she had said she was impressed by my dazzling good looks and sparkling personality along with my razor wit and amazing lovemaking skills she would have got an invite but as the room was the object of her affections I ignored her request. We had a couple more drinks before I said my goodbyes and left Poo to the remnants of the som tam table.

I decided to visit Soi Cowboy one last time before I went home. The taxi dropped me off close to the pork kebab stall and I wandered slowly up the soi taking in the sights. I spotted the lady in the gold boots and red flashing horns who had swapped telephone numbers with Geoff the previous night and wondered whether they had managed to meet up. Tonight she had changed costumes and was wearing fishnet stockings up to her knees along with a white swimsuit and a silk wrap. She stood smoking and chatting to an equally attractive lady in a similar costume.

On my right was the bar where Tuk and Meow worked and as I walked slowly by I glanced over and sure enough Tuk had her back to me delivering a drink to one of the outside tables. I decided to go over and say hello. When Tuk saw me she shouted out my name and came running over. I hugged her and asked where Meow was. She pulled me towards her bar and just as I sat down Meow appeared from behind the black curtain at the entrance to the go-go. She too shouted my name and came over to sit with me. Tuk took my order and we all sat down to talk. It was lovely to see them and all the memories from our night together came flooding back. These girls were great fun. They pretended to sing me a love song holding pens for microphones just as they had done in the karaoke bar, joking that I snored too much and they didn’t sleep, having fun as we all just enjoyed the moment.

It was now getting late so I decided to bid farewell to Tuk and Meow. We hugged and kissed knowing we had shared some fun times and also knowing we would never meet again.

I walked up Soi Cowboy as far as the Old Dutch and then made my decision to go and visit Nok. It had been on my mind all day but I had been unsure whether to see her or just forget her. Out of all the wonderful ladies I had met in Bangkok the previous few days Nok had been my favourite. I felt we had shared some good times and I thought it appropriate to visit her and say goodbye. It was now after midnight and the bars would be closing very soon so I knew this wouldn’t be a protracted goodbye. This was some comfort to me.

I walked out of Soi Cowboy with the Old Dutch to my right and made the short walk to Asoke Corner where Nok would be working. I approached her bar with a certain amount of trepidation, what would happen if she was away with a customer, what would happen if she was draped all over a customer, was I doing the right thing? All these questions ran through my mind and they all seemed to matter right now.

I saw Nok immediately I entered the bar, she had her back to me and was with a group of girls crowded around a couple of customers. I heard a couple of raised voices before Nok turned and looked at me. Unlike Poo, Nok and Meow she didn’t shout my name or come running over she just looked, smiled and walked slowly and deliberately towards me. We sat down in our usual spot and she sniff-kissed me on my cheek. For a few seconds we didn’t speak, just looked at each other. I reached out and gave her a hug – we were friends again.

I told her I had missed her but said nothing about the night I came to her bar. I didn’t want to know anything and I had no right to know anything. She asked me what I wanted to do as I think it was inevitable we would spend the night together. I suggested we went for a walk along Sukhumvit Road. Nok collected her bag from behind the bar and joined me as we strolled hand in hand in the warm night air. We talked about nothing in particular as we became part of the crowd that emerges during the early hours along Sukhumvit. I flagged down a taxi and we returned to my hotel. We went straight to my room resisting the urge to have one last drink in the hotel bar and held each other close as we lay on the bed. We then showered naked together as we prepared for bed. I left Nok in the bathroom as I towelled myself dry looking forward to spending one last night in her arms before I returned home. I sensed Nok behind me so turned around to see her smiling at me holding a Pink Panther toothbrush in front of her. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked her if she needed another toothbrush to which she replied, “you hab new toothbrush?” The penny dropped, one of the lady visitors to my room had left their toothbrush behind, I hadn’t noticed it but Nok had found it and was stood in front of me holding it. I confirmed it was a new toothbrush, took it from her hand and replaced it in the bathroom. Nok didn’t mention it again but I wonder whether that made us even in a strange sort of way.

We held each other close all night and made love with an intensity that said we would never meet again.

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My Love Affair With Thailand Part V is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

Thank you for reading Bangkok Diaries. If you have a post or a story you would like to share please send us your submissions.

Looking to meet someone in Thailand? ThailandFriends is the premier English-Language Social Network of Thailand. TF offers all members a unique online experience (dating or otherwise) complete with access to dating and social networking functions such as chat rooms, private messaging, forums, journals, partys & events and whole range of services to help you meet the most compatible Thai singles.

The next morning arrived like a volcanic eruption. I awoke just before midday to one of those only too familiar moments of confusion. What happened last night? Who is this in bed with me? Oh dear, there appears to be two people in this bed with me.

Tuk and Meow showered as I lay on the bed trying to recall all the events of the previous night. I was in a sort of daze not quite believing what had happened but feeling as happy as I had ever been. Last night had not been an illusion, I had met two beautiful ladies, had a great time, visited some bars and a karaoke and then made love with them both. They were now ordering breakfast for us all as they laughed and had fun in my hotel room. Thailand truly was a paradise.

We hadn’t discussed money the night before and as they undoubtedly wanted paying I was keen to get it right. With Nok it had been easy, we had already agreed a price for our day out and I then added some for the night we spent together. The same for the second night we spent together. That seemed like such a long time ago now as I heard room service knock at the door with our breakfast. In came a trolley laden with food pushed by an attractive lady I had seen a couple of days before working on the reception desk. Tuk and Meow helped her unload the food onto the table and I gave her a tip for the effort it must have taken pushing our trolley along the corridor. From what I could see my friends had ordered the entire breakfast menu twice over and more. There were sausages, bacon, tomatoes, eggs, rice porridge, prawns, rice, 3 or 4 bowls of soup, coffee, tea, orange juice, milk, cereals in little boxes, various types of fruit and cold meats. I didn’t really know it at the time but Thai women can eat like horses and sure enough Tuk and Meow got stuck in. I was still a little worried about the question of payment for the night before and didn’t want to appear as though I was stalling so as I was eating I made to tidy my things. As I was doing so I placed some Thai notes next to their handbags which were next to the TV. They seemed oblivious to what I was doing as I hoped the amount of money I had left was acceptable to them.

Even after years of visiting Thailand, eating with Thai’s in restaurants, in their homes, in hotel rooms and on the street I have not quite got used to having food taken off my plate or taking food off other peoples plates. I guess I’m just territorial with the instincts of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier when it comes to food. As I watched Tuk and Meow eat I was transfixed by the easy and informal way they went about things. Brought up to think meal times were a formal event, elbows by my side, don’t talk with your mouth full, use the right cutlery and all the other rubbish we teach our kids in the UK, to see these two Thai ladies sitting cross-legged chattering away to each other was as refreshing as it was interesting.

With breakfast finished and the remnants tidily stacked together and placed outside my room door by Tuk and Meow the time to say our goodbyes had arrived. I was sad to see them both go, we had all shared some lovely times together. I kissed both of them on the cheek as they did with me, we shook hands and hugged as they retrieved their bags and money from beside the TV. Nothing was mentioned about the money so I presume it must have been the correct amount. I watched them walk down the corridor towards the lift and waited until I heard the lift bell signalling their departure.

I have listened to hours of discussion by farang men concerning the correct amount of money to pay a bargirl/freelancer/go-go girl for a short time or a long time. My way of thinking is if you are happy to pay the money and the lady is happy to accept the money then you have the price exactly right.

My hotel room seemed empty after my two friends had left so I got my camera and went off in search of some photographic opportunities. I passed my tuk tuk driver friends and the barbecue stall as I was full to the brim after the enormous breakfast I had just been subjected to. Making my way to the main road to flag down a taxi I spotted a dog in a pretty bad way with what I took to be some sort of skin infection. It had lost all the fur from its hind quarters and its skin was red raw from where it had been scratching. This saddened me as I thought it unlikely it would receive any help from an organisation such as the RSPCA or PDSA and would probably die a painful death. It also got me thinking about the dangers of living in Thailand where the safety net of social security just doesn’t exist. I have since learned there is a rudimentary health care programme for all Thai’s but it is no use pretending it is comprehensive. This is probably why there are so many pretty young ladies who are willing to sleep with farangs such as me for money and is a discussion that is far too wide-ranging and in-depth for a sex tourist like me.

I arrived at Silom Road by taxi for a wander around. I took some pictures of the very impressive buildings and toyed with the idea of visiting Geoff in his hotel. It was a couple of days since we had met and a few beers and a chat seemed quite a good idea. I knew the name of the hotel Geoff was staying in and quite literally stumbled upon it as I took some pictures. I went to the reception to find out if he was around. The lady behind the desk resplendent in her very smart uniform smiled and called his room. She passed the phone to me and Geoff invited me up. I entered the lift with his room number, floor, right out of the lift and then ……. ringing in my ears. Geoff answered the door in a dressing gown and immediately invited me in. Sat down on the couch was a very attractive Thai lady wearing a matching dressing gown with the hotel motif displayed on the top left hand pocket. I shook hands with her and she introduced herself as Pim. Pim was probably about mid-thirties and very confident. Not at all like a bargirl. She was sipping red wine from a glass and smoking a very long cigarette. She had styled hair with elegantly painted finger and toe nails and wore her gold casually. I think Geoff could see I was impressed; he excused himself to the bedroom in order to change while I sat down and chatted with Pim. I didn’t get the, “how long you come Thailand” or “you hab lady?” rather I got the “what do you do for a living” angle. This was certainly interesting. Having lots of questions for Geoff he appeared and we went downstairs to the hotel bar.

“Where the f**k did you find her then?”

“Accident really, I popped into a hotel I was passing for a drink the other night and just got talking to her”

“She’s fit …… and posh, is she on the game?”

“Presume so, not mentioned money though, claims she used to live in England and was married to a foreigner”

(At this point it is fair to mention that as Geoff is American, England could be anywhere in Europe)

“I’d imagine she won’t be cheap”

“You bet”

“Guess what happened to me last night in Soi Cowboy”

And another nights festivities began.

I waited in the hotel bar while Geoff returned to his room. The bar was pleasant and was sparsely populated by business types taking an afternoon drink. Not the sort of place I would usually drink but pleasant nevertheless. Geoff returned after 20 minutes or so with Pim who had discarded her bathrobe and was now wearing a smart but suspiciously creased grey skirt and jacket clutching a bag that was too large to be a place for putting her lipstick and foundation in but too small for an overnight bag. I guessed she earned her living hanging out in high-end hotels looking for customers who weren’t the beer bar or go-go bar type. We sat down and Geoff ordered a round of drinks. Pim didn’t say much but I could tell she had spent some time in the west judging by her mannerisms. She seemed self-assured and comfortable in her surroundings smoking long cigarettes and exhaling the smoke slowly and deliberately. I warmed to Pim very quickly as her manner betrayed a wicked sense of humour and a throaty laugh. After a couple of drinks Pim said goodbye and kissed us both on the cheek before she sashayed through the revolving hotel door and out of Geoff’s life forever.

I ordered another drink as we discussed our plans for the coming evening. I had no specific plans but was aware I was to be going home in a couple of days. I hadn’t yet visited Nana Plaza so we resolved to go there at some point and although I didn’t mention it at the time I felt I wanted to visit Nok in order to put a ghost to sleep.

Geoff is very much a go-go bar person so we spent the early evening visiting a couple of go-go bars on Soi Cowboy. We passed the bar where Tuk and Meow worked but there was no sign of them outside and not wanting to interfere with our plans for the night we walked straight past to another go-go bar. Inside we took a seat to the rear of the establishment, I find sitting right up at the stage leering at the ladies close up is a bit too pervy for me. It is also a little quieter too away from the stage. We were soon joined by a bevy of beauties who draped themselves all over us in a big pile of Thai girl. Enjoying the attention we bought a few lady drinks and enjoyed the fun. Some of the girls lost interest and took their turn dancing on the stage as they were replaced by more girls willing to drape themselves all over us in an abstract Picasso painting kind of way. After an hour or so we were both draped out and decided to visit Nana Plaza but not before going for something to eat. On my recommendation we stopped at the same street stall I had visited the previous night for my pork kebabs. I was showing off a bit as I turned my kebabs over the hot coals. I was engrossed in my cooking and only briefly took my eyes off the food to have a look where Geoff had gone. There, not 6 feet away from me was Nok. She stood, arms crossed, feet together looking at me. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say. I glanced at Geoff who was busy taking the telephone number of a go-go dancer dressed in a red cape wearing gold boots with two red flashing horns on her head.

“Hello Nok, how are you?”

“I cry”

“Why do you cry Nok?”

“You not come see me”

“I’m sorry Nok I was busy”

“My ladyboy friend in bar say you wave her”

“Yes Nok, I saw all your friends in the bar but you were ill”

“Yes, I go loom hab food poosenink”

“Remember Geoff, Nok?”, I gestured towards Geoff who was still talking with the caped crusader.

“I lemember Geoff, I cry you”

“Listen Nok, I will call you tomorrow morning”

“Ok, you call, I cry”

“Bye Nok”

Nok turned on her heels and walked towards her bar. It was nice to see her again and now I had an excuse to call her.

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My Love Affair With Thailand Part IV by Inspector Cowboy is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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I love the smells and sounds of Thailand. There is an ever present aroma of cooking, ginger, chilli, garlic and other exotic herbs and spices along with grilling meat and fish and the sounds made by the constant drumming of the som tam pot. I find it mesmerising and fascinating in equal measure. Soi Cowboy has its fair share of street food stalls catering for the girls and tourists hungry for food and fun.

I decided to get something to eat before embarking on an heroic bout of drinking. A barbecued meat stall selling the lollipop stick chicken and kebabs of pork was my first stop. I bought some pork and an omelette with some rice and then walked a little further down the soi for some slices of mango, in all costing me a little over a pound and jolly good value. I sat down outside one of the many go-go bars and ordered a Heineken from a solidly-built young lady who had the strong features of Issan and the eyes of somebody who had probably seen too much in her short life. As usual I had bought far too much food for myself and asked if she would like to share as she delivered my drink. Smiling she accepted my offer of a ladydrink and pulled up a chair to begin tucking into our evening meal. Her English was pretty good and her smile was dazzling. She had a sort of effervescence about her which I have since found many Thai girls have and is absent from girls in the west. This effervescence is difficult to define or describe but is unmistakeable when you see it. Her name was Tuk and she originated from Udon Thani, a place I had never previously heard of. She kept leaving our table outside the go-go in order to serve customers but her friend had emerged from the darkness inside the go-go to lend a hand. Tuk, like most Thai ladies, needed no excuse to smile. Her DNA was infused with happiness as she bounced around on her chair telling me about Udon Thani whilst crinkling her nose up in the way that Thai’s do which makes farang men go weak at the knees. Tuk wasn’t a classic beauty but had an aura that was deeply endearing. Already beginning to forget Nok I was taken with Tuk’s presence …… and her large firm breasts.

Even though it was barely an hour after leaving Nok’s bar I had done a lot of thinking and had suitably chastised myself for getting too emotionally attached to Nok. I needed to sort myself out and that meant finding another girl to act as a sticking plaster for my wounded pride.

Tuk was just finishing the last remnants of our evening barbecue when the thought crossed my mind that an ideal candidate for the sticking plaster was now smiling at me chewing some mango. I decided not to make any hasty decisions I might regret later and ordered another drink for myself and Tuk. Tuk’s friend had now taken over drink
delivery duties and brought us our drinks. She stopped to chat with us in between serving customers. It seemed Tuk and Meow were sisters although they looked anything but, Meow was slender and quite tall for a Thai girl and had Chinese/Thai features as opposed to Tuk’s northern Thai features. Anyway, sisters or not they made a very pleasant pair of drinking partners. The time passed as it does in Thailand with lots of laughter and very little else. Nok was well and truly pushed to the back of my mind and my attention was now fully on Tuk and Meow. They tried to persuade me to step inside the go-go bar but I was enjoying myself outside in the Bangkok night air. Besides what could possibly be better than enjoying a few drinks with a couple of lovely ladies on a warm Bangkok evening?

As the night wore on I felt the need to move on. I had meant to go to Clinton Plaza but as I was enjoying myself so much I dismissed that option but a change of bar was called for. I was enjoying myself with Tuk and Meow and didn’t want to leave them alone so I decided to take them with me. I asked them if they wanted to come and they seemed happy to do so. I paid the barfine and after a few minutes wait while they collected their bags and got changed we trooped off into the night. In fact we moved only a matter of yards before they spotted another sister/friend and we all plonked ourselves down outside another go-go.

This was exactly as I had pictured Bangkok and Thailand to be. Warm evenings, exotic ladies, the senses on fire and more fun than I could imagine. The only cloud on the horizon was my return to work but that could wait, I was living life and enjoying it without reservation for the first time in years. Life was good.

After a few drinks in Tuk and Meow sisters’ bar we ventured a few more doors down the soi and entered a go-go. Go-go bars have never been my thing, I find them too dark and restrictive with the music too loud for conversation. I enjoy conversation and being in the outdoors not in an anonymous room unable to speak. I was also with two very pretty young ladies, why would I want to sit around watching other ladies dance? Well, the entertainment wasn’t sliding up and down a pole, or female. The entertainment was some guy dancing. Not on the stage as is the norm for drunk farangs but at his table. He was obviously drunk or on drugs or both but he had an amazing ability to dance in a bendy toy kind of way. It was great fun to watch, Tuk and Meow thought it was entertaining too and applauded him with gusto as he was escorted from the premises by two serious looking heavyweight Thai door staff.

It was now getting late and Meow told me the bars would soon be closing. I didn’t want to leave for the hotel yet as I felt the night was still young so when Tuk suggested we went for some karaoke fun I immediately agreed. I still had a very recent memory of my first night in Bangkok where things had gone a bit strange so I had a fleeting moment of wariness but this soon passed as I jumped into the taxi at the end of Soi Cowboy. Thankfully we hadn’t hailed a Porntaxi as we weaved through the Bangkok night traffic heading for a karaoke bar. I sat in the back of the taxi with the girls who were in high spirits, as was I. After about 20 minutes we arrived in a small quiet anonymous soi, I paid the driver and entered what looked like the front door of a shop with huge blackout curtains. Inside was like entering the Doctor Who tardis, the place was packed with Thai’s all drinking and having fun. As far as I could see I was the only farang there but didn’t feel as if I was intruding on anybody’s territory. Nobody took any notice of me as we sat down with our drinks which was a good sign. I sat in the middle of the girls as they leant across me chatting in Thai probably discussing whether the farang would want to take one of them back to his hotel room later on during the night. I was just happy to enjoy my time and live in the moment.

It was soon the turn of Tuk and Meow to sing which they both did, serenading a rather embarrassed me with a Thai song. I hadn’t a clue what they were singing but it sounded nice – doesn’t anything spoken in the Thai language sound nice? The drinks were flowing and the time was getting on. I knew now the decision had to be made as to whether I would be taking a girl back to my room and if so, which one? They were both fun girls and attractive in very different ways, Tuk with her lovely smile, effervescent personality and large firm breasts or Meow with her quieter voice, slender body and beautiful eyes. I needed some quiet to help me make my decision so I excused myself to go to the gents. I knew that whatever decision I made I would immediately wish I’d chosen the other girl so I did it on the toss of a coin. Meow won so I returned to the girls to ask if Meow would come back to my room for the night. As I returned to my seat they both looked up at me with their happy faces and it was at that moment I said, “would you both like to come back to my room tonight?”. They smiled and nodded.

I hadn’t applied just a sticking plaster, I had applied a huge great plaster of paris cast.

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My Love Affair With Thailand Part III by Inspector Cowboy is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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Nok left in the morning after listening to me snore for 8 hours.

I decided to have a lie in and go for a late lunch. I had noticed a very attractive lady working at the tourism and excursion desk in the hotel lobby. She always smiled when I passed and as I had now learned to wei and say sawasdee khrup at every opportunity we were on speaking terms albeit rather basic speaking terms. I walked down to the lobby wearing my best cargo shorts and a silk shirt I had purchased the previous day with Nok. I spotted my prospective new friend sitting at her desk trying to convince a German couple that a trip to a temple in Bangkok was a great idea while the husband of the couple was probably thinking a trip to Soi Cowboy was infinitely more preferable. The German couple dealt with my friend looked up to see me standing in front of her in the middle of a huge wei and a sawasdee khrup. Looking slightly startled she returned my greeting as I sat down. My plan of action was to ask her to recommend a restaurant for a late lunch and then invite her to come along with me. A fairly simple exercise one could be thinking but sadly not on this occasion. She decided that an evening meal on a boat was what I needed and no amount of pleading from me would change her mind. Sensing this was a conversation that was going nowhere I decided to terminate our meeting in order to find some food. This was the last time we spoke even though we exchanged smiles each time our eyes met in the lobby.

I walked out of the hotel into the early afternoon Bangkok heat. There was a barbecue meat stall outside the hotel catering mainly for tuk tuk drivers so I decided to stop and see what was available. I opted for a piece of chicken encased in a couple of lollipop sticks which I was invited to reheat myself on the vendors portable grill. I soon got the hang of this by watching others and rapidly got into conversation with some tuk tuk drivers. The chicken was delicious and after swapping some banter about football teams I left the tuk tuk drivers to their lunch and ventured up the road. I hadn’t really been for a walk close to the hotel so I decided to head towards the main road where I had spotted what seemed like a small shopping centre the previous day. The small shopping centre turned out to be nothing more than an outdoor market with a difference. In one corner was a workshop making up suits. I guessed at the time, correctly or incorrectly, that this is where the notorious Indian tailors bring their orders to be processed. Still a little disappointed at my lack of success with the tourist desk lady I flagged a taxi down and asked to be taken to one of the big Bangkok shopping centres. This was to be my first experience of the now defunct Porntaxi. A taxi with a DVD on the front dashboard showing hardcore porn. These were all the rage some 8 to 10 years ago but thankfully seem to have died a death in recent times. The Porn King appeared to be very pleased with his dashboard toy and much as one would mimic the voice of a SatNav he was parroting the voices of the porn actors. This may have been partially amusing in the early hours of the morning after a kegful of Heineken but at 1pm on a hot and bright Bangkok day it just seemed out of place.

Leaving the Porn Palace I was on the hunt for a place to eat preferably with air conditioning. I discovered a restaurant that looked to be part of a chain. The staff all wore uniforms but more importantly all looked very very pretty. I’ve seen this chain since in MBK but cannot recall the name. The concept is you order raw meat and vegetables and a waiter or waitress brings a box containing hot coals and slots it into your table. You then cook the food yourself. This works fine in a group and I’ve been to many open air restaurants since called “mook atat” where you pay a fixed fee of 100 – 200 baht and enjoy a good feed. I can especially recommend one quite close to Phra Khanong BTS. This was eerily different as the waitress plonked herself down next to me and proceeded to cook my grub for me in the style of a geisha girl. Not quite knowing what was going on I found conversation difficult which was compounded by the fact it appeared the girl couldn’t speak a word of English. My English sense of decorum prevailed and I dutifully ate the food she kindly put in front of me silently. On reflection it would probably have been the done thing to at least buy the girl a drink, invite her to share my food or even offer to barfine her but sadly none of these ideas occurred to me at the time. The awkwardness of the situation led me to leave prematurely as I contemplated what to do with the rest of the day.

Thankfully Thailand came to the rescue with the unexpected. There was a massive traffic snarl up so I decided to just wander. I chose to explore some side soi’s and spent an hour or two watching som tam sellers pulverising the ingredients of their pots, pavement CD vendors selling their wares, massage girls attempt to seduce single men at the side of the road, stressed policemen directing traffic and motorbike taxi’s weaving their way through static cars. I eventually ended up on Sukhumvit Road where I stopped at a bar for a refreshment or two. There I met my American friend, Geoff. Geoff is a dentist from southern California. He has now sold his business and retired to Thailand. At the time he was considering making the move. We have enjoyed some riotous times since we met and meet up around twice a year in Thailand. Geoff doesn’t put any roots down in Thailand, preferring to move from place to place when he chooses. The day we met turned into an epic marathon of excess including a visit to the bar of my new friend Nok at Asoke Corner. Geoff acquired a friend on our travels and all four of us ended up in a restaurant somewhere near Sukhumvit eating enormous prawns from a grill.

After eating what looked like the entire contents of the Andaman Sea we went our separate ways, Geoff with his new friend and me with Nok. Even though I had known Nok for only a couple of days I knew she was a nice girl and I wanted to spend more time with her before my painfully short holiday finished and reality reared its ugly head.

In hindsight I can see what was happening, I was growing too fond of Nok. This was not a road I wanted to follow although I didn’t really see it clearly at the time. Fate later dealt a hand which changed things somewhat but this served as a wake up call.

The next morning Nok left early and I again had a lie-in. I was determined to lay off the booze until at least the evening so I decided to ride the Skytrain and spend time just observing people. This may seem odd to some but I enjoy people watching, always have done. I stopped outside the hotel for some chicken and a chat with the tuk tuk drivers, bought a large bottle of water and got a taxi to the nearest Skytrain. The next couple of hours were spent riding the Skytrain, getting the feel of Bangkok and exploring the Skytrain stations. My curiosity suitably satisfied I headed towards Asoke and an appointment with a Dutch beauty.

Alighting the Skytrain and climbing down the steps from the station I decided to visit the bar where Nok worked. In the cold or should it be warm light of day it seemed a rather sad place to be. It stood almost empty with a girl asleep on the counter, the chairs placed in a group by the corner of the bar and a fan making the only sound. A cat lay at the entrance from the pavement daring anyone to enter. I hurried past not wanting to look too hard as if reality would kick in and my illusions would be shattered. Nana Plaza is another place I like to stay clear of during the day. A fun and happening place at night but somehow a sad place during the day. Like an old cruise liner who has seen better days.

I walked past the Offshore Fish and Chip Bar choosing to enter Soi Cowboy from the opposite end to Asoke. First on the left was the Old Dutch restaurant where the Dutch beauty awaited me. I sat down inside cooled by the air conditioning and ordered a stampot, my Dutch beauty. Stampot a traditional Dutch dish which takes many forms but is typically mash and a big meatball with gravy. Also in the restaurant were a group of guys who appeared to be businessmen dressed in suits and ties along with one Thai girl. As I have mentioned before I am an avid people watcher and this gathering gave me the ideal opportunity for a period of observation. The businessmen were deep in conversation and even though I couldn’t hear their voices as they were hushed, I got the impression they were American. There was obviously sort of deal going down as they became quite animated at times but the nature of their dealings were out of my earshot. The most noticeable observation was the fact the Thai lady uttered not one word neither was she spoken to. The most likely scenario’s ran through my mind, was she a bargirl picked up by one of the group either during the course of the day or for a long time? Was she the partner of one of the group? Was she a company employee brought along for the negotiation but this seemed unlikely due to her silence. However, her presence looked out of place regardless of her role. If she was a bargirl, was it appropriate to bring a girl along for a business meeting? Anyway, the conclusion to my period of people watching was inconclusive with a lot of unanswered questions. This brings me to another point that fascinates me about the transient form of relationships in Thailand. I have noticed that any relationship with a bargirl, if more than just a few days, becomes very intense very quickly. As sex tourists more often than not we tend to put this intensity down to the cunning of the bargirl whose only motivation is to wheedle as much money out of us as possible but is this strictly true, are bargirls getting a bad rap? We all know the concept of a holiday romance. The intensity, the first kiss, the moonlit walks, the hurried utterances of devotion. Is this just the same as a brief dalliance with a bargirl/prostitute?

Leaving the Old Dutch I returned to my hotel for a snooze before planning to visit Clinton Plaza, a place I had read about on the internet. I woke up refreshed and ready for the night ahead. Geoff had told me a horror story about an accident he had seen involving a tuk tuk. The passenger had apparently been decapitated when the tuk tuk had veered off the road. This didn’t surprise me as if I was going to invent a road vehicle that meant certain death if anything went slightly wrong I would invent a tuk tuk. Complete with no seatbelt, a close proximity to the road surface, sharp steel edges and drivers with deep-seated racing driver fantasies they are mobile death machines. They are also great fun. I decided to give my tuk tuk driver friend a wide berth and hailed a taxi. My intention was to meet Nok in her bar, have a few drinks, take a wander down Soi Cowboy and then on to Clinton Plaza.

The taxi dropped me off at the Asoke end of Soi Cowboy and I made the short walk down to Nok’s bar. The bar was quiet but without the emptiness I had seen earlier on in the day. I looked around for Nok who I presumed must be in the ladies room or getting something to eat. I was by now well aware of her love for any form of deep-fried insect or small amphibian. Her work colleagues quickly ushered me to the table I had made my own over the past couple of days while I made my drinks order. They all seemed very happy to see me which I thought quite strange as I had hardly spoken to any of them before. Never mind though, they were all very pretty and it was no chore having a chat. I spotted the ladyboy who Nok and I had met on the river a day or two before who seemed to be shyly hanging back, I waved in acknowledgement which brought a smile. I bought a couple of the girls a drink and sat down to wait for Nok to come back. I noticed some frantic telephone activity behind the bar which I took to be some Thai business that was being sorted out. I now suspect it was frantic telephone activity due to my unexpected presence. About 15 minutes passed as I sat down, drank my beer, talked to the girls and waited for Nok to come back. I found it strange nobody had mentioned Nok or told me where she was as it was obvious I had visited the bar to see her. I eventually asked one of the girls when Nok was coming back but she just smiled and asked if I wanted to play a game of Connect 4. Knowing my knowledge of Thai customs was sketchy at best I was not concerned and agreed to play the game but at the same time was a little perplexed as to where Nok was. I dutifully lost at Connect 4 and bought my opponent the obligatory ladydrink before looking at my watch and realising I had been in the bar for over 30 minutes and still there was no sign of Nok nor had anybody as much as mentioned her name. I got up out of my seat and walked over to the cashier who was busily shuffling check bin slips and asked her if she knew where Nok was. Her expression was one of surprise as her eyes darted around the bar desperately seeking some help from another girl. Even at this point I thought the problem might be the language barrier and waited for someone to come to the assistance of the cashier. After a few seconds one of the girls came over. I had seen this girl before and I think she was a friend of Nok’s as I’d seen them talking intently one night. I noticed the ladyboy back into the corner sucking on a straw emerging from a glass of what looked like Coca Cola while watching the events unfold. Nok’s friend explained to me that Nok was ill but could be coming to work later that evening. This was when the penny dropped, Nok was with a customer, there was no doubt in my mind. I had forgotten Nok was a prostitute, a bargirl in Bangkok and had let the romance and fantasy of the past few days cloud my judgement. Nok was earning a living just like I was going to have to do when I got home back to the UK. I had forgotten that I was just a customer, a paying customer who paid money to Nok in order to have sex with her. That was the bottom line. I felt cold and hot at the same time with the realisation of what had just happened. I felt a sense of relief, surprise and a certain amount of humour at what had just been unleashed. I noticed that I was being watched by all present including the ladyboy who had now emerged from the corner still sucking on the straw and watching me intently. I wasn’t really sure what to do next so I just sat down in my best couldn’t give a f**k way and continued to drink my now flat and warm Heineken. I had Nok’s number but decided against calling her as she obviously had other things on her mind and didn’t need me calling and anyway what could I say? She wasn’t my girlfriend, I was a client of hers who paid for her time and at that present moment somebody else was paying for her time …… and her body. I finished my Heineken and walked slowly towards Soi Cowboy alone with my thoughts.

Soi Cowboy unfolded before me, the neon and confusion, girls holding cardboard signs offering “99 Pretty Girls and a Few Ugly One’s” and “Happy Hour 60 baht Singha”. This cheered me up. I was now in Soi Cowboy, single with no ties. And, as I had been told numerous times during the past couple of days, I was a handsum man.

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My Love Affair With Thailand Part II by Inspector Cowboy is a post from: Bangkok Diaries

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The things regular travellers to Thailand take for granted were all new to me. One thing that struck me was the ever present “condom” provided with my Heineken. Not having encountered one before I was unsure whether to keep my bottle within the receptacle, take it out when drinking from the bottle or leave the bottle in the condom at all times. After observing fellow drinkers I followed suit and kept the bottle in the condom. I now felt a little more like a local.

The bar I sat in prior to my first sojourn into Patpong is probably well known to many readers. It is opposite the KFC or McDonalds fast food outlet outside the entrance to Patpong. It has changed hands a couple of times over the years and has now taken on a somewhat temporary feel. When visiting Patpong I always call in for old times sake. The thrill I felt on my first visit is only slightly dimmed these days. A feeling of excitement, anticipation and happiness seems to follow me around when I am in Thailand.

Steeling myself for Patpong I finished my beer and hesitantly crossed the road. Entering a place I had only ever read about but feeling I knew the place already I strolled slowly to my first Patpong bar. There I met Sai. I was wearing a Nike t-shirt with the motif, “Just Do It” emblazoned on the front. Sai greeted me by repeatedly shouting “Just Do It”, “Just Do It”. That was the start of our short friendship. Ordering a beer I sat down in the steamy sweaty thoroughfare that is Patpong. Early evening, I watched people passing by looking at the bars, the girls, the sights. Sai had now sat down next to me and I heard for the first time questions that would become so familiar to me. “How long you come Bangkok?”, “Where you go?” “How many times you come Thailand?”, “You hab lady?”. All questions delivered with the cutting skill of an FBI investigator and designed to work out my baht potential, not that I knew it at the time. I answered all as truthfully as I could while enjoying the attention of a beautiful young lady.

I met another Englishman hailing from Newcastle who told me his story which was to turn out to be so familiar. He worked offshore in Brunei on a 4/4 rotation and had a mia noi in Bangkok. His wife in the UK was under the impression he was on a 6/2 rotation. Enough said. A lovely guy, lots of fun, straightforward and he enjoyed a drink. Much like 90% of the people I have met in Thailand over the years. His girl was probably nearing the end of her bargirl days and looked upon the geordie as a nice little pension pot. Everybody happy. They were regulars at the bar and while Sai and the Geordies girlfriend clack clacked away he gave me some tips which have stood the test of time, are simple and should be remembered by all travellers to Thailand.

1. Never make plans.
2. Ladydrinks add up.
3. Thailand is a fantasy.

We all had an enjoyable hour or two and I undertook my first barfine, Sai. This is where things get a bit hazy. I am a seasoned drinker, I drink excessively and I am fully aware of the effect it has upon me. On this occasion to this day I cannot explain what happened. It had never happened to me before and has never happened to me since but for this evening I have long periods of no memory whatsoever and moments of amazing clarity. It may have been the jetlag, circumstances, drink or I could have been drugged. I simply don’t know. Anyway, I am here to tell the tale so I presume nothing disastrous happened.

After leaving the Patpong bar my next memory is of sitting in a huge Chesterfield type chair with Sai talking to a ladyboy. This is fleeting and I then have a memory of being in a rather swish hotel bar with another English guy and then another memory of being in a hotel room with a rather attractive young lady and a pile of money on the bed. I also remember watching an outdoor talent contest at some point. Everything else is a blank until I woke up in my hotel.

It must have been a good night.

So, my first day and night in Bangkok had been exciting, enjoyable, surprising and unpredictable. Much like the hundreds of other nights and days I have spent in Thailand over the past decade and I wouldn’t want it to be any different.

I spent the next morning shopping in various outdoor markets for souvenirs to take home and wondering what happened the previous night. Various taxis ferried me around as my pile of shopping grew to the size of a small planet. Eventually I could carry no more Buddha ornaments, counterfeit football shirts, fake designer jeans and various trinkets so by mid-afternoon I decided to return to the hotel for a well-earned snooze making a mental note not to order an in-house massage. After a satisfying and sometimes fitful sleep the evening festivities became my top priority. I went in search of my tuk tuk driver friend. Sure enough he was parked outside the hotel. I approached him requesting a ride to Soi Cowboy. Sadly I was made aware of tuk tuk driver etiquette when he told me his friend would have to take me as it was not his turn in the queue. I agreed a price with his friend which seemed somewhat expensive given the rate for the previous day but hey, what is a pound or two? Another hair-raising tuk tuk ride followed and I was dropped off at what I now know to be Asoke Corner. Asoke Corner today is a world away from what Asoke Corner was a decade ago. Then, it was a collection of small outdoor beer bars, now it is a huge concrete and steel office building. Thinking I was at Soi Cowboy I sat down in one of the bars and ordered the now compulsory Heineken. I was soon joined by a tall willowy lady whose name has drifted into the midsts of time but I shall call her Nok. Nok was probably early thirties with a knowing manner, good English and a killer smile all developed no doubt through mingling with farangs in bars over a number of years. She would prove to be a regular drinking companion during my short stay in Bangkok and we would spend many happy times together. She is a lady I would truly love to meet again if it were ever possible.

I had heard all manner of horror stories concerning Thai ladies’ legendary ability to fleece foreign men out of their money, belongings, houses and anything else they can lay their hands on. As time has gone on I have realised that the only men who are fleeced let themselves be fleeced. Thai women are no different from women anywhere, let them walk all over you and they will.

I was understandably wary of Nok to begin with and I think she sensed this. I now knew a large part of Thai bar culture was ladydrinks. I well remember that Nok never asked me for a ladydrink. I noted this and as a result was more than generous with her. I asked her if she would spend the next day taking me around the sights of Bangkok, the river, the Royal Palace and anywhere else she could think of. We agreed to meet up the next morning at Asoke BTS. During our conversation it became apparent I was not at Soi Cowboy at all but Asoke Corner, much to the amusement of the bar staff, a number of customers and, to the best of my recollection, anyone within earshot. Promising to meet Nok tomorrow I finished my drink and took the short walk to Soi Cowboy.

Soi Cowboy was nothing like I expected it to be. I’m not sure exactly what I expected but Soi Cowboy is one street about a hundred yards long with bars running the whole length on both sides all lit by neon. I soon discovered it is a treasure trove of beautiful ladies. I can’t remember the names of the bars I visited or how many I visited but I started at the Asoke Corner end and worked my way along. I remember getting very drunk and ending up in the Old Dutch restaurant at one point later on in the night. The Old Dutch is a Soi Cowboy institution where at one time good food at a reasonable price could be had. Sadly it seems to have gone downhill over the past 3 or 4 years and I now only pop in for a beer and a seat outside to watch the Soi Cowboy girls arriving for work in the early evening. A few minutes watching the comings and goings in the early evening on Soi Cowboy are worth a thousand words.

Soi Cowboy was to become a regular watering hole during my first trip and has become a favourite place whenever I am in Bangkok. The more visits I make, the more I become familiar with the characters that hang out in the soi. There are certainly some very interesting people there.

My second night in Bangkok ended like so many others in Thailand. Enjoying a beer and watching the world go by while being filled with excitement at what tomorrow may bring. I was not to be disappointed.

I awoke the next morning with a sore head. Understandable given the amount of beer and vodka I had consumed the night before. My room wasn’t the most luxurious but it was pleasant. I had a small balcony of which about three quarters was occupied by an air conditioning unit. My bedroom had a TV, a bed and a desk with a chair. The bathroom had a toilet and shower over the bath just like countless thousands of others dotted around the massive city of Bangkok. I have always had a strange relationship with hotel rooms, on the one hand they are my safe anonymous sanctuary in unknown places and on the other hand they are a place to be avoided when there is fun to be had. I had to leave mine as there was fun to be had.

I caught a taxi to Asoke Corner in order to meet Nok as my tuk tuk driver friend was out on a job/in bed/drunk/visiting his gik. I arrived at the allotted time to be greeted by Nok. She looked nothing like I remembered her from the night before as is so often the case with women. Luckily she looked more attractive than I remembered her as our day got off to a better than expected start. The night before we had decided to criss-cross the river on the public transport boats and visit the reclining Buddha, Royal Palace, ride on the BTS and eat at a typical Thai restaurant. We agreed on a price for the day which in the end turned out to be excellent value and I think Nok went away well pleased. The boats that criss-cross the river are a delight (or is that just me?) I love the hustle and bustle watching people go about their business, the same goes for the BTS. Watching Thai people go about their daily lives far away from the bar scene which is as much as many of us farangs see. Nok negotiated the intricacies of the public transport fare system, the Royal Palace dual pricing and all the other things that Thai people take for granted and us farangs just don’t get. She also had to hand a pocketful of change for us to drop into the contribution boxes at the reclining Buddha. A real trooper. Nok took me shopping for yet more trinkets which was fun to watch as she haggled, walked away, returned, frowned, advised me and did all she could to get me a good price. She didn’t have to do this but I think she enjoyed showing off for me.

Something I have noticed that happens in Thailand a lot happened to me for the first time during our day out in Bangkok. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been with a Thai girl shopping or on the BTS or in the back of a baht bus and a friend of hers from the bar or her room randomly appears out of the blue. It is uncanny. Out with Nok on the river boat she first bumped into a friend of hers from her bar, in fact I had been talking with her the night before and hadn’t realized she was a ladyboy, she also had a customer in tow. Later on at one of the boat stations we met up with a sister/friend, never quite sure as to the true relationship because lines are sometimes very blurred with Thai women. I’ve found random these meetings are a common theme with Thai women and sometimes lead me to think they may be arranged in a way to show the farang off although I certainly can’t imagine any self respecting Thai girl wanting to show this farang off to her friends.

After a hectic few hours we decided on something to eat. Nowadays I am happy to sit down at a street stall and tuck into noodles or khao pad kai but then I knew very little about Thai dining apart from what I’d seen in UK Thai restaurants. We stopped at what I now know to be quite a hi-so Thai restaurant. A quick look around confirmed to me there were no other farangs eating which suited me just fine. Nok ordered some delight for me with my only request being some hot chilli or, as I now know it, pig nam pla. I horsed the lot down along with the chilli not really taking much notice of my dining companion as I was ravenous but I soon became aware of her giggling to herself. I asked her why she was laughing and I could see from her expression the reason was me. I then became aware of a giggling behind me at which time the penny dropped. The Thai’s in the restaurant had obviously clocked me ordering the pig nam pla and watched me shovel it into my farang gob with gusto. Probably not used to seeing many farangs in the restaurant and certainly not many who ate vast quantities of chilli they found the spectacle amusing. I too found it amusing and stood up and made a small bow much to their further enjoyment.

It was now getting towards late afternoon and my thoughts turned to should we say more romantic endeavours. I liked Nok a lot, she was good fun, very attractive, warm-hearted and most importantly available. She was also a prostitute. Having sex with a prostitute is about a clinical act, no emotion, minimal attraction and fulfilling a need. Sex with a prostitute is most certainly not to be with someone who is attractive, good fun, kind and a friend. I thought this until I visited Thailand. Having sex with a prostitute in Thailand is different to having sex with a prostitute in the UK. I don’t know why, it is just different. There is more fun, it is more acceptable, there is no taboo and a million other reasons, it is just more natural.

Nok joining me in bed just seemed like a natural extension of the wonderful day we had spent together. We had met 24 hours before, become friends, had fun together, ate together and had now made love. Isn’t this how it should be?

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