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The Art of Walking in Thailand

By Admin

December 18, 2009

As I exited the plane in Heathrow for a business trip I was immediately struck by something. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but then it suddenly hit me. These people seemed in a hurry. Several even seemed like that had a purpose. I guess I had been in Thailand so long I forgot what it was like when the point of walking is to quickly and efficiently get from Point A to Point B.

In Thailand and especially in Bangkok, walking is a window into how many Thais live their lifestyle. You will never see the hustle and bustle of other major cities like London, New York, Hong Kong, or Paris. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Instead of people pushing and shoving to get from one place to another as quickly as possible the Thai style lacks even a destination let alone a hurry to get there.

The first thing you have to learn about walking in Thailand is to slow down! The second thing you have to learn is that it is your duty to slow others down. You’re doing them a favor. How can one possibly expect to embrace the true Thai experience moving quickly?

What I will outline here are some simple rules for helping you get by in Thailand and how to share the laid back lifestyle with others.

The Mobile Telephone

If you don’t have one . . . scratch that. If you’re in Thailand you obviously have one. You were born with one.

Now that you have your mobile, you should be aware how it works. When you are on the device speaking with someone on the other end you are magically transported to a dimension where nothing else exists but you and the person on the other end of the phone. It’s sort of like reaching total enlightenment in that you are able to shut out all distractions and be at one with the other person.

The importance of understanding this is that in this other dimension you can pause on a crowded street, stand in a doorway or other narrow passageway, or slow your forward progress to a speed that can only be captured on time-lapse photography. In your dimension all of the people you are preventing from getting to where they need to go don’t exist.

Texting and Operating Your Mobile

The second best thing to being on the telephone is to be texting with it or in some other way be operating your mobile phone. This is usually best done in crowded areas where you can impede as many people as possible. For instance, during times of heavy traffic on the BTS or MRT immediately start texting your friends to tell them you’ve arrived at the station after only taking two steps off of the train.

The people that you are blocking getting onto and off the train will appreciate your reminder that they should slow down and not take life too seriously.

Arrows are for Followers, Not Leaders

Speaking of the BTS and MRT, those yellow and black arrows indicating the optimal flow of traffic for people getting off and boarding the trains are merely suggestions. Don’t ever feel the need to follow convention. If the arrow clearly shows that this is the path people will be exiting the train from and suggests that you stand to the side to allow this to happen, don’t assume it to be true. Maybe the train will miss its mark and everyone else will be wrong.

The same can be said for places like BTS walkways. Just because people on the right are moving in one direction and people on the left are going the opposite direction doesn’t mean it’s right. Challenge them to question the meaning of life by going against the direction of the traffic. They will thank you for this.

I’ll Make That Decision When I Come to it

If you ever find yourself about to go up a flight of stairs, enter a building, or take an escalator, now is the time to decide if that is really the best choice for your life. You don’t want to make a rash decision so give yourself time to think. It will also give the people behind you time to reflect on the meaning of life.

Oh, and speaking of escalators, when you are exiting them, always remember to stop and think if this is where you thought it would take you. The people behind you will appreciate the realization that sometimes we are not in control of our own destinies and life will take us where it wants to even if that means being forced to ram into you because the escalator is pushing them forward.

Straight Lines are Boring

One thing that is absolutely imperative about walking in Thailand is to never walk in a straight line. It’s so ingrained in the lifestyle that the police can’t even use it as a sobriety test since many people have grown unable to perform the task.

It’s much better to drift from one side of the sidewalk to the other. The narrower the sidewalk the better. You’re like a NASCAR pace car. You make sure that none of the people behind you can pass which reminds them to slow down and take things easy.

If your drifting becomes too predictable and someone threatens to pass, switch up mid-drift. Start to drift right and when you catch someone trying to pass you on the left simply start drifting left again.

The ultimate drift move though is the look and drift. Maybe you’re caught by surprise and you suddenly hear footsteps coming up behind you on your right. Simply look over your right shoulder and start drifting into their oncoming path. It’s so effective because when you stare someone in the eyes while blocking their path they will be shamed by the fact that they were violating the Thai walking etiquette.

The Carrot and the Stick

If people need extra convincing not to pass you, remember, when walking the proper arm movement is side to side, not back and forth. This way if someone tries to inappropriately pass you the threat of catching one of your flailing arms in the groin will dissuade them. It also helps if you randomly make wild sweeping gestures with your arms as those wearing athletic supporters (which they started wearing the last time they took a shot to the testicles) now have the fear of getting inadvertently whacked in the face.

This is also a very effective move if you’re carrying huge shopping bags of any sort. Sure, a flailing hand to the gonads hurts but taking a can of baked beans to this soft region will stop all but the most foolhardy.

Never Be Afraid to Correct a Mistake

Let’s face it, we all make mistakes. Sometimes you think you were going somewhere and then you remember that you were going somewhere else. It happens to all of us. Just the other day I was about to get on the train for Mo Chit but decided to go to On Nut. Whoops.

But rather than cautiously looking around for an opportunity to right yourself, abruptly stopping and/or doing a blind u-turn is always the right answer regardless of how crowded things are. The other people will understand (we’ve all done it) and nobody will be annoyed or think lesser of you (save face).

Stop and Smell the Roses

Street vendors spend a lot of time and effort setting up their little stalls around Bangkok and it seems unfair for someone to simply walk by and not show the respect of admiring their work. After all, they’ve gone to all the work to narrow the sidewalk down to a single lane why can’t you be bothered to look at their goods?

It doesn’t matter if you walk this path every day and know exactly what they sell or if they have the same exact goods as thirty other vendors on the same street. A simple pause at each stall as you walk by lets the vendors know that people appreciate their hard work. It also reminds those behind you that they should show their gratitude as well.

Group Outings

Groups have a special duty to protect the art of walking in Thailand. Anytime one or more people are walking together they are obliged to create as large an obstacle as possible.

If only two people are together, holding hands and then walking as far apart from each other is the acceptable formation. Nobody can pass between or on the sides of you (remember to swing those arms).

Larger groups take more practice but it will soon become natural as everyone learns their part. First, you must learn to stagger your formation similar to a military patrol. Here’s a six person example.

|A  B           |
|         C  D  |
| E  F          |

This allows you to completely block off anyone coming from behind. The leader is usually in the A or B position and should from time to time need to communicate with C,D,E or F slowing down and tightening up the formation because it is easy to become spread out which would allow others to snake their way through the formation.

Street Vendors and Bystanders

Just because you’re not traveling anywhere doesn’t mean you don’t have an obligation to slow people down as well. Street vendors already have a good start since they’ve blocked off a good portion of the sidewalk with their stalls. But you can certainly do more.

One of the most effective ways to share the art of walking in Thailand is to randomly cross the footpath in such a way as to force people to either stop or ram into you.

For instance, if you’re a vendor on lower Sukhumvit where the stalls line both sides of the footpath, simply decide to go stand on the other side of the footpath as people are approaching. Pretend to adjust something or look at your merchandise and then cross back again.

A true master at this maneuver can do it with their eyes closed. In fact, that is part of the mastery. As you hear someone approaching – with your back to them – just shoot out in their way without bothering to look. I mean, it’s a crowded sidewalk with thousands of pedestrians passing daily; how can anyone blame you for just shooting out onto an active walkway? It’s your store!

Another variation on this is instead of shooting out into the on comer’s path simply gesture wildly with your arm to the other side of the pathway thus nearly decapitating anyone foolish enough to come within arms length of you.

Another effective method is grossly overstaffing your stall. If you’re making 4 or 5 sales a day you should at least have seven family members working for you. And the more unruly children you have around the better. There’s nothing like a small child landing his head in someone’s balls to remind them to take notice of the small things in life.

Conclusion

Walking around in Thailand is not something that should be done with the intention of getting anywhere. Life is too short for that. You should take the opportunity to meditate on life and if possible share this gift with others by showing them the benefits of slowing down, contemplating life, and living in the moment. Believe me, they’ll thank you for it.

Bang Pa-In Palace in Ayutthaya Province

By thaistory

June 25, 2009

Photos and text by Voicu Mihnea Simandan

Ayutthaya is one of my favorite places in Thailand, located about 70 km north of Bangkok. I have been there on several occasions and I never get bored of it. On a very recent day-trip to Ayutthaya, I stopped at Bang Pa-In Palace, located in Bang Pa-In District, about 10 kilometers away from the city of Ayutthaya.

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The palace dates back from the rein of King Chulalongkorn (Rama V) and was built between 1872-1889.

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The security is quite tight as the palace is occasionally used by Their Majesties the King and Queen of Thailand as a residence and for holding receptions and banquets.

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King Prasart Thong Shrine holds the statue of King Prasart Thong. It was built during 1872-1876.

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Aisawan-Shipaya-Asana Pavilion is located in the middle of a pond on the palace grounds. It was built between 1872-1876.

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Varobhas Bimarn Residential Hall used to function as a throne hall. It was completed in 1872 and renovated into a one-story building in1885.

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Uthayan Phumisathian Residential Hall is considered the principal building in the palace. It was completed in 1877.

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Wehart Chamrun Residential Hall was built in Chinese architecture and took 10 years to build. It was completed in 1889.

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The Nine-Chamber Mansion is a large colonial-style building located behind Wehart Chamrun Residential Hall.

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Withun Thasana Tower is a three-storey tower, soaring 30 meters above the palace grounds. A total of 112 steps on a spiral staircase will take you to the top roof, but only the first two floors are open to the public. It was built in 1881.

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The Mansion for H.M. Queen Sukhumala Marasri was built in Western architecture.

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The Mansion for H.M. Queen Sri Savarindira is surrounded by green vegetation.

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The Memorial to H.M. Queen Sunanda Kumariratana honours her death and that of her children in a boat incident on May 31, 1880.

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The palace gardens are beautifully decorated with vegetation that looks like animals.

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But, don’t be surprised if you see live animals too!

How to get there by car: Both motorways and highways that go to the two airports from Bangkok have exists to Bang Pa-In. Just follow the signs.

Costs involved at the palace:
Car park: 20 baht
Entrance fee for foreigners: 100 baht (brochure included)
Cart rent: 400 baht / hour (100 baht for every extra hour)

Amenities: snacks, soft drinks, coffee, clothes, books, postcards, and souvenirs

What to bring: sunglasses, hat, sun block, umbrella (for both rain and sun!), camera, and plenty of water.

Voicu Mihnea Simandan is a Romanian expat who has been living and working in Thailand since 2002. He is the author of “The Ironman. A Play”, a book for children well-received in educational circles.

Visa Run to Vientiane, Laos

By DougBangkok

May 14, 2009

A few days ago, I made my first visa run to Laos, by bus.

Normally I go to Singapore to get a 60-day tourist visa, but the last time I went, they refused to give me a 60-day visa because I have an open e-ticket back to Canada. They now want a confirmed ticket, and will not accept an open ticket. This is stupid, if you ask me. I told the lady at the front desk that if the violence in Bangkok gets bad, I can phone Air Canada and be on my way next day, so an open ticket is much better than a ticket for a particular date. No dice. So I had to fly back to Bangkok and got the usual 30-day entry at the airport. The entire trip cost me 18,000 baht, counting hotels, flights, meals, taxis, etc. What a waste.

I did a couple of visa runs by bus to Cambodia, and find that a pain in the bum, since you only get 14 days and then have to do it again, and it costs 2000 baht each time.

So this time, I signed up for the bus to Vientiane.

I must say that the service by the visa run company was excellent; the bus (a 40-seater) was full, and it was the same comfortable bus they use for the Cambodia runs, with the same driver. The driver is relatively conservative, seems to be mindful of the fact he’s got 40 farangs on board, and is as careful a driver as you would want.

The bus left PB Tower on Sukhumvit Soi 71 exactly at 8:30PM.

There was a pee break about an hour later at a service centre, and then another 2 hours later, and so on, throughout the night. These gave the driver a chance to relax a bit, which I thought was a good idea.

Unfortunately, I have never been able to sleep on a bus or airplane, and this trip was no exception. While my seat mate happily snored away the night, I sat there bleary eyed, shifting in my seat periodically as my bum got sore. I appreciated the rest breaks as well.

A DVD movie was played at the start of the trip, but after it finished, it was after 11PM, so no more movies were shown.

We arrived at the border early, before 6:30. I watched the sun come up. We had to sit around for a while until the border office opened, and then one of the bus company ladies got all our passports processed. She had previously collected them on the bus.

After being stamped out of Thailand, we took 3 mini-buses (vans) across the bridge (Mekong River) into Laos, where again we waited while the lady got our passports processed by Lao immigration. In less than an hour, we took the mini-buses into Vientiane, and arrived at the street for the Thai Embassy about 7:30 or 7:40 AM. There were already at least 200 people lined up along the sidewalk, and it was hot.

The embassy gates opened about 8:15 AM, and we all filed into the embassy compound. There was a ticket machine at the front, and we joined the queue.

However, our erstwhile visa run lady ushered us up the stairs into an air-conditioned area and handed out low-numbered tickets from the machine. Our numbers started around 95, whereas the people at the ticket machine were getting tickets numbered over 350. So I presume she had some contact in Vientiane who stood at the beginning of the line at the gates at an early hour, and then passed the tickets to her when she arrived an hour or more later.

The ticket numbers were called out over the public address system in both Thai and English, and repeated once: “Ticket number 37, please proceed to counter number 2″.

I soon noticed that there was no pause in the number callout, the announcements came non-stop, and soon reached the 80s. We all rushed downstairs to the counters and were there when our numbers came up. But the numbers just kept on rolling by. Our lady collected our passports and tickets, and lined them all up along the counter, and then told us to go wait in the other building.

Over there, we found there were four more counters, numbered 3 through 6, but only one, counter 4, was active, and there were at least 100 people waiting, sitting on chairs. This waiting room was also air conditioned.

Again, the numbers were called out, but this time there were big gaps between, and there was a substantial pause after each number was called. When a number was called, a person went up to counter 4, received a paper receipt, and then exited stage left.

After every batch of 10 or 12 numbers, there was a 5 or 6 minute delay. That was when I noticed that the Thai lady behind the counter was printing out and then separating the receipts. Clearly, the passports and applications were being processed in the other building, entered into a computer, and then the receipt was printed in this building at counter 4.

After about 30 or 40 minutes, my number was called; I went up to the counter, got my receipt and exited. The guy next to me had a lower number, but his number was not called, so he got a little upset and went up to the counter, where the lady told him to wait.

I went out the exit, and there was my visa run lady collecting the receipts, and then ushering us over to one of the vans. My receipt had shown “60 days double entry tourist visa” and “fee: $0″, so I was happy.

The van took us to a local restaurant where we had a Thai/Lao food breakfast or brunch of fried rice and whatever. This was free, paid for by the visa run company, but soft drinks were 20 baht extra.

In Laos, you can use Lao kip, Thai baht, and US dollars interchangeably. If you pay in Thai baht, you get change in Thai baht. If you pay in US dollars, you get change in Lao kip, which, like Cambodian currency, has very high denominations and no value. A Pepsi was 20 baht, which was reasonable, but no diet drinks were available. By the way, ATM machines in Laos only dispense Lao kip.

After brunch, we were taken by van to the hotel, which turned out to be quite acceptable, maybe 2.5 stars. There was no pool, just a room, but it was a big room, private bathroom, and cable or satellite TV with many Thai, a few Lao, and some movie channels, including HBO and Star Movies.

The bathroom was typical Thai-style, with no shower stall or bath, and a shower head on the wall. There was a flash water heater which worked, and the toilet worked. The towels were large, red, fluffy, and obviously new.

I had paid an extra 200 baht at the front desk for a private room. The visa run fee of 5000 baht includes a shared room (2 per room). The fee will increase to 6000 baht after the free tourist visa promotion ends June 5.

In bed by 1PM in the afternoon, I slept for several hours, got up, showered, watched a movie, then went out in search of dinner. I walked up and down the main street near the hotel, but there was nothing appealing. However, the office complex 20 meters from the hotel had a restaurant, so I went in there and found 5 other farangs from the visa run also there. The food was good, the prices were not expensive, and I was able to pay with Thai baht. The young lady behind the bar was probably the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I have been to Thailand off and on for 20 years. She made me wish I was 25 again.

Next day, I had breakfast at the same restaurant, and then around 1PM, we piled into the vans again and were taken to the border. There are a lot of “duty free” shops at the border. We waited about 45 minutes or so, and then the visa run lady showed up, and we all went through Immigration with the Lao border people just looking at us, not asking to see our passports, which the visa run lady had.

Back across the bridge to Thailand, where we waited another 45 minutes or so, then it was back on the bus for the return trip. Within an hour, we stopped at a restaurant, where we had another Thai meal, again free, soft drinks extra, 20 baht.

The return trip seemed much faster, as several DVD movies were played, which occupies the time and the mind.

We arrived back in Bangkok at 1:30 AM. You can get dropped off anywhere along the route; some exited at Ramkhamhaeng. I waited until the end, which is just beside Ekamai BTS station, where I quickly discovered that the BTS was closed. An 80 baht taxi ride later, I was home again.

Would I do it again? Definitely, yes. The whole process was pretty much automatic. The company took care of everything.  You do have to book a seat in advance, though. One farang apparently called to find out the price and time, showed up and was angry that there was no seat for him. But he had not made a reservation, had not left his name or phone number, so was out of luck. Of course, he had left it until the last day of his visa, so he would have to leave the next day somehow and pay the 500 baht overstay fee.

To summarize: you leave at 8:30PM, spend a night on the bus. Then it’s half a day waiting around, with brunch included. Check into the hotel, sleep a bit or, if you have the stamina, explore Vientiane. Not much there, though. Have dinner, sleep one night at the hotel. Next day, wait around for a morning or visit Vientiane, then bus it back to Bangkok, arriving about 1:30 AM.

If you want to do this yourself, the company I used was “Quick Thai Visa Run”, 6th floor, PB Tower, Sukhumvit Soi 71. The contact is Phillip, who speaks perfect English, at 02-713-2498 (office hours) or 09-0245-255 (24 hours). They have a web site at www.ThaiVisaRun.com, but it hasn’t been updated in a while, and only mentions their Cambodia run, not the Laos run.

About the Author:
Douglas Anderson is the author of Speak Easy Thai [http://www.Thai-Culture-Publishing.com], an easy way to learn Thai vocabulary. The software runs on Windows PCs or Macs under BootCamp and includes Fundamentals of Thai Grammar [http://www.learn-faster.org/Thai], a 350-page eBook. Speak Easy Thai uses the Internet for updates, but does not require an Internet connection during operation.

More Thai resources at Learn Thai Faster! [http://www.learn-faster.org/Thai/]

Yet Another Cambodia Visa Run

By DougBangkok

April 14, 2009

Although I swore I would never do it again, I made another visa run to Cambodia by bus. The one I use leaves from the coffee shop opposite Ekamai Bus Station at Sukhumvit Soi 31. It leaves at 9:30 AM, which is an OK time for me, and returns about 7PM the same day. It costs 2000 baht, and you need your passport (of course), 2 passport photos, plus a photocopy of the ID page of your passport.

It’s one day, there and back by bus. It’s a big tour bus, but no toilet, but they do play DVDs. It’s 4.5 hours there, 1 hour at the border, 4.5 hours back, more or less depending on traffic.

It’s hard on the bum. There is a toilet break half way both directions, and they feed you a free lunch. It costs 2000 baht which is about Cdn$72 currently. Half goes to the Cambodian government for a 30 day visa which is issued and then immediately cancelled. The bad news is that this visa takes up a whole page in your passport, it’s not just a stamp.

Coming back into Thailand, they give you only a 14 day visa. It used to be 30 days and an unlimited number of entries; now it’s 14 days and a max of 3 entries. While Thailand desperately needs tourists and the Tourist Association of Thailand is advertising worldwide, the Immigration Dept is making it more difficult. It’s the Thai way.

Cambodia is dirt poor, literally.

The village at the border has no paved roads. There are always a dozen or more children begging for money. One of the little girls that I gave some money to a couple of years ago, when she was 7, is now about 9, I think.

Two years ago, when I gave her about $1, and some other kids lesser amounts, they all ran over to the local shop and bought potato chips and gum and candy, so I don’t give them money any more.

The kids go to school (I asked) but learn only pissah khmen (Khmer), no Thai, no English, at least at that age. However, the kids understand and speak some Thai, which is what I use, and the 9 year old girl now understands and speaks some English, which she apparently taught herself in the few brief moments while trying to wheedle money out of the farangs. Poor, yes, stupid, no.

The kids call me “papa”, which is the word they use for all old guys. The kids are downright cute, I can understand why people want to adopt them. I believe Angelina Jolie adopted a Cambodian boy after making Tomb Raider there.

Two years ago, when tanks rolled into BKK, the military closed all borders and people were stranded for a week. I was praying that would not happen again, and it didn’t.

The worst part, other than the long sitting, and the often crappy movies, is the toilets at the highway rest stops (gasoline stations with an attached market), which are awful. First thing I do back in Bangkok is walk to the Landmark Hotel and use their toilet. Last night I also had dinner at the Landmark’s Huntsman’s Pub in the basement, something I rarely do because it charges Western prices. However, I needed real Western food, other than hamburgers and KFC, and so had an English meal: pork chop, baked potato, apple sauce, carrots and peas, and a Yorkshire pudding (not as good as my mother’s, though). But the Coke Zero was 106 baht (more than $3) and the entire dinner cost 455 baht (an arm and a leg). I often eat from a street vendor for 40 baht, and did so tonight.

I hate this trip and each time vow never to do it again, but it’s cheap, and I needed a delay until I get my new software product done. I have to leave Thailand again on the 26th.

Surprisingly, the day after the trip, I always suffer from “bus lag”; I am always exhausted, no energy, short attention span, sleep a lot.

Fear and Laughing in Pattaya

By Cold Kiwi

September 6, 2007

Thai tattoos, gravel rash, bravery awards – call them what you will, but everywhere you go – you will see Thai nationals with scars, big and small. I’ve seen them on arms and legs, feet and hands – and sometimes on a shoulder, back or stomach. Nine times out of ten people tell me they got them while on a mototaxi ride. Considering the number of trips the average working Thai takes on the back of one of these bikes I am sure they do account for a lot of the scars – and it is also a lot better than admitting you had fallen off your own bike, so ‘face’ is saved. I know that hanging onto the back of a bright vest wearing, Yabba popping maniac motorbike taxi rider sure got my adrenaline flowing! I was tempted a few times to give him a good whack on the back of the head – but I knew that the helmet he was wearing (unstrapped and costing all of 100 Baht – a padded ice cream container with a strap basically) was so flimsy he would probably pass out and we really would crash, instead of the constant stream of near misses we were experiencing now.

For reasons of my own sanity, shortly after getting on the back of the scooter on my first mototaxi ride – I vowed it would be my last. I hastily joined the ranks of tourists hiring and riding around ‘sin city by the sea’ on a rented scooter. On my first trip I got a very basic 100cc Honda dream – it had kick start, 4 speed gearbox and an auto clutch. I was free to ride anywhere, anytime, without risking my life and limb to an unknown riders dubious reflexes. On later trips I got the latest automatic gearbox scooters – so I could just see a gap and go for it. The older style scooters are actually better for open road riding – so if I was going any distance I would get one of those ones with the bigger wheels, nicer seat and 125cc injected motors.

I have my own bikes back in NZ, so riding was no problem for me – but on that first familiarization trip our group of six had 4 bike riders and two older guys who had ridden bikes on a farm – but never on the road. As we wanted to see all the sights and sample the delights – everyone hired their own bikes so we had room for any, um, ‘companions’ we might conceivably meet, if we got lucky. Licenses didn’t seem to be a problem, as I was never asked to even show mine, nor did I sign a rental agreement. To be fair – I held up my side of the bargain by never checking the oil, filling it with the cheapest gas I could find and rarely letting the throttle off full for gear changes. At night we made pretty spark displays by pushing the double centre stands down onto the pavement at speed too – hey, they are rentals: ride ‘em like you stole ‘em!

This all seemed ok riding around locally – we rode like a six person snake with the two slower riders in the middle of the gang, and I brought up the rear. I constantly scanned my mirrors and spent more time looking backwards than forwards – as Baht bus drivers tended to like to sneak past our bikes – and the two new road riders never ever looked in their mirrors, so I would beep my horn to warn the guys to move over. The day we planned the trip out to the crocodile farm we did it in a way that meant the least time on the highway, as our inexperienced riders did not grasp the concept of keeping up with the traffic being safer than going slow on the side of the road, but we shepherded them there and back ok – for a really fun day out.

We stayed in a nice motel half way between Pattaya and Jomtiem beach – it was quiet, the service was great and we were not right in the middle of everything – however, the easiest and quickest way to get there involved going up and down the crazy S bends on Buddha hill. Our experienced guide had warned all of us that quite a few of his fellow visitors had crashed on this bend – which is deceivingly steep and tight. Full diesel fuel tanks on overladen heavily leaning Baht busses often spilled raw fuel oil on the tightest bends to add to the potential for thrills and spills, so the council often spread sand on the diesel, in an ill fated attempt to soak up the slippery fuel oil. I admit I liked the challenge of these esses, and inevitably raced and passed at least one rider on this section, often sliding a bit here and there, especially going downhill. Uphill it was either full throttle or hard braking, before leaning over and scraping the footpegs – great fun! Our usual safety gear in the daytime consisted of a helmet that cost less than a beer, shorts, sunnies, a singlet and cheap slip on shoes (flip flops would have been irresponsible). Unless I did the chin strap on my helmet up ridiculously tight – it tended to flop about a fair bit and we only wore them to stop the annoying 200 Baht fines for not wearing a helmet.

The average young lady working in the ‘entertainment industry’ in Pattaya spends a lot of time on the back of a bike – going to and from work, the shops and all over town. They seem happy to sit side-saddle behind an unknown rider in their mini skirt uniforms and put up with all manner of bad riding, near misses and crashes. But I found that once they had come for a ride with all of us heading home, happily racing to the very edge of adhesion on the esses at Buddha hill, laughing our tipsy heads off as we passed each others bikes and other vehicles in our way, sometimes sideways, they never asked me to drop them back downtown on my scooter – not even once! I know the other guys got persuaded to take their girls back to wherever they wanted to go – but not a single one of my dates ever asked for a ride back down the esses from me. They would rather get a random drug crazed mototaxi rider to take them back, saying I was crazy.

Most mornings I watched my friends taking their dates back downtown, after our traditional late breakfast together, to where the girls own scooters were parked, or their apartments. The guys were often persuaded to go via Mikes or another mall for a snack and a bit of shopping first, lightening their wallets even more. Meanwhile my lady friends would walk over the road and be whisked away by one of the waiting mototaxi riders, fading into the distance as I slipped into the clear warm waters of the pool for some laps, then a nice snooze, before the other guys got back from dropping off their Isaan princesses.

I could not help but laugh and agree with the girls, maybe I was crazy – crazy like a fox!

How to get around Bangkok

By Jonathan

July 29, 2007

To start off it is good to understand what kind of transport you can get in Bangkok.

There are numerous different types of public transport, but the usual visitor or resident uses only 7 of these: Meter Taxis, Tuk Tuks, buses, canal boats, river taxis, motorbikes, and Taxis (with no meter).

Lets begin with Tuk Tuks. Aren’t they cute, those little three wheeled taxis, colorfully painted and featured so much on anything to do with Thailand.

They are very cute until you get stuck in the traffic, behind the number 36 bus at about 2 in the afternoon and suck down a multitude of fumes in 10 minutes than the average smoker does in a life time… you’ll say to the kids, isn’t this fun….while your kids bury their heads in their Dad’s armpit because it smells fresh compared to the air around them.

Okay Try a Tuku Tuk once, don’t go too far and then give them up as a bad idea. Out of Bangkok they’re much more fun. Tuk Tuk drivers should be haggled with, the price fixed in advance and generally you’ll always get ripped off, take a taxi.

Taxis (with 4 wheels) come in two flavours, metered and no meter, although a few non meters actually have a meter concealed behind a panel in the dash board below the radio…. Taxis are great, sit back in air conditioned luxury and watch the Smiths die of carbon monoxide poisoning in a Tuk Tuk. If the driver of a Taxi objects to use his meter then tell him to take a hike, get out, do not be suckered.

Check where you are standing, if it’s outside a nice big hotel , then walk up the road a bit and wave down a taxi. Unlike the US or Europe taxi drivers have to pass NO TESTS to become a taxi driver, within a few days of being inb Bangkok you will know Bangkok better than many Taxi drivers…. again if the driver seems to not know where it is you are going, get out….one other thing, make sure you know where you are going and have a rough idea of the route, else a less honest cabby will take you o a tour of the backroads “the short cuts”. If you’re going a long way, take the toll way, it costs between 20 and 40 Baht, (you pay) and will save you hours of travel time.

Calling a taxi by phone costs ab extra 20 Baht, Taxis at the airport cost an extra 50 Baht. And yes there is a REGULATED taxi stand at the airport outside the main meeting zone. Don’t be suckered by taxi and limo touts.

Oh yes then there are the taxis with no meter…. well if you want to use one feel free….it’ll cost about the same as a Tuk Tuk but at least you’ll get Air Con….possibly.

Buses, once upon a time there were red buses, blue buses, green buses and Air Con buses, then came micro buses and then came deregulation and now there are so many buses that I really don’t know what they all are…anyway if you are going to use a bus GET A BUS MAP. Then always use Air Con buses unless where you are going is not on one of their routes or your on such a tight budget that 8 to 15 Baht per person may cause you to have to go without food. Other buses vary from 3 Baht up to 20 Baht. Don’t bother asking the conductor about where you want to get off, to them you are a lower lifeform (all passengers are) ask another passenger. A word about getting on and off buses. Do it FAST, buses on occasions don’t stop at the bus stop they “slow” in the middle of the road and let off a stream of potential roadkill in the middle of the traffic, okay I exagerate a little but when you get your stop make sure you are already near the door and can sprint for it. Don’t expect the people getting on to make way, that kind of common sense tends to fail people using the buses, their objective is to get on fast and get a seat before anyone else…which brings up seats…. don’t be fooled into thinking that being a “gentleman” will get you thanks…oh no, you’ll see pregnant ladies standing up while young school brats take up the seats, you’ll see old ladies burdened by shopping standing while teen sweathearts hog the seats…it’s a first come dog eat dog world on the buses and if you take one of the non air con buses you’ll eventually see some poor person pass out….then they get a seat.

Motobikes. Yeah…. want to get somewhere fast, take a motorbike taxi, married with kids…get life insurance and a damn good helmet.

The majority of MB taxi drivers will make it their sole intent to scare you to death, to see if they can squeeze their bike through a gap that is obviously closing up faster than they are moving and to see how fast they can go on an open stretch of road…they have no fear (or sanity)…. your life is in their hands and you’ll soon wish it wasn’t.

It is the law in Thailand that all bike riders MUST wear a crash helmet…. some of the helmets you see wouldn’t project a toddler falling off a 3 wheeler.

Thai law says you have to wear a helmet, but as far as the law is concerned…it can be made out of paper.

if you intend to use MB Taxis a lot then get a helmet…I did, it saved my face when the inevitable eventually happened and I slide across the road after beeing side swipped by a pick up truck.

If you can avoid MB taxis, then do. If you are in Bangkok for long enough you may eventually get to learn which MB Taxi Teams (yes they work in teams) are safer than others (or luckier than others).

Check out the bikes they are driving, a scratched up wreck will be a good hint that the driver has kissed the tarmac a few times, a brand new bike , a green horn still waiting for his first brush with death…. if you’re on a bike and the driver is driving like a nut, tell him to stop and get off.

I have to admit I have very little experience with boat transport in Bangkok, but from what I am told, if you can take a canal or river taxi, then do, they are fast, generally clean, less polution and of course there are less vehicles to hit. Prices vary depending on how far you are going.

In summary I would suggest that if you plan to travel in Bangkok that you :- get a map, take meter

Tuk-Tuks Are Evil

By Norrad

July 7, 2007

I consider Tuk-Tuks to be one of the worst aspects of Thailand. The drivers are often rude, they are noisy, they think they own the road and they try to rip you off for everything you have. Most foreign ex-pats in Bangkok will tell you the same thing, yet the Tuk-Tuk remains a symbol of Thailand. I will do almost anything to avoid taking a Tuk-Tuk, but there are some instances where you don’t have a choice.

When I first arrived in Bangkok, I was naive and thought of them as being somewhat charming, that was until I took my first trip in one. I was attempting to flag down a taxi, outside MBK, when the scourge of Bangkok’s streets stopped and picked me up. No price was mentioned and the trip was very short, when I disembarked I was hit with a 500 Baht fare (The trip was from MBK to Pantip plaza). Now, one thing you learn in Thailand is that you can never win an argument against a Thai, as the foreigner is always wrong and the police will invariably take the Thais side, so I paid the fare and vowed never to take a Tuk-Tuk again.

I did pretty well for about a year and avoided them like the plague, until yesterday that is. After a shopping spree near Khao San road, I was loaded with packages without a taxi in sight, so my girlfriend suggested we take a Tuk-Tuk. I flagged one down and asked the price for a trip from Khao San road to Pata (only about 2 Km) and was quoted a price of 250 Baht, so I declined. My girlfriend then told me to lay low while she flagged one down, her quote was for only 40 Baht, a much better deal. You should have seen the look on the drivers face when I emerged from the shadows, priceless!

So if you are ever in Bangkok, and absolutely have no choice but to take a Tuk-Tuk, then get a Thai to flag it down and get a price for you.