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The longer you stay in Thailand, the cheaper you get. It’s just one of those things that happen. When I arrived here four years, eight months and 27 days ago (not that I’m counting), I had zero income but spent money like Imelda Marcos in a shoe shop. Now that I earn a UK-level salary in a developing nation, my wallet gets less action than a Bangladeshi tourist visiting Rainbow 4.
This transformation happens, I believe, because after a while one realises just how little most Thais earn and spend. In a nation where the average monthly salary is about 10,000 baht and where many people work long hours in factories for half that sum, it just seems morally wrong to spend as much as a Thai’s weekly food bill on, for example, a barfine.
The locals are constantly amazed that I splurge 11,000 baht a month to rent an apartment, even though that is much less than many farangs lay out for accommodation that Thais could get for a quarter of the price. They cannot understand why anyone would eat overpriced food in British pubs when good Thai meals can be had for 30 baht. They are bewildered that we even get inside taxis where the driver won’t use the meter. As for tipping the driver, most Thais would rather gargle with rat poison.
Faced with this cultural thriftiness, most expats eventually go native – some more than others. Take Douglas, for example. As a Scotsman, he was already genetically programmed to be as tight as a duck’s arse, but even his friends were surprised when he stopped going to Cheap Charlie’s in Sukhumvit Soi 11 because he reckoned it was “too expensive” after its beer prices rose to 70 baht. He regularly arrives at bars just before happy hour ends to order six beers at the discounted price. He even gets away with this trick at the posh Huntsman pub in the basement of The Landmark.
When I asked him if he was ever embarrassed by being so cheap, he replied: “My money is as good as anyone else’s. If a bar or a girl doesn’t want it, I will spend it elsewhere. These Isaan gogo dancers asking customers for 3,000 or 4,000 baht make me laugh. Most of them had never seen a 1,000-baht note until they came to Bangkok.”
I spent a week in Koh Samui in the company of a man so cheap that he made Douglas seem like the last of the big spenders. Steve was from Wigan in northern England, where they are careful with their brass. It became apparent that he wasn’t the most romantic of souls when he explained his policy towards the Isaan ambassadors populating Lamai’s many bars.
“I have three golden rules – I never pay barfines, I only go short time because I don’t like waking up with them, and I never give them more than 500 baht,” he announced defiantly as we chatted in the Red Fox Bar, one of the few bars in the area without entertainment providers, providing you discount English landlord Alan.
While I have always approved of budget-conscious partying, it struck me that Steve’s hardline approach would ensure him of celibacy in more expensive Bangkok, but perhaps he would have a chance in Samui in low season when even I can have the allure of Brad Pitt as I wander round bars devoid of customers.
Steve decided to demonstrate his bargaining powers at the plaza of 12 bars within spitting distance of the Red Fox on Walking Street. He was soon approached by a Buriram native and, after the usual formalities, he told her his golden rules and asked if she was up for some action.
“If you don’t pay the barfine of 300 baht, I will have to pay it, so I will be getting only 200 baht,” she protested.
“Not my problem,” Steve replied, folding his arms across his chest.
Being a lazy type and not really wanting to walk back to his room for some mattress gymnastics, he then took the negotiations down another level by pointing at the toilet at the vacant next-door bar. “We could go there,” he suggested. “You won’t really be leaving the bar, so I cannot see why you would have to pay the barfine. I will give you 500. It’s up to you whether you pay the barfine.”
Remarkably, she agreed. They marched off to do the deed in the less than romantic setting of a shithouse. About 20 minutes later, they emerged looking rather dishevelled. There was a spontaneous round of applause from the other bargirls.
Steve decided to reward his girl with a drink, but even then there was a catch. “This drink is for me – it’s not a lady-drink,” he shouted to the cashier as he ordered a Spy wine cooler. When he was served, he handed the bottle to the girl, thus saving the 40-baht lady-drink surcharge.
I asked him if everyone from Wigan was so cheap. “We like to get value for money,” he said. “I had a mate come here on holiday once who went with a girl and only gave her 60 baht to fill up her motorbike. And I forgot to tell you – that girl I just went with wanted me to buy a condom for 10 baht, but I made her get it.”
I felt proud to be British.

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Press Release

New Asian Writing (NAW) is inviting short stories by writers from any country in the world to be judged by an experienced panel of writers.

New Asian Writing Short Story Competition is aiming to help gifted, aspiring authors to become known worldwide and to discover tomorrow’s literary talents.

The overarching theme of the short story competitions is: All About Asia.

Three times a year, that is, each trimester, we will select three winning stories to receive cash prizes. It is also possible to name two highly commended works.

At the end of the year, one winning writer will be considered for a grand annual cash prize.

Winning stories will be posted on our website. An anthology consisting of the winning stories will also be published at the end of the year.

The competition runs every quarter with a 300 USD cash prize for the winner, 200 USD for the second prize, and 100 USD for the third prize.

For more details and to enter the competition visit our website: www.new-asian-writing.com

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Again I will start my story with a disclaimer. I have lived in Bangkok 3 months, and I have read many posts here in the diaries. I am new, wet behind the ears, an amateur learning sometimes the hard way. I expect to get insults and some of you insisting I run home immediately as a sorry twat and failure.

However, I have yet to read about a situation such as the one I am in. I am not saying it doesn’t exist, But I eagerly await your thoughts and comments.

5 weeks ago one morning I met a girl at a party I was djing at. She took me to her apartment, a nice place, and we spent the entire day and evening together. We have spent every night together since. She has moved into my apartment. It has been very lovely.

Her story is that she owns a massage shop. From the very beginning I asked her if she goes with customers, and she said no way, her sister(and co owner) and family would never allow it.

Ok so be it. The thing is, through reckless behavior so typical of many unsuspecting forangs moving to bangkok for the first time, I have completely run out of money. My gig pays for everything, food, drinks, even rent this month. Am I lucky?

Well as you already have ascertained, my gig is a sex worker. Through a little deeper investigations I have found this out just a week ago.
For a month I happily lived in denial, and really believed I had found a hard working honest girl who cared about me. I am certainly not paying for her to stick around. I started to fall for this girl, calling her my girlfriend…now I see her as my gig.

She has an awesome heart, sends money to her family every month, and for some reason has decided to take me in. Am I her project? Why is she with me?

In many ways I feel very thankful and blessed to have someone helping me in a time of need. I am not a bum, I have interviews next week for 2 teaching positions, and I make 500 bht-4000bht a night djing.

I can safely say I will eventually make 40,000 bht a month in this country.

So I have decided for various reasons to move forward with this experiment in unusual relationships.

Back in the states some of my best friends and ex girl friends are sensual massage therapists, rub and tuggers. One always lies to her boyfriends about what she really does. Another met her boyfriend on the table, and they had a seriously dysfunctional relationship that somehow worked.

Now I am testing my endurance firsthand of what it is like to date and live with a girl that straight up goes with customers. In return for me being the boyfriend in her life, she is paying my way while I get back on my feet.

I have forgiven her for lying to me, and understand what she does makes her alot of money, but it is terribly difficult to give myself completely.

I know she would certainly not allow me to date other girls. She would move out.

All the time I hear or read about the dynamics of dating thai women, and it almost exclusively revolves around money flowing from the man to the woman.

I have requested she doesn’t fuck her customers. Supposedly she has only fukked 2, who are previous forangs she has been with before, which happened before she thought I was serious about her. Even though she has been living in my apartment. There have been many others by hand and mouth in between.

I told her I’m not down with her fukking customers, period, and she tells me she isn’t either, while she is with me anyway. By hand I am “ok” with and uncomfortable by mouth but I am in no real position to tell her to stop. Besides, its her customers that have afforded me a gig who is paying for me to live. So be it.

Call it what you will, but I do find some condolence that of all the bar, massage, gogo girls, freelancers and mercenaries out there making money off of men, I have a girl who is in fact taking care of me financially. It’s not easy emotionally…but my sex working gig is my buddha.

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Oh, the travails of learning the hard way in a fabulously decadent culture rich in freedom, sex, opportunity and some real fukking douchebags.

I moved to Bangkok two months ago. I had never been to Thailand, but the country, people and experience came highly recommended from numerous friends. I was going to give a shot at South America, and here I am on Sukhumvit soi 22 today, with very lovely yet mixed reviews.

I am a dj music producer a/v artist entertainment guy. Last week I was dj’n to a very excited crowd, at 5 am the street was packed. Out of nowhere before having a chance to react at all, some troglodyte from the apartment building across the street starts launching tamarin nuts at me, squarely smashing my 17″ glossy hd macbook pro screen, destroying it.

The sad ending to this ongoing tale is I don’t have enough money to fix replace or even swap in an external monitor. I was swiftly inducted into the nightlife here, blew my savings, and am now scrambling for work so I can pay my measely 8000 bht rent.

Unfortunately I rely on my computer to make money. Design, performance, job hunts, communications etc.

I had no idea thai people can be so cluelessly malevolent…Anyway, anyone have an old monitor they want to donate would be showered with accolades for their good samaritanship. I of course can repay in kind with sessions on ableton live or final cut pro.

Lesson here, thais will throw things at your screen while performing.

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So we bid farewell to the first month of 2010.

Here in Thailand that means that the tourists numbers will begin to trickle off and the temperatures (and humidity) will begin rising daily over the next few months. But for those of us living here, we may not even need to wait until Songkran to see the worst temperatures of the year.

The country is anxiously awaiting the verdict on whether or not the government can confiscate 76 billion baht (about $2.375 billion USD) from former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra who was ousted in a 2006 coup. Some speculate that he’s lost a fortune in the Dubai collapse and so this last $2 billion or so is really, really, really important to him (he denies he’s experiencing any financial difficulties).

At issue is whether or not he used his office as head of the country to enrich himself and his family. Amongst other charges some are questioning whether the former PM and former head of one of Thailand’s largest cellular network providers may have used the office of the Prime Minister to make subtle changes to the tax law that allowed him to avoid paying taxes on his mult-billion dollar stake in AIS.

That’s really neither here nor there though. In Thailand he’s either a saint or evil incarnate depending on who you talk to. There doesn’t seem to be much middle ground where he’s concerned.

Many of his supporters are calling Feb 26th their final stand and have been busy stoking the fires that a possible coup is immanent. Who and why a coup would be staged is a little murky as the military’s head-honcho (Army Chief Gen Anupong ) is not shy about expressing his dislike of Thaksin. Any coup arising from the current power structure would only be a means to take a hard line stance against Thaksin as some are growing frustrated that the current government has not shut him up and still allows him to cause problems.

Another possible scenario would be if the good general’s subordinate officers decided to throw him out with the government in a pro-Thaksin coup. Some cite a recent Twitter post by Thaksin as an indication such a plan may be in the works.

“Thais in all foreign countries should get prepared, especially those who love democracy. If a coup is staged, we will form a government in exile together. Now, I have not set it up yet. I must wait for a coup to take place first.”

But that plan may have been killed last week when Gen. Anupong gave one of the thorns in his side, Maj Gen Khattiya Sawasdiphol, a very public bitch-slap when he removed him from his command. Other commanders sensing now would be a good time to demonstrate where your loyalties lie lest you find yourself also on Anupong’s shit-list staged rallies of their troops to denounce Gen Khattiya’s disloyalty and pledge their support for Gen. Anupong.

In a strange twist of events, Gen Khattiya has upped the ante since his public rebuff. He’s been quoted as saying “I want to warn judges to be careful both before and after judgment day because I don’t know when they’re going to shoot you. The gunman may be a professional killer or a hit man hired by people, because now the red shirts have become fanatical with patriotic sentiment as they feel they do not receive justice.”

Since Khattiya is also a well-known red shirt (Thaksin) supporter and he has made suspiciously similar predictions regarding red shirt violence right before it occurred many view his remarks as a threat rather than well-intentioned advice.

He may have played himself right into a corner which would provide some evidence of how desperate the upcoming days will become with so much on the line for both sides. If he is aware of a specific assassination plot his words obligate him to reveal what he knows or be considered to be a conspirator. If is unaware of a specific threat then he could be charged with attempting to intimidate the court.

Ahh, Thai politics can be so interesting.

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Men are convinced that women cannot read maps. They know this to be a fact.

If you go up to a man, any man, on the street, give him your map, and tell him that you are lost and you want to go to the National Museum, he will take your map, unfold it, and stare at it for three seconds. He will then stab his finger at the map and say, “We’re here right now.” Then he will point at the museum, which is clearly marked, and say, “You want to go there.” Then he will trace your route along the map, and give you precise instructions: “Go down this street three blocks, make a right, go two more streets, turn left, and it will be right in front of you.”

If you go up to a woman, and try to give her your map, most won’t take it because they know they can’t read it. But if you insist, she will gingerly unfold it, hold it at arm’s length, stare at it, rotate it 90 degrees, turn herself so she’s facing the road, rotate the map again, and generally try to figure out how to align the map with the road. Naturally, the printing will be upside down. Eventually, she will say something like, “I can’t tell from this stupid map; it’s that way” and point in the direction of the museum.

The reason this happens is not that women can’t read maps; it’s that women can’t read maps designed by men.

Men are precise, logical animals. They know precisely where they are in space at all times. As they walk along a street, they watch the house numbers, they absorb the names of the cross streets through their pores. They know, at any instant, exactly how far they have come from a known, fixed location, like that main intersection back there.

Women, on the other hand, also know where they are, but not precisely. They know they are somewhere near the cathedral, and that the market is over that way a little bit. They know that if they walk in that direction for a few minutes, and then head towards the river, they will come to an antique shop they visited three years ago.

I am a programmer, and quite familiar with these two methods of locating things: the first is called “absolute addressing”, and the second “relative addressing”. They’re both right, they both get you to where you want to go, but they use different techniques.

The reason a woman can’t read a map is that maps are designed by men to give them the spatial references they need to navigate. A map is no good to a man unless it shows every cross street, all the railway lines, as well as significant things like towers, parks, and hills. Ideally, a map should show house numbers and the direction of one-way streets.

To a woman, this is all confusing detail, which makes the map a chore to read.

This was brought home to me a few years ago, when my wife and I were in Chiang Mai, a town in Northern Thailand. We were in a tourist shop, looking at maps, when my wife pulled out Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai. “Let’s buy this one,” she said. She was obviously attracted by the colourful exterior; all the other maps were drab in comparison.

Outside on the street, she opened up the map and held it in front of her. I looked over her shoulder. The first thing I noticed is that most of the streets were not marked; while the main streets were all there, none of the little side streets were shown at all. There was just a lot of empty space, coloured beige.

“This map is no good,” I said, “It has nothing on it.”

“Hold the map,” she said.

I did, and she stabbed her finger at the map.

“We’re right here,” she said.

I looked closer, and she was pointing just to the right of the street on which we were standing.

“How do you know we’re at that spot?” I asked.

She lifted her finger. The tourist store we had just exited was marked on the map, and had been under her finger.

“This is a great map,” she said.

Nancy Chandler’s Map of Chiang Mai is designed by a woman for women. For men, it’s next to useless; for women, it’s priceless.

About the Author:

Douglas Anderson is the author of Speak Easy Thai and the web master of Learn Thai Faster.

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I think a serious basic flaw of Thailand is the “losing face” obsession, which is weaved into the very fabric of Thai life and culture….from birth to death… top to bottom. Nobody talks about it. I am aware that I actually know very little about it. So I will appreciate your comments/experiences on this subject.

Near as I can tell, it works like this. If something goes wrong or something isn’t right….anyone who is held as responsible…guilty or not… loses face. Anyone who is embarrassed or shown up loses which is evidently a pretty serious business to khun Thai. Another unfortunate feature of losing face is that it also appears to be permanent and irredeemable

For example, if you make an issue of there being no fire exits and safety features in a bar ..to the person responsible… they lose face and will hate you, maybe even seriously enough to want to hurt you if you persist in your criticisms. If you tell a staff underling (who is not responsible) they will never… ever!… even dream of telling their superior…because he will lose face and there will be hell to pay…. If the food sucks in restaurant don’t bother to complain to the waitperson (who will never ask you how you like your meal) …they’ll never tell anyone because the cook/owner can’t lose face. Check bin and don’t go back. Thai people don’t beep their horns (thank heavens!) because the driver being beeped at loses face…and it may provoke confrontation and/or violence. It’s likely a good idea if you don’t beep as well.
Unwalkable sidewalks? The head of sidewalk maintenance will lose face. Tiptoe thru the tulips. The blockade at the airport?…Nobody held to account because they’d lose face.

Most farang are aware (if somewhat bemused) that even a Thai prostitute the lowest of the lo-so from the Thai perspective will abandon a promising farang forever perhaps even do him violence.. if he makes her lose face. And the losing face thing.. is waaay ingrained into the class/caste system….probably more than we farang can imagine.

When it comes to serious government/bureaucratic decisions…spending billions on a highway to nowhere for example….a poorly built airport they don’t need…or tourist-hostile immigration laws… its very difficult to reverse, correct and remedy these costly bad decisions because the guys at the top…who made them.. can’t lose face. So the highway to nowhere…which everybody knows was a bad idea.. gets half-built…until it runs out of money…and another crumbling, useless half-assed project blights the landscape….and nobody loses face.

Farang…or anybody?…are helpless to change this.

I love and live in Thailand. I wouldn’t trade it’s lax attitude and lack of common sense for even one of the zoning and police regulations I escaped from in the West… where some touch-hole with a tape measure or a badge.. and a rule-book… reads everybody the riot act.
I’ll take the flaws. But its healthy and wise to be aware of them….and act accordingly. You’ve got to be observant, self-reliant and mindful…I always look four ways (and up and down) before crossing a one-way street. In a place where nobody will take care of you… you must take care of yourself.

Hey maybe I’m full of shit but please be generous and gentle in what you say about this essay. I don’t want to lose face.

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Interracial relationships involving Thai women and foreign men are about as easy to spot on the streets of Bangkok as the ubiquitous carts selling noodle soup. Why do many Thai ladies choose to pass over Thai guys and date white men from halfway around the world? After all, most foreigners don’t speak much Thai, know all that much about the culture, and often live thousands of miles away. Are Thai women genuinely more attracted to foreigners, or is it all about the money?

In fact, there are many possible reasons why a Thai lady might choose to date a foreigner. Four of the most common reasons are money, fidelity, worldliness, and just plain physical chemistry. Without implying that all interracial relationships are motivated by one of the above reasons alone, they serve as a useful starting point to understand some of the different “types” of Thai ladies that prefer dating white guys.

A.  Miss Gold-Digger

Her reason for dating foreigners: Money, cars, jewelry, real estate.

Her profile: She might be a poor village girl with a large, dysfunctional family she needs to support, or a middle-class Bangkok girl who just needs to have the latest brand name fashion handbag or mobile phone. Either way, she’s attractive and knows it.

 Her target: An older, wealthy, and generous guy who knows the value of being with an attractive younger girl and isn’t shy about paying for it. She doesn’t mind a one-night stand as long as its well-compensated, but her goal is to find a guy who will be her steady ‘sponsor’ for a few months or years – or at least until she finds an even better prospect.

How to spot her: Asks you questions about your income or assets, wears expensive jewelry or clothes despite having a low-paying job (or none at all).

Where to find her: Shaking her booty at a go-go bar, or hunting for older guys on the internet.

How to win her over: Take her out for a movie with VIP seats, followed by a shopping trip at the Emporium.

B.  Miss Broken Heart

Her reason for dating foreigners: Fidelity. The bad reputation of many (mostly lower class) Thai guys for womanizing, drinking whiskey, and gambling.

Her profile: She fell in love at a young age with someone from her hometown, maybe got pregnant and then abandoned with a young child the moment her boyfriend found another girl. Moved to Bangkok to work and send money to her relatives upcountry, who are looking after her child.

Her target: A decent, loyal, caring foreigner who is willing to settle down in Thailand and support her and her child. In return, she’s prepared to be a loyal, caring, and dutiful wife. She’s willing to date someone substantially older than her, as long as she’s convinced he’ll be by her side for the long haul.

How to spot her:  Often is a single mother, complains about Thai guys being “no good”, looking for a guy for marriage.

Where to find her: On the internet, or perhaps even serving drinks at a hostess bar along a quiet soi.

How to win her over: Don’t try to get her into bed on the first date, show interest in her child(ren).

C.  Miss Misunderstood

Her reason for dating foreigners: Worldly, respects women as equal partners.

Her profile: She’s a middle-class or upper-class Thai lady who studied at a good university, maybe even lived abroad. She’s frustrated at dating Thai guys who expect her to be pretty, cute, and devoid of personality, and who would be shocked if she dared to express an opinion about, well, anything. Has a good job and is economically self-sufficient.

 Her target: An attractive, educated foreign man from an equivalent social class who treats her as an equal, respects her thoughts, and cares about her goals and aspirations. Prefers a long term relationship over a short fling.

How to spot her: Speaks fluent English, not shy about expressing an opinion, fashionable dressed.

Where to find her: Trendy yuppie bar or café.

How to win her over: Be intelligent, well dressed, and respectful. Don’t speak to her in pigeon English, she probably speaks better English than you do. Indicate your level of education and career goals without bragging about how much money you make. Show an interest in her personality.

D.  Miss Farang Crazy

Her reason for dating foreigners: All about finding a cute piece of white meat.

Her profile: She’s a girl in her lower-20’s who probably had a huge crush on David Beckham a few years back, and is on the hunt for any guy who vaguely resembles him. Money isn’t her priority, as she comes from a middle-class family or already has an older ‘sponsor’.

Her target: An attractive, white guy of a similar age with sex appeal for a one night stand or for a summer fling.

How to spot her: Ignores everyone who doesn’t fit her target.

Where to find her: Trawling the backpacker bars of Khao San Road, or anywhere else where young foreigners hang out and drink.

How to win her over: Dress like a teen idol, gel your hair into the latest style, and practice your dance moves because this girl is all about the physical. Don’t even bother if you’re over, say, 30.

Conclusion

Next time you see a interracial couple on the streets of Bangkok, don’t jump to any conclusions. Thai women are a mixed bunch, and may date foreigners for all sorts of reasons. If you’re a foreign guy interested in dating a Thai girl, you might want to reflect on what you bring to the table – and what kind of lady is likely to fall for you. Will you end up living a quiet life with a village girl in house nestled amidst rice fields? Enjoying a string of flings with girls you met on Khao San? Buying a condo and car for a knockout showgirl who ditches you when the funds run dry? Always keep her motivations for dating you in mind, and you’ll be sure to enjoy great times with the ladies in Thailand.

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It is not always easy being a Western woman in Thailand, I know: I’ve been here for over 10 years. On this Bangkok Diaries website alone, the amount of slander and hate-talk directed at Western women is a good representation of the larger anti-Western women dynamics in the country. In addition, I have seen innumerable Western women being broken as their relationship and family tears apart. It is a fact that very few Western couples can survive several years in the Land of Smiles.

Upon arriving in Thailand, many Western men become like small boys in a candy shop, realizing they can afford all the prettiest sweets on the shelf. Oh the excitement of it all! And the predictable happens. Husband is walking along the Bangkok streets, perhaps after an argument with his wife, perhaps not. Chances are he will rapidly cross paths with a gogo bar, or a smiling Thai girl who will apply all her charm to seduce him. Many Thai girls know what they are doing in this area. Indeed, they can even make an obese Farang believe that he looked like the ideal hybrid of Brad Pitt and Robbie Williams as he blared out “My Way” on the karaoke. If the said Farang has sufficiently low self-awareness and sufficiently inflated ego, and a few drinks in him, it will work every time!

Generally speaking, Thai women are trained to always look pretty, talk softly and relentlessly work on their ‘Wife Curriculum Vitae’ from birth. This includes demonstrating your ability to artfully arrange cookies on the platter, and to spoon-feed living creatures of any age. From an early age, many Thai women are made to believe that their beauty is their biggest asset for reaching success, as my years teaching kindergarten in Bangkok have led me to notice. In brief, Thai women receive a very different education than that of your average modern Western woman.

Western women, growing up after the feminist revolution, have been taught that they need to be strong and tough to reach success. We have learned to play in the boys’ court and by the boys’ rules. We have proven that we can also play the ‘Competition for Power’ game including in the political and economic arenas. And Western feminist courage and thought have in fact benefited men and women the world over. The International Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women has allowed for the increased protection of Thai women in their homes, workplaces, and public arena since 1985.

The point is: Western women have much to be proud of, and they mustn’t apologize for who they are. In Thailand, a Western woman will be made to feel worthless and small. Maybe her ‘Wife CV’ isn’t as good her Thai neighbour’s is. Maybe, after giving birth to 2-3 children, her waistline will be more like her husband’s than a young Thai lady’s. Farang men will constantly denigrate us as arrogant, bitchy, ugly, worthless human beings. Such Farang men clearly have major issues: a sense of entitlement (to sex and dinner, for example), a heightened sense of self-worth (“I am better than my ugly wife”), and a loathing for Western women. Generally, this is accompanied by despise for Thai men, something shared by their Thai wife (“I am better than Thai men”).

In the face of such hate, I sometimes feel so sad, scared, almost crazy. But, there is no need to despair! Western women in Thailand can find a great deal of compassion and companionship from each other. Thai men also have something to offer. Most young Western women have experienced being pursued, if not stalked, by Thai men. A Thai boyfriend will take care of you in a very different way to Western men. Thais have a lot of qualities to offer, such as a devotion to their parents and families, which is too often lacking in Western men. A successful relationship between a Western woman and Thai man is possible: I know of one that has lasted for over 30 years.

Western women and Thai women have a lot to learn from each other. Beyond learning to cook Tom Ka Gai, your Thai female neighbour can probably teach you a lot about taking it easy *jai yen*, or the importance of regular selfless acts *kreng jai*. Upon request, many Western women like me can also give crash-courses on how to be strong, arrogant and bitchy: necessary traits for any woman wanting to make it to top in a man’s world – think Nancy Pelosi, Empress Wu Zetian, Queen Victoria, Margaret Thatcher or Gloria Arroyo. The right to vote, the right to contraception and abortion, weren’t won by sweet-lipped women.

Times are changing: increasingly, Asian women are joining in the quest for gender equality. Thai women’s opportunities will continue to broaden, and they will no longer be as inclined to prostitute themselves, or accept balding Farangs as the most desirable husband. Whether such Farang-Thai partnerships are ‘bad’ or ‘good’ is not my concern. But my 10 years in Thailand have shown that many Farang men will ultimately be disappointed by their Thai partner. Farang men will whine and bitch about ‘how difficult it is to have an interesting conversation with her’, ‘she’s not as docile as I thought’, etc. These Farangs will often end up estranged or despised by their own children and extended family back in their country. In Thailand, a Western woman may lose her husband. But we keep our children’s love and respect. So let’s not lose our self-confidence and compassion. Our ex-husbands may need some in the future.

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After a rather boring stroll around Soi Cowboy some friends suggested hitting the Thai go-go bars on Sutthisan Road. We jumped in a cab and made the 15 minute ride out past Saphan Kwai. Unfortunately I don’t remember which bar was which but I thought I would give my thoughts as an overall impression of the Thai go-go scene.

My first impression was that I was expecting a lot less. I was picturing the go-gos to be sort of like larger versions of those karaoke joints with the Christmas lights year-round you see out in the Bangkok suburbs. They were all pretty nice. In fact, some are nicer than the dives on Cowboy and in Nana.

As expected, everything is Thai-style. That means that rather than a gallery where all of the seats face the stage they tended to go with booths more like a restaurant. When they brought out your drinks they brought them on a cart with a bucket of ice (which you are charged for – along with the cool wipes if you take one). They filled you up and from time to time would grab your glass chuck some more ice cubes in it and top off your beer. Pretty much the same type of service you would expect in a Thai bar or restaurant.

I don’t know about other drinks but a large bottle of Heineken averaged about 120 baht at each bar. Yes, that’s about what you would pay for a regular sized beer in Cowboy and Nana. As you’ll see the prices tend to all move in that direction out there.

The girls were not Baccara or Rainbow 4 quality in terms of looks but they weren’t bad either. There were plenty of cute girls dancing at all the places we went to. Speaking of dancing, the girls actually dance in these go-gos. There’s no Bangkok Shuffle going on. They get up there and work it.

I noticed that at every bar went that the first time the mamasan came by the table with a girl (or several girls) they were the worst picks in the place. I guess that happens in a lot of Cowboy and Nana bars but being the only farangs in the place it sort of seemed even more insulting that normal. No worries though. You just decline if you’re not interested and everything is sabai sabai.

The mama/papasans can be a little pushy at times. Nothing like Cowboy or Nana but still a bit of an annoyance. It’s all cool though. No major hassles.

Another nice change is that though girls did come by our table from time to time to see if there was some interest it was certainly none of the pushy stuff you get in Nana and Cowboy. They would walk over and politely stand there while you finished your conversation and then she would ask if she can sit down. I don’t think I heard a girl ask for a drink until we had been sitting with them for at least 5 or 10 minutes. I was told that there is a drink per every 30 minutes charge if you sit with a girl but if you’re chatting up a girl for 30 minutes or an hour a drink or two doesn’t seem too much to ask.

I’ve heard some people say that you should probably speak some Thai before hanging out in these places but my Thai isn’t very good and I got by fine. One of my friends speaks it very well and of course he helped the sanook vibe by being able to joke around in Thai with the girls but even the girls who didn’t speak English very well spoke enough that I don’t think anyone would actually have a huge problem if they didn’t speak Thai.

Most of the places had the dancers in their bikinis or some other outfit. One we stopped off in was fully nude dancing. After they finished the current set a group of about five or six gals took the stage and started soaping themselves up. The stage was covered in suds by the end of the act and staff ran out and squeegeed it clean for the next set.

We did hit one bar that didn’t seem very farang friendly. Nothing was said or anything but the girls wouldn’t even come near our table and seemed to do everything they could not to make eye contact while dancing. After our beers we felt it better to move on than try to figure out whether something was up or not. It was a shame because it was a nice bar and the girls were very cute.

Near 2am we asked about the bar fine policy and costs and where told it was 1500 for short-time (3 hours) or 2000 long-time. Those fees are all-inclusive. That’s the cost of the girl and the bar fine. The mamasan asked me where I lived and when I told her I lived way on the other side of town she asked if I would agree to paying a little extra to the girl in the morning for taxi.

All in all, if you’re looking for something out of the ordinary to do one night, I say give it a go. I’m not sure I would go hang out down there alone since it might get a little boring not having anybody who speaks decent English to talk to but if you have a few friends and are tired of the scams, hassles, and “my friend too” crap that goes on in the Cowboy and Nana go-gos it’s worth checking out. We had a great time and I would definitely go back though it is a bit of a hassle getting out there which is the only real drawback.

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