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I’m not one of those folks who gets off bashing everything they don’t understand about Thailand and the Thai people but I had two questions I’ve yet to receive a satisfactory response to. They’re not meant to be insulting. I just really would love if someone could explain this to me.

Headaches

Thailand has to be the migraine headache capital of the world. Or maybe I just happen to attract people who have a propensity for them. Seriously though, I’ve never met so many people in such a small sample size that complain that they suffer from migraines. And I’m not talking about the run of the mill headache here. I’ve had more Thai women tell me that they’ve been hospitalized for headaches than anywhere else in the world.

According to some websites on migraines I’ve checked out they say that about 16% of all people will experience at least one migraine over the course of their life. Some will have a migraine headache multiple times over their life but most only have one. Based on that, what are the odds that out of say 100 Thai women I know, AT LEAST 10 (probably closer to 12 or 13 but it’s not like I keep stats) have told me they’ve been hospitalized with a migraine headache during the time I’ve known them. Given that I’ve probably known the girls in the sample an average of less than one year, what kind of amazing odds would there have to be that 10% have all had a migraine in that short of a period?

I can already hear some people chuckling saying that maybe it’s an excuse (oh, not tonight honey, I have a headache haha). But why? I mean, if some girl you haven’t spoken to in a month hits you up and you ask how she’s been and she tells you she’s been in the hospital with headaches for 3 days what point was her to make up a story? I have to believe she’s being honest.

I don’t think it’s environmental because I’ve heard it from girls living in Krabi, Koh Samui, Chiang Mai, and various parts of Isaan.

Am I just running into some freakish statistical anomaly? Do Thais really do suffer from more headaches than most people? Do they carry more stress around as a result of the whole mai ben rai attitude?

Anybody who can shed some light on this care to comment?

Buddhism and Meditation

Maybe this is related to the above question but I recently started asking every Thai friend I run into whether or not they meditate. So far I’ve received 80% no and 20% seldom. But don’t Buddhism and meditation go hand in hand?

I mean, some of these folks are the type who wai every spirit house, temple, and shrine they pass. Some wear big Buddha amulets for good luck, good health, etc. Many regularly go to temple and make merit.

But they don’t mediate.

I’m not passing judgement. I’m well aware that not every Christian goes to church every Sunday, every Muslim doesn’t abstain from booze, and not every Jew holds off on pork. I’m just curious. Because if you ask a Christian why he doesn’t go to church he can probably articulate his reasons. Same for the Jews and Muslims. But when I ask why Thais don’t meditate I’ve gotten answers ranging from “I’m not a monk,” to simply a blank stare as if the question itself was stupid.

I know that Thais don’t practice the most strict form of Buddhism and have a lot of other influences on their take on the religion but when you think of Buddhism you think of meditation.

I don’t even have any theories on this one. I’m completely clueless. Anybody who can shed some light on this for me gets some karma points from me

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This story was related to me recently by a waitress who normally works in Bangkok, but goes back to her village periodically to see her children and work on her farm.

“I buy baby chicken in market five baht. She go, ‘cheep cheep cheep’ allatime. She follow me roun’. She think I am her mudder.

“Everywhere I go, she run behine me, go ‘cheep cheep cheep’ allatime.

“At night, I go in house, leave baby chicken outsigh.

“In morning, I come out, she run roun’, go ‘cheep cheep cheep’, follow me everywhere. Very cute, Doug. I very happy. ‘Cheep cheep cheep’ all day.

“Next day, I working, very happy hearing ‘cheep cheep cheep’. Suddenly, I no hear ‘cheep’. I turn roun’, see big sanake. Very big sanake, more than two meter. Sanake eat baby chicken. I freeze, Doug, stand like …, not know English word.”

“Statue?” I asked.

“Yes, freeze like statue. I stand like that long time. Then sanake move, I move, too, find big satick, hit sanake many time on head. Many time, Doug, I hit sanake and he die.

“I sit down, I cry, Doug, I cry long time, baby chicken dead. Why she die so young? I take satick, pick up sanake, throw in klong, let fish eat. Bad sanake.”

At this point, she was crying heavily, but being the insensitive lout I am, I really wanted to ask about karma. I knew she was a Buddhist, it would have been interesting to find out what she thought about the snake’s karma, the chick’s karma, and her karma, but I refrained. Instead I hugged her until she stopped crying.

“Did you buy another chick?” I asked when she stopped crying.

“No, Doug, I have very bad luck all year, not wan’ kill anudder baby. But cannot stay on my farm, too serious (depressed), so I come back Bangkok.”

————-

Doug Anderson is the author of Speak Easy Thai and webmaster of Learn a Language Faster.

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Another two beers.Another barely concealed look of contempt from a waiter wanting a Twenty Baht tip as he slouched away empty handed. It was midnight at The Bamboo Bar-Pattaya. The place was packed. As the band launched into Hands Up, the old disco favourite, Farangs at the elasticated waistband stage in life flocked to the dance floor with their homely looking forty something Thai girls.

“Hands up
baby hands up
give me your heart
gimmee gimmee
your heart”

Everyone sang along, hands raised at the appropriate moment. It’s a happy scene. As sandwiched as we are at our table, between giant Russians, Sai couldn’t resist and was up on her feet beside me dancing along. I knew that she’d like to be up there on the dance floor with me. I’d seen her earlier through a mass of people, as she made her way back from the toilet, stopping to dance alone on the fringes of a crowded dance floor for a couple of songs.

“You not shy okay”, she said,

As she tried to persuade me to get up and join her. It’s not something I’ve ever really been able to bring myself to do. Not something that i’ve ever been comfortable with. Too self conscious, too English, too late to change now. I wish that i could. As the chorus came around once more Sai was ready and sang along

“hand job
baby hand job”,

Complete with her own hand gesture. The nearest Russian came close to getting showered in beer as i almost choked on the mouthful I’d just taken. I laughed until i cried. Through blurry tear filled eyes I looked at Sai as she danced and laughed. I shouted over the music,

“Sai, it’s hands up not hand job”, holding my arms up in the air as I tried to explain.

“Oh, I think hand job” she replied.

I dissolved into fits of the giggles again and, of course, what else could I do as the chorus came around again but sing along

“hand job
baby hand job”,

Complete with that special hand gesture.

As we wandered back to the hotel along Beach Road i suggest we cross between the nose to tail songthaews to be nearer the sea.

“Why you want walk here?” Sai asked.

“It’s more romantic”, I say, pointing at the lights reflecting on the water out in the bay.

“Lomantic”, she scoffed, as we weave our way between the working girls and mongers.

“Farang ba”,(crazy) she adds, as i knew she would.

It’s about as romantic as a stroll around The Nana Hotel car park at 2.00am except that it’s by the sea, but no less entertaining.

“Sanuk maak”, Sai says of the evening as we sit on the edge of the bed.” Why you not dance with me”? she asked, still puzzled.

“I know, I’m sorry Sai”, I reply, unable to explain.

I find a music channel on the TV that’s playing something I could dance to, if a loaded gun was put to my head, if you could even call it dancing. That sort of late night shuffle as the evening winds down at some function or other and people pair off. A scene that i inevitably observed from the sidelines in my youth when i thought that it mattered. It was never me up there in some smoochy intoxicated embrace. Though i wished that it was i always somehow felt detatched from it. The memories of all those disappointing parties from the past, that I pretended to enjoy, came flooding back as i pulled Sai up from the bed and held her close. As we shuffled around the floor i really expected her to break away and dismiss it as more “lomantic” old tosh but she didn’t. It was me that pulled away and i was surprised to find that she wanted it to continue.

“Again again” she pleaded, with one arm tightly around my neck and a hand on my shoulder,

“I want you teach me”, she said, enjoying this new experience of a slow dance rather than what she was used to.

I laughed, “Sai there’s nothing really to teach”, I said, as we moved around slowly shifting our weight from the left to the right in time to the music.

“Sai qua sai qua”(left right left right) she repeated to herself clinging on tightly with a big smile on her face.

It was all in rather sharp contrast to about sixteen hours earlier when a fast taxi from Bangkok had dropped me off on Beach Road. Sai had been out of touch for several months while I’d been back in England. Her number went out of use so I couldn’t call her, and she didn’t contact me until a couple of weeks before i was due to return to Thailand. She had fucked up big time and was now, it seemed, hiding out in Pattaya too frightened to stay in Bangkok. She wouldn’t go into detail over the phone.

“When I see you I tell you,” she had said.

Though she never believed that i would make the trip to Pattaya to see her,

“I think you not want see me again”, she’d said several times, no matter how many times I assured her I would.

I called her from Beach road and checked in to a hotel that we’d used once before. She arrived in the back of a songthaew about half an hour later with a baseball cap pulled so low over her face I didn’t notice her at first as I waited under a shady palm. She was all smiles to begin with but once in the room she buried her face into my chest and cried, great shuddering sobs that soaked the tears and snot into my shirt. I sensed that it was a mixture of relief that i had actually turned up as promised, and of regret over what she had done. Sai, I knew, was not one to turn on the waterworks at will. I’d only ever seen her cry once before when, after a few drinks, she had told me a little of the poor Issan background she came from. Even with her limited grasp of English she’d painted a scene so vividly of the time she had given birth to her daughter that it still stays with me to this day. With her parents long gone, and a husband who’d left her several months before, she delivered the baby alone.

“Have nobody help me”, she had said as tears streamed down her face.” Mama Papa tai laew (Mother and Father had died) husband pai laew” (husband had gone)

“I stay alone when baby come out”, she continued.

When the words weren’t there she mimed the cutting of the cord and holding the baby that, somehow, said more than words ever could.

Slowly the reason she was laying low in Pattaya began to unfold. One evening, back in Bangkok, she happened to hook up with a girl she didn’t know that well but ended up trawling around Sukhumvit with anyway looking for business. As she tells it they were eventually beckoned up, from a window, to a room either in a hotel or an apartment, I’m not sure which, by a punter.

“Him smoke yaa ba”, she said.

As time moved on it seemed he had no real interest in Sai though she was free to stay while the other girl smoked with him. Somewhere along the line the girl dropped something into his drink and sure enough he was out for the count soon after. Sai, unaware that this was what her “friend” had had in mind, nevertheless split a few thousand Baht 50/50 and left. The other girl it appears stayed on to get whatever else she could. Later the next day Sai recieved a call from a girl who, as it turned out, happened to be staying in the same building. She warned Sai to keep well away from the place and advised her to steer well clear of Sukhumvit altogether. Understandably the bloke who’d been turned over had been to the police. They were now in possession of cctv footage from the building that clearly showed Sai’s face. Sai had had her hair tied back at the time, the other girl it seems had made sure that her hair was covering her face.Sai then demonstrated how this girl had untied her hair, as they entered the building, and bought it all down over her face. Although Sai noticed it at the time the reason why had never occurred to her. Why would it? She wasn’t going in with the intention of robbing anyone, the other girl obviously was.

“She know what she do”, Sai emphasized.

Having been drugged and robbed myself in the past I wasn’t sure how i was feeling about this up until that point. It had certainly fucked me up at the time. As with many other girls it’s all about survival, it’s just that Sai always seems closer to losing that battle more than any other girl i know. The opportunity presented itself and she took the money, I’d say that a lot of girls would when placed in the same situation. The intention to steal it wasn’t there when she went to the room, which i guess counts for something, though i wouldn’t want to rely on that as my defense in a Thai court. When I was caught out the girl had had every intention of doing what she did to me.

The problem, as Sai now sees it, is not going to go away anytime soon. Sukhumvit is where she works, it’s what she knows, it’s where her friends are. As splintered as their existence can be I’ve always been struck by how the girls will help each other out moneywise if they can, even if it’s just Twenty or Thirty Baht so a girl down on her luck can eat. Sai, I know, has both helped others and received helped herself. Now, unable to remain in that area, the fragile safety net she might have had is no longer there. The one thing now that she can’t risk is being picked up by the police in one of their frequent night-time sweeps along Sukhumvit. It’s an occupational hazard to girls like Sai that costs each of them B1000 to get out of Lumpini police station jail. I know because the last time i was in Bangkok I bailed Sai out myself (see my story Mook,Sai and a Sexy Thai Virgin).The fear of being hauled in, as part of the usual routine, and the police matching her up either by accident or design with the cctv footage, or any photo they might have made from it, was too much. Unfortunately she is a familiar face to the boys in brown at Lumpini.A few hours there she can handle, a few years in one of the bigger jails she couldn’t. Whether they could put two and two together or not I couldn’t say. Unwilling to take that chance Sai was on the next bus to Pattaya.

Though i never saw the room she’d found for herself there the description she gave was enough. “An tarai mak maak”(very dangerous) she had said of a small mosquito infested place on a Soi populated with drunks, junkies and snarling dogs. Staying at the hotel came as a welcome relief to her from all that. Though we had an enjoyable time I’m not over keen on Pattaya myself and after a few days i was eager to get back to Bangkok. The thought that I’d return alone I knew would be too much for Sai, even though i promised I’d be back to see her before I flew back to London.The idea of me being somewhere without her I know drives her mad. She made an excuse to return with me saying she had to pick some stuff up from her room in the city. To scared to go anywhere near lower Sukhumvit, and unable to persuade me to leave Soi 8 where I stay, we parted company at Ekamai with the promise that I’d return to Pattaya. I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days after that. She’d said she’d be going straight back but sure enough she called me from Bangkok. She arrived at my hotel on Soi 8 later that evening. I’d persuaded her to come right up to the door in a taxi so she wouldn’t have to walk anywhere around Sukhumvit. As thunder rolled across the city, and lightening flickered like a faulty neon light above, I lent in to pay the taxi driver as Sai got out. She was through the hotel doorway and in the lift up to my room before I’d even received my change. Over the next couple of days i witnessed the genuine fear that she had of just being in that area. During the day she’d reluctantly walk the length of Soi 8 to the skytrain,or to jump in a taxi if we couldn’t get one on the Soi, with her baseball cap pulled way down over her face. But after dark it was a different matter. Walking from the skytrain back to the hotel at dusk one time had got her so scared she didn’t want to leave my room again that night. She was seeing unmarked police cars and plain clothes police everywhere.

“You Farang you don’t know” she said,

after i thought she might be being just a little bit paranoid. She then told me of a time she’d been pulled into an unmarked car once before while just waiting at a bus stop. Strip searched by some sleazy cop for “yaa ba” he then took B500 off her because she wouldn’t have sex with him before letting her go. Over reaction or not I couldn’t say but the paranoia was infectious and I was seeing figures in the shadows myself before i talked her into going back to Pattaya. If she had been picked up while she was with me i would never have forgiven myself for talking her into staying on Soi 8.

“You see crazy lady?”, Jan asks the next day as we meet for some afternoon delight. She always refers to Sai this way though they’ve never met each other.

“Why you want to see her?” she enquires, after i tell her the latest tale, her nose wrinkled a little as she asks.

I have to confess that i don’t know. She’s not the first one to ask. It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. She makes me laugh yet drives me to despair in equal measure. Whereas Jan provides the perfect GF experience Sai wouldn’t pretend that she even knew how to. For reasons that i can’t explain there’s something that links us together. I guess for now the dance will continue.

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Looks like supermodel Kate Moss won’t be adding at least $40,000 USD to the Thai economy this year.

Supermodel Kate Moss suffered an expensive hangover, as an alcohol-fuelled festive period has reportedly forced her to cancel a USD 40,000 trip to Thailand.

The supermodel regularly jets out to the luxury Thai island of Koh Sumui at the end of each year for a sun-soaked vacation, Daily Mirror online reported.

But Moss allegedly fell ill on Christmas after an indulgent morning of eating and drinking and her rocker boyfriend Jamie Hince banned her from boarding a plane forcing her to cancel her flights, as well as those she had booked for four pals.

“Kate goes away every New Year and booked this year’s trip over four months ago. Unfortunately she rather over-indulged during the festive period, stuffing herself with turkey and all the trimmings, booze and Christmas pud,” a source said.

“After drinking champagne from 10 am onwards, she felt really ill all afternoon. Jamie told Kate in no uncertain terms that she would not be flying anywhere,” the source added.

“Annoyingly she can’t get a refund so, after forking out for more flights, she has been joking that it’s the $40,000 hangover! All things considered, she has taken it really well,” the source said.

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I was just playing around with the stats for the blog and decided to share with you guys what you thought was popular in 2009. I’ve divided things into two sections; Most Popular 2009 Alltime and Most Popular 2009 Posted in 2009. Alltime is old posts that were popular in 2009 and “in 2009″ are the most popular posts posted in 2009.

Most Popular 2009 Alltime

1. Can You Tell The Difference Between a Thai Lady and a Thai Ladyboy?
2. Finding Fresh Young Girls
3. Top Ten Tips to Spotting a Lady Boy
4. Spotting The Lady Boy
5. Female sex tourism in Thailand: My girlfriend had paid sex with a Thai boy
6. How to Meet Normal Thai Girls
7. Why Do Farang Men Travel Across The Globe To Meet Thai Prostitutes?
8. Hot or Not? What Thai Girls Look for in a Foreign Guy
9. Finding a Thai Girl
10. Mook,Sai,and A Sexy Thai Virgin

Most Popular 2009 Posted in 2009

1. Female sex tourism in Thailand: My girlfriend had paid sex with a Thai boy
2. Why Do Farang Men Travel Across The Globe To Meet Thai Prostitutes?
3. Hot or Not? What Thai Girls Look for in a Foreign Guy
4. Finding a Thai Girl
5. Guest Friendly Hotels in Bangkok
6. This Is Why You Don’t Start Fights With Thais
7. An Interesting Way to Make a Living in Thailand
8. Thais Not Forced Into Prostitution
9. Good Thai Girls and Bad Thai Girls – Is There More to the Story?
10. 10 Profile Tips For Thai Girls on Social Networking Sites

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As I exited the plane in Heathrow for a business trip I was immediately struck by something. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but then it suddenly hit me. These people seemed in a hurry. Several even seemed like that had a purpose. I guess I had been in Thailand so long I forgot what it was like when the point of walking is to quickly and efficiently get from Point A to Point B.

In Thailand and especially in Bangkok, walking is a window into how many Thais live their lifestyle. You will never see the hustle and bustle of other major cities like London, New York, Hong Kong, or Paris. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Instead of people pushing and shoving to get from one place to another as quickly as possible the Thai style lacks even a destination let alone a hurry to get there.

The first thing you have to learn about walking in Thailand is to slow down! The second thing you have to learn is that it is your duty to slow others down. You’re doing them a favor. How can one possibly expect to embrace the true Thai experience moving quickly?

What I will outline here are some simple rules for helping you get by in Thailand and how to share the laid back lifestyle with others.

The Mobile Telephone

If you don’t have one . . . scratch that. If you’re in Thailand you obviously have one. You were born with one.

Now that you have your mobile, you should be aware how it works. When you are on the device speaking with someone on the other end you are magically transported to a dimension where nothing else exists but you and the person on the other end of the phone. It’s sort of like reaching total enlightenment in that you are able to shut out all distractions and be at one with the other person.

The importance of understanding this is that in this other dimension you can pause on a crowded street, stand in a doorway or other narrow passageway, or slow your forward progress to a speed that can only be captured on time-lapse photography. In your dimension all of the people you are preventing from getting to where they need to go don’t exist.

Texting and Operating Your Mobile

The second best thing to being on the telephone is to be texting with it or in some other way be operating your mobile phone. This is usually best done in crowded areas where you can impede as many people as possible. For instance, during times of heavy traffic on the BTS or MRT immediately start texting your friends to tell them you’ve arrived at the station after only taking two steps off of the train.

The people that you are blocking getting onto and off the train will appreciate your reminder that they should slow down and not take life too seriously.

Arrows are for Followers, Not Leaders

Speaking of the BTS and MRT, those yellow and black arrows indicating the optimal flow of traffic for people getting off and boarding the trains are merely suggestions. Don’t ever feel the need to follow convention. If the arrow clearly shows that this is the path people will be exiting the train from and suggests that you stand to the side to allow this to happen, don’t assume it to be true. Maybe the train will miss its mark and everyone else will be wrong.

The same can be said for places like BTS walkways. Just because people on the right are moving in one direction and people on the left are going the opposite direction doesn’t mean it’s right. Challenge them to question the meaning of life by going against the direction of the traffic. They will thank you for this.

I’ll Make That Decision When I Come to it

If you ever find yourself about to go up a flight of stairs, enter a building, or take an escalator, now is the time to decide if that is really the best choice for your life. You don’t want to make a rash decision so give yourself time to think. It will also give the people behind you time to reflect on the meaning of life.

Oh, and speaking of escalators, when you are exiting them, always remember to stop and think if this is where you thought it would take you. The people behind you will appreciate the realization that sometimes we are not in control of our own destinies and life will take us where it wants to even if that means being forced to ram into you because the escalator is pushing them forward.

Straight Lines are Boring

One thing that is absolutely imperative about walking in Thailand is to never walk in a straight line. It’s so ingrained in the lifestyle that the police can’t even use it as a sobriety test since many people have grown unable to perform the task.

It’s much better to drift from one side of the sidewalk to the other. The narrower the sidewalk the better. You’re like a NASCAR pace car. You make sure that none of the people behind you can pass which reminds them to slow down and take things easy.

If your drifting becomes too predictable and someone threatens to pass, switch up mid-drift. Start to drift right and when you catch someone trying to pass you on the left simply start drifting left again.

The ultimate drift move though is the look and drift. Maybe you’re caught by surprise and you suddenly hear footsteps coming up behind you on your right. Simply look over your right shoulder and start drifting into their oncoming path. It’s so effective because when you stare someone in the eyes while blocking their path they will be shamed by the fact that they were violating the Thai walking etiquette.

The Carrot and the Stick

If people need extra convincing not to pass you, remember, when walking the proper arm movement is side to side, not back and forth. This way if someone tries to inappropriately pass you the threat of catching one of your flailing arms in the groin will dissuade them. It also helps if you randomly make wild sweeping gestures with your arms as those wearing athletic supporters (which they started wearing the last time they took a shot to the testicles) now have the fear of getting inadvertently whacked in the face.

This is also a very effective move if you’re carrying huge shopping bags of any sort. Sure, a flailing hand to the gonads hurts but taking a can of baked beans to this soft region will stop all but the most foolhardy.

Never Be Afraid to Correct a Mistake

Let’s face it, we all make mistakes. Sometimes you think you were going somewhere and then you remember that you were going somewhere else. It happens to all of us. Just the other day I was about to get on the train for Mo Chit but decided to go to On Nut. Whoops.

But rather than cautiously looking around for an opportunity to right yourself, abruptly stopping and/or doing a blind u-turn is always the right answer regardless of how crowded things are. The other people will understand (we’ve all done it) and nobody will be annoyed or think lesser of you (save face).

Stop and Smell the Roses

Street vendors spend a lot of time and effort setting up their little stalls around Bangkok and it seems unfair for someone to simply walk by and not show the respect of admiring their work. After all, they’ve gone to all the work to narrow the sidewalk down to a single lane why can’t you be bothered to look at their goods?

It doesn’t matter if you walk this path every day and know exactly what they sell or if they have the same exact goods as thirty other vendors on the same street. A simple pause at each stall as you walk by lets the vendors know that people appreciate their hard work. It also reminds those behind you that they should show their gratitude as well.

Group Outings

Groups have a special duty to protect the art of walking in Thailand. Anytime one or more people are walking together they are obliged to create as large an obstacle as possible.

If only two people are together, holding hands and then walking as far apart from each other is the acceptable formation. Nobody can pass between or on the sides of you (remember to swing those arms).

Larger groups take more practice but it will soon become natural as everyone learns their part. First, you must learn to stagger your formation similar to a military patrol. Here’s a six person example.

|A  B           |
|         C  D  |
| E  F          |

This allows you to completely block off anyone coming from behind. The leader is usually in the A or B position and should from time to time need to communicate with C,D,E or F slowing down and tightening up the formation because it is easy to become spread out which would allow others to snake their way through the formation.

Street Vendors and Bystanders

Just because you’re not traveling anywhere doesn’t mean you don’t have an obligation to slow people down as well. Street vendors already have a good start since they’ve blocked off a good portion of the sidewalk with their stalls. But you can certainly do more.

One of the most effective ways to share the art of walking in Thailand is to randomly cross the footpath in such a way as to force people to either stop or ram into you.

For instance, if you’re a vendor on lower Sukhumvit where the stalls line both sides of the footpath, simply decide to go stand on the other side of the footpath as people are approaching. Pretend to adjust something or look at your merchandise and then cross back again.

A true master at this maneuver can do it with their eyes closed. In fact, that is part of the mastery. As you hear someone approaching – with your back to them – just shoot out in their way without bothering to look. I mean, it’s a crowded sidewalk with thousands of pedestrians passing daily; how can anyone blame you for just shooting out onto an active walkway? It’s your store!

Another variation on this is instead of shooting out into the on comer’s path simply gesture wildly with your arm to the other side of the pathway thus nearly decapitating anyone foolish enough to come within arms length of you.

Another effective method is grossly overstaffing your stall. If you’re making 4 or 5 sales a day you should at least have seven family members working for you. And the more unruly children you have around the better. There’s nothing like a small child landing his head in someone’s balls to remind them to take notice of the small things in life.

Conclusion

Walking around in Thailand is not something that should be done with the intention of getting anywhere. Life is too short for that. You should take the opportunity to meditate on life and if possible share this gift with others by showing them the benefits of slowing down, contemplating life, and living in the moment. Believe me, they’ll thank you for it.

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I heard these terms from a Thai person several years ago and thought they were somewhat humorous. If you don’t know what they are they are basically a way to describe what Thai guys are into versus what Farang guys are into in terms of women.

According to this Thai theory, Thai guys are into tall, white skinned girls and Farang guys are into short, brown girls. On the surface it would appear to be true if you hang out in Thailand and see what Thais consider attractive and what you see Farangs married to.

All Thai advertising features very white skinned girls who almost look like farangs. In fact, many top models in Thailand are luk kreung (ลูกครึ่ง) which is basically half farang and half Thai. Tata Young, Paula Taylor, Sririata Jensen, and Sonia Couling are luk kreung. Girls who aren’t luk kreung who are also considered highly attractive according to Thais are the Thai-Chinese blend (Thainese) coming from families where the parents several generations ago migrated to Thailand from China and mixed with the local population.

Luk kreung / Thai-Spec model Sririta Jensen

On the other hand, if you take a walk around Bangkok or anywhere else in Thailand you will mostly see farangs arm in arm with your typical Isaan looking girl. Darker skin, short, and clearly Isaan facial features.

Farang-Spec Girl

I think for farangs we appreciate the dark skin as being exotic where the Thais (and most Asians) think it signals lower class or status. In other words, I think we’re open minded about skin color and such since we see so much racial mixing in our own countries and we consider a brown tone to be a sign of health as pasty white often signals some sort of illness.

That being said, I question whether or not these Thai/Farang specs are entirely accurate. I’m sure there are some guys who specifically prefer the Isaan look but I think for the vast majority of Farang guys it’s more an issue of who we are likely to interact with.

Whether it be go-go dancers in Nana Plaza or the girl serving us dinner at a local restaurant around the corner from your condo, chances are you meet far more Isaan looking women than you do Thai spec women. So the women you are likely to ask out and date are far more likely to be supposed Farang Spec than Thai Spec.

You also have to look at the social dynamics at play as well. A Thai-Spec girl probably has guys falling all over themselves to ask her out. She is not only getting attention from Thais but from farangs as well. And if she’s very attractive and very Thai Spec she is getting attention from very well heeled men both farang and Thai. This means she probably won’t spend a long time being “available” and will get snapped up and married very quickly which further reduces the number of available Thai Spec women.

But an attractive Isaan woman is in a different class. First off, if she comes from a poor family then status conscious Thai men won’t seriously consider her for anything more than a casual fling. That means her pool of available men is other Thai guys of her own class or farangs who are not as class conscious. That puts a disproportionate number of attractive Farang-Spec women in the dating pool for farang men.

So, farang men can either battle it out in the competitive pool for Thai-Spec women or they can look for love in the less competitive Farang-Spec arena. I don’t think it’s preference in type so much as most men simply find it easier to meet and date a Farang-Spec women than it would be to meet and date a Thai-Spec girl.

But just like men have their debates about blonds versus brunettes or asses versus boobs, there are men who really do prefer the Farang-Spec looking girls. Everybody is going to have their biases and preferences so it’s difficult to say that the Farang Spec and Thai Spec distinction is a myth but I don’t think it’s anywhere as near universal as many Thais believe it is.

[Farang-Spec photo taken from JonathanFun.com]

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I don’t know why this headline struck as funny as it did but I thought I would share and let you make your own determination.

[click to enlarge photo]

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In case you haven’t heard, the immigration office moved from the ever so convenient Suan Phlu location to Chaeng Wattana. If you have no clue where Chaeng Wattana is don’t feel alone.

Let’s put it this way, the route I recommend unless you’re well used to the bus system in Bangkok is to take the BTS all the way out to the last stop at Mo Chit. From Mo Chit just get in a taxi and ask them to take you to the immigration office at Chaeng Wattana. Be sure to specify Chaeng Wattana as I thought my taxi driver was going to get an erection when I asked to go to the immigration office and he thought he was getting a fare all the way to Suan Phlu.

Just tell the driver “Thor Mor Chaeng Wattana” or “Gong Soon Chaeng Wattana”

Ride will be about 10 – 15 min and cost about 100 – 120 baht plus toll road should you choose it. Personally I don’t think it’s that much faster.

If you’re really stuck print out the address below in Thai and hand it to the driver.

ด่านตรวจคนเข้าเมือง
120 ม.3 แจ้งวัฒนะ ซอย 7
ถ.แจ้งวัฒนะ
เขตหลักสี่
กรุงเทพฯ 10210

Here’s a map and some really good info on bus routes.
And here it is on Google Maps

There are some signs once you get into the area with all of the other government buildings. It’s way, way, way in the back so if you get a little scared when you see all Thai signs after seeing the immigration sign in English don’t worry, you haven’t passed it.

I was quite surprised not to see more farangs outside but once you pull up there should be two or three waiting for a taxi and you’ll know you’re in the right place.

Be warned, the building is HUGE! You will feel like you’re walking into a large conference facility back home. Follow the signs towards immigration.

Once inside it’s a bit like the old place. They have an information counter where you tell them what you’re there for. They give you the forms to fill out and you walk over to some desks and fill out the forms. Once completed you go to an inside information counter where they check you’ve completed everything and then give you a ticket and show you where to wait for your number to be called.

Unlike the old immigration office they actually separate functions pretty well. I was going for a visa extension on an ED visa and they had a custom section for it. So it’s less like the huge cattle call that they did at the old place.

Overall it’s much, much more efficient than Suan Phlu in terms of how quickly things are turned around. However, it’s still confusing because they tell you to go wait in the purple section and you still don’t know if you should walk up and hand them your passport and paperwork or wait for your number to be called. Making it worse is that they don’t have a number system and they just call out numbers. At least in my section they were going sequentially so at least you avoid seeing 333, 987, 412 on the current number queue and you know exactly where in the queue you’re at. Oh, and they might call out the number in Thai so I hope you can count to at least 999 in Thai.

One of the changes that I liked is that they don’t sit behind a big imposing counter. You actually walk into their little offices and hand them your paperwork. Everything is done right in front of you (checking app completeness and taking payment) and then you go sit back down and wait for your passport to be stamped and handed back to you.

I had two things to complete on this trip; I had to get my visa extension and I needed a re-entry permit. When I finished with the visa extension I went back out to the info booth got the paperwork for the re-entry filled it out, got a new number, was told to wait in a different section, and they did the old give us the passport and your money and go wait thing.

I will say this, I got a visa extension and a re-entry permit in 1 hour and 45 min. At Suan Phlu I’ve waited 2 hours just to complete one task so major, major kudos to the new immigration office for being very efficient.

I still don’t like having to haul myself way the hell out there but if it’s that much faster it might be a fair tradeoff.

Also, keep in mind that this immigration office is not open Sat or Sun. Open from 08:30 to 16:30 M-F and closed from 12- 1 for lunch. Obviously, they’re closed all public holidays as well.

Good luck!

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Wow, just ran across this update the other day. Seems that Phil the weepy-eyed Brit who caught his Thai wife in a lie isn’t exactly a prince either.

Seems good old Phil beat the crap out of the Thai gal and when police investigated they took his DNA which turned up an arrest warrant in Germany where his accused of raping and murdering a Germany lady.

I guess he’s the one who should have been given the lie detector test.

A Briton accused of raping and killing a housewife in Germany was trapped six years later when he had a violent row with his girlfriend in Britain and police took his DNA.

Philip McNally had been arrested by Welsh police following an argument with his girlfriend at Ynys Yr Afon in Neath, South Wales, in February this year.

As is routine with violent crimes, detectives in Wales ran Mr McNally’s sample through Interpol’s DNA database and a match with the unsolved crime in Germany came up.

Police discovered McNally was wanted for throttling Helga Pfirsching, 45, and drowning her in the bath at the family home in Worms, Germany in 2002.

Read the full story

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