Online Dating in Thailand

I was reading Stickman’s recent post about online dating sites and I thought I would offer my own commentary as I thought he hit the nail on the head on a few topics.

Talking with foreign guys using the site, their modus operandi is eerily similar.  They get online and bombard the girls online with messages and attempt to engage them in online chat, first of all via the site’s real time chat system, then on to Yahoo or MSN Messenger, both of which are faster, less cumbersome, and allow for the use of webcam.  If she has good English and / or is exceptionally pretty they work slowly and methodically.  She is earmarked as potential relationship material.  But if she is not that pretty, her English is mediocre or she just doesn’t have that certain something they’re looking for, then it becomes a quest to get a date as quickly as possible.  If a date cannot be arranged then she is ditched unceremoniously and effort is put into the next in the queue.  Those girls who are deemed unsuitable or are just too difficult are not just deleted, but blocked.  It’s not about friendship; the pursuit of a quickie is brutally ruthless.

Seeing as how I don’t live in the LOS the modus operandi is somewhat different but still very similar.  I think the earmarking as possible relationship material still happens but since getting a quick date is not going to happen I tend to go directly for the delete/block option with anyone who is not relationship material.  Online dating in Thailand is very different from online dating in Farangland. In Farangland it’s just like it is in the Farangland bars and everyplace else; you have to approach the women and they sit back and pick and choose who they’ll respond to.  Unless you look like Brad Pitt don’t expect a whole lot of women to contact you first.

Online dating in Thailand is completely different.  Women approach you constantly.  You log in and you might get two or three chat requests before you have a chance to even check your overflowing mailbox.  Forget about that shy Thai girl waiting for the guy to make the first move woman you’ve all heard about.  Online they have no problems being the first to act.

But the question is; how many of these girls are worth dating?

. . . Most are only moderately attractive Thai women and many are looking for inexperienced farang, new to Thailand! Tell the typical female TLL member that you have been in Thailand for more than a year and she will lose interest.  The women get suspicious and irritated when the farang says he has lived in Thailand for some time.  She then knows that that he knows that she is not the prize catch!

Another issue is communication.  English is real a plomplem for many of the ladies and even the most basic questions cause problems.

The girls are juggling many guys, and can become absent-minded.  They have little or no concept of what is personal and do not respect privacy – and seemingly want to know everything about a guy while being very guarded about divulging much about themselves!  The girls often ask the same questions ad absurdum, checking and re-checking your status.  And many see online chatting as a form of entertainment, just like watching TV.  Some girls are very surprised when asked to meet and actually want to keep everything on the net.

That’s my read as well. There may be a lot of available women but the vast majority aren’t even worth wasting your time with if you’re actually interested in a relationship.  While I have no problem with a “moderately attractive” woman if there was a real intellectual and emotional connection, when you throw in all of the other downside of her limited English skills, juggling multiple guys, and having the same conversations day in and day out the field of women who are actually dateable narrows drastically.

In fact, if you want to know what your experience is going to be like, allow me to offer the following MSN Chat template.  I was thinking about an auto-responder bot to handle the task for me but never got around to it:

Her:  Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him:  Hi, how are you?

Her:  Good, how are you?

Him:  I’m good.

Her:  What time is it there?

Him:  18:30

Her:  AM or PM?

Him:  PM

Her:  Have you eat yet?

Him:  Yes

Him:  What did you do today?  Anything interesting?

Long Pause (5 min or more)

Him:  You still there?

Her:  What?

Him:  I asked how your day was.  What did you do today?

Long Pause (5 min or more)

Equally frustrating is that as Stick says, some view it as a form of entertainment.  They really have no interest in dating anyone (some even have boyfriends) but it’s cheap and available 24/7 so they login and chat with whoever happens to be online.  Others use it as a form of self-help.  I’ve been contacted numerous times by girls who wanted to chat about losing their job or breaking up with their boyfriend.  Excuse me for being insensitive but I already have plenty of friends with problems; why would I want to be a shoulder to cry on for some random girl who I’ve never spoken to before?

Also true to Stick’s observations, many are keen to chat with you for months but when you actually land at BKK airport they suddenly cannot be found.  When a girl is online every single night for 3 months and suddenly is no longer online after she’s agreed to meet you and you can’t reach her on her mobile you pretty much know what the deal is.

But all is not lost.  You just need to stop yourself from being overwhelmed by so much selection.  I’ve met several women who really stick out.  One which I call the One Who Got Away was not your typical online dating type.  She was 28, well educated (Master’s degree), worked in a management position at a multi-national company, drove a nice late-model car, and her English skills were very good.  We talked for a good few months online and we met while I was in BKK on holiday.  Unfortunately, I was still new to online dating so I didn’t really realize how rare she was and thought her stand-offish attitude and cautiousness compared poorly to the 22 – 26 year old stunners who were burning up my mobile wanting to meet me so I didn’t really try to be charming and just wanted to get the date over with so I could meet one of the other girls.  After going through 4 or 5 girls and realizing that they were mostly nutters I tried to salvage things with the One Who Got Away but she sensed my vibe on the date and took it as an insult.

Second girl has since become a very good friend of mine.  I don’t even remember talking to her much online but I was in my hotel one day and she sent me a message asking if I was in BKK.  I told her that I was and we arranged to grab something to eat.  In the looks department she wasn’t my type.  She was good looking and had a good body but sometimes things either click or they don’t and in this case they didn’t click.  However we had a three hour conversation that blew me away.  She was knowledgeable on a wide range of topics, very success driven, and knew what she wanted out of life and how to get it.  After our conversation she looked at me and said “You’re not attracted to me, are you?”  I levelled with her and told her that while I thought she was one of the most entertaining people I had ever met in Thailand that I just didn’t feel a spark.  She replied “Okay, I thought so.  So, you’re okay if we stay friends?  I like you too but not in that way.”  Ever since we’ve kept in touch and we see each other when I’m out in Thailand.  She’s been invaluable in helping me on some things and she’s been a great person to bounce questions off of when I need a reality check.

I could go on but suffice it to say that there are some quality women online but they are severely outnumbered by total flakes, gold diggers, and other undesirables.  So if you venture into this world do so with a little bit of caution.  Anything that sounds too good to be true is.