Whenever I hear someone moaning about not being able to find a good woman in Farangland I always think that either the guy is a loser or that he isn’t trying hard enough. Then I quickly remember that I generally share the same opinion. And since I’m not a loser (or so mummy says) and I do make an effort to share the company of women as much as I can, I can’t be right about both things.
So it got me thinking and after a few drinks I decided that there was a logical explanation that would still sound logical even after the effects of the booze wore off. First I needed a good hypothesis to test and the best one I could come up with in my alcohol impaired state was that there must be some sort of supply / demand correlation.
The big question was how does one test that hypothesis? With over six billion people on earth I would have to wait until I sobered up before I started trying to crunch numbers.
The next morning, with incoherent notes scribbled an scraps of paper littered around my living room (where, by chance I also woke up on the couch) I began my quest to explain why finding a quality girlfriend is so difficult in Farangland.
WARNING: What follows involves addition, subtraction, division, and other boring crap. Follow along at your own peril.
First thing we need to do is define “Farangland.” Let’s say that we define the Western world as Northern America *, Europe, and Oceania. That excludes Africa, Asia, and Latin America.
Populations break down as follows:
Northern America 332,156,000
Total population 1,089,876,000
Looking across most major societies the male/female ration seems to be about 49/51 so there are about 544,938,000 women in Farangland.
Now, we’ll have to get a little funky here as the only source of data I could locate for with appropriate demographic data was the CIA Factbook which only has the following datapoint on age:
15-64 years: 67.2%
This number is for the US but since it is one of the single largest countries in Farangland and a cursory glance at other countries seems to show it to be within a seemingly narrow range right around the same I thought it would be an appropriate number to use.
So, let’s take our 544,938,000 women and isolate those aged between 15 and 64 years of age. That gives us 366,198,336 ladies.
This is where some people might take issue with how I have my way with the numbers here but I don’t really know any better way to do this. Without better data I have to make some assumptions and I’m trying to be as fair as possible.
There are 50 age groups between the ages of 15 and 64. Now, let’s assume that each age group has an equal number of people in it. This is probably not true as many countries experienced a baby boom which has weighted the populations of those countries toward the older end but the worst that assumption is going to do is show me I have better chances of meeting a woman than I actually do.
So that gives us 7,323,966 women per age grouping. Now, let’s assume that the average reader of this blog is 35 years of age (which is approx the median age in the US with a slightly higher median age – 38 – in the UK) and is willing to date women up to 5 years his younger and 5 years his elder for a total of 10 age groupings (you’ll notice I like my numbers round but not my women). That gives us a universe of 73,239,667 women.
I know that some men would like to date women younger than that but let’s be realistic here. The number of 25 year old women dating 35 year old men in Farangland is pretty low. Obviously, I can’t account for everything so I’m willing to live with this level of inaccuracy. I’m also inclined to feel that this number is fair since I did no adjustment for the population being skewed towards the older end of the spectrum. Somewhere in there I think the two adjustments cancel each other out.
But not every woman is both in the right age group and available. Yep, some of these gals are already off the market.
Again, I had to molest the data to get something worthwhile here. This BW Online article suggests that married couple households in the US have dropped from 80% in the 1950’s to 51% in 2003. Now, it’s generally accepted that the US divorce rate is higher than many parts of the Western world which makes me inclined to take this random data point and skew it closer to 80% than to 51%. Let’s ballpark the married couple households in the entire Northern American, European, and Oceanic to be about 65%. That leaves a mere 35% available ladies who I don’t have to fight someone to get at.
We’re down to 25,633,883 women available in the pool.
Now let’s pull a number straight out of my arse to account for unmarried couples who are in long-term relationships. I’m going to say that number is 30%. Sound too high? Sound too low? I think it sounds low but I’m really trying to be fair with the numbers here.
We’re down to 17,943,718
Now, call me shallow (don’t worry, you won’t be the first) but let’s also assume that I value a woman’s looks. Uh oh, how do we figure out hottie from nottie? This is all pretty subjective so let’s say that in any given population of women that at least 50% are below average in the looks department. And of the remaining 50% at least 25% are going to be in the “out of your league” class. So, out of our 17,943,718 possible partners we’re sadly down to 6,728,894 women I wouldn’t kick out of my bed for eating crackers.
Now, let’s assume that the average bloke actually has some standards in regards to the brains department. Assuming a standard Bell Curve distribution of intelligence, I’m going to limit myself to the middle of the Bell Curve or higher (IQ equal or greater than 100). That eliminates half the women on our list. Additionally, much like the looks department, I’m going to eliminate the women in the top 25% of that remaining 50% as what braniac is going to want to date someone who she thinks is a little slow? I think this all evens out because a guy who is a 100 himself isn’t going to land a brain surgeon but might date women who have an IQ of 95. Similarly a guy who has an IQ of 130 probably isn’t going to date a lot of women left of 100.
Okay, so we’re now down to a pool of 2,523,335
But all we’ve done is say that these ladies live in Farangland, are in a ten year age band, single and available, have above average looks, and aren’t complete dolts.
Wait, did I say single and available? What about lesbians? Again, I have to pull a number completely out of my arse as I can’t find any sort of reliable stats. Again, I’m trying to be conservative with my assumptions here so let’s say 10%.
Now we’re down to 2,271,001
Now we’re going to delve into the realm of completely going on instinct and making some pretty huge leaps of faith because now we have to figure out the percentage of woman who not only are attractive to you but attracted to you.
We already made some assumptions about the top 25% of the right half of the Bell Curve being out of our league but what about the rest?
Compatibility is such a bitch of a topic. Let’s just look at a short list of things many people consider to be important in terms of compatibility:
Personality (introvert vs. extrovert)
Common interests / hobbies
The list goes on and on. And for some people it can go into some pretty low level of detail like people who refuse to date anybody who smokes or has a tattoo.
So, let’s just say that in our ideal world, at least half of the women who have made it this far just don’t cut it. And maybe there are women who meet your standards but you don’t meet theirs. So all in all, perhaps we’re down to about 40%.
Now we’re down to 908,400 women.
Pretty sad, eh? Well, pull out another tissue (no, not for that) because what are the chances that you’ll meet all 908,400 women out there in Farangland? Pretty slim. Let’s say that you live in NYC with a population of over 8 million. Assuming we can use 4 million as the number of women living in NYC, we can multiply that by .12% (number of women who met all of the above criteria divided by the number of women in Farangland) to come up with the number 4800. That’s the number of women out of a universe of 4 million who you might have a shot at a relationship with.
Things also get a little tricky in that while a good percentage of the Western world speaks English not all do. Even if you speak two or more languages you have to eliminate all the women who only speak a language you don’t.
So what does this all mean? It means that if you walk into a bar on a Saturday night and approach ONLY women who already fit your criteria your chances of finding Mrs. Right are not great. To add insult to injury, Western women who seem like they would fit all of the above criteria get hit on so often that they instinctively put up the bitch shield to ward off the losers. Not only do you have an .l2% chance of meeting the girl of your dreams but she’s likely to treat you like shit until you break down her defences.
Back in Farangland you always hear people say they’re “not into the whole bar scene.” Really? Because when those same guys go to Bangkok they don’t seem to have a problem hitting all the nightclubs and even the Naughty Nightlife scene. What they’re not into is going into a nightclub and saying “Hello” to someone and having that person verbally grab their testicles and rip them off.
What’s a normal guy to do? Well, what most guys do is . . . . compromise. Instead of taking a girl to the right of centre on the Bell Curve in the looks department they’ll mine a little lower. Maybe they’ll put up with a poor attitude because they would rather fuck someone to the far right of the looks Bell Curve with a bitchy attitude than someone who’s ugly. Or maybe they make do with a gold digger because it was easier to buy love than go through all the rejection it would take to find the perfect blend of qualities. Whatever it is, most guys end up making compromises because their pool of candidates is so limited.
Then one day this same guy steps off a plane in Bangkok, checks into a hotel, and walks down Sukhumvit to a chorus of “You hansum man.” Even the girls who aren’t looking for pay to play action will flash him a heart warming smile for doing nothing more than making simple eye contact.
So for all those Western women who don’t seem to understand the attraction of Asian woman, and specifically Thai women, this is your answer. Even if your typical Westerner stays well clear of the Naughty Nightlife districts your typical Thai woman is, by far, more pleasant to deal with than your average Western woman. Your typical average looking guy can walk up to a stunningly beautiful woman in a nightclub or other social venue and not fear being viciously emasculated for having the unmitigated gall of saying hello and trying to strike up a conversation.
Thai women will, normally, be courteous even if they have no interest. They will smile and engage even the sorriest of losers in some polite dialogue. They don’t feel the need to destroy the guy’s ego when a polite “no thank you” will suffice. Thai society teaches people to avoid conflict so being a total cunt would be a loss of face for her, not the guy.
And because even a letdown can be a positive experience it gives the man confidence he didn’t have before. He’s less afraid to approach the next beautiful woman he runs into. And since we’ve seen that finding the right partner is a numbers game his increased interaction with beautiful women makes it that much more likely that he’s going to run into Mrs. Right.
This is completely the opposite of Farangland where each time a man approaches a beautiful woman he puts his ego out there on the line. Each time he gets rudely rejected it decreases his desire to talk to the next woman and thus he begins to build up emotional defences which range from completely objectifying women (think of this as the same thing the military does to soldiers by dehumanizing the enemy) to simple cowardice in romantic situations. All of which actually lower his chance of meeting Mrs. Right thus it becomes a continuous circle.
It’s almost a side note that many Thai woman also happen to be attracted to Western men. And not just the bargirl parasitic types. Many normal girls look at these farang men with their relatively high social ranking and perceived wealth and think to themselves that he might just be a step up from the Thai guys she’s been dating. As long as a guy doesn’t spend his evenings soaked in alcohol or in the company of prostitutes (or both), dresses well, and has a pleasant demeanour he has a pretty good chance of being able to date women who would be several degrees out of his league in the looks department back in good old Farangland.
Of course, this is a double-edged sword though. Because your Western man is not used to being treated so well and having access to so many beautiful women he doesn’t know how to react. He’s not used to being able to be selective. His natural instinct, ingrained in him from his Western lifestyle, leads him to falling deeply in love with any pretty woman who doesn’t seem like she’s treating him like shit. If that woman happens to be one with questionable intentions it can lead to a real hard crash when he comes out of the ether.
There’s a small bit of irony in that when you take beauty out of the equation Asian women provide what Western men are starved for; sensitivity, submissiveness, and caring while Western women provide those things that Western men soon miss in a relationship with an Asian woman; intelligent communications, equality in the relationship, and independence.
Perhaps in another post we’ll explore the dynamics of this Thai / Western interaction but for now it should be quite obvious that in the Western world the odds are severely stacked against your average male. However in Asia, and specifically Thailand, the Western male has the world he knows flipped on its head. Whereas a night out trying to meet women in the West usually means risking a bruised ego and disappointment, in Thailand even getting turned down can be a stroke to the ego depending on how skilful the lady is in letting him down.
Western women who are bitter at men who run off to Thailand and start dating uneducated farm girls might want to look at the negative-feedback environment Western society has created for men.
* Keep in mind, that because I am pulling my data from Wikipedia I have to use their definitions. One definition is Northern America which is not the same as North America. Northern America would include Canada, the United States, Greenland, Bermuda, St. Pierre, and Miquelon. Likewise Oceania includes not only Australia and New Zealand but all the island nations in the area such as Micronesia and Guam. For the sake of this example let’s just assume that the Wikipedia definitions actually increase the total possible female pool and the real numbers are even more grim.