After doing the normal tourist thing in Thailand I did as many men do and I began to pine for meeting a nice, normal Thai girl. But how was a tourist, who only visits Thailand a few times a year, supposed to find such an elusive girl?
I tried meeting Thai girls online and then going out with them when I was in Thailand but it’s such a mixed bag in the online dating scene. For every girl I would consider relationship material there are hundreds – perhaps even thousands – of girls who want to meet a farang, any farang, just to get out of their current financial situation. That’s not what I’m looking for in a serious relationship.
And even the nice, normal Thai girls can be a little nutters. In fact it was after having found out that one nice, normal Thai girl that I had invested several months chatting with hadn’t been entirely honest about the situation with her ex-boyfriend that I decided to adjust my game plan.
There I was sitting in Central World after having gotten a text from the previously mentioned gal informing me that she hadn’t quite broken up with her boyfriend when I saw a girl who really caught my eye. She was chatting away on her mobile as she walked toward my general direction. She ended her call and I seized the opportunity.
I walked up to her and asked “Excuse me, what model phone is that? I’ve been thinking about getting a new phone and I’ve seen a few people with that model and I was thinking about buying one.”
She smiled and showed me the phone. Although she apologized several times saying that her English wasn’t very good it was actually quite impressive. She showed me several of the coolest features the phone had and even snapped a picture of me when demonstrating the camera.
Only a fool wouldn’t know that she was somewhat interested so I thanked her for showing me her phone and asked if I could get her phone number so I could call her some time. I handed her my phone and she punched her digits in there along with her name – which was a good thing because I hadn’t remembered to ask her for her name.
Later on that evening I send her a text. “It was very nice meeting you today. Thank you for helping me decide on a new phone.”
I had barely hit the send button when a response came back “Did you buy one?”
To cut a long story short I called her up a few days later and we ended up going out on a date.
Now one might assume that this could have been a fluke. Maybe I met the right girl at exactly the right moment. But I’ve done this dozens of times with very similar results. So I thought I would break it all down for you in the hopes that you can replicate my success.
First off, you need to figure out what you’re looking for. Meeting women, farang or Thai, is like marketing. You have to know the demographics of your market, where those people are, and then deliver your offer in a manner likely to get them to buy.
So let’s start off with who you’re after. I tend to like meeting university educated women who have office jobs. That’s my target market so I have to determine where I am most likely to meet girls like that.
The kind of Thai girl I’m after isn’t going to be clubbing every night so I scratch that off my list of venues right away. Girls hanging out in Paragon or Central World seem to be more the demographic I’m going after. I also have tried business parks where girls might be taking their lunch but that’s a little more hit and miss. Big shopping malls work nicely because it’s indoors and air conditioned. Malls also have a degree of safety to them so girls tend not to get too tense when some strange farang starts talking to them.
Before I go on, let me be clear that these work for me because that’s what I’m in market for. If you’re looking for a girl fresh off the farm or you like the younger gals then it’s pointless to go to the same places that work for me. Your average Isaan low-so girl wouldn’t be caught dead in Paragon. In fact, Paragon is like kryptonite for low-so girls.
Big Baby Kenny wrote an excellent piece over on the Big Mango blog about meeting university students which is an excellent example of how you need to adjust the advice I’m giving based on your target market.
So back to meeting girls.
I’ve identified what kind of girl I’m looking for and where she’s likely to be found. Now all I have to do is deliver my offer in a manner likely to get them to buy.
I think it should go unsaid that you need to dress appropriately and practice good hygiene. Regardless of the girl you’re trying to meet they will place a lot of importance on those two factors. If you reek like a trash bin or your idea of appropriately dressed means anything without a collar then your success rate is going to be very low.
I made that mistake once with a girl I had met online. I had misjudged her status level and had shown up to meet her in a pair of nice jeans, a casual collared shirt, and trainers. She showed up for our date in a cocktail dress. Talk about awkward.
Along with being well groomed and presentable, smile! Not the creepy pervert smile but a nice, warm, friendly smile. Get good at it. Thais love a nice smile so when you approach someone and talk to them with a smile you’ll get a lot farther.
Being presentable is the first hurdle to delivering the offer in a manner likely to get them to buy. The second is actually going up and talking to them. My “trick” is to find something to compliment them on. If you have trouble coming up with compliments go sit around someplace crowded and just watch people. Try to find things to compliment people on. Once your mind gets accustomed to noticing things about other people you’ll find it easier to find something on the spur of the moment.
The one thing I would stay away from though is physical features. A pretty girl knows she’s pretty. Walking up to her and telling her she has great eyes seems creepy. On the other hand walking up to her and complimenting her hand bag and saying that you’re thinking of buying one for your sister seems natural. You’ve delivered a compliment and now you have a reason to keep talking.
The idea here is to have a reason to continue the conversation. For instance, when I asked the girl about the phone there was a whole universe of possibilities in terms of keeping the conversation going. I could ask if it gets good reception. I could ask where’s a good place to buy a mobile in Bangkok? I could ask if it plays MP3s.
Same thing applies when you’re complimenting her purse. You could make up a story about your sister making you promise you would buy her something nice in Bangkok. So even if she says she doesn’t know where she got the hand bag you could ask her for suggestions on what would be a nice gift for your sister who happens to be about the same age.
If I can’t find anything to compliment my fall back is to ask some sort of random question. For instance I might ask if they can give me directions somewhere. “Excuse me, how do I get to the movie theatre from here? I’m supposed to be meeting some friends but I can’t find it.”
Once you start talking you need to be a quick read of body language. If she’s got a defensive posture and seems like she’s simply being polite then thank her for her help or time and break it off. If she’s smiling and seems to be enjoying talking to you then feel free to go off in whatever direction the conversation takes.
Try to keep the conversation to under 15 minutes. I usually try to have her phone number in five to ten minutes. If I’m still talking with her after fifteen minutes I’ve usually screwed up and can’t close the deal.
Speaking of telephone numbers, just ask for it. Don’t get all tongue tied. Just say “Hey, why don’t you give me your phone number so I can call you some time.” And just hand her your mobile so she can type it in. Most girls will give out their phone numbers pretty freely so the only time you’re going to get declined is if she has a boyfriend/husband or you’ve totally misread her body language up to that point. Either way it’s no big deal.
When you’ve gotten the phone number don’t hang around the same place trying to chat up other girls. If she sees you an hour later talking to some other girl she’ll blow you off when you text her later.
If going up and starting a conversation with a beautiful woman who isn’t riding a chrome pole makes you nervous start going to department stores and asking the staff for help. They’re paid to be nice and helpful so it’s easy to learn how to get a conversation going. It gives you practice talking to beautiful women and you can experiment with things like transitioning the conversation between topics. Whatever helps you overcome your anxiety will pay huge dividends when you start talking to women you would actually like to date.
Now that I have the phone number I usually wait until I’m getting ready to go out for the night (about 9 or 10pm) and then I’ll shoot her a text message saying that I enjoyed meeting her. This is probably the most critical moment in the entire dance. If she texts you back then she’s interested. If she doesn’t text you back DO NOT send her any more text messages or call her. It’s over. Move on.
Just a side note here; if you want to meet high quality women in Thailand you better shake everything you think you know about meeting women out the window. If she blows off your text message then it’s her loss. Once you get comfortable with approaching women you should be collecting enough phone numbers where it shouldn’t even bother you if a girl isn’t interested.
If you’ve gotten this far then the next step is to try and arrange a date. Wait a day or two and then give the girl a call and ask her out. I would suggest that you have something in mind before you call. For instance, you might call and say “Hey, I was thinking about going to Vertigo for dinner and was wondering if you would like to come with me.”
What I’m about to say next is where 99.999999% of guys mess up in relationships. If she says she can’t do tonight don’t be a pussy and ask her when she’s available. Man up. Tell her that’s too bad and tell her maybe she can meet you some other date. But don’t ever ask her when she’s available. She’ll volunteer an alternate date if she’s really interested. If she says she can do tomorrow, for example, tell her that there’s another restaurant you’ve been wanting to try and suggest that. Don’t offer her the same place as if you’re going to postpone going because she can’t make it. You’re still going to Vertigo with or without her. Let her be the one worrying about whether you’re taking some other girl.
The whole idea with women, Thai or farang, is to be in control of the situation. Women like men who are confident and in control of their lives. That doesn’t mean being a jerk but it does mean that you shouldn’t seem needy.
I read on the Stickman site a reader submission from a guy who does a lot of nude photography. He uses a similar approach. When he’s talking to a girl he will tell her he can show her his portfolio tomorrow at 4pm. If she says she can’t make it then he tells her he’ll call her and let her know when he’s got another opening.
Wait a day or two and then SMS or call them back and say you have some free time between shoots, name a time, and ask if it’s possible they could meet you there and you’ll bring your portfolio. If they can’t make that time don’t modify the time to suit their schedule. They’ll wonder why you have all this free time on your hands. Instead express regret the meeting couldn’t happen and suggest perhaps another time. For certain the next time they call they’ll be able to meet your schedule. It’s very important they know your time is valuable and you approach such things in a professional manner. Every step of the way you’re laying the foundation of trust and professionalism which is what women need to feel comfortable in such situations.
Since the goal of this article was go help you meet and get a date with a nice, normal Thai girl I think I’ll wrap it up here. Mission accomplished.