The macthmaking race

The other day I went to a Thai company that I’ve done some business with over the phone and by email. Before continuing the story, I guess, I should tell you that I’m a single farang-guy, who’s not too old yet.

I never actually been to visit the company. So a director, who was female, showed me around the place and introduced me to a dozen people.

Whenever she introduced me to a girl, who wasn’t married, she right of told me that this was the case: “This is NN, she’s does this and that, and she’s NOT married.

I figure, I could have been married half a dozen times on that one day.

I read in another post that there’s a stigma connected to Thai-women, who marrys farangs. The reason apparently is, that other Thais naturally assume that they are former Ladies of the Night.

I don’t know much about this issue. So if someone feels inspired to go further into that, I would appreciate it.

Also I would appreciate if someone knows something about dating a non-working girl, bar girl, “office girl” or once in a while Spice Club freelancer.

How does one date a true big city Thai-girl. What are the do’s and don’ts. Where do they like to go out. And how straightforward or not can one be?

I’m currently trying to date a true Thai-girl. But I feel like an elephant in a porcelain shop. Not literally, since I’m not fat, but metaphorically.

9 thoughts on “The macthmaking race”

  1. Well, try and be nice to her? Treat her like you would any other girl you’re courting. Take her fun places, do stuff that will make both of you laugh. Eat some nice food – that’s usually something that will make a thai girl happy. 😉 I know whenever I get grumpy, the boy will start to look around for the nearest restaurant.

  2. Thai women are very easy going, we’re easy to please. To find some good quality Thai women-there are some areas that you should know.
    1. Stay away from Pattaya beach or Patpong area or any night life tourists town(farangs town)…
    I know, I know-it’s not easy but those places have lot of drama queens. Well-educated Thai women usually don’t hang out at bars or pubs in those areas. You go figure. I’m a 100% Thai woman who has a career of her own and had gone to college. I never spent my nights in those places.

    2. Don’t be so touchy on your first date…I mean kissing or touching her is forbidden on the first month dating. Thai women are conservative, you can’t rush into these physical stuffs like Farangs.

    3. Thai women are quite shy so you might have to do a lot of talking. Anyway, try to learn something in Thai. Not all Thais can speak English and that’s why silence is something we do on our date with farangs.

    4.So weird but true that Thai women might bring a friend or two with her on the first date. The truth is that-they are a little shy to be out on a date by themselves so don’t get panic about this on your first date. Later on you can tell her you want to spend some alone time with her.

    I can go on and on but may I can write again, have to catch a flight home.

    Chicago base-Flight attendant

  3. Venita,

    It would be so cool if you could write something more about meeting nice Thai women. It sounds silly but all the advice out there is written by farang guys.

    The one thing I would say though is that my experiences are a little different than what you’ve said so maybe if you had the time you could write something that had much more detail.

    For instance, you mention that kissing during the first month is forbidden but I’ve dated nice middle-class girls where we’ve kissed on the second or third date. And then I’ve dated women who are more like what you describe, very conservative – no kissing, no touching, etc.

    So yes, it would be nice maybe if you could talk about not just the very conservative Thai woman but perhaps also talk about women who may have become liberalized in their thinking due to how the culture has evolved.

    I think it would help a lot of guys to hear that kind of advice from a Thai woman. Especially because Thai women don’t tend to be very direct and farang men are very dense and don’t pick up on Thai subtlety very well 🙂 I mean, how are we supposed to know if a girl who don’t want to kiss or be touched likes us or not?

    Thanks for your insights.


  4. Ruai,

    Sure I can write more about how to date Thai women. Anyway, last time I didn’t have much time to write and so my English was broken.

    Anyway, it’s for sure that not all Thai women are conservative but majority of us are still that way. That’s why farang men have to be quite patient. Language barrier seems to be an issue in the beginning. If you want to date Thai women who were born and raised in Thailand-Make sure you know about this fact and consequences.

    You may not have a lot to talk when you both get together on a date. Seriously, you speak a few Thai and she speak a few English(AKA: Snake, Fish, Fish). What I’m trying to tell you here is be realistic about your expectation in term of communication. You don’t want to end up later on thinking that you wish to be with someone who could listen and understand your feelings. Go figure-It is what it is so be prepared. Not trying to make you scared of Thai women but don’t expect us to have to same level of communication as you. To tell you the truth-if you are quite extreme about communication then this might be a problem.

    True, there may be some Thai girls who kiss you on the second date. You just have to play with the flow and test to see how comfortable she is. Don’t judge too soon that she doesn’t like you if she doesn’t kiss you. Thai women are taught to behave like a lady and that’s why she may not tell or show that she likes you(this fact may be excluded in some tourists areas where there are many bars). You have to be patient and be the pursuer in this case.

    To find out whether Thai women like you or not:
    1. She doesn’t try to say no to your invitations( give this 2 strikes if she doesn’t give you a chance then you are done…go and find somebody else who

    2. Thai women will never call you out of the blue in the begining so don’t give her a business card and wait for her to call. When you ask for her numbers, she might give those to you-just to be polite. After you call her once or twice-she should call you back…if she still doesn’t return your call, don’t bother.

    3. She early on introduces you to her friends and family or having her friends with her on a date. This is quite common so don’t freak out when you have to meet with her family so soon.

    4. She invites you to spend Thai holidays with her friends and family(of course).

    5. She feels comfortable to visit you at your place with or without her friends.

    Will write more soon but until then…

    A Chicago base Thai flight attendant who lives with 2 American cats that don’t understand Thai!

  5. Hello Venita. I have been the comments, just out of curiousity and I find that it is so important and worthy the views you have shared. In all of my travels I often the difference between cultures and become very disappointed that a western culture has so much expectation of another culture. For example, the english language, why is it that we expect a non-english speaking culture to learn English. As you rightly say, we should learn the other. After all, we entered the country, so why not leanr more about that place before going there, rather than having this expectation. I do not mean that all people are like, of course this is a generalisation, but it is so common. It is a shame that your advice does not get shared on such a larger scale, then there may be less conflict when trying to understand other cultures. And I applaud Ruai for taking the time to enquire. Hope your cats are happy that you have returned home Venita.

  6. Jay,

    I would not necessarily disagree on your point on language but offer a slightly different take. Personally, I’ve been trying to learn Thai. It’s a slow process but hopefully it is progress 🙂

    On the other hand, it’s not so much that I expect Thai people to learn English for my sake but because it is benefit to them. In a country that relies heavily on tourism from countries where English is either the primary or a secondary language then learning English would obviously increase one’s value on the job market.

    I mean, look at all the English schools in Thailand. And look how many parents not only send their children to university where they are taught English but these parents often send their children to private tutoring in English on top of the school provided English. Why would they do that if it didn’t create some sort of value?

    English is the language of business in most of the western world. I’ve lived in a lot of different countries and if there is a mixed group of different nationalities it’s almost 100% certain that English will be the language the meeting is conducted in.

    Even here in Bangkok, if I’m sitting around a group and there’s a German, Dutch, French, and Russian guy sitting around a table chances are they conversation will be in English.

    So, again, I’m not one of those people who says “Thais should learn to speak English because I can’t learn their language.” Rather, I am someone who thinks many Thais would be better off financially if they were able to speak the English language so as more opportunities would be open to them.


  7. Venita,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to offer us your insights.

    From my own personal situation, I tend to date university educated women (some with post-grad education as well) so English has never been too big of a problem. Most of the time girls will profess that their English isn’t very good but once they get comfortable around you the English comes out very well. And while I may be selective in my words so as not to use any that might be difficult to understand I think the communication goes pretty well.

    I think your points are dead on. I am seeing one girl who never says no to my invitations to go eat or go see a movie or whatever and we have a wonderful time chatting with each other when we are together but I find it so hard to read where she’s hoping things will go. You never know if you’re simply making a good friend or something more 🙂 Maybe Thai women need to come with an instruction manual – haha


    PS. Looking forward to more of your thoughts.

  8. Ruai,

    Thailand has never been colonized, and its educational system is not based on European models to any great extent . Education in a modern sense is relatively recent and, according to some sources, still needs to overcome some major cultural hurdles in order to ensure further development and improvement to its standards.
    The establishment of reliable and coherent curricula for its primary and secondary schools is subject to such rapid changes that schools and their teachers are not always sure what they are supposed to be teaching, and authors and publishers of textbooks are unable to write and print new editions quickly enough to keep up with the volatile situation. The issue concerning university entrance has therefore also been in constant upheaval for a number of years. Nevertheless, education has seen its greatest progress in the years since 2001, most of the present generation of pupils and students are computer literate, and knowledge of English is on the increase at least in quantity if not in quality.

    In Thailand, we learn English as a foreign language, not as a second language and that’s why only some Thais can speak English. Sure it’s very important for our tourism. I have been living in the US where everybody speak English. I just started to think what I really need to learn is Spanish. I will tell you why. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. People from south america see me here in the US, they would assume that I can speak Spanish…lol. It’s funny b/c this is in the US and they expect americans to speak Spanish! I guess English is not enough for me. I actually speak only 3 languages but might have to add another two(Spanish and Mandrin) just to accomodate my communication skills!.

    When you are in Rome, you have to act like Romans.
    Until then.

    A Chicago base Thai flight attendant who always fall asleep between flights.

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