St. Moritz G-Club – Review

After reading an encyclopedia worth of knowledge from the likes of BigBabbyKenny (BBK) and WereWolf (WW) I decided to pop my G-Club cherry.

If you’re not sure what a G-Club is I can give a little background.  A G-Club is like a go-go bar while at the same time being anything but a go-go bar.  It’s like a go-go bar in the sense that there are coyote dancers who perform numbers and generally keep the crowd entertained and for a certain number of drinks per hour you can have the company of one or several beautiful women.  The coyote dancers are generally better looking than your typical go-go girls and they actually know how to dance.  The hosts that you can have the company of are also much better looking that your typical go-go girl and most are university educated, may have respectable day jobs, and can speak English very well (note:  not all girls speak English but the ones who do usually learned it properly in school and not in a bar).

Neither the coyote dancers or the hosts are for sale though.  There are no bar fines or anything else of that sort.  The G-Club is primarily a club for Asian businessmen to take clients and customers as a way to enjoy the company of beautiful and educated women.  That’s not to say that kissing or fondling doesn’t happen but most of it is nothing worse than what you might see in any nightclub.

I chose the St. Moritz because BBK had had given it a glowing review. I know WW loves Pent but Moritz is close enough to my hotel that given a sufficiently high enough floor I could hit it with a rock if I had to.

By using the word club in G-Club I was expecting to get stopped for a membership card or something.  I was led right into the main room by an attractive lady in a long sexy black dress who sat me front and center of the main stage.  I told her that I was a first timer and that I had been recommended by a friend.  I told her I was interested in membership but I wanted to talk with someone who could explain all of the options (a specific phrase BBK recommends).  She went to go get the mamasan who I assume doubles as the saleslady.

The mamasan came out in a smart looking white business dress suit and asked how she could be of assistance.  I told her a friend who comes in had recommended the place because I was staying on soi 11.  I told her that I was only in town for about two months but I came to Thailand frequently and wanted to try out the club before making any large membership purpose.  Again, I asked what my options were.

Her English was good but not great.   The girl in the black dress who had seated me translated whenever our communications broke down.    While very professional she was quick to laugh and it’s obvious she is a very good salesperson.

Basically my options were to purchase a 35,000 baht membership or . . . well, there was no or.  That’s all they had to offer.  She asked if I was interested and I tried to put the pressure back on her saying that I was going to visit Pent, Sopranos, and a few other places before I decided where to buy a membership and again asked if there was an option that included perhaps less bottles.  Again, I was quoted 35,000 baht.  So, I guess that’s what it costs.

I asked about how many drinks per hour that I would have to buy for the girl and the mamasan told me it was 3 for the 40 min and then one drink per 40 min after.  The girl I was with would later tell me it was 3 for the coyotes and 2 for the regular girl and from what I can remember from reading the bill in the end I believe I was only charged for 3 of her drinks for close to 2 hours so there might have been a misunderstanding between me and the mamasan.  What the girl described was in line with what BBK had reported.  Either way, if it was 3 drinks for the first 40 min and they didn’t charge me the drink for the second 40 min than I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it.

I ordered a whiskey and cola and checked out the rest of the club.  I was pretty much the only farang in the place.  Scratch that, I was the only farang in the place.  Lots of Thais and an odd Japanese or two but having decided to try this out by myself I was sticking out like a sore thumb.  I was likely the only one who walked there too as a fleet of Porsche, Mercedes, and BMW were parked out in front.

The place seemed . . . well, not what I would expect for Thailand.  Perhaps in Europe the high ceilings and massive stage with raised sections might seem more familiar.  It reminded me of a proper theatre.

The waiter returned with a drink and the mamasan reappeared and asked me if I wanted to pick a lady.  The bullpen was quite full on a Wednesday night.  My rough guesstimate was at least 30 – 40 ladies sitting around waiting to be chosen.  There was a cute younger looking gal who had the big poofy curls in her hair that seem to be so popular these days.  Although I’m not a particular fan of that look she seemed to have a very perky demeanor to her and I thought she would be fun to talk to.  I pointed to her and told the mamasan that I would for her to sit with me.  She bolted up like she had just been chosen Ms. Universe.

The mamasan told me she doesn’t speak any English and told Ms. Universe to sit down.  I asked the mamasan to point out the girls who did speak English.  She had the girls who spoke English stand up and a very attractive gal in a white silk dress stood out.  I asked the mamasan to bring her to my table.

The messed-up/great thing about Thailand is that she’s an 8 or 9 by farang standards but I’m not sure most Asians would think she rated that highly.  She wasn’t Isaan dark but she wasn’t a pasty-white ghost either.  She was a warm yellow-brown which I think is the perfect blend.  In a club that gets 80% Asian clientele I was not surprised when she later told me that a lot of nights she doesn’t get any customers.

My personal opinion is that overall there were a good selection of really stunning women.  It was not easy making a choice.  That said, I’m not sure how you compare them to go-go or bar girls.  Have I seen a go-go girl who has equal physical beauty of some of these girls?  Certainly.  Have I seen a go-go girl change into her street clothes and look like any of these girls?  Not even once.  I guess it’s to each his own but I kind of like the upscale look.

As a farang mostly hanging out in the farang parts of town you end you get used to seeing beautiful girls with cheap makeup and equally cheap hair cuts and thinking that they look stunning.  But when you see a woman who wears quality make-up and spends time fixing her hair everything about her just jumps out and says WOW!

For me a girl is a whole package.  Everything from how good she looks to what’s going on inside her head.  I’ll take an 8 with a great attitude over a 10 with a shitty attitude any day of the week and twice on Sunday.  And if she dresses well, carries herself well, and looks like she spends time taking care of herself then fantastic.

Now, the reports I’ve read (especially from WW) talk about all sorts of shenanigans you get up to with your chosen gal at other G-Clubs but other than some curtained off semi-private booths there didn’t seem to be the kind of privacy that would allow such a thing at St. Moritz.   If you were going to feel a girl up under her dress you were doing it in full view of everyone in the club.  Call me old fashioned but that just strikes me as a little creepy outside of a go-go bar.  And to be honest, I’m not the type to do that kind of stuff in a go-go bar either.  I’m not a prude.  I’m just not an exhibitionist.

I’m going to make up a false name for my chosen gal and call her Steve.  Wait, that’s a crappy name for a girl.  Let’s call her Ann.

Ann wasn’t exactly fluent in English but she spoke it better than your average bar girl.  Within the first few moments of getting to know each other I learned that she:

Just finished her university studies in hospitality (yikes, hard times ahead for her).

She had worked at a well-known Bangkok four star hotel but took this job because it paid better.

She’s been working there 6 months.

She only works at the Moritz part time (3 – 4 days a week).

She’s a Bangkok native and still lives at home with her parents and her four sisters.

She doesn’t have a boyfriend, sponsor, of husband.

Like I said, trying any of the other stuff that others have mentioned that you can do in a G-Club while sitting front and center stage would have been embarrassing for both her and I so I basically was as much of a  gentleman as one can expect in Bangkok.  There was a lot of my touching, hand holding, and light petting but for the most part the encounter was non-sexual in nature. No fluids were exchanged.  No parts of the body considered naughty or private were touched with a bare hand.  And no animals were hurt in writing this post.

All in all, it was pretty much like an accelerated fist date.  Her English was good enough that you didn’t have to resort to talking about mundane things like “where you like Thailand?” and she was very pleasant to speak with.  In short, I had as good a time with a girl as I could without somebody being naked.  Would I normally pay those prices just to talk to a girl?  No.  Was it a nice break from the go-go and nightclub scene?  Most certainly.

After we had established some rapport I steered the conversation around to why she doesn’t have a boyfriend and she told me that first off, no respectable Thai would date her while she works there.  She described the Thai clientele there as “like an octopus” indicating that they liked to touch the girls all over and no Thai boyfriend would put up with that.  She said there was one farang she liked but she thinks he’s married because whenever she talks about seeing him outside the club he always tells her he doesn’t have any time.

That was my cue.

I asked if she wanted to go grab dinner or drinks one night and she said she would love to.  She was very specific it had to be on one of her nights off.  This is where I was venturing into unchartered territory because this was not like anything that BBK or WW had written about the G-Club girls.  I was expecting that she might be up for going out afterwards or we would be playing a game where she was trying to lure me back into the club so she could get chosen again and thus help her make her drink quota.  Earlier I had hinted about the after-hours and she had told me that a lot of the girls like to go out clubbing after work but she’s not really into the late-night scene and prefers to go home and go to bed.  And now instead of suggesting I call her and see her at the Moritz she’s asking if we can go out specifically on a night when she’s not working.

I handed her my mobile and she punched her digits in as well as giving me a list of days in the next week or so when she isn’t working.

I guess I’ll just have to call and ask her out and see how it goes.

Around 2:15am I asked her what time the place closed.  She said that it typically stayed open until about 3am before they started asking people to leave but that the girls were clocked out at 1:45.  I thought that was sort of a shitty deal for the girls so I told her I would leave so she could go home.  Besides I was thinking about Spicey or The Tunnel afterward so better to leave now than wait for another round of high priced drinks.

At the non-member rate, and not buying my whiskey by the bottle, and getting hit for the non-member mandatory gratuity, it was moderately expensive at 4000 baht but about what I would pay hitting the go-gos and taking a girl home.  Given that it was only 2 hours and not all night and I didn’t leave with the girl it could be seen as a waste of good money but as BBK points out I probably spent the same amount as I would have just going out and having a few drinks in London or LA so it’s like a normal night out where I come from.  Did I get my money’s worth?  I think if you have the financial means then hitting up a G-Club like the St. Moritz a couple of times on a holiday or a few times a month if you live here is good value if you want something completely different.  Especially if you’ve grown a little tired of all the scams and having girls come up to you every five seconds asking if you would buy them and 50 of their friends a drink.

As BBK points out in his posts on the subject the club relies on return visits.  Scamming, bad attitudes, and the such mean less return visits.  Do the math.  The club has a vested interest in making sure that nobody feels cheated and that everyone has a good time.  Everything is very professional and above board.  Simply put, you get what you pay for.

And unlike a go-go we were only interrupted twice by her friends.  I would guesstimate that between the two they intruded on a total of 30 seconds of our time.  Both came over politely introduced themselves, said what they had to say to her, and left quickly.

Perhaps that’s the big difference between a G-Club and a go-go; respect.  The staff, her friends, etc all respected the fact that you’re paying for her time.  They don’t act like go-go girls who have recently become of the opinion that you are there for their benefit not the other way around.

When I asked for the bill the mamasan made sure to come over and go over each and every item line by line and make sure I was in agreement with the total.  In fact, I found that somewhat odd because I’m quick with numbers so when she showed me the bill I took a quick glance at each column added them up in my head and the total seemed correct so I told her it was okay.  She still wanted to explain each of the drinks I had ordered.

I guess if I had to give an overall rating to the experience I would say that it was a good time for a reasonable amount of money.  I felt that I got fair value and everything either met or exceeded my expectations.  I think that once you go a few times it can be even more fun as I felt a little overwhelmed my first time out.  I didn’t want to make any rookie mistakes that might end up costing me a wad of cash so I played everything a little conservative whereas once I got settled in I could see getting a little more crazy like the Thais and the Japanese who were chasing the coyotes around and having a blast.