Last night after some rounds at the usual Cowboy go-gos I hit the impromptu sidewalk bars before heading home. I’ve spent many a night drinking at these joints until people started showing up for work. Let’s just say that it’s a nice place for me to unwind and have a few drinks. The people know me and they stay open as late/early as I want.
As soon as I sat down one of the waitresses started telling me a story about a farang couple who had come in the night before. As we all might (or might not) know some of the ladies who hang around these all night street bars are actually freelance hookers and one girl had been having fun with the farang couple mostly by flirting with the guy. The woman didn’t really object until the bill came and then she demanded a discount because her boyfriend was hot (her word) and girls in the bar were touching him so she felt like they should be getting paid for his company. After some tense negotiations the bar finally knocked a few hundred off the bill to get them to leave.
Well, surprise surprise almost as soon as the waitress finishes telling me the story guess who shows up? As soon as they sat down everybody in the bar started whispering in Thai that it was the same couple from last night. I got a translation from one of the girls who runs the bar. Not a single girl even came close to the table unless they were ordering drinks.
Around 5am the farangs run out of cigarettes and ask if there are any at the bar. Of course they have none but the waitress offers to have someone go run and get some for them. The lady farang hands off a 100 baht note and one of the guys who sets up and tears down the bar runs off to get their cigarettes.
When he returns he gives them the smokes and all of their change. The woman starts to pocket it all and the waitress asks about a tip for the guy. The farang lady says she’s doesn’t tip and knows the bar had them the whole time. Fucking cunt.
I buy the runner a drink which is about 4x what his tip would have been just because I know him and he’s done a ton of errands for me and this was a shit deal.
At the end of the evening they present the check-bin to the farang couple and this cunt tries to negotiate the bill again. She’s asking “No, that is normal price. You give me good price. I not stupid farang. I not pay normal price. Give me Thai price.” Obviously she’s never learned that you don’t negotiate after you’re on the hook for tab when all of these sidewalk bars pay the cops for the privilege of doing business there.
The waitress, god bless her heart, spends 10 – 15 minutes patiently telling them them that the price is the price and then to make matters even worse these two con-astists don’t have enough baht to cover their bill. They whip out Euros to cover what they’re short and when quoted a fair – 6am in a bar and you don’t have any baht – price of 40 baht to the Euro (I think the exchange price – not the price you get at the actual exchanges but the newspaper listed price – is about 45 to the baht) the guy starts to get confrontational saying that they’re trying to fuck him over.
The farang lady escalates things saying, “You’re fucking stupid if you don’t just take the Euros we give. Good deal for you. Just take the Euros. They worth many many baht. You stupid Thai if you don’t take. Stupid, stupid Thai girl.”
From the best I could tell, they were trying to get about 60 baht to the Euro on their Euros based on what they were short and how many Euro notes I saw flying around.
I look over at this bullshit happening next to me and the guy shoots me a look that says “go ahead and say something and I’ll kick your ass.”
This is one of the few times in Thailand where it would have been nice to see a good old fashioned Thai ass kicking. There were four Thai guys hanging about – one of which they had stiffed on a tip for the cigarettes – and I know most of them pretty well. If it had come to blows with this moron I’m fairly confident that the Thai guys (and gals for that matter) would have had my back. Not even necessarily because it was me but because I think they were itching the kick the shit out of the two of them as well.
In the end the waitress refused to budge and they mysteriously found some baht and were able to pay their entire bill in baht.