I am a young, decent looking guy, with an narcisistic personality bordering on jerk and I get more action in the West. I can get a woman every night of the week if I want (I told you I was a sexist jerk already). That doesn’t fly in Thailand. Politeness and common courtesy as I think you put, actually matters here. Many guys in Thailand are nice guys, soft spoken and well mannered. Exactly the kind of guy you have snubbed over and over in the West to run off with me after I punched you in the arm and acted aloof. Why would these guys want to date you here?
It took me aback for a bit because I think it finally needs to be said that many of the guys taking in the girls (prostitutes or normal girls) aren’t all the stereotypical fat, balding, old, losers who can’t get laid back home. I have many friends here in Bangkok that I know would have no problem getting dates or sex back home. They’re attractive, young (20’s and 30’s), educated, and make decent cash both here and back home. So why do they come to Thailand where the line between prostitution and a relationship is often so blurred it’s hard to tell the difference?
In a recent article in the Times Online titled “Who pays for sex? You’d be surprised” where the author, Clare Spurrell, discusses the fact that the number of men who admit using the services of prostitutes has risen from 5.6% in 1990 to 9% in 2000. Spurrell hypothesizes that the pure numbers means she probably knows people in her circle of respectable friends who use the services of hookers and goes about trying to shake it out of them.
The stereotypical “John” who uses prostitutes is a middle-aged, empty soul whom you might spot slinking around red-light districts in an outsized mac and stained trousers. The uncomfortable truth, though, is that most men who pay for sex are just “regular guys” — colleagues, brothers, fathers, sons and lovers.
She goes on to say:
It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter — be it a one-night-stand or in a relationship — cannot. In an age when women are more sexually liberated and “strings-free” sex is a greater possibility than it ever was before, why are more and more young men choosing sex with a pro?
Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that lack of any emotional obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex.
David is a good-looking guy. He comes in at a little under 6 feet. Brown hair, brown eyes, good dresser. He owns his apartment downtown, has an Ivy League degree and a Hamptons summer share. And he opts to pay for a professional at least once a month.
“You eliminate all the bull you have to deal with when you order a hooker,” he explains. “You want to chill with your friends all night and still [have sex]. Plus it’s fun knowing when someone knocks on your door that they are going to be hot and want to have sex with you and then they’ll leave.”
Anyway, no matter how cute David is, there are girls he would never be able to take home no matter how many martinis he buys them.
“I’m a preppy guy. I could never take home a girl who was all edgy. She would take one look and laugh at me. I can break out of my mold with a prostitute. A girl with a bunch of tattoos would never talk to me unless I were paying her. Variety is sweet.”
And a prostitute won’t balk at some of your kinkiest propositions.
“With a pro, you can do pretty much whatever you want … for the right price,” says Nick, a 28-year-old medical researcher who has visited prostitutes around seven or eight times, always in other countries.
“You don’t pay them for the sex, you pay them to leave” – Charlie Sheen
The more I searched around on the internet for different perspectives on this issue I kept running across articles like the two above. Nice, normal guys who simply prefer the convenience. And many of the authors of these pieces are women who admit that the men they’re interviewing are generally good looking guys who you wouldn’t think would have to pay for sex. But that’s the point they don’t need to. They choose to.
If one were to look at some recent and not so recent headlines it starts to become rather obvious that all men who use the services of prostitutes are not fat, ugly, balding, old men who couldn’t otherwise get laid. Hugh Grant is the poster boy for the argument that even good looking guys like to get laid with no strings attached. Charlie Sheen (quoted above) is another example of a powerful male who could have just about any woman he wants who was well-known to have a nearly endless string of prostitutes coming through the doors of his Malibu mansion. Throw in all of the other film/television stars, footballers, and politicians and the myth starts to shatter.
Of course, I’ll readily admit that not every guy I’ve seen walking out of Nana is Hugh Grant. On the other hand, I do see more and more guys in their 20’s and 30’s stumbling out of Nana or Cowboy with a young Thai girl attached to their arm. Enough that I think it’s time to put the myth to rest.
But why did the myth exist in the first place? In some ways it’s sort of like a price-fixing scheme or a labor union dispute. Women are in a much better bargaining position if there is no alternative (think monopolies or union workers terrorizing people willing to cross the picket lines during a strike). That’s why housewives and “proper” women have always been so quick to label their sisters sluts, whores, and other derogatory names if they started undercutting the market. It helps keep the supply of easy to get sex regulated thus forcing men to negotiate for sex on women’s terms.
But as the Times Online article suggest men frequenting prostitutes is increasing despite all the best efforts of women to demonize both the men who visit prostitutes as well as the prostitutes themselves. More recently women have realized the error in this frontal assault and now wave the banner of forced prostitution, human trafficking, and enslavement. Like this post by supposed prostitution expert Suki Falconberg claims that:
I notice that during this 2005 six-month deployment of the Nimitz which PBS filmed, the ship docked in Thailand. When our navy visits this country, they dock off of Pattaya, a prostitution city created for the military. About a third of the girls trafficked to meet the sailors´ sexual needs are underage. Numerous eyewitnesses have told me that the first thing the U.S. sailors do, when they hop off the boats that ferry them in, is head straight for the sex-for-sale enslaved girls. Why didn´t the film crew document the men going with prostituted, enslaved women and girls and girl children in Pattaya? (My sources are military men themselves who have told me about what the fleet does in Thailand.)
First off, anybody who knows anything about Thailand in general or Pattaya specifically knows this is 100% bullshit. It’s preposterous to even claim that a third of the women working Pattaya are underage. And even of the small amount that are underage they aren’t marketed as underage. In fact, they’re marketed as being 18+ years old. And even vocal critics of prostitution in Thailand such as Asian Sweetheart laughed at the suggestion that any of the girls in Pattaya were enslaved.
But much like the myth that all men who visit prostitutes are old, ugly, far, balding men who couldn’t get laid without paying for it, this myth too only survives by repetition without any sort of inspection of the facts. Think about how one-sided the fight against both of these myths are. They’re so emotionally charged that logic, facts, and reasoning go out the window. This so-called expert Falconberg commonly uses the word “rape” to describe prostitution. By her definition all paid sex is a form of rape. You can’t argue logically with people who resort to such rhetoric so the lies keep getting put forward as fact and people avoid exposing the lies for fear of being dragged into a fight they cannot win with facts.
But make no mistake about it; these myths exist to serve a purpose. They’re self-serving myths. Even the men who look down on other men are simply doing so so they can put themselves forward as being above resorting to having to pay for sex.
And you see this same self-serving myth creation today as more and more farang women come here to work or get posted here as part of their jobs. Now, just walking down the street with your girlfriend is seen as being disgusting. It’s obvious to them that she’s only with you for your money and you’re only with her because she’s a prostitute. Go ahead look around the web for any forum that discusses relationships with Thai women and sooner or later a farang woman will jump in to accuse every man who has ever walked down the street holding his tirak’s hand that they’re a disgusting pervert preying on Thai women and she’s a prostitute only with your fat, old, ugly, can’t get laid back home ass because of money.
These accusations come out of the same self-serving motivation to narrow the market in their favor. If they can convince enough men that only a farang/farang relationship if valid or is more desirable then who gets the most benefit from that? And not surprisingly, whenever these women mention that they have female Thai friends those friends always seem to be of the opinion that us male farangs are pathetic.
Talk to some Thai women and hear what they have to say about the whole Thai women using farang men for money and farang men using Thai women for arm candy and sex. They are far more critical believe me. They take the piss out of the men and think the women are cheap. — Trudie in the Am I Invisible thread
Well, I do talk to Thai women. I have tons of Thai female friends. And while the 19 year old Nana hooker hanging out with a 90 year old guy pushing his oxygen bottle does get them yapping negatively about farangs for the most part they see nothing wrong with Thai/farang relationships. But my friends must be whores too, right? Hmmm . . . well, I can’t run down the qualification of every single friend I have but most have at least a bachelors degree. Several have completed a post-grad program. Several have been educated in the west or in Singapore. And few if any of them thinks like that or has ever spoken poorly about other Thais for dating farang men – even older farang men. I would guesstimate that nearly all the “normal” Thai women I know wouldn’t think twice about dating a guy up to the age of about 45 or 50. And most of those friends are 24 – 34 years of age. In fact, many of them went the young, dashing, good looking guy route, got cheated on, and now strictly only date older guys.
Granted, it’s not a big love-fest amongst the Thai women. I have seen some Thai racism whereby dark skinned girls are ranked below lighter skinned Thaineese girls but that’s all about Thai hierarchy and has nothing to do with which farangs they date or don’t date. A girl isn’t considered to be a prostitute based on the shade of her skin but it does impact how she ranks against other Thais in social settings. Thailand is still a caste type society so it’s all about where you are on the societal ladder.
The closest to that attitude Trudie describes that I’ve ever personally experienced is a very hi-so Thai girl I knew from back home who would always cringe when I showed her photos with obviously not hi-so Thai girls. But it had nothing to do with arm candy because she was constantly trying to fix me up with hi-so arm candy.
But what’s the message Trudie and other farang women are trying to sell? “Quit chasing that young, fit, bubbly spirited Thai girl and come back to us proper farang women. You’re making fools of yourself being seen with hot women. ” Rather self-serving isn’t it? I mean, Trudie and others like her are always quick to tell you that they would never date you in a kazillion years so why do they care if I’m with a Thai woman? Why do they insist on trolling the internet telling us what pathetic losers we are? Why is she so quick to pass judgment on us simply based on her observation of us walking down the street with a Thai girl she thinks is out of our league?
All of these myths serve the single purpose of maintaining the pussy monopoly farang women have finally established in the west. They’re all attempts to shame men into returning to the game where they make all of the rules. Look at this comment from farang_girl:
Is intelligence really the ability to pretend to agree with everything a guy says and giggle all the time? If so the Thai women can have all the farang men because I won’t play stupid. I am not going to change myself to get a guy; i’d rather be single.
Obviously she doesn’t want the Thai women to have all of the farang men because the entire topic of her post was complaining about the fact that the Thai women captured all of the attention of the farang men and left her with an empty imaginary wine glass that no farang offered to come over and fill for her like they normally would be falling over themselves to do back home.
See farang_girl doesn’t want to change. Even though she’s in a foreign country, with a totally different culture, and where women outnumber men, she still wants to sit back on the couch at a party and wait for men to approach her. It makes her angry that Thai women are willing to chase after the guys. Of course she’s angry. These Thai bitches are making her work for something that used to come easily to her. She doesn’t want the competition.
Yet, let’s look at one of the key phrases:
Is intelligence really the ability to pretend to agree with everything a guy says and giggle all the time?
Yeah, because guys never have to pretend what women is saying is interesting or funny. No. Never.
Here’s another Bitter Betty who goes by the name of GMA:
Most of the farang man who are coming to Thailand are looking to escape of the harsh reality life and make themselves feel confortable… and they found the pefect match, Thai gogo bars girls who rip them off by kissing their ass… there is nothing about beauty here… look around … tell me how many Thai beautiful girls you can see on the streets ? Very few of the farang man are lucky enough to find the right one and exactly as you said . The good Thai girls will not look at a friky fat farang pig who is just looking for sex.. ( which most of the farangs do anyway), as back home no one give a damn shit on them because they are looses but here they are considered interesting for what they can provide.
Again, according to GMA no Thai girl would ever go with a guy unless it was for money and most of us are “friky fat farang pig just looking for sex.” There is so much bitterness and anger that Thai women treat us well. And as discussed earlier here is another example of the claim that no proper Thai woman would ever go out with us thus the only women who would date us are defacto whores.
To some degree I think GMA’s comments are funny because she lost her husband to a Thai woman (which explains a lot of the bitterness and anger). So if most of us are “friky fat farang pig just looking for sex” then so is/was her husband. What does it say about her that she was married to him in the first place? The most obvious conclusion is that when he had to play by western rules and was the one kissing her ass she was quite fine with that arrangement. When they moved to Thailand and this new world of availability was opened before him he suddenly became a “friky fat farang pig just looking for sex.”
Funny how that works, isn’t it?
And even if all of this crap was even true, why are farang women so angry about it? If I’m such a loser, fat, balding, old man then what concern is it to GMA, Trudie, or farang_girl if I just want to have sex with women who are only after me because of my money? Why should they care if I define intelligence as the ability to giggle at all my jokes?
They shouldn’t care. The fact that they they can’t write about the topic without their comments dripping in seething hatred and contempt essentially proves that this isn’t about the choices we make as farang men but how our choices impact farang women’s reality. They don’t want to have to compete with Thai women because in most areas Thai women are exactly what most farang men have been looking for.
When all is said and done, all these myths are are an attempt by farang women to put the genie back in the bottle. Sure those Thai women are pretty, lady-like, and enjoy taking care of their partner . . . but, they’re all whores after you just because of your money. Run! You don’t deserve a woman like that because you’re too fat. You’re too old. You’re too much of a loser. Remember, you could never get a woman like that back home and home is the only reality. So quit acting like a pervert with your young, attractive, slim, well mannered Thai girl and snap back to reality where girls like that tell you to “fuck off” for even approaching them. Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Nah. If this is all just a dream then let me sleep.