On being a Western woman in Thailand

It is not always easy being a Western woman in Thailand, I know: I’ve been here for over 10 years. On this Bangkok Diaries website alone, the amount of slander and hate-talk directed at Western women is a good representation of the larger anti-Western women dynamics in the country. In addition, I have seen innumerable Western women being broken as their relationship and family tears apart. It is a fact that very few Western couples can survive several years in the Land of Smiles.

Upon arriving in Thailand, many Western men become like small boys in a candy shop, realizing they can afford all the prettiest sweets on the shelf. Oh the excitement of it all! And the predictable happens. Husband is walking along the Bangkok streets, perhaps after an argument with his wife, perhaps not. Chances are he will rapidly cross paths with a gogo bar, or a smiling Thai girl who will apply all her charm to seduce him. Many Thai girls know what they are doing in this area. Indeed, they can even make an obese Farang believe that he looked like the ideal hybrid of Brad Pitt and Robbie Williams as he blared out “My Way” on the karaoke. If the said Farang has sufficiently low self-awareness and sufficiently inflated ego, and a few drinks in him, it will work every time!

Generally speaking, Thai women are trained to always look pretty, talk softly and relentlessly work on their ‘Wife Curriculum Vitae’ from birth. This includes demonstrating your ability to artfully arrange cookies on the platter, and to spoon-feed living creatures of any age. From an early age, many Thai women are made to believe that their beauty is their biggest asset for reaching success, as my years teaching kindergarten in Bangkok have led me to notice. In brief, Thai women receive a very different education than that of your average modern Western woman.

Western women, growing up after the feminist revolution, have been taught that they need to be strong and tough to reach success. We have learned to play in the boys’ court and by the boys’ rules. We have proven that we can also play the ‘Competition for Power’ game including in the political and economic arenas. And Western feminist courage and thought have in fact benefited men and women the world over. The International Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women has allowed for the increased protection of Thai women in their homes, workplaces, and public arena since 1985.

The point is: Western women have much to be proud of, and they mustn’t apologize for who they are. In Thailand, a Western woman will be made to feel worthless and small. Maybe her ‘Wife CV’ isn’t as good her Thai neighbour’s is. Maybe, after giving birth to 2-3 children, her waistline will be more like her husband’s than a young Thai lady’s. Farang men will constantly denigrate us as arrogant, bitchy, ugly, worthless human beings. Such Farang men clearly have major issues: a sense of entitlement (to sex and dinner, for example), a heightened sense of self-worth (“I am better than my ugly wife”), and a loathing for Western women. Generally, this is accompanied by despise for Thai men, something shared by their Thai wife (“I am better than Thai men”).

In the face of such hate, I sometimes feel so sad, scared, almost crazy. But, there is no need to despair! Western women in Thailand can find a great deal of compassion and companionship from each other. Thai men also have something to offer. Most young Western women have experienced being pursued, if not stalked, by Thai men. A Thai boyfriend will take care of you in a very different way to Western men. Thais have a lot of qualities to offer, such as a devotion to their parents and families, which is too often lacking in Western men. A successful relationship between a Western woman and Thai man is possible: I know of one that has lasted for over 30 years.

Western women and Thai women have a lot to learn from each other. Beyond learning to cook Tom Ka Gai, your Thai female neighbour can probably teach you a lot about taking it easy *jai yen*, or the importance of regular selfless acts *kreng jai*. Upon request, many Western women like me can also give crash-courses on how to be strong, arrogant and bitchy: necessary traits for any woman wanting to make it to top in a man’s world – think Nancy Pelosi, Empress Wu Zetian, Queen Victoria, Margaret Thatcher or Gloria Arroyo. The right to vote, the right to contraception and abortion, weren’t won by sweet-lipped women.

Times are changing: increasingly, Asian women are joining in the quest for gender equality. Thai women’s opportunities will continue to broaden, and they will no longer be as inclined to prostitute themselves, or accept balding Farangs as the most desirable husband. Whether such Farang-Thai partnerships are ‘bad’ or ‘good’ is not my concern. But my 10 years in Thailand have shown that many Farang men will ultimately be disappointed by their Thai partner. Farang men will whine and bitch about ‘how difficult it is to have an interesting conversation with her’, ‘she’s not as docile as I thought’, etc. These Farangs will often end up estranged or despised by their own children and extended family back in their country. In Thailand, a Western woman may lose her husband. But we keep our children’s love and respect. So let’s not lose our self-confidence and compassion. Our ex-husbands may need some in the future.

115 thoughts on “On being a Western woman in Thailand

  • June 17, 2012 at 1:52 am
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    You are right, Mando6971. This site is not for dating. Sorry to the site owner, and hope they will not put a defamation charge on me.
    You are also right in suggesting there is just a slim change of forging a relationship with a Caucasian lady in Thailand, for they are rare. Even if such a thing happens, it could be difficult to last for long. They would be relocated at any time, and they prefer career than a casual match with an Asian.
    So, I bet my 2 Satang to follow your suggestion, and I decide to use tuk-tuk as the only transport to meet my angel in and around Bangkok. For an unlucky angel who falls outside Bangkok – the city of angels, a pretend-to-be-ok negotiation is expected for who should pay what portion out of a budget flight ticket.
    Strangely, a stingy guy who tries his best to save a 20-Baht banknote still has the guts to dream of acceptance from a hi-so Caucasian angel who is not only white and beautiful, but also wealthy and rich.
    Hope those angels will not fly away without a second thought upon seeing this. After all, they also contribute to this situation for they are rare and career-centered.
    But still, I keep dreaming of hearing from a angel. A miracle is said to come.

    Regards,

  • June 17, 2012 at 10:15 am
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    You say :

    “Me, an Asian guy, 30 yrs young, 183CM, 70Kg, handsome as they claim, healthy as I could ensure, educated, financially independant, sincere, speak 5 languages including English and Thai”

    Dude, if that is true, then you are wasting your looks and talents on any western woman. They will always want more and they are always “Entitled” to everything, while the man has to provide for their needs….The pretty ones have a hundred guys lining up to pork them and these guys will do anything for them. The fat and ugly women, guess what? they still can get porked by the guys who can’t get the pretty ones. Don’t waste your young years looking for the “miracle”. There ain’t no miracles, only what you make out of what nature gave to you. Get some Mo Jo, you know what that is?

    I have seen few very handsome great looking young men get stepped on by their bitchy wives/GF, because these guys had no Mo Jo, no balls, no pride and no dignity….just amazing how a man let’s himself get so degraded….

    Never, ever, ever let your dick mess up your male dignity!

  • June 17, 2012 at 10:58 am
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    Wow, you are suggesting a romance with a white lady is devastating like a nuke bomb. White ladies seem to be terminators to Asian guys’ Mojo.
    Thank you for the chilling advice. But I still want to feel how a nuke bomb could blow me shattered. No pain no gain, as a tatoo shop in ChiangMai tries to pursuade with its sign.
    (Mojo is a magical charm bag used in hoodoo, which has transmuted into a slang word for self-confidence, self-esteem or sex appeal.”– From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
    Regards,

  • June 17, 2012 at 11:08 am
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    Wow, do not scare me, please. You sound you have a lot of experience with them. Wish you could relax in love with cute Thai girls.
    Miracle is going to happen…
    Cheers

  • August 25, 2012 at 4:00 am
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    Thanks for giving me the best laugh of the day.
    I love how you complain and shove all the blame on the males for going out with attractive girls that care about their appearance and what their partner thinks about them over you who only care about what they can do for you.

    You know, next time think about what you can do to be more attractive in a relationship and your boyfriend/husband might chose you over a girl who puts some effort into looking attractive. Western girls are spoonfed from day 1 that they’re these awesome creatures that males should be lucky to even look at. Well guess what, you’re not. Next time put some effort into not looking as a pig in public and your guy may not leave for someone who actually cares about him, and about looking attractive in public.

  • August 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm
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    yes miracle can easily happens in Thailand , especially with money
    no money=no miracles
    about western women: I know farangs maeeied 20 to 40 yesra in western with farangsw omen and when divorce, they come to thailand (also else where in asia)…
    can you really be able to live 20 to 40 years with a thai woman? impossible!!!!
    when you mention farangs women, may be you mean the bad cheap ones you meet, because the other would not bother with you and it is very understanding

  • February 26, 2013 at 11:49 pm
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    As a western woman who has spent a lot of time in Thailand, I find a major issue is how petite many Thai girls are. At 100lbs with dark hair, I’m often mistaken for a local.
    Walking down suk today, I saw a middle aged man completely indiscreetly checking out a young school girl- in her uniform.
    The issue has nothing to do with western women; or western men seeking Thai women, rather it is a certain type of man that feels powerful when he is able to dominate a small girl.
    I have no problem whatsoever with the bar girls; it mostly benefits both parties.

    But there is a also a significant amount of men, who conscious of their lack of power, project this lack by disrespecting western females while seeking to find it by (attempting to) dominate a local woman.
    What makes me laugh is the schadenfreude/irony; it’s actually generally the Thai woman who have the control.
    It’s the seedy pedophiles who, for whatever reasons, have no place in their own country, and end up ‘falling from a balcony’ after marrying an 18yo it has hard to find sympathy for.

  • June 20, 2013 at 12:14 pm
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    mando6971 – thanks for speaking truth. mk n chokdee r the same person, n is a stupid white slut. these dirty bitches go for desi middle eastern n other types of asian men too. they all sound the same….pathetic ugly sluts trying to defend their loserdom. fail.

  • March 12, 2014 at 12:15 pm
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    The old man with a teenage girl in tow is definitely not the majority relationship type in Thailand. I have been in Thailand for more than a decade and most of the relationships are between people without such an age disparity. The vast majority of guys that I know are more than happy with their choice to marry a Thai.

  • January 15, 2015 at 9:12 pm
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    “I know of one that has lasted for over 30 years.”

    Comments like this only serve to highlight the opposite of what was intended. Very few Thai men would willingly accept a downgrade from a (typically) cute, feminine Thai lady to a (typically) masculine western ballbreaker.

  • January 15, 2015 at 9:39 pm
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    @chokdee

    Haha, the conversation always seems to head down that path when this topic comes up. General accusations that most white-guys-in-Thailand are creepers or paedos or some other form of deviant. When white women get jealous, out come the passive-aggressive accusations and guilt-by-vague-association nonsense.

  • April 13, 2015 at 1:07 am
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    Look at all the bitter male garbage who crawls here to comment. They must really hate their Western mommies.

  • June 14, 2015 at 7:31 pm
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    Well I’m a western Women and to be honest I am not into White western guys at all so I don’t care who they date or marry. Basically it would be absured to since I don’t so I prefer they go somewhere else. Each to their own you know what I mean? I mean I find Asian Men far more Masculine and attractive then Westerners.

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