Again I will start my story with a disclaimer. I have lived in Bangkok 3 months, and I have read many posts here in the diaries. I am new, wet behind the ears, an amateur learning sometimes the hard way. I expect to get insults and some of you insisting I run home immediately as a sorry twat and failure.
However, I have yet to read about a situation such as the one I am in. I am not saying it doesn’t exist, But I eagerly await your thoughts and comments.
5 weeks ago one morning I met a girl at a party I was djing at. She took me to her apartment, a nice place, and we spent the entire day and evening together. We have spent every night together since. She has moved into my apartment. It has been very lovely.
Her story is that she owns a massage shop. From the very beginning I asked her if she goes with customers, and she said no way, her sister(and co owner) and family would never allow it.
Ok so be it. The thing is, through reckless behavior so typical of many unsuspecting forangs moving to bangkok for the first time, I have completely run out of money. My gig pays for everything, food, drinks, even rent this month. Am I lucky?
Well as you already have ascertained, my gig is a sex worker. Through a little deeper investigations I have found this out just a week ago.
For a month I happily lived in denial, and really believed I had found a hard working honest girl who cared about me. I am certainly not paying for her to stick around. I started to fall for this girl, calling her my girlfriend…now I see her as my gig.
She has an awesome heart, sends money to her family every month, and for some reason has decided to take me in. Am I her project? Why is she with me?
In many ways I feel very thankful and blessed to have someone helping me in a time of need. I am not a bum, I have interviews next week for 2 teaching positions, and I make 500 bht-4000bht a night djing.
I can safely say I will eventually make 40,000 bht a month in this country.
So I have decided for various reasons to move forward with this experiment in unusual relationships.
Back in the states some of my best friends and ex girl friends are sensual massage therapists, rub and tuggers. One always lies to her boyfriends about what she really does. Another met her boyfriend on the table, and they had a seriously dysfunctional relationship that somehow worked.
Now I am testing my endurance firsthand of what it is like to date and live with a girl that straight up goes with customers. In return for me being the boyfriend in her life, she is paying my way while I get back on my feet.
I have forgiven her for lying to me, and understand what she does makes her alot of money, but it is terribly difficult to give myself completely.
I know she would certainly not allow me to date other girls. She would move out.
All the time I hear or read about the dynamics of dating thai women, and it almost exclusively revolves around money flowing from the man to the woman.
I have requested she doesn’t fuck her customers. Supposedly she has only fukked 2, who are previous forangs she has been with before, which happened before she thought I was serious about her. Even though she has been living in my apartment. There have been many others by hand and mouth in between.
I told her I’m not down with her fukking customers, period, and she tells me she isn’t either, while she is with me anyway. By hand I am “ok” with and uncomfortable by mouth but I am in no real position to tell her to stop. Besides, its her customers that have afforded me a gig who is paying for me to live. So be it.
Call it what you will, but I do find some condolence that of all the bar, massage, gogo girls, freelancers and mercenaries out there making money off of men, I have a girl who is in fact taking care of me financially. It’s not easy emotionally…but my sex working gig is my buddha.