How to Pull a Bird in Bangkok

New to Bangkok? Want to pull a bird? Take a sneek then geezer. Lots of blokes roam around Bangkok looking for Birds. Birds know it. Blokes know it. Even the ones who aren’t looking. And many aren’t. For every 10o blokes in BK, about 40 are looking out for it. Now, when I say “pull a bird”, I don’t mean going down to a bar or a hook joint. I mean pulling a real bird who’s going to last a week or more without tagging you for loot.  Corse you might have to pull out some change from time to time to pay for a bit of grub or a bit of booze, but they won’t be jumping on you for your dosh bag. Got it?

Secret  is…go where you fit in. If you’re good on the street, plenty of em. Eating noodles from street stools. Go and join them, but be a gentleman, as a gentleman does. Speak respectably  to the lady and don’t give her the frights. If you do, she’ll jump a yard and might get a few blokes to dosh you up.

Now the good news is, a lot of ladies love an Englishman, so if you’re not one, you shouldn’t pretend. You can show them that not all gentlemen are English, some come from other countries. And you don’t need a posh accent either. A good London one will do it. Tell em you’re an Arsenal supporter. That’ll do it. Loads have heard of Charlie George. Good ol Charlie. Take out his photo from your pocket.

Now, here’s a secret…don’t pick on the gal on her own. Won’t work. Talk to a group of birds. Makes them feel brave and most likely one of em will  try and pull you. That’s what you gotta do. Make them think they’re pulling you, you’re not pulling them. Makes them feel secure. And she’s got her mates there to protect her and back her up incase something goes off the wall.

Next step, she’ll get your personal details. Be ready. Married? Kids? On holiday or stayin? Got money? (She wont’ want to support you fella) How old are you? What’s your name? (Easy now, nothin hard. You can use a Thai name, they love it.) Where you live? Phone number, email, Hi-5 etc.

Give it to her. Don’t push it. Wait. She or her mate will call you. Within a week. Lovely? Go on. Give it a try, mate.

First date. Nothin fancy. Start as you mean to go on. Take her somewhere where she feels comfortable. Suggestion? Just a bit better than where you met her. Next thing you know she’ll be divulging all her personal details: single, married, boyfriend, babies, job, birth location, family residence, hopes and dreams.

Then, you’ve got to make a decision. Will I see this piece of crumpet again or not? Now don’t be pulled in. Don’t be sucked. Many have been. Many are and many will be. Even the ones who think they’re smart. They’re smarter than us. Don’t be a fool on a donkey’s hiding. I’ve seen many a grown man taking a hiding and never seen him again, just because of a bird.

Best thing is..take a mate, but be careful. The bird might like your mate and the mate might like your bird and then they’ll go off together for a quick one. Seen that happen too. Bloke comes back with bacteria oozing cause his bird has gone off with another bloke for five minutes.

Look bud, this is just part one of a series. More tomorrow or the next day. Best of luck. Cheers.

5 thoughts on “How to Pull a Bird in Bangkok

  • July 15, 2010 at 10:04 pm
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    This is pommy crap.

  • July 18, 2010 at 4:51 am
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    You’re an Ozzie. Good on yer mate. Loads of my mates are too.

  • July 26, 2010 at 2:54 am
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    I haven’t pulled any birds since the post, but one is trying to pull me now. What do you think I shoud do?

  • July 26, 2010 at 2:59 am
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    You’re right. Wendy’s coming back.

  • July 29, 2010 at 1:45 am
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    Pete’s just told me another method. His mate Jimmy mentioned it to him. Pete says it works. He’s tried it. It can work anywhere, not just in Bangkok. This is what you have to do:

    Go up to a group of fixed, seated birds. Ask them all for help. Pretend you’re lost or something. You need information or advice. Ask them a question. Talk to the whole group. They’ll all look up. Now, this is where the skill comes in. Look around at their faces; look at the expression in their eyes. Then, you’ll know who’s interested.

    Pete says he’s used it in Pattaya on the beach front with the holiday making ladies. Some of them will even take you where you want to go. I’ve asked a few birds around if it works and they reckon it does with them every time. It works!

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