Before I begin..
This is based on my experiences and those of some of my friends. This is by no means the definitive guide to Thai men and I am not so ignorant that I don’t recognise that there are good and bad men and women in all cultures. I know, as I’ve dated my fair share of the bad western ones! So I’m hoping many western women have had wonderful relationships with Thai men and have not experienced any of the issues commonly found in Western/Thai unions that I am about to discuss. I haven’t any of these women in my 2 years here, but I live in hope!
So this is why I personally wouldn’t I date a Thai man again! Take it as you will.
I’d watched so many friends get burnt before by Thai guys, I’d listened to their stories and never thought I’d leave myself open to such madness. But I did. They are very good at hiding their crazy ways.
Fake
The most fake of all fakers I have ever known was my Thai man. I’d known him for 4 years on and off as a friend and he seemed like such a sweet, kind, thoughtful man with the biggest smile I’d ever seen and a good understanding of western culture. Truth was that he knew just enough about western culture to exploit it. If you think you’ve found the rare Thai guy that seems to have a western sense about relationships and how to treat a woman, do your homework and make absolutely sure he’s for real or you may get burned. Like I did! And remember I knew the guy for 4 years previously! Goes to show you never really know people.
First off… meeting a Thai guy in a bar is a huge big no no.. This just shows that he most likely has a drinking problem (which is rather common and extremely hard to deal with) and also that he has learnt enough English to try to grab himself a trophy farang to show off to his mates. In a drunken stuper my Thai guy told me that this is exactly what it was about. Learn a bit of English and sweet talk the western girls. Kind of a sport they like to play, maybe perhaps because gambling is illegal here.
They will tell you romantic comedies are a favourite of theirs and learn how to romance you by studying the cheesy movies girls just love! How cheesy, but we fall for it, god dam Hollywood.
I was bombarded with sweet messages in broken English, fruit and flowers magically appeared on my doorstep, he’d giggle like a school girl around me and watched my every move in a group situation making me feel like the only one in the room. They sure know how to stir up some chemistry and they also know how to spot the weak girls that have their guard down. Perhaps like me their previous western relationship hadn’t worked out (I’d been cheated on) and it leaves you feeling a little insecure and venerable to attack.
Don’t be that weak girl. You’re like a sitting duck.
Once operation romance is complete and they get into your panties, things make a dramatic change. It took about 1 month before he was discussing the possibility of a ring!! The only ring I could think of was that of alarm bells.
Suddenly they want to OWN YOU.
Now this does not usually come to light until a bit later in your Thai relationship. It seems that at the beginning of most relationships you spend as much time as possible together.
It’s when you’ve grown tired of the language barrier and need some mother tongue chat (usually when you start speaking Tinglish and missing out words) that the true Thai nature explodes like dynamite and if you are not careful you could be battered by the blast.
Jealousy
Most Thai’s (in my opinion) suffer from extreme jealousy. Not just the men but women also. Its pretty hard to build a friendship with Thai girls with boyfriends because they are insecure and highly suspicious of you. They will send you “back off” vibes and then because you don’t want to keep trying to be friends with someone that thinks badly of you, they see your lack of friendliness as cementing their suspicion which makes them think they were right and you really were trying to steal their man. You really can’t win.
In my experience with my jealous Thai guy, if I so much as smiled near another man I would spend hours trying to explain something I didn’t even remember doing. I was given the cold shoulder for days after he would sting me with some hurtful, spiteful comment but stubbornly refuse to tell me what was wrong. Understandably this gets frustrating. One time I was ignored because I was asked directions by a western male backpacker. Another time I got an automated sales call in Thai and hung up just as he walked into the room. He was convinced it was my ex even after I showed him the phone and I received another cold shoulder day.
Jealous Thai men and friendly western backpacker women … DO NOT MIX
Which brings me to a previous point.
The language barrier.
Now it’s hard enough communicating with someone from your home town in a relationship, so having a boyfriend who’s English is limited creates chaos.
Oh it seems so cute at first, but then the most innocent of conversations turns into a constant battle to be understood properly. This takes a phenomenal amount of patience, understanding and trust. 3 things in my experience many men (of all cultures) don’t have.
One very fine example is the word “funny”. Now we (native English speakers) all know that funny has more then one meaning depending on the context right. If I say “Its funny that in Thailand the Thai first name has no link at all to their nick name”.
I meant that it is strange to me being a westerner as mostly our nicknames are an abbreviation of our real name.
A Thai will hear this as “the way Thai people make up nick names is a joke!”
This happened to me and I was again brutally ignored, and received spiteful, hurtful comments. I had no idea what I had done that so deeply offended and he refused to give me any clues.
2 days of this and I finally find out what the matter was and laughing (as its so silly really) I went on to explain that I would never intentionally laugh at anyone’s name and went on to further explain that “funny” can mean strange/weird or that its something that makes you laugh. You know funny ha ha and funny strange.
4 Days later after total torture and repeating the same thing over and over, I can’t take anymore. I tell him that clearly he thinks I’m a rude nasty western b**ch and maybe it’s best we go our separate ways. Only then, when the fear of loosing you and loosing face come into play, only then do they give in. So along with the language barrier came the stubbornness to see something for what it is and the reluctance to listen. Instead choosing the more destructive path of thinking he knew everything (he said this a lot) making things up himself and rolling with some wild story using it as an excuse to be purposefully rude, spiteful and hurtful. He could have just asked and discussed like adults. No chance. He loved the drama too much and wouldn’t back down as this means loosing face.
Common sense , stubbornness and loosing face
I forget sometimes that what westerners see as common knowledge might not have yet reached the masses.
A good example is nutrition. Kids are taught this in school back home. We know its bad but exercise free will as to whether we want to eat it or not.
I once made the mistake of exercising my free will, not to be force fed his Granma’s home made, crispy, deep fried, pig fat. He became instantly angry saying that he basically lived off them as a child and he was fine. (Never mind his weight problem) I explained that test’s have shown that deep fried anything is bad for your heart and cholesterol. He wasn’t interested in my explanation and I quickly understood the total lack of nutritional knowledge in Thailand and that I was at risk of making him feel defensive and dumb. I was right and his anger and ego made him see it as a direct attack on his ole Gran. I did try to explain that this was unknown years ago so his Gran would have had no idea. But alas, it was too late. I’d rolled on those egg shells again! Another 2 days of spiteful and rude behaviour for no real reason.
His fear of loosing face really took the fun element out of the relationship. You have to be on your best behaviour and be very careful what you say in case they misunderstand. Should you slip up in front of someone and your man looses face, you have just crushed the persona they worked so hard to create for themselves. Anyone even jokingly making fun of them is on their poo list. Loosing face is something I really struggle to understand. Why pretend to be something your not and then go nuts when someone calls you on it?
Which brings me to my next point…
Hypocrisy.
My Thai guy was such huge great big hypocrite. And he didn’t seem to understand what it means or how unfair and misleading this feels.
Thai’s like their chilli. I am western so 20 chilli’s is about 18 too many for me. But my guy refused to change his chilli addiction and then became deeply offended when I couldn’t eat the food he made. Saying that he won’t bother anymore, that I should cook my own things, how ungrateful I am and that I should just eat what I’m given. Then when I cook a roast dinner, pasta or other yummy western dish, he lets it go cold while he fries a damn egg to put on it. Then declares how horrid it is pulling a face and going off to cook his own dish. This was highly annoying.
Hypocritically impatient
Now most men know that girls take longer to get ready then guys. Well in my case I could be ready in 5 minutes although that never seemed quick enough. (they are extremely impatient) So while I’m being impatiently rushed (even though he said we were leaving in 15 minutes) I panic, forget things and end up taking longer and feeling a little stressed out by the time we leave ready for a long silent bike ride to town.
Now I am an incredibly patient person. I wait around for as long as he needs to talk to his army of Thai friends, get himself sorted, or most annoyingly when they leave you somewhere while they “pop off for a minute” for over an hour to “sort some things out” (they will never tell you what) while you are expected to sit there smiling at their Grandfather who speaks not a word of English and can’t hear you even if you did happen to speak fluent Thai. Yes this happened to me.
But if I take 1 minute too long logging off of the internet I get the “you need to think about me and my time and what I need to do” lecture. Yeah I can think of over 1000 things I could have done rather then feel awkward around Grandpa while your off doing Buddha knows what.
But if you were to do the same, all hell breaks loose. The lack of anger control is terrifying to say the least. Clearly the meditation he was taught when he was 14 when he spent 3 compulsory months at the temple, really didn’t help him. And this terrifying temper mixed with alcohol? Well this is something all cultures share. But my Thai man hid his true self behind his smile and religion. Just because he studied the teachings of Buddha didn’t mean he practiced it. In fact the most he would do is give an offering to Buddha and consider his sins forgiven. Much like the Catholics and confession. Like western culture he knew enough about Buddhism to exploit it.
He was very much the “do as I say, not as I do” variety. We already mentioned the jealousy but that mixed with hypocrisy is baffling. He would accuse me of taking a shine to every man out there, while he would drive around shouting “hey sexy” to a friend of a friends girlfriend” and happily shagging half the town safe in the knowledge that they have you tucked away at home, far away from the men like them.
Cheating
Most Thai men cheat. It’s just the way things are here and you’d best be prepared for it. Ask any Thai girl. They don’t seem to be able to help it, maybe they see it as their right as a man. This is something I have seen time and time again much to the sorrow of my poor Farang friends who dish out all their backpacking money, only to end up going home with their tail between their legs wondering why he didn’t love them when they get caught out with some other unsuspecting backpacker. But you have to admire their acting and lying skills. Most Farang never find out till it’s too late.
So, you’re at home while they are out and when you want some freedom it can turn into a battle. “Where are you going?, when will you be back?, who are you going out with?”
Controlling
Wow my guy needed to control a woman and he didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word trust. Word of warning! It’s the ones that can’t trust and who get jealous that are like that because they can’t trust themselves. This applies to all cultures.
But you are not allowed to ask any questions at all when they go out. Women can’t control men in man world. Why they think they can control a western free spirited woman is anybodies guess. Most of the controlling mothers we are now half a world away from can vouch for that. Try to control most western women and you are left controlling your frustration when they leave you.
It can get so bad that they may even start to try to dress you and style your hair. Now I have a deep respect for other cultures and at my age I don’t prance around in mini skirts and boob tubes. So you can imagine my surprise when we go to the market and I have unintentionally employed a personal shopper who hasn’t the foggiest idea what I like.
Annoying. I began to feel like a little dolly being dressed up and shown off to his friends.
Whenever I tried to say anything I was told I talked too much!
Thai men still to a degree view women as inferior, no matter how much they make you feel like a goddess in the early stages when they are trying to get into your panties. This is why we struggle to mix well with them. I mean there was no bra burning going on over here. Western ideas on equality in relationships are slowly creeping in but the men appear to still fight it. We’ve come a long way in the western world but Thailand, beautiful as it may be, still has it’s darker side if you decide to sample what the men of this country have to offer.
After all, was it not Buddha himself that said that women can only hope to be reincarnated as a man because only men can be enlightened? Says a lot doesn’t it!
Final word
My experience ended with me fleeing like a fugitive amid death threats when I refused to return to such madness. I vowed never to return to a place that I loved, as I wasn’t about to find out if the death threats were empty or not. Unsurprisingly Thai guys have lost all appeal to me.
I was still being harassed and receiving threats daily by email (his only way to get in touch) months later and I was forced to change my email address and loose contact with good friends for fear that he will track me down somehow. Even though I seemed to annoy him and make him crazy jealous, he strangely thinks he loves me and we have to be together forever! Very fatal attraction and I seriously feel he would benefit from a stay in a mental hospital. Of course I understand that this should be a rare story and that maybe I was just unlucky, but when I moved into my new neighbourhood and shared my story I discovered my little hiding place had been a safe house for many other western girls fleeing their crazy Thai ex’s.
So apart from the misunderstandings, the hypocrisy, the drunkenness, the cheating, the spitefulness, the death threats and the controlling side of my Thai man. I can highly recommend them.
But this one was way too spicy for me.
Your story seem so forward and direct to your ex..You should have named him here so ladies out there in thailand could prepare themselves from same dilemma (smile). My boyfriend is a little bit too controlling for me but because I love him and it’s either he compromise or I compromise the relationship, we need to meet in the middle, but I understand the laguange barrier for both of you. Wouldn’t be a wise move for a foreign girl to do a little background to whom they are letting their panties down yet? Even if you knew the person for 4 years and pretty sure that along with knowing him for 4 years are some stories that will give you hint to back off assuring that your man is one hell of a freak. I salute the ditching though. Good for you that you were able to hit your head to exactly when you needed it.
Thanks for sharing your story. I guess Thai guys aren’t that different from Thai women. You are right on about the “back off vibes”, there is something about jealousy and lack of trust in relationships there.
…I agree fully. I do not want to repeat my story again and again. But just google ‘my girlfriend had paid sex with a thai boy’ to understand how dominant and controlling thai guys can become once they have successfully preyed on a white girl.
BS story, don’t waste your time! only trying to promote his post…
i am not jalous if my thai gf (which one of the hundreds i have met?) ….as well as i am not jalous if somebody else caress my cat
to have sex with a thai guy, your gf must be a little lesbian I guess….or she has very unusual taste for being a woman…..
may be your gossip about that nonsense can be better explained if you describe your gf, because if she look like the sister of dracula , then no wander……
I agree with Sandra. Many of his negative qualities (lying, cheating, controlling, hypocritical, jealous, suspicious) sound similar to the Thai girl I dated for a couple months. And this was a “good Thai girl” who didn’t work in a bar, didn’t drink much and we never even slept together.
Sandra has only discovered that water is wet
Rainer, I am a good friend, I can do it for free hahaha
I’m glad I read this. I had a Thai guy approach me on the train and talked to me for a minute and then asked me for my number. I thought that because he was the first one to ever approach me, he must be worth something (even though he wasn’t that attractive, oh and his english was BAD). Now I will keep my guard up a bit.
i would not worry so much….many thai women told me that thai men have only 2 inches and fuck like sewing machine…….
Try Filipino men! We make the best husbands/wives! Lol
yes philippinis, may be 3 inces instead of 2 hahaha
Wow! You’ve had a really bad experience! I’ve got a Thai bf, we’ve been together 3 years now and i’ve never experienced this. I’m so sorry to hear that and I can understand why you’ve been put off – maybe this is just the guys around the tourist areas because I must admit when i’ve been travelling around (away from the village) there are some real IDIOTS who think they are God’s gift to women. He sounds like a complete psycho to be honest and I think you had a lucky escape.
My bf is not controlling at all – he lets me do whatever I want. As for the getting ready situation – I take forever to get ready…mainly because I just like to relax, watch TV etc. and he is completely fine about it…I found him much more patient than any of my western friends.
Hope you have a better experience in the future 🙂
dont speak too early, i would not like to come to your funeral later…….
we are happy guys, may be you dont understand that, may be you will be the unhappy guy because you learn later…i have always done what I wanted in Thailand and dont certainly not need to marry a thai woman to have sex and relax…just being clever and manage life with brain…what you are loosing I think
i am in Laos anyway and am lucky we dont need such discussion here in Laos.
Fatangs are all relaxed and laos women dont stress you anyway
My thai boyfriend (Bao) Saharit Thongsin, has been kidnapped from koh samui,chawange ,it happened june 2011,we have been together for over 2 years,im from australia,the last time i spoke to him was 5th june 2011, he told me that 2 jet ski operators had a fight with him but he was ok,i told him i was coming to see him at the end of the month,when he knows that,i get ph calls ever day,but they stopped..after many calls to police,friends in samui etc, i went over in october 2011 to try find him.. I met Baos cousin, he is a policeman,he asked around for me, and found out by the local taxi drivers that… they saw a van pull up, and 3 men grabed him and took him,the locals have said to me ,they think he has been taken to the jungle and he is dead….I am finding it very hard,not knowing if he is dead or alive.
strange and sad that in Thailand can exist such hard criminality, but am sure if it
really happened, that is one of the few isolated cases. I wish and hope for you that did not happend like that
apart jalous woman (smile) I consider thailand the most secure place I have been. I refused work in Brzail because I have heard that there they kill avarage 60.000 persons a year and kill many childreen sometime for fun and i refused India because, many places are extremely dirty. I have been almost 6 years in Thailand and I have never seen a dangerous case and almost never met a person angry for some reason, may be some women screaming, dont know for what, but not dangerous to us….may be to their husbands yes….
In Laos, believe it of not, is even more secure.
Hope nothing so seriously happened to your friend….I find very strange that his cousin policeman did not report to office for investigation and that he asked around almost private way. Besides, why not ask police to check archiv of missing people or people found dead without any documents on and police could not identify.
how about your embassy, cannot help you to contact thai government and investigate? Because if is like you describe, it is very bad case
I have done everything you have suggested, and more…there is so much more to this sad story about my wonderfull man, he has the biggest heart,he dosnt get angry,he had one fault, he liked to drink too much,more when i wasnt with him,he said because i wasnt there, and he was bored and lonley,we know many people in chawange,they have been helping me look for Bao… I have spoken to Captain Dean at the chawange police station in person,he helped me check the prison, but Bao wasnt there…Bao allways told me to be carefull,he said that many people may get jelous about us being together,i was concerned when he would say this,he said they dont understand our story,and how much in love we are,they maybe think you have money,and i dont!!!Bao knew this from day one…..When Bao first went missing, i would get phone calls,but no one would say anything,after about the third call,i said to the silent person on the other end of the phone…If you are calling from thailand,and know what has happened to Bao, TELL ME NOW!!!! they hung up the phone straight away… i went to look for Bao in october 2011,when i got back to Australia, i got more phone calls..There something that is really hard for me to say….When i first went to the police,before i met Bao,s cousin, and before i met Captain Dean,i tried to talk to the police at Chawange,it very hard for me,i only speak a little Thai,Bao,s english was very good,i showed them a photo of Bao,asked them if they know what happened to Bao, they spoke in thai to each other, BUT i heard one say Mafia!!! i said did you say mafia, they wouldnt look at me,since then i have been told by the locals they think the mafia took him…I dont understand why this has happened, i just want answers….thank you for taking the time to read this, thank you for your help…..
too much emotional explanation, this is why is not easy to figure out what is all about. How old are you both? what is the reason to make you think that 3 men who grabed him belong to mafia? which mafia? usually mafia is acting in western, not in quite secure Thailand. May be some small criminality also dangerous especially when poor jobless people see money or gold.
Did your bf made exibition of richness to poors? In Thailand more danger than everything is when people drink, because alkol especially thai whiskey has very dangerous content, based of substances which go easily quickly to damage brain and blodd circulation and can lead to histeric agressive behaviour and also to hypertension and heart failure…..many many cases like that in thailand
in western the quality of alkhol is good and not so dangerous, but of course also not healthy.
I dont see any reason to believe that he has been grabed by mafia, because mafia only act precisely and not the way you describe. Besides, is duty of police to investigate and if they dont do it because lazy (they are) or corrupted, same time they are not so naive to believe in a story of mafia, or may be yes, but it depends what they mean for mafia…mafia thai style? I hardly believe it.
Is possible that your bf, which is wanderful for you, may be he is not so wanderful for somebody else? and why jalousy because you love each other?
I know thai women are jalous and can also kill or in charge friends to do it, when they are extremely jalous, in this case it could be only if you took your bf away to his wife or his gf. May be you shoukd be very precise in details when you again go to police, or if you have money, you can hire a good lawyer who can much better speak with the police than you can do. May be ask your embassy if they can help hire a lawyer for you, one lawyer who work for the australian embassy for example. My point (professional point) of vew is that the problem you have colorfull described about your boy friend has very much to do with the fact that he was vey much drinking and that he did because he felt alone, does not change the reality…may be is so, why alone? why not stay with him always either in thailand or in Australia
Agreed. Met a nice guy that didn’t drink, didn’t gamble, didn’t cheat..
I went out one Sunday morning with a friend without ‘asking his permission’,
relationship went up in flames, huge fiasco involving everyone we mutually know….
No mas.
No mas, no mas.
THAI PEOPLE SUCK! They’re the worst in Asia, it’s a fact.
I’m a good family oriented European girl and I admit that maybe I can be too weak and naive, people always took advantage of me and that wasn’t different in Thailand. The thing is, if you’re a girl like me and you live in Asia, try to date a Chinese man. Stop wasting your time in Thailand. Chinese men are lovely, responsible and family oriented. Cheating is not a good thing in China, in fact, they hate cheaters. They’re loyal and they take good care of their family. They don’t date multiple women at the same time and they’re tired of materialistic Chinese girls. I was working in BKK and I met many Thai guys who seemed interested in me, I never dated any of them, because they don’t really attract me, but ALL my foreigner friends had a bad experience in Thailand. YES, ALL OF THEM! It really scared me! Thai women/men suck, because they all cheat, they lie and they don’t have any respect for anything or anyone, not even for themselves. Traditions? Bullshit, they all cheat, have sex like crazy, drink and smoke like pigs. If you have to live in Asia because of work and want a man who will treat you well and do anything for you, forget about Thailand. I only found true love and true friends when I moved to China, and what about foreigners living here? Well, they’re all happily married, PLUS Chinese man are hotter. 😉
some thailand men its not good but it
is not every body i know because i am in thailand 13year i am china half thai
hello, i am from India. from what i have read above makes me think i better BACK OFF before something wrong happens to me.. i know a thai guy who i have met in Kakaotalk. he always sweet talks me and he treats me as if i am the only girl in whole world sometimes it gives a shiver down my spine that he is so creepy for behaving like that (normally guys doesn’t show over gentleness). he also says that he would come visit my City. i thought he is so generous but now i think he was just finding a way to take over me. i even thought this winter i should go visit him but now thank god that i was always been alert and i didn’t fall into any of his traps. i already had a bad experience with guys and i am really lucky that i get out of it before it’s too late to turn back. there is an old saying that ” always live like a fox stay smart and alert . ” and i think this saying always help me when i am dealing with guys. to be honest i am very dominant in nature and i was feeling very fishy at first when i talked with this thai guy but now it’s clear to me. and as you said their english SUCKS! the thai guy i talk with he just tries to get over me with his broken english and he shows a lot of interest in me that he wants to be with me and all.. but i always back him off saying “my parents are looking for a suitor” so better let him think there is no chance for you and if he is so much interested then why not have a family meeting? it would be kinda good for both of us. he says that he would pay off everything that i would buy if i go there but i think like i would let you do that… i am not so mean to have someone pay my bills man.. i am daughter of bill gates hahahahahahahaha 😛
Trying every possible means not to fall for any of his sweet talks as well no being rude i think it’s the best way to back off a thai guy.
last but not the least i thank you for posting your story as if you hadn’t then i wouldn’t have slightest knowledge about thai guys i would have thought they are generous but they are actually trying to act smart. i have heard a lot about thai girls as many of my guy friends got hooked with them and they are very easy in nature but i didn’t had any slightest knowledge about guys and now i have got some i better not to let my guard down before them.
Same can be said for Thai women. I was with my ex for 2 years. At first she was so sweet and romantic. She would bring me gifts to work and surprise me with my favourite snacks just because. But then after a couple of months the shackles came out. It started out small but then grew more and more. Before long I had to ask for permission days in advance just to hang out with my friends, take pictures when I was there to prove who I was with and video call when I got home to prove I was really home and didn’t have anyone with me. With the demands came threats which when I called her up on she would just say it was a joke. God forbid I got caught having lunch with one of my female co-workers I would be explaining myself for hours. Sometimes she would demand to see my phone, every picture, message I got, friend request and even like on a facebook post would lead to a quiz on who it was and, if female, whether they were an ex. She was manipulative and guilty of hypocrisy, it was totally fine for her to fly off the latch, but should I get annoyed at the slightest thing she would just say I was being stupid and childish. She was 4 years older than me and would talk down to me like I was a kid and like I couldn’t do anything myself. After 2 years I’d had enough, Eventually when I broke up with her, the schoolgirl inside her came back “don’t leave me, I can’t live without you, I can change!”. After moving to a different province, changing my phone number and blocking all our mutual friends, I eventually had freedom again. I’m now married to another, wonderful Thai woman who is completely the opposite of this so just goes to show.
not all thai men are like that…you are just unlucky….you can find more white men worst than that…i am sure..you are stereotyping, generalization…like “me love you long time” meme
So sad to hear your heart broken story, Not every Thai man as good as you wish to meet in your life, many of Thai men are horrible and irresponsibility for their girlfriend or wife, and it depends on the circle of people around you, “who” that’s you associates with made your circumstances become like that. And one thing love is unpredictable wether you met a good Thai boy or not the Quality of relationship it’s not depends on just one side………
#if any man in the other countries can escort of your dream boyfriend you better follow up your dreams.
There are many Thai men who are only one love for example the King Bhumibol and many more ect.
Dear Space Monkey,
Thank you for your well written and detailed post. It will be useful to many ladies for sure.
Something I feel the need to address:
what you described in your article is not simply the behavior of a Thai guy. I am afraid you encountered a first class manipulative narcissistic sociopathic creature. And yes, they are the worst.
What you have been describing is a proper behavioral disorder, and does not depend on nationality or culture. I met those kind of people (men and women) in Italy, England, U.S., Portugal, France and Greece so far. I am expecting to meet more in the future (I tend to attract them like honey with bees!!).
I am afraid they are everywhere and the way they damage the people around them (emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically) is extremely disconcerting.
I wish you to treasure the experience and valuable lessons you have learnt from such painful experience, and recognize all the signs the next time you will meet another individual of that sort.
A little tip: It’s not just a matter of bad luck.. working on your self-esteem and self-love will take you a long way (those idiots are worse than leaches and can smell inner pain and loneliness from the other side of the ocean!!). Next time you meet a narcissist, please do not stick around hoping for him to ‘change’ or ‘grow’ (they never do). Just RUN, FORREST!! RUUUUUUN!!!
Take care, dear fellow traveler. I wish you found all the unconditional love you deserve. x
Hello, I just wanna say something about this. Please don’t stereotype all of the Thai guys.
First of all, I’m a guy who tends to be like the western girls more than the asian girls. Because of one thing, the western girls seem to be more directly, they always say what they’re thinking.
Our culture makes us feel so sensitive. That’s also a good thing, because I think that most of Thai guys are really calmful and polite. And sometimes, we really don’t say something directly, like “I don’t like you to do this” or whatever. That’s why when we have a problem, it’s hard to deal with it.
Sometimes, I feel like our culture is not fair for a girl. Thai girls has been taught to be “ku-ra-sat-tri” (to be a nice girl). To be a kurasattri, you have to wear an appropriate cloth (wearing short isn’t appropriate), you have to clean your home, do laundry, take care children, and prepare a meal for husband (that’s crazy, isn’t it?), you aren’t supposed to talk (like flirting) to a guy first. I don’t say that it’s a bad thing, but it just the old value that can’t be used in 2017 anymore.
There are a lot of Thai guys who has been learned about western culture. They might know how to treat the western girls.
I used to think that the western girls aren’t to hard to have a sex with (sorry about my dirty mind), but guess what.. I’m wrong.
I couldn’t just blink my eyes like what I used to do, and talk some cliche words from the movie (that didn’t work at all). I had to prove, and show to her how much I really love. That’s tough because I was like a sissy guy before.
So this is what I want to tell you,
1) Not many thai guys are really interested in western girls (but, if he really fascinated like me, he will do everything that he can to get you)
2. Looking for the guys who are educated. Because they tend to understand more in your culture and more open-minded.
3. Sometimes, you have to tell him, if you don’t like when he does something wrong. Don’t just ignore him.
4. Don’t expect too much, because if you tired so hard, and he still can’t impress you, you better look for other type of guys.
**sorry for my English, it may bother you a little bit while you’re reading this
I’m a Thai girl who grew up surrounded by a western community, and please don’t be stereotypical. Saying all Thai people are bad is like saying all westerners are good. In some cases their is no good or bad it’s a matter of culture difference, my dad and my mom got a divorce when I was really young, but even to this day my mom still says my dad is one of the best people she’s ever met. And I get why, my dad has never, and when I say never I mean has never raised his voice at anyone EVER, and that’s something since he has me as a daughter ( long story short when I was eight I broke his credit card in half, still didn’t raise his voice), my Dad doesn’t even drink ( except for the occasional glass of wine on New Years. yeah I get it, some Thai people are bad but so are some westerners, I’ve met my share of b*tches and I can promise you westerners are no different to Thai, also a persons nationality or ethnicity doesn’t make them a better partner or husband it’s just how the person is. It’s like saying since you’re from China you have to be good at school or saying that if you’re African you have to be good at sports. Nationality has nothing to do with it. I have lived in America since I was 3 and I still don’t follow many of their customs, my brother who was born in the U.S grew up surrounded by westerners while I was not, I don’t own a phone, I hate short shorts and crop tops. I still prefer chopsticks. And it’s not cause I’m Thai. I mean look at my brother he plays games, doesn’t know how to use chopsticks and can only speak broken Thai, it’s just because we grew up differently NOT because we’re Thai.
You dated an incompatible person; blaming it on the fact he’s “Thai” is a cop-out.
It also serves as a good example of how feminism does not mix with cultures like Thai. A feminist is too entitled and special and independent to get along with anyone from a deep, rich ancient culture that has never been poisoned by feminism.
You need to date men who will let you be like a man — but a real man will never tolerate you.
First off, meeting a guy at a bar is a huge no no, so i guess you already know what you did wrong … now I understand that in US and many european countries its normal to ‘meet people’ at a bar. In Thailand, if you want to meet a decent man you will find them at school, work or through mutual friends, but DONT go to bars, thats where you meet people from the dark underworld side of thailand. That being said, its not fair to say all thai people are bad. As a thai person, I have been bullied by quite a few americans and I can surely top your story with this one abusive somewhat mentally ill american man that I have been dealing with for almost a year in Thailand. Nevertheless, even with my experience I will never make such statement like all americans are bad.
I feel so bad of reading your story, but it is individual anyway. I think it is unfair to say “Thai men”
It can be happened to every men, every nation.
I dated someone in Bangkok for five months… and after the first few days, he divulged that he wasn’t Thai – he was Myanmar. Could’ve fooled me, he looked totally Thai, spoke Thai and was all things Thai. Anyhow, after a wild five months of bedroom antics, daily texting about future plans that would never materialize and sweet nothings, he abruptly left our Line chat. Believe me, nothing hits quite as hard as seeing “You are now alone in this chat.” but oh, well. Next, please.
I’m a Thai guy here and may be I’m years late to the party. From my personal view, young Thai couples seem to like to display strong emotions towards each other as a testament of equally strong passion they have for their lover. Like if you love your girl, you have to act possessive and get jealous, otherwise you’re indifferent towards her. Girl, if you love your boy, if have to act needy and make small fights with him daily just to spice up your relationship, and just to make him work a bit (perhaps getting you a present) before getting in bed together that night, etc. Now, these are just my observations, there are no written explanations on how the dynamics work here so I will just sum it up shortly; Thai lovers tend to act childish towards each other.
About the death treat, gee if I were around then I would personally accompany you to the police station. That would teach the man not to make silly threats he would not follow through with (yes I think it was empty, knowing Thais for a while you may agree with me that we are not very true to our words, very big talking).
Just the opposite: The Buddha proclaimed that all levels of Awakening, including becoming a Buddha, were possible for women. His own step-mother became a Buddha during his lifetime. This is recounted in several early sutras.
“I needed permission days before drinking with my friends” – That is not a problem with thai women or women in general. Women need boundaries, and you are just a weak man.
As for the main article, the way you describe his perks (knowing rom coms, eyes only on you in group, etc..), there is a whiff of desperation and something else. I think you probably attract the wrong types.
Western girls enjoy the most liberty in history, and that is our culture. Don’t be so arrogrant to prescribe our ideas to other cultures. We sure as fuck have our problems.
Obviously Thai men are used to more conservative women who do not flirt with or look at other guys. If you are not that type of woman, you are not a match for that type of man. The west is actually big enough that you don’t need to cross the globe to change Asian men.
I work in Thailand see many traits I consider flaws (reflected in some of these comments), but also some I find fascinating and refreshing coming from the west.
I’m Thai girl (and my English doesn’t good that much) But I want to share my commented about your story.
I feel so sorry for you about this Thai guy, I also felt very angry while I was reading your story about this guy! And I’m here to tell you, not every guy in Thailand is like the guy you’ve met.
This Thai guy who you have met is the worst Thai guy I’ve ever heard too. Firstly, I have been living in Thai since I was born. I met many Thai guys and they all kind and funny, some are really sweet. On the other hand, it’s still not all the guy is good, some are bad too (like the guy you met)
most of thai men cheat? honestly i stopped reading after saw this sentence lol
how many thai men have you contacted with? and where and how did you meet them?
i think it depends on what kind of guys you run into, what you have experienced it was really individual and you perceived thai men from your own personal experiences, could not generalized to most men in the whole country.
forget about dating a thai men, I don’t even want to work with another one. All bad experiences. The dude I work with online has all these qualities. Seems to be such a thai thing!
Ho wanted to join this conversation….recently went to phuket and met a philipino guy as he was a musician in a band…we chatted didnt hook up…but exchanged FB details. We have been chatting every day since my return 2 weeks ago. Its getting hot n heavy lol. He rings me almost every day. I am from Australia and he wants me to go back and see him. Wondering 8f this is normal for guys over there. Im worried about going back over by myself but i am 46 yrs old and can take care of myself. He is 8 years younger than me. Is he just wanting me back for sex or money. Is he taking me for a ride. He is very sweet and we talk about everything laugh lots. Just concerned as we didnt have sex or even kiss. Is he into me or jist playing me?